Baby Showers
kayyah
member
Baby shower woes
kayyah
member
So my mom & sister are throwing me a shower together. They're already stressing me out. I'm the early bird planner in the family so wish me luck. Anyway, my sister keeps stressing that she only invited 10 people to her shower my mom threw her and her friends threw her a shower. That's all great and dandy but none of my friends have offered and I'm due October 8th. There are about 35-40 people I want to invite and there's no guarantee they'll all show up. On the other hand, inspite of not knowing how many people are on my list, my sister keeps pressuring me to keep my list small. Plus my mom and sister are very dramatic. I don't know what to do at this point. Any suggestions?
Re: Baby shower woes
Well if your mom and sister only feel comfortable hosting X amount of people, then X amount of people is who you get to invite.
While I understand that just because you invite someone doesn't mean that they'll show up...what if they do? What if you end up forcing your sister and mother to accept invites for 40 people and 40 show up? It's not very fair of you to force them to shoulder a financial responsibility (or space, or anything) that they aren't prepared to do. After all, them throwing you a shower is a GIFT, not a requirement!
I could see how feeling like you need to cut down your list could be stressful or maybe make you feel sad, but try to see them throwing you a shower as a gift of goodwill. Maybe just keep their shower to a family shower and hope that a friend offers to throw you one later? If you'd like, you can host an informal gathering either pre- or post-baby (not a shower, just like a BBQ or what have you to celebrate and see everyone).
Until then, if they say 10 people then it's 10 people. Period.
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However, that being said, sometimes things between sisters can be weird. If your sister had a small shower, she may think that you should also only have a small shower, and this may not be based on reality. I'd talk to your mom and get them to give you a maximum.
If your mom and sister say they can only handle a shower with 10 to 15 guests, then you should probably limit the invite list to family members. If friends ask about your shower you can honestly say, "my mom and my sister are throwing a shower for me, but they need to keep it very small, so it's just going to be family." Leave it at that. If you have friends who really want to go to your shower, but can't, they'll get the hint and put together another small shower that is organized around friends. If they don't, then you can assume they're not too bothered about not getting an invite. And even if they are, it's on your hosts, not you.
Honestly, I think moms-to-be worry way too much that people will be hurt if they don't get a shower invite. In reality, most people consider a baby shower an obligation and would rather spend a weekend afternoon doing their own thing. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, and I love pregnancy and babies, but the only showers I really look forward to attending are those for really close friends or siblings/in-laws -- essentially people for whom I'd volunteer to throw a shower. If I get invited to a shower for someone outside that small circle, I still go if I'm free, but I don't particularly enjoy giving up a weekend day to attend a shower for someone I only see 2 or 3 times a year.