21 Weeks pregnant and Husband just lost his job...

DizzyIdeals · June 2017

Hi everyone,
This is my first post -I wish it was under better circumstances. I just don't know where else to go and I can't get my brain to focus on anything else. **If this thread needs to be moved to a more appropriate place I will absolutely take it down or move it asap.**
I am 21 weeks and 4 days pregnant with our first child and yesterday my husband was fired from his job for making an honest mistake. It was sudden and completely unexpected and we are devastated. He has been with this company for almost 10 years. Was the youngest person to be promoted to the position he had and never had any negative performance reviews. He was really making a name/career for himself at this job. It was our main source of income, our health insurance was through this job and now it's all just gone. We also recently just bought our first home. This could not have happened at a worse time. He is so heartbroken and I hate seeing him in so much pain. He says he feels like he failed us and it just tears at my heart. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to be strong for him, to show him that I have faith in him and that I know he will find another job soon but I am also very scared about the future and don't know where to go with these feelings and fears because I don't want to overwhelm him. I'm so worried about what we will do for health insurance, what this means for our long term financial stability. I work full time as well, but I do not make enough to support us and a baby on the way. I'm so disappointed that this is happening right now, during a time that is supposed to be exciting and happy as we prepare to bring our first child into this world. I don't want this stress to harm our baby but I don't know how to stop from worrying over this. Thank you for letting me vent. Any advice or good thoughts would be so welcome right now.

dogperson11 · June 2017

I'm going to ignore the fact that you're 100% new...

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I was the only person working (DH was in college) when I was pregnant with DD and I got laid off. I get how stressful it is. I know it seems impossible right now.

You need to sit down and figure out a game plan; How long can you live off your savings and your job? Can you qualify yourself for subsidized health insurance? (Most states allow pregnant women to be on the state Medicare right away if they don't have another insurance option) What can you cut back on, budget wise? (Cut cable, no eating out, really limit your vehicle use to save on gas, etc) Can you rent out a room in your home temporarily to make some extra money? Does your husband have any idea where to start looking for a new job?

It'll be rough, but you'll get through this!

migdala · June 2017

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I don't have any advice for you other than it's ok to take a few days to feel overwhelmed and sad before picking yourself back up and figuring out a plan. When my DH got notice that his team was being eliminated, I made him take the weekend before trying to plan out next steps - I just think it's hard to be in the right head space immediately and you'll make better decisions if you allow yourself time to mourn. Good luck.

DizzyIdeals · June 2017

@dogperson11 Thank you so much for taking pity on a newbie and thank you for your response. I have started looking into whether we qualify for Medicaid. Luckily we have enough money to get us through the next few months but it will be tight. We actually do have a room that we could possibly rent out. I will discuss with DH tonight.
@migdala Thank you too for your words of encouragement. DH and I decided to take last night and today to mourn the loss and recover, which I now feel better about. I'm just doing all I can to not let the stress effect the baby at this point but your kind words are helping ease my anxiety.

crazypuglady · June 2017

Sorry you're in this situation. I'm not sure of the rules, as I've never had to apply, but can he apply for unemployment? That will give you something. (Though I don't know if you qualify if you were fired vs laid off?). Also, I'm not sure about your area, but my mother's BF was laid off from his job a couple years ago with no other prospects (He's in his 50's, no higher education, and worked in mail room/logistics. Most jobs he would be qualified for would be super labor intensive or wouldn't want to higher someone older vs young and agile.) He picked up work as a Uber driver and makes enough money doing that to support himself. Maybe your H can look into something like that to make some money in the meantime while searching for a new job? It won't help with the insurance situation, but he can help with expenses. What about applying for insurance through your employer? I know it's probably not open season, but maybe this is a qualifying life event and you can change your election?

migdala · June 2017

@DizzyIdeals Don't worry too much about the effect of a temporary period of stress. People have had babies in war zones and they've turned out fine. Trying to force yourself to not be stressed can sometimes compound it anyway. I agree that looking into the gig economy, e.g. driving for Uber, could be worth it while your H figures out his next career move. If he had insurance then I think you should also be able to get COBRA, which is pricey but will cover you if you can't get on Medicaid.

purplestarz · June 2017

I'm sorry you are going through this. He will be eligible for unemployment so make sure he looks into that. COBRA will allow you to continue your same health insurance but you will likely pay 100% of the cost so do some shopping around and look at the coverage differences too in addition to the premium you pay (i.e.: if this insurance covers your delivery 100% but if the state sponsored coverage you can get requires you to pay x amount of thousands for delivery then it might be worth it to extend through COBRA even if the premiums are higher.) If im remembering correctly you can be on COBRA for 18 months and I think your insurance might still be good through the end of the month...but check on that.

