NEW PGAL/PAIF - 7/11 Check-in

fivetimesnoluck · July 2017

Since we have not yet had a check in for those who struggled to get to a birth month board, I thought I would start this dual thread. I'll post it every two weeks.
Credit to @NYTino24 from whom I borrowed the below description and questions.

This thread is for women who are pregnant after loss(es) and/or for women who struggled with infertility and are now pregnant.

This thread is one huge trigger warning so if you just came to read, please protect yourself if you are not comfortable reading about loss or IF. This is a place where women can talk freely about their difficulties in achieving a viable pregnancy.

*****PLEASE DO NOT post losses here. Start a new thread. *****

(image from https://emilymcdowell.com/collections/empathy-cards/products/broken-objects-card)

1. How far along are you today?

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?

fivetimesnoluck · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
12w6d - every new day is the most pregnant I have ever been.

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
TTC #1 since 2013. Five previous pregnancies, five previous losses. Met an RE who specializes in RPL and then struggled for a year to conceive. Moved on to IVF with a lot of frozen donor eggs and got a BFP (singleton) after transferring two blasts on May 1. Have four embryos in storage.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I have been really good with my anxiety levels so far. I told someone on another board, it's almost like I ran out of worry after living with the what-ifs for the last 4 years. Today I am pregnant.

What I have struggled with is getting deeply attached. I guess it's self-preservation, but I am still hesitant to fully embrace that this is happening. I don't have any specific concerns/worry that anything is going to go wrong, but if it does..... I guess I feel the need to be somewhat guarded.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Just trying to take things one day at a time....

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
We were not always wide open, but as the losses continued to happen, it became difficult to try and keep it to ourselves. Plus we both needed lots of support and understanding from our family/friends/work. The year of fertility treatments, we were open with our circle about each step and each BFN. So naturally, we shared the decision when we made the choice to move to donor eggs and IVF. It's been comforting to have such a big support system and to feel everyone rallying around us.

azmamatobe · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
11 weeks and 2 days
2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
I miscarried in March around 9 weeks so breaking that threshold was goal #1 and now we are on to a healthy baby.
3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I had terrible morning sickness for 2 weeks and then had 4 days of solid, symptom free life. It had me somewhat worried but I'm sure everything is fine. Woke up this morning feeling nauseous and can't keep anything down...
4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
I just keep reminding myself that it is out of my control. My job is to do everything I can to stay healthy and work through this and if something were to go wrong again I did my part. Will be heartbreaking? Yes. But I will get through it.
5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
Initially only very close family, very close friends and my co-workers knew about our loss. When I passed the tissue from my miscarriage in the hospital I needed a distraction. My husband sat with me and talked about my plans to go a different direction with my handmade business. Sitting in triage I literally laid out the foundation for my new business and found myself busy right away. It wasn't that I didn't mourn the loss but keeping myself busy helped a lot. 2 months in I did a blog post on my business blog with random facts about the business. I explained there what had happened and thanked customers (many whom are friends) for supporting me when I needed it and they had no idea how much I needed it. I felt like after the blog post it became easier for me to talk about it with people. I no longer had to do the awkward "well we actually already lost a baby" speil when people asked my husband and I whom I married last year if we'd talked about when we'd be starting our family. I've found comfort in both knowing I am not alone and that I can help someone else feel like they are not alone.

BelhurstBride · July 2017

1. 11w1d

2. With my pregnancy previous to this I was dx with a SCH at 5w and change. At 14w was dx with low amniotic fluid. At 16w DD3 was gone. Had a D&C the next morning.

3. Immediately, I'm anxious to hear back on the NIPT. The draw was last Wednesday so I should hear any day now. Secondary, I was dx with Parvovirus B19 (Fifths Disease) which can be fatal if passed on to the fetus. Back for regular u/s. It can take 8-12 weeks for complications to develop. I'm angry to be back in this place of limbo.

4. Usually the gym, but I've been way too effing tired.

5. Most people close to us know, of the previous pregnancy and the struggles with this one.

PleaseSendPicklesNow · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
13 weeks exactly

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
Two early miscarriages
Our son died when he was 3 weeks old. He had HLHS and CHARGE syndrome.
I had postpartum preeclampsia and congestive heart failure after he was born.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Yesterday we received the first set of results from the chorionic villus sampling test. No Down Syndrome, no trisomy 13 or 18, and no X chromosome based genetic syndromes, yay!!! We're still waiting for the results of the genetic MicroArray and the CHARGE syndrome test. Also, IT'S A BOY!

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
I like to get lost in a book or a game.

