I'm starting to feel very disconnected from this baby/pregnancy. We just found out how much the total will be for my prenatal care alone, and it's going to put a lot of financial stress on us. To the point where I'm not sure we can afford DS' preschool. We had trouble financially with my pregnancy with DS, and I didn't want that this time around. Maybe it wouldn't sting so much if this were a planned pregnancy. Add on the impending gender disappointment from my family and the fact that we are already feeling like we're outgrowing our new home... I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit resentful. And that makes me feel disgusted with myself.
we are telling my in laws tonight that i'm pregnant. I'm NOT looking forward to it. At all. Their reactions to our announcement with DD was so crappy, that I feel NO excitement about tonight. to the point I told Mr Pirate that we had to do it at a restaurant, because if they have crappy reactions again, I don't want the negativity in my house. (seriously, my MIL just said "Oh." and FIL said "Are you gonna get married now, because the paperwork for a baby is easier when you're married" (we are married now, just for the record).
I am feeling super protective and basically just don't want to tell anybody else about baby. I don't want to be discussed, I don't want to have any more pressure to stay pregnant, I feel really vulnerable, and also very few people "get it". After almost 6 years TTC and 2 losses, I am not NEARLY as excited as I want to be or as other people are. It makes me feel awkward and anxious. BUT I can't expect it to stay a secret much longer and I know that, so I gave our moms and grandmas permission to share as long as it stays off social media. I still don't like it but I would rather do that than make any more phone calls.
@mamakassie2 Sorry to hear this but I can relate. My DH and I were trying but I really didnt think I was going to get pregnant this soon with my issues. ANd now I fell like its the worst timing in the world lol. We are still happy but in the back of my mind I wish it was a month sooner or a year later
My confession is Im worried about my reaction when we find out if its a boy or a girl. Of course I will be happy with either as long as they are healthy but honestly DH and I really want a girl. If they say boy I just dont know if Ill have a good reaction or not. Its very hard for me to fake things
@mamakassie2 I'm so sorry, that sounds like a lot of stress to deal with on top of all the hormones.
@irishpiratess good luck tonight! Make it a restaurant you don't love so if they ruin it you won't be mad about that too?
@ryannenikole we only tried for 3 years and this is my first pregnancy but every time I mention "this time next year with the baby" or when we talk about the holidays with me being about to pop etc, there is a very persistent voice in my head that says "if you stay pregnant", I can't imagine how much louder that voice would be after having a loss. I am excited, but I feel like I'm also managing my expectations constantly because after years of wanting this to happen I can't quite let myself think that it will all go smoothly from here. I can't put myself wholly in your shoes, you've had a much longer and rougher road than I have, but I think I get it a little bit. We have told our close friends and immediate family, but we won't do anything on social media for a while (and I'm kind of debating if we will say anything on social media, it sucked dealing with IF and seeing those.....)
@JuliaGoolia719 You do get it! I have had those same thoughts. It has gotten better, because I am so far beyond where I was with my previous losses, but it is still a struggle!
@mamakassie2 Remember too that you are hormonal now and will feel differently at different points. I think the lack of support from family really does make it harder to get amped up... but you are also really early in the pregnancy. I bet the bond you're looking for or feeling guilty about not having comes organically. Hugs.
Just wanted to offer a little love and support to everyone ❤❤ sounds like it has been a rough day already. Hang in there mommas, growing tiny humans is not easy physically or emotionally.
@mamakassie2 That's really hard. I don't know your situation and don't want to toe out of line, but have y'all looked into Medicaid in your state? When I was pregnant with my son I was entirely uninsured, and it was the literally the only reason I got as frequent or good care as I did. It's not a fun process, but it's honestly a life-saver.
On a very similar emotional note and after being on the phone for more than an hour and a half today, allow me to clear my throat and give a good hearty yell here:
AMERICAN NOTIONS OF HEALTHCARE ARE 100% BULLSHIT AND FOR PROFIT HEALTHCARE IS A CRIME AGAINST CITIZENS.
Also for-profit healthcare perpetuates the (spoken or unspoken, depending on who you know) idea that money and prosperity is a sign of one's goodness and rightness with their god: if you get sick and die, well, that's just meant to be. When in so many cases, it just means you were too fucking poor to get the preventative care that allows the middle class and wealthy citizens to cut off life-threatening illnesses at the pass and better manage their healthcare. Puritanical notions of hard work and prosperity have woven some ugly cultural mythology into our social systems and our healthcare.
Plus it's made maternity the realm of the middle-class white lady. Americans have gentrified maternity because choosing it when you're anything else is such a hard fucking choice, when you know the financials are a nightmare.
Hugs for the mommas who have suffered losses. You are strong. Definitely keep in mind that the hormones are intensifying feelings right now. I hope that you are able to eventually enjoy and embrace your pregnancy.
