Any mommas going through this or have done it alone?

twinning2017 · June 2017

*if this isn't something allowed please just let me know and I'll delete it*
im very recently going to be going through this pregnancy/birth without the child's father. And I wanted either some mommas that have done it before or are currently going through it to let me know, not so much what to expect but, advice. How to make it a little better or anything really. I've shed a good bit of tears and been down but I need to be positive about it not just for me but these twins.

yasandson · June 2017

Im not able to give you any advice but just thought id send positive thoughts! Ive known a few women who went through what you actually are going through and although it might seem like it will be very difficult at times, you will thrive i can tell you that much. Just surround yourself with good people (fam or other) and i know you ll always do whats best for you and your babies.
T&P ❤️

feeislove · June 2017

I'm going to second what @yasandson said, surround yourself with a good support system. My sister raised her two boys by herself since the oldest was 1 and they're 5 and 6 now. She's met someone since and are living together so things have gotten a bit easier but it was rough for a few years. While it will be difficult it is do-able. I believe in you momma!

twinning2017 · June 2017

Thank you guys so much. I'm trying to. With having a two year old son and twins on the way it's a bit overwhelming since I'm still pretty young, but I have faith and good family and friends.

VLillyV · June 2017

I don't have any experience in this, BUT my MIL does. She did not have a support system and was also a very young mother. She was successful by working very hard (job wise) and being frugal. It was not easy and I know she feels hurt but getting her baby ahead was it's own biggest reward. I am faithful that you can do it too.

virginiaham · June 2017

@twinning2017 I'm sorry you're having to now do this on your own. I don't have any advice or wisdom but I'm sending you love and support and praying for an amazing support system to build up around you.

OliveOyl2014 · June 2017

Sorry you are going thru this! I have no experience with this, but just wanted you to know that you have support here too!

twinning2017 · June 2017

VLillyV said:

I don't have any experience in this, BUT my MIL does. She did not have a support system and was also a very young mother. She was successful by working very hard (job wise) and being frugal. It was not easy and I know she feels hurt but getting her baby ahead was it's own biggest reward. I am faithful that you can do it too.

She must be a strong woman! I'm starting to get more and more confident that I can do this. Some days are better than others but I think it'll all come together in the end. It's not going to be easy but hearing that makes me feel better. I'll just have to remember other women have done it and it's not impossible. Thank you.

Thank everyone for their positive input. You're all great kind hearted people.

ChocolateIsLife · June 2017

@twinning2017 I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can tell from your posts that you are an incredibly strong and brave mama already, and we are all here for you. Hugs

joannabananajay · June 2017

I wouldn't say I'm going through this alone because both of my parents and family are phenomenal, but the child's father isn't in the picture and never will be. It was decided when I found out I was first pregnant. I'm only 22.

My situation was a bit negative in the way that he wanted to have nothing to do with it, push me down the stairs, etc. I said I rather have my child myself and raise her full of love and kindness knowing she's wanted and loved by me.

You're a strong mom, and I'm sorry you're going through it alone, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will fall into place.

aprilsarahjune · June 2017

@twinning2017 Thoughts and prayers to you during this time. I am just dropping in with a few thoughts on building a support system for yourself and your kids. I have never been through your situation, but the truth is, no matter how alone we feel in our specific situations, there are people going through the same thing. For you, I would start by looking for local Mothers of Multiples or Mothers of Twins clubs (some of them are just local women getting together and others fall under state or national non-profits dedicated to providing MoMs with support). Here is one of the national groups that can help you find a local club: https://www.multiplesofamerica.org/find-a-club/ Often, those MoMs will go as far as providing support to you while you are in the hospital or going through NICU or bed rest experiences with you. My local MoMs club has specific mom-only events and family-friendly events, as well as a members-only Facebook group. There are also single moms groups in almost every town and city - meeting in parks, coffee shops, libraries, bars, etc. (basically take the commonality of single-parenting and pair it with another common interest).

If that doesn't suit you, perhaps you have a religious leaning or other special interest where you can look for a community of support?

