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February 2018 Moms
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Telling older siblings I'm pregnant

alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
in February 2018 Moms
Hi all!  Please let me know if this should go someplace else.  I'm still learning to navigate this board.  I have a 14 yo DD and 11 yo twin daughters.  They are having a hard time getting used to my fiancé being part of our lives.  I'm have not told them I'm expecting yet.  They are spending this week with my mom, so I can hide the symptoms for another week.  Does anyone have experience with this sort of situation?  Looking for thoughts on how and when to tell them.  Not to scare any of you ladies with little ones only.  LOVE my girls and we have a lot of fun, but tween and early teen girls are TOUGH!  
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Re: Telling older siblings I'm pregnant

  • sabriel1sabriel1 member
    My only advice would be to make sure that they hear it from you first so I would make sure not to tell anyone until they know. Also, my guess (and I'm sure you know this) would be that they will be most concerned with where they will stand after this. They will probably be wondering if you and your fiance will love this baby more because this baby is the only one that belongs to you both biologically. I'd make sure to be sensitive to that as well.

     DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018

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  • heatherdubrowheatherdubrow member
    I have little ones, but my plan is to make a big deal of them being big sisters. Make it mostly about them and try to include them in anything they want to be included in. My area also has a big siblings class that I plan on doing with them.
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  • lainikinslainikins member
    Good luck! I agree that is should come from you and that you should be sensitive to their feelings. They may not feel super excited and that is ok. After you initially tell, I think it would help get them involved by thinking of their strengths and involving them. For example, if one really likes decorating rooms, you could have her help plan and design the nursery. If one loves art, they could create a painting of the nursery or make some onesies. 
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  • SunflowerMama428SunflowerMama428 member
    tell them in a fun way like kind of to distract them from it possibly being upsetting to just being very positive about it. Kids smell fear at any age I swear. And reassure them that you're committed to your family as a unit and they are very important (obviously they are but kids hate change and have natural trust issues) 
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  • soulcupcakesoulcupcake member
    If they're having a hard time with the current family dynamic (do you live with your SO?), then I'd absolutely make sure they hear the news from you. Do you know what they're struggling with, as far as the situation with your fiance?

    I told my older two the day I found out. I texted my oldest while she was in school, which was the second to last day of school. She was excited, and my 10.5 year old likes the idea of another sibling. We haven't told our 7.5 year old because we don't want him blurting out the news to my MIL before we're reading to share the news.
    G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08  | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.



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  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    I think their biggest concern will be that I will love this baby more and it will get my attention.  I think that my SO getting my attention is their biggest concern with him, too.  My ex and I split custody 50/50 and they are used to having me to themselves when they are with me.  Plus, all three are fairly shy.  They don't have a connection with him.  My SO and I don't live together yet.  We're planning that too.  It will be a lot of transition at once.  I've started having date night with them once a week.  I take one girl out for dinner, just the two of us.  It's been good to bond one on one.  But it's been sporadic with summer craziness.  I like the idea of taking a class together and getting them involved.  My oldest is quite the artist and is going into advanced art classes this year.  We may end up with an anime themed room...

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  • Starynightsky24Starynightsky24 member
    Maybe he needs to be the one to talk to them? Not about the baby, but just about how important they are to him as well. Or, maybe while you are out with one... he can take the other two out. That way they have a sibling buffer and won't feel so singled out. Just something small like ice cream, a bike ride... etc. it sounds like they maybe just need to get more comfortable with him. 

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  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    I think that's a great idea.  He will sometimes order dinner and hang out with them when I'm out with the third.  I think he feels a little awkward too, because he's one of those guys that all kids gravitate to and mine haven't.  It would be good for him to tell them how he feels.
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  • essentialpeaceessentialpeace member
    My advice is to let them have and work through their genuine feelings. We humans are unpredictable, especially children. There may be smiles all around or tears. It is okay! There are some big changes coming their way. Take opportunities to share the excitement of seeing them with their younger sibling. I agree with PP comment about getting them involved *when they are ready.*
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  • babymakes9babymakes9 member
    Only my 2 oldest know so far,  16 yo ds and 14 yo dd, both said we are replacing them the older jokingly,  the daughter cried hysterically and had been insisting on hugs 20 times a day and begins very clingy.  She had always thought of herself as my husband's favorite,  and fears the baby is going to take this spot from her (none of my kids are my husband's bio kids). They found out early by seeing my private calender accidentally when we were at the ultra sound. 
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    older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7 
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  • mommaSGmommaSG member
    See i am just dead pan honest with my kids. My DD is 12 and is my fiancée daughter. We make a joke that she is morw mine than anyones bc we are super close so when i tested positive it was instict to tell her. Grantes she doesnt talk about it infront of her mom and knows she probably wont go to any appointments bc her mom will prevent it. But we keep her ivloved such as we are going to let her know the gender in a special way and then have her help plan o. Telling my DS if its a boy or girl. Its just super important to make them feel involved. They are preteens and want the ability to feel that they are a part of things. Sry thats the psychologist in me
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