My FFFC- I ate two entire chalupas for lunch today from taco bell. Gross. Gross. Gross. But so good.
Sorry you're struggling, @mamakassie2! Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to experience those feelings.
I have two confessions today:
1. I just took a shower for the first time since Tuesday night. I know...I'm gross. I justified my lack of hygiene by telling myself that the rinses I took in the pool shower after going swimming the last few days counted as legit showers.
2. I hate "Thank You" cards. I never sent any out after both my wedding and my baby shower. I had good intentions both times, and even filled a few out. But I never got around to sending any...because I hate them, and I'm lazy.
@JuliaGoolia719 I completely get the "if I stay pregnant" mindset. DH and I had MFI and were about to start the IVF process. It got to the point that I started saying in my head "If we get pregnant" to set myself up for the possibility that it might not happen. At that time I was debating doing IVF because the medications when doing IUI just flipped me out. It's such a crappy road.
I will be announcing on social media but as a way to tell my IF story. I never had the courage to speak about it while in the midst of TTC.
@mamakassie2, I am so sorry you're having a rough time. Did you know that preschool is considered a childcare expensive and therefore tax deductible? Not that it helps the upfront cost. And in our case we can use our flex spending account to pay for it.
PGAL moms, so much of what you're saying are feelings I echo. You are not alone.
@cyanope yes to the thank-yous! I write in cards for showers, weddings, etc. not to write me one because that's one less they'll have to do! I always recycle ones I'm given, so why make that person waste their time writing it in the first place? The only exception is if I can't make it to the event, it's nice to have the acknowledgment that my gift made it where it was supposed to go. A simple text or FB message is good enough for that though.
Love to all of you ladies. Every person we have told so far has asked if I'm excited. I am, don't get me wrong but because this wasn't planned I keep feeling like it will end. I'm hoping after the next appointment, it will sink in.
I guess my FFFC is: I am a firm believer in thank you cards. I write one for just about everything. I understand sometimes people may forget but I do look for them (like within a YEAR) to come in the mail for showers and weddings and such.
Hugs and support to you ladies going through rough times. We may not fully understand what you're going through, but we're here for you.
My FFFC is quite tame, but very real. I HATE being asked for tips in places that serve drinks/food, but there are no waitstaff!!!! Panera Bread just jumped on this train and I hate hate hate it!! I tip well when there is a person serving me, but I don't want to tip when I take my own food to my table and clean up after myself. And then I feel bad when I always press no tip...
Sending a little encouragement to tell everyone that we are all carrying a lot of weight in many ways, and I hope your burdens feel somehow a little lessened this weekend. So many things that each of you have said have resonated with me. Feeling gratitude that we have this community of women to help us carry our heavy loads to make the loads feel just a bit lighter.
My grandparents passed a few years ago. Going through their house there was a lot of stuff I wanted becauase I remember it being a part of my life. Since then, Ive read "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" and went through a bout of ppd in which I realized that clutter makes my anxiety worse. Couple those two things with living in a 1200 square foot 2 bedroom as a (soon to be) family of 6, and I simply dont need half of what I took. My memories are intact without the stuff and it isnt doing any good sitting in a box. So Im donating it. And Im not telling my mom because she cant get rid of anything and would act like I was betraying my grandparents by donating the stuff.
I'm at a fish fry at the IL's house...MIL's bff is here and she just came outside to lecture all us kids about how we need to buy IL's a permanent generator (FIL does home dialysis) in case they ever lose power. (Which *is* a good idea but read on...) THEN proceeds to tell us it's not a suggestion, that between the three kids, we MUST do it because each of us makes more than FIL and MIL combined.
1) We all (3 kids, 2 spouses, three neighbors, 2 retired friends one road over) have quick and easy access to working generators. If anything ever happens (and it has), there is always a plan in place and easily executable. I agree the permanent generator would be handy, but FIL won't always be on dialysis - like we think transplant will happen before year's end.
2) Yes, each of us makes more money than MIL and FIL make independently but a) you don't know that for sure and it's none of you're business MIL's bff and b) if you do, MIL had no business blabbing it to you
Rant over. Unless she rekindles the subject at dinner...as she cornered us while frying fish.
ETA She meant well, just took it down the wrong path....
January 2018 Board September Siggy Challenge: Fall
![[Deleted User]](http://www.media.theknot.com/profiles/avatar.aspx?username=%5BDeleted%20User%5D){kind=avatar}
Re: FFFC 6/23
I am feeling super protective and basically just don't want to tell anybody else about baby. I don't want to be discussed, I don't want to have any more pressure to stay pregnant, I feel really vulnerable, and also very few people "get it". After almost 6 years TTC and 2 losses, I am not NEARLY as excited as I want to be or as other people are. It makes me feel awkward and anxious. BUT I can't expect it to stay a secret much longer and I know that, so I gave our moms and grandmas permission to share as long as it stays off social media. I still don't like it but I would rather do that than make any more phone calls.