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
A few close friends and family know about the miscarriages. It's impossible to hide the fact that we had a baby who died. Grief is a lonely place. People avoid us because they don't know what to say. Some very close friends have stopped inviting us out, because "I assumed you wouldn't want to come." No, I want to get out of the house. I want to be treated like a normal human being. And when I run into acquaintances, they act like they're reenacting incredibly awkward scenes from The Office. It's so isolating.

madcouplewithabox · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
14 weeks

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
DH had low quality and low sperm count. We tried two years before getting a BFP. Had been about to start the IVF process. My best friend for 14 years "broke up" with me after getting pregnant on her first try and I couldn't handle her telling me "this is what I did, you should do this" and "I tried really hard to get pregnant" anymore.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I keep thinking it's all a dream and I'll wake up. Starting to get a bit of a belly, so it's making it a bit more real.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Loosing myself in a book. I have a weakness for the smut when I don't want to think lol. I actually had to give them up during IF because at the end of ALL of them the new wife was always surprising her new hubby a month after they were married saying she was pregnant. I wanted to scream, throw the book and yell "it doesn't work that way!!!"

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been he

I told immediate family because I was tired of the children question. I also wrote about it on my social media announcement. I wanted to let people know they were not alone.

caseyw8784 · July 2017

1. How far along are you today? 11w5d

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing. Had a couple early/chemical miscarriages, so we were referred to an RE who first did the whole blood panel stuff, and found that I am a carrier for a single-gene disorder. We chose to do IVF with PGD testing to eliminate the chances of passing the disorder on to future generations. First IVF/FET cycle was successful and we are pregnant with boy/girl twins!

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? Today is a good day cause I'm not as nauseous as i usually am. I struggle to stay awake most days, and end up taking a 2-3 hour nap, and then still sleep about 9-10 hours at night! I think DH is worried that I'm getting depressed with all the sleepiness...oy. Every twinge or slight cramp I feel, I think something is wrong. It's taking a long time to calm my over-active imagination and to trust that my body knows what to do at this point...

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism? Ice cream and movies? And, in a good way, taking walks when it's not too hot or humid out. (and the Ben+Jerry's only makes an appearance when DH is working his 24 hour shifts! :lol )

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share? We ended up telling immediate family and a few choice very close friends. We weren't going to tell our families, and then during an angry rant to his father DH slipped and mentioned that the IVF was one reason why he was so stressed out. To make it "fair" we then told my parents, but we were pretty hush hush with everyone else. We announced on social media this past weekend, and we probably won't tell everyone. If it happens to come up in a conversation and depending on who we are talking to, we might share with them.

kris031409 · July 2017

1. How far along are you today? 13 weeks (well, maybe technically I should be 12+6, but she's measuring 13 and the doc has the 16th as my due date. I'm not arguing because that means I won't have to go back to work after new years!)

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing. 2 early MCs, 6 IUIs, success on first IVF attempt, did PGS testing and transferred our only normal embryo.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? So tired, but feeling great because we had the NT scan today and everything looks great! I was so consumed with GETTING pregnant for so long, it's been difficult accepting that I AM pregnant and will have a new baby in January. yikes! I have an 8 year old son and 2 step children, so we will have a really full house!

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism? gym and naps

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share? all of my family and a few close friends know, but I didn't tell anyone but my BFF and mom we were doing treatments until we got the positive beta.

ryannenikole · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
14w1d

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
We started TTC in 2011 and have had 2 MCs, after which we found out that I have MTHFR and Factor V Leiden. We did a total of 6 IUIs before I started working with a Traditional Chinese Medicine/Functional Medicine doctor last year. He focused on healing, eliminating inflammation with diet and supplements, etc. I felt SO much better on his protocol. It was awesome. And after about 8 months working with him, I got pregnant.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I feel really relieved to have survived the first trimester. I feel like I'm getting my appetite and energy back. I do struggle with the anxiety of feeling like this is going to get snatched away from me.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Books and journaling. And baking.

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
I have been pretty open about our struggles as time has gone on. And I referenced our story in our social media announcement too!

aimsforyou2014 · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
14 weeks 4 days

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
I had a CP in Dec. 2015 followed by a MMC in March 2016. We waited a while before trying again. I have been so positive about this pregnancy as we hit every milestone. We heard the heartbeat - everything is okay. We passed 12 weeks - everything is going to be okay. Then, last week we got hit with another blow. Our genetic testing results showed that our baby had a 73% chance of Trisomy 21. My immediate thought was okay this could be a false positive and even if it's not, Down Syndrome is totally okay. Our baby will live, but face some challenges - no big deal. Then, we went in for our level two ultrasound. The doctor said she was 99% sure our baby had Down's and didn't think we needed to do any further testing to confirm. Of greater concern, however, was the large cystic hygroma on both sides of baby's neck and also excess fluid found in multiple body compartments. Doctor said she was uncomfortable with diagnosing it as fetal hydrops yet because we are still so early and also she had no history (it was our first appointment with her) with our little one. However, she did tell us that she thought our baby only had a 30% chance of survival based on the ultrasound. His little heart will just give out if all the excess fluid does not resolve.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Today, has been a rough morning. I keep tearing up. Today, marks one week since we got the news. I am trying to stay positive, but keep getting overwhelmed by waves of despair. I am at work and hoping once the morning really gets going I will be distracted enough that I don't feel so bad.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
So far, prayer and crying have been my best outlets. Distracting myself with work and reading are also helpful. I have to be careful with TV and movies because odd things trigger me. I almost cried in the McDonald's line this morning because there was a picture of a Down Syndrome baby on the collection box for Ronald McDonald House.