The thing is, most of the time you have to go out and look for these groups and then make a conscious effort to be a part of the groups, even though you feel too busy, too tired, or too overwhelmed. You will be amazed at the amount of free-time, energy, and hope you will find once you have those relationships in place.

twinning2017 · June 2017

joannabananajay said:

I wouldn't say I'm going through this alone because both of my parents and family are phenomenal, but the child's father isn't in the picture and never will be. It was decided when I found out I was first pregnant. I'm only 22.

My situation was a bit negative in the way that he wanted to have nothing to do with it, push me down the stairs, etc. I said I rather have my child myself and raise her full of love and kindness knowing she's wanted and loved by me.

You're a strong mom, and I'm sorry you're going through it alone, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will fall into place.

It's heart breaking to hear a man would do that to you I'm so sorry. But I'm so happy you decided to do what you think is best for your daughter instead of giving in and letting the baby go. Most women aren't that strong. Major applause to you from my heart. You're going to be an amazing mother and someone your daughter will look up to. There's no doubt in my mind.

@aprilsarahjune I've looked into a few groups and have found a few that I'm more than likely going to join. I also have recently befriended the mother of my exs daughter, which is the big sister to my twins. We often call each other and she and her daughter came to an ultrasound I had to see the babies. She's been so great and we plan on keeping our friendship up and being there for any support the other needs. She is also currently pregnant. But I'm going to look into the groups you suggested. Thank you very much

feeislove · June 2017

@joannabananajay I'm sorry, did you say he pushed you down the stairs? Or did I read/understand hat wrong??

jayrabbitt · June 2017

From experience w my first... it sucks, it's sad, lonely, heartbreaking, emotional, strengthening, and rewarding. But the sad emotions carry a heavier burden at times. My parents were and are a great support system... But every first, every joyous moment, you don't get to share with someone else... which is heartbreakingly sad. Befriend other single mothers because married ones, while they complain about feeling like a single mother, they have no clue and it's horrible offensive, and honestly.. will piss you off. Dont tell me that having a spouse, regardless of how present they are or are not, IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING A SINGLE MOTHER. If you breast feed, join the local lactation group, new mom groups at the library, and even Facebook groups Be strong. Never accept pity. Making the decision, for your safety and your child's safety, to do it alone, is the most courageous thing you could ever do. Accept help, never handouts. Trust your instincts, they are in over drive bc you can't rely on the father. Give you child your last name. You've got this

twinning2017 · June 2017

jayrabbitt said:

From experience w my first... it sucks, it's sad, lonely, heartbreaking, emotional, strengthening, and rewarding. But the sad emotions carry a heavier burden at times. My parents were and are a great support system... But every first, every joyous moment, you don't get to share with someone else... which is heartbreakingly sad. Befriend other single mothers because married ones, while they complain about feeling like a single mother, they have no clue and it's horrible offensive, and honestly.. will piss you off. Dont tell me that having a spouse, regardless of how present they are or are not, IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BEING A SINGLE MOTHER. If you breast feed, join the local lactation group, new mom groups at the library, and even Facebook groups Be strong. Never accept pity. Making the decision, for your safety and your child's safety, to do it alone, is the most courageous thing you could ever do. Accept help, never handouts. Trust your instincts, they are in over drive bc you can't rely on the father. Give you child your last name. You've got this

Your words are very encouraging! The twins will definitely be getting my last name. Thank you so so so much for your support.

joannabananajay · June 2017

feeislove said:

@joannabananajay I'm sorry, did you say he pushed you down the stairs? Or did I read/understand hat wrong??

Oh no. He certainly threatened, and tried. Didn't succeed. Some people are outright disgusting, to be honest. Bleh!

feeislove · June 2017

joannabananajay said:

feeislove said:

@joannabananajay I'm sorry, did you say he pushed you down the stairs? Or did I read/understand hat wrong??
Oh no. He certainly threatened, and tried. Didn't succeed. Some people are outright disgusting, to be honest. Bleh!

OMG. Good for you for getting away from him. He's garbage.

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