My confession is Im worried about my reaction when we find out if its a boy or a girl. Of course I will be happy with either as long as they are healthy but honestly DH and I really want a girl. If they say boy I just dont know if Ill have a good reaction or not. Its very hard for me to fake things
@mamakassie2 I'm so sorry, that sounds like a lot of stress to deal with on top of all the hormones.
@irishpiratess good luck tonight! Make it a restaurant you don't love so if they ruin it you won't be mad about that too?
@ryannenikole we only tried for 3 years and this is my first pregnancy but every time I mention "this time next year with the baby" or when we talk about the holidays with me being about to pop etc, there is a very persistent voice in my head that says "if you stay pregnant", I can't imagine how much louder that voice would be after having a loss. I am excited, but I feel like I'm also managing my expectations constantly because after years of wanting this to happen I can't quite let myself think that it will all go smoothly from here. I can't put myself wholly in your shoes, you've had a much longer and rougher road than I have, but I think I get it a little bit. We have told our close friends and immediate family, but we won't do anything on social media for a while (and I'm kind of debating if we will say anything on social media, it sucked dealing with IF and seeing those.....)
Together Let Us Seek the Heights
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
On a very similar emotional note and after being on the phone for more than an hour and a half today, allow me to clear my throat and give a good hearty yell here:
AMERICAN NOTIONS OF HEALTHCARE ARE 100% BULLSHIT AND FOR PROFIT HEALTHCARE IS A CRIME AGAINST CITIZENS.
Also for-profit healthcare perpetuates the (spoken or unspoken, depending on who you know) idea that money and prosperity is a sign of one's goodness and rightness with their god: if you get sick and die, well, that's just meant to be. When in so many cases, it just means you were too fucking poor to get the preventative care that allows the middle class and wealthy citizens to cut off life-threatening illnesses at the pass and better manage their healthcare. Puritanical notions of hard work and prosperity have woven some ugly cultural mythology into our social systems and our healthcare.
Plus it's made maternity the realm of the middle-class white lady. Americans have gentrified maternity because choosing it when you're anything else is such a hard fucking choice, when you know the financials are a nightmare.
This is the end of my socialist rant.
My FFFC- I ate two entire chalupas for lunch today from taco bell. Gross. Gross. Gross. But so good.
I have two confessions today:
1. I just took a shower for the first time since Tuesday night. I know...I'm gross. I justified my lack of hygiene by telling myself that the rinses I took in the pool shower after going swimming the last few days counted as legit showers.
2. I hate "Thank You" cards. I never sent any out after both my wedding and my baby shower. I had good intentions both times, and even filled a few out. But I never got around to sending any...because I hate them, and I'm lazy.
I will be announcing on social media but as a way to tell my IF story. I never had the courage to speak about it while in the midst of TTC.
Just wanted to send love to everyone today..
thinking of you all.
@Irishpiratess I hope tonight goes better for you!! good luck!~
PGAL moms, so much of what you're saying are feelings I echo. You are not alone.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I guess my FFFC is: I am a firm believer in thank you cards. I write one for just about everything. I understand sometimes people may forget but I do look for them (like within a YEAR) to come in the mail for showers and weddings and such.
My FFFC is quite tame, but very real. I HATE being asked for tips in places that serve drinks/food, but there are no waitstaff!!!! Panera Bread just jumped on this train and I hate hate hate it!! I tip well when there is a person serving me, but I don't want to tip when I take my own food to my table and clean up after myself. And then I feel bad when I always press no tip...
Since then, Ive read "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" and went through a bout of ppd in which I realized that clutter makes my anxiety worse. Couple those two things with living in a 1200 square foot 2 bedroom as a (soon to be) family of 6, and I simply dont need half of what I took. My memories are intact without the stuff and it isnt doing any good sitting in a box. So Im donating it. And Im not telling my mom because she cant get rid of anything and would act like I was betraying my grandparents by donating the stuff.
1) We all (3 kids, 2 spouses, three neighbors, 2 retired friends one road over) have quick and easy access to working generators. If anything ever happens (and it has), there is always a plan in place and easily executable. I agree the permanent generator would be handy, but FIL won't always be on dialysis - like we think transplant will happen before year's end.
2) Yes, each of us makes more money than MIL and FIL make independently but a) you don't know that for sure and it's none of you're business MIL's bff and b) if you do, MIL had no business blabbing it to you
Rant over. Unless she rekindles the subject at dinner...as she cornered us while frying fish.
ETA She meant well, just took it down the wrong path....