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?

For the CP, very few people knew just my close family. For my second pregnancy, I told most of my co-workers knew and were super supportive of me when we lost the baby. This time around, I tried to keep things closer to the vest but as we passed each milestone I became more confident and started telling people. It sucks to have to tell all of those people that something is wrong - I feel like such a downer and that I make things awkward for people, but on the plus side, I have never felt more loved than I have felt during this past week. Both my in-laws and my parents are very connected to their churches, so with everyone at work, our friends, our church, and the prayer networks at both their churches, we have literally 100's of people praying for us and for this baby. We named out little boy Elijah, so that people can lift him up by name. I have a feeling that if he still has a heartbeat at our next appointment (July 21st), I will do a social media announcement and share the whole story with everyone. It is hard to share your grief with others, but it is also very healing.

ryannenikole · July 2017

@aimsforyou2014 big hugs Mama. That is all So hard.

auntieraindrop · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?
12+2
2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
We tried just over 3 years, with one loss at 6 weeks in 2015. In that time period I also had major cardiac issues and there was some question about if/when I'd be healthy enough to get pregnant. Finally we saw a RE and went through all the testing. We actually got pregnant on our own the cycle before we were scheduled to start treatments. It was an amazing feeling!

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I am extremely stressed today. I got bad news at work yesterday, I'm taking a huge pay cut over the next six months and we won't be able to save anything like we planned. My husband is going to have to take a second job to keep us in our house, I think. I have high blood pressure even when I'm not pregnant and it was astronomical today from the stress of it all. I'm really worried about having to go in early bed rest and possibly losing my (suddenly much crappier) job.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Working with my dogs.

auntieraindrop · July 2017

The last part of my post got lost. We told very few people, mostly because we weren't married and my parents are very conservative and disapprove of unmarried people having babies on purpose. It was very isolating to go though alone. His sister knew later on, after her own loss, I didn't want her to feel as alone as I did.

Runner313 · July 2017

Thank you for starting this.

1. How far along are you today? 15 weeks, 1 day

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing. I am happy to be here since I didn't think I would make it this far again! I am very fortunate to have two beautiful daughters, ages 4.5 and 2.5. Prior to the birth of my first daughter, I had two losses. The first loss was an early one, around 6 weeks. My second less was at the 12 week mark but the baby stopped growing at 10 weeks. I then went on to have two healthy pregnancies in a row. After the birth of my youngest, I became pregnant with twins. They measured a week behind from the beginning and I discovered I lost both at my 12 week appointment. I became pregnant again three months after losing the twins, and I lost that baby at 10 weeks. I have seen a heartbeat on all of my pregnancies.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? I feel good. My SIL announced she is 5 weeks pregnant. Early pregnancy, even if it's not me, gives me anxiety. I am praying for her because she went through IF and IVF. I feel ok otherwise, just exhausted still!

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism? I bought a home Doppler and use it daily to check on the little one's heartbeat. It has helped me keep my anxiety at bay, somewhat.

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share? My immediate family and close friends know, and their support has helped me through very dark times.

JuliaGoolia719 · July 2017

1. How far along are you today?

15 weeks today!

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
we tried for about 3 years, I have PCOS and it turns out DH has some MFI issues as well. When we finally got all our diagnosis in the middle of last year our RE said that IVF with ICSI was going to be our only option if we wanted biological kids. We did our stims/egg retrieval in January and transferred in April

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Today is a good day! I posted on another thread that every time I start to talk about the future "next year at this time with the baby" I have this super persistent voice in my head that says "if you stay pregnant". I am doing my best to ignore the voice but some days it's easier than others lol

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
a good book and a good weights workout!