hang in there!

roo_baby · June 2017

I'm so sorry this happened. Here is what I would do:
1. Have him file for unemployment immediately. There is no back-pay for unemployment if you wait to do it.
2. Look into COBRA, your work insurance and Obamacare and see what gives you the best plan for your money. Usually COBRA is more expensive than Obamacare. Because this is a "life event" you are eligible for a new plan even though it's not open enrollment. Also check if there are any other benefits you are signed up for or not at work that you want to change.
3. He should update his resume while everything is still fresh in his mind. Once you both have had a few days to process, start reaching out to people in your network to let them know you he is looking. They may know of immediate openings.
4. Do something nice for yourselves. It doesn't have to cost money, maybe you have a picnic in the park or give each other massages. Let yourselves be happy. Just because crap goes wrong doesn't mean you have to feel crappy about it all the time.
5. Give him all the baby chores to do. Set up the nursery. Wash and put away the clothes. Decide what things you need to buy. Make freezer meals. There are only so many jobs he can apply for a day - put the rest of his time to good use!

buttercream_frosting · June 2017

I am really sorry and hoping that your fortune turns around real soon so that you can enjoy your pregnancy without this stress.

s_corrigall · June 2017

My husband was laid off on my last day of work before maternity leave with my last pregnancy, it's incredibly scary. I have no new advice to give that hasn't already been mentioned, except for this.... For me, I found going through this to be a huge paradigm shift for me. I thought our world was going to end because we didn't have financial security for a period of time, but soon I was able to shift my perspective and it made all the difference. If I had to go back to work early to help pay bills, at least I had a job to go back to; If we had to sell our house, that would have been hard, but at least we had that option. My motto became, "we are still
more fortunate than 90% of the world's population, and this too shall pass." It may not help right now in your position, but once I was able to start believing that we were still so lucky with everything we had, it became much easier to
move forward with a game plan, and enjoy our time with a newborn.
Good luck with everything.

MCraig1484 · June 2017

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Can you get health insurance coverage through your work? It might be different from state to state (I'm in California), but here if you lose your coverage for whatever reason, your work can cover you even if its not open enrollment...that might be your best option if your work covers part of the cost. Also, it sounds like your husband had great potential at his prior job, so stay positive that another company will recognize that potential and he won't be out of work for long. Good luck and stay positive!

jesswill86 · June 2017

Oh my gosh, that's such a tough spot!! If your employer offers healthcare, go ahead and check on getting enrolled. If not, find out if you qualify for gov't plans, including WIC. Your husband may need to look at a part time position somewhere to help with income while looking for a new full time job. Don't be afraid to let friends/family know about the situation in case anyone can help with baby prep. Look at current budget, see if you can cut back on anything, including anything that may be sellable if necessary, (not of sentimental value, but something that can easily be replaced when able). Above all else, be supportive of each other and know that the tough spots will pass. My family had a similar situation not long after getting pregnant, and while it wasn't easy, DH persevered. Remind yourselves each day that speed bumps are passable. Good luck to your family!!

tsa208 · June 2017

jesswill86 said:

Oh my gosh, that's such a tough spot!! If your employer offers healthcare, go ahead and check on getting enrolled. If not, find out if you qualify for gov't plans, including WIC. Your husband may need to look at a part time position somewhere to help with income while looking for a new full time job. Don't be afraid to let friends/family know about the situation in case anyone can help with baby prep. Look at current budget, see if you can cut back on anything, including anything that may be sellable if necessary, (not of sentimental value, but something that can easily be replaced when able). Above all else, be supportive of each other and know that the tough spots will pass. My family had a similar situation not long after getting pregnant, and while it wasn't easy, DH persevered. Remind yourselves each day that speed bumps are passable. Good luck to your family!!

Yes, it's humbling but be open about the situation as much as you can - it will help with the job search too. Put it out there that he's looking and what opportunities he's looking for, you never know what connections your connections have. Good luck!

jesswill86 · June 2017

tsa208, well said! Talking to friends is actually what helped the job search. Hoping the original poster will keep the board updated,

dogperson11 · July 2017

Any leads on new jobs? Been thinking about you.

21 Weeks pregnant and Husband just lost his job...

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