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Not very resilient today

asly02asly02 member
in TTC After a Loss
I painted a paint color sample on our bedroom wall... something I couldn't do when I was still pregnant last week, and it was too much for me. I'm laying in bed again. I think the overwhelming act of doing an activity I was glad to be excluded from just took my breath away. I'm just too sad still. This was our first, 9 weeks. My husband doesn't understand and says I'm just "out of shape." Idiotic comment and I called him on it and he didn't mean to be so rude and insensitive, he just doesn't see from my mindset and body right now. I'm having a 'down' day.

Got anything to say to cheer me up? I'm glad we are seeing a counselor this afternoon. 
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Re: Not very resilient today

  • 40momma40momma member
    @asly02 I am so sorry you are going through this. You will have good days and bad days and sometimes we never know when the tears might just start flowing, sometimes it's over the weirdest things that just trigger a memory. Allow yourself to have your down day, it's completely ok. And also allow yourself to have your up days. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone. 
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  • leahcimmichaelleahcimmichael member
    I second what @40momma said! Grief is not a straight line, it's a process. Your feelings are valid and justified. One of the cruelest things about MC is that it's a very lonely grief and even our partners don't always understand the depths of our feelings of loss. It's only been a week, give yourself some grace. 
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  • shri929shri929 member
    +men are not the smartest. As much of a part of it as they are, they'll never felt what we felt. 
    DS born 04/22/15, Pregnant again 03/01/17 however loss due to PPROM at 20+6 weeks now TTC rainbow
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  • rosemaryandthymerosemaryandthyme member
    I don't have anything to say that will cheer you up, per se, but I wanted to just tell you that you're normal...what you're feeling is so normal.  MC is a big. deal.  And grief is a slow burn.  You're going to have good days and bad days, and it's so, so, so normal to have moments or days where you just want to lay down and not get up...no matter if it's been a week or a year.  Hugs to you, you're right in the thick of it.  I, too, particularly struggle with moments when I realize I'm doing something that I would otherwise not be doing were I still pregnant.  I rode rollercoasters and went to a moonshine tasting for my birthday last week and although it was a super fun day, I totally cried myself to sleep because it was just so sad to know the only reason I could do those things is because my baby died.  It's awful, and hard, and you're so not alone in your feelings.
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  • Stac928Stac928 member
    No words to cheer you up, but your feelings are normal. Grief comes and goes in waves. It's difficult to predict what might bring on a moment of sadness (or a day of sadness). I think we've all been there. Be kind to yourself. 
    Me: 39  DH: 30
    Married 1/28/17
    TW:
    BFP #1 2/26/17, MMC 5/2/17
    BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
    BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
    BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019


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  • babybakiebabybakie member
    @asly02 I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. You went through something emotionally and physically tramatic that only occurred a very short time ago. Give yourself time to rest, greive, and both mentally and physically heal.

    I was 9wks too when I lost my first and only pregnancy. I heard so many insensitive comments, I had to search online to validate that my pain was normal. Then I found these bump groups which are filled with such kind, supportive, people and being here really helps me through. I hope you find the same comfort here realizing you are not alone, and that it is perfectly acceptable for you to prefer resting in your bed right now, over painting walls or anything thing else for that matter. 

    Two days after my MC, I was crying and my usually amazing husband told me, "It's time to move on and get over it." I felt terrible to hear him say that. I thought he was so unsenitive but many of the ladies here helped me understand that everyone reacts differently.  I found out they were 100% correct when I later learned he was actually suffering badly too but had a hard time seeing me cry. Perhaps wanting to returning to a normal routine ASAP is how your husband copes too. 

    You are in my thoughts. Remember you are not alone.

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  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    Girl you are allowed bad days.  Hell I am 7 months out from my loss and I've been doing much better the last couple months but tonight after I saw a FB announcement I saw a side of myself that was not good. I had a make up bag in my hand and threw it in anger. Sat in the bathroom on the floor and sobbed. I absolutely hate that I still get upset. DH sat down with me and hugged me as I cried.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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