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
I've been super open about our struggles, more so before we found out about DH's issues. I figured talking about my health problem and my body was one thing, but talking about his health and body wasn't my choice. Saying "some issues" is about as specific as I will get on that side of things.
I process things verbally, so not talking about this huge life altering thing that was happening to me was not an option. Having my friends know what was going on also kept well meaning but super hurtful questions about when we were going to have kids at bay, and also allowed them to run interference with other people if topics went someplace I wasn't comfortable with but couldn't get out of gracefully lol.

kelk5 · July 2017

. How far along are you today?
15 weeks

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
1 MC at 6 weeks July 2016 and 1MMC at 11.5 weeks (baby stopped growing at 8 weeks) Oct 2016. I ended up in the hospital in Oct due to severe bleeding and required meds to slow the bleeding down, ended up with moderate anemia. Still had a lot of pain all over several months afterwards. Lots of tests later and given a diagnosis of impression of Fibromyalgia. Then found out pregnant again in May. Had one instance of bleeding at 8 weeks and broke down crying in DHs arms thinking I was miscarrying but turned out okay.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Nausea, fatigue, and body pains are rough but still pregnant. We started telling people and I'm really excited but this week I started getting nervous again, wondering what if the baby stopped growing. Last time I had symptoms and my uterus kept growing right up until I spotted for the first time, so my symptoms don't comfort me. I have my 16 week appointment on Monday and I'm anxious for the appointment.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Reading and playing with my niece and nephews

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
Immediate family and close friends know. I've been a bit more open about our history with this pregnancy but still not a lot of people outside of family know. It is helpful to share with close friends and strangers who have similar experiences or are mother's already but I find that aquaintences and none close co-workers are people I don't find it helpful to share with.

kathrinp · July 2017

(Looking at this from Wednesday's perspective!)

1. How far along are you today?
I am 12 weeks and 5 days.

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing.
I miscarried in February 2017. The baby had stopped growing a few weeks before. It was in the middle of a stressful time at work, so I had one day off and went back the next. The distraction was actually good for me, as it kept me going and busy. Although I am past the time I MC'd last time, I am super nervous and anxious.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I am super anxious. Tomorrow is my second appointment and I am so nervous about it. I just hope everything is going to be ok. We will only hear the heartbeat, and I have to ask a few questions, among others about my thyroid issues.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Keeping busy. At the moment, I don't have the energy to really do what I enjoy (go to the gym, read in the evening etc), so it's hard.

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share?
His family knew that I was pregnant when I miscarried, we never got to tell mine (they live further away and I wanted to wait for the first ultrasound, which never happened, because the office was booked until way late into my first trimester). So far, only very few people know I am pregnant, and mostly because I was super nauseous this time around. I have not had MS and heartburn in my previous pregnancies. Can't say I am glad I do now, to be honest. For me, the support the first time after the MC was both good and bad. Too much tiptoeing around, I think, but they knew and were supportive, so...

BelhurstBride · July 2017

We finally got the NIPT back and were low risk for everything, so that's one hurdle crossed!

aimsforyou2014 · July 2017

@JuliaGoolia719 I feel you that thought. It's so hard to move forward. Thinking about you.

fivetimesnoluck · July 2017

I am glad that this thread was a meaningful addition to our board for so many. (Hate that we need it, but grateful we have the opportunity to go through this experience together.)

I originally posted this with the intention of running it every other week. Please let me know by response below if your preference is for once a week or every two weeks. I'll go with majority.

Thank you!

aimsforyou2014 · July 2017

I am good with either as I check in on the high risk mommies board as well.

madcouplewithabox · July 2017

I'm good with every other

kelk5 · July 2017

I'm also good with every other. Thanks for starting the board

Mudge85 · July 2017

I started this post last week but I guess I got distracted and never posted it... so I've updated the responses / finished it...

1. How far along are you today? 15w5d

2. Share any part of your history you feel comfortable sharing. I got married in April of 2013 and we decided I would come off BC and be cautious - we were in the "enjoy married life" phase... we weren't trying but not preventing... So then in the summer of 2014 (I remember clearly because we were going to my sisters wedding) we actively started trying... by April of 2015 nothing.. so I went for my annual and my OB said not to worry too much, I'm young, healthy and active... come back next year and we can talk. Well April of 2016 came and I became very persistent with my OB that something wasn't right although my husband was in denial... I had her do blood work up on me and everything came back normal so she prescribed clomid for 3 cycles, I just knew it wasn't going to work & it didn't, so I then insisted that we do more testing - she referred us to a specialist who had my husband do a SA.. we finally got an appointment with them in September of 2016 and decided to wait until January for treatment so I could run a race I had signed up for... so we finished all of our testing and had our appointment when we got back in February... my first IUI + Clomid cycle was in March with my successful IUI + Clomid cycle being in April.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?

I'm pretty good - I still struggle with friends who become pregnant so easily and then bitch about their pregnancy... it's okay to complain and be uncomfortable but I wanted this for SO LONG and am finally here - I just hope they appreciate what their body has done / can easily do.

4. What is your go-to stress reliever/coping mechanism?
Running - well now walk/jog.

5. GTKY: Do other people know about your struggle to get here? If not, do you plan to reveal or keep to yourself? If yes, has it been helpful to share? Yes, I am not quiet person people who know me well, know. If people at work ask if twins run in my family I just say something along the lines of "they must!" or "not that I know of, we just got lucky I guess!"

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