*TW @vflux33 I'm going to just +1 to everything @doxiemoxie212 said, because she really said it perfectly. Loss is painful, and can be a total mind fuck some days, but it doesn't give your sister (or anyone) the right to say ignorant or hurtful things to others just because they themselves are hurting. If she can't talk about her loss without mentioning IVF or saying things that cross a boundary for you, then I agree that a little distance might be the best thing until she can get that out of her system. Saying stuff like that to you, or to anyone, is unacceptable. Period. I also want to comment on the fact that you said that you want to help your sister get over her loss. You can't do that for her. There is nothing that you can say or do that will fix this for her and you shouldn't try to carry that burden. She will be able to heal on her own in her own time. Is her relationship with her husband good? Since it is his loss as well, perhaps she should be turning to him so that they can work through their grief together.
@vflux33 She is... a trial. Wow. How about: You know what's lucky? Getting pregnant on your first or second try and staying pregnant and having a glorious healthy baby. What you're going through is absolutely terrible, I'm going to need you to muster one effing ounce of sympathy for what I'm going through. Going through IF treatments is neither fun nor cheap nor anything resembling effing lucky. Unless you can act like you give a damn about my emotions and what I'm going through, we're not going to be able to talk about this stuff. Talk to mom and leave me out of it. You and I can just talk about the weather. *TW* As someone who has done both, I have never felt like one gave me any right to diminish the other.
edit: deleted a line that was there on accident
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
... I didn't really have a 'question'. And yah, only watching the next few days will I know for sure. But just posting for a grrr moment. My cover line is usually higher. And my first couple post O temps are as low as my normal pre-o temps
me:35 DH:34 DS: born oct 2012 TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16 BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17 BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18 fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
Thank you for letting me vent, guys. It helps to see how you react and reminds me I'm not an asshole for not letting her get away with those kinds of statements.
@kiwi2628 I wanted to bring it up like that, but I'm conflicted b/c my mom suggested not doing that to me on the phone yesterday and said my sister would just shut it out and ignore me, which might be true (and kinda happened via text). But in the spirit of bluntness and honesty that is definitely what I'd prefer. Maybe I'll try again. I was thinking about doing it yesterday and we were supposed to talk on the phone but she sent my call directly to voicemail.
@catlady1215 Yeah, I am constantly conflicted about doing what I just said to kiwi above and just giving up and refusing to discuss it with her. It may be too late to force empathy on her.
*TW @kbamomma33 You're right, I can't make her feel better about her loss. That's so important to remember. Unfortunately, my parents and I suspect her new H is too much of a child to support her emotionally in the way she needs. And she refuses to see a therapist (I was on her about this all last week). But I can't do anything about that or her H, and TBH I still feel like I barely know the guy and kinda miss my old BIL.
@kiki75 I really appreciate what you said about having gone through both and not wanting to diminish either. She isn't acknowledging that people who have gone through both exist (though I have pointed it out to her a bunch of times). She has 2 beautiful and healthy kids from a previous marriage which she got KU with moments after starting TTC. I'm not saying that makes loss easier, but you'd think it would give her some perspective, generally speaking.
R/R: *tw* toddlers are jerks and hurt my feelings! That is all...
CS/Q:
GTKY: What are your top 3 favorite movies
It is so hard to pick! I love movies... favorite classic is The Sandlot for sure. Favorite romance is PS I love you (I love Gerard Butler and Ireland. So. Much.) Movie I really want to rewatch for the 300th time right now, Boondocks Staints. And a bonus... fav childhood flick, Fern Gully
@vflux33 I think it depends on who you are. If you are the kind of person who can let stuff go, try to let it go, as it may damage your relationship. I am not a 'let it go' kinda gal. The few times I have tried to let stuff go, I simmer about it for a week or a month or whatever and then explode at inopportune times, so for me, exploding does WAY more damage than calmly talking stuff over, even if it is uncomfortable stuff. Its all about you and her.
@kiwi2628 Yeah, I don't let stuff go either... Maybe I'll try one more time to explain and if she ignores it again and continues talking about IF/IVF folks as "lucky" then at that point I'll use the distance tactic.
@catlady1215 I don't know how to link my chart so I just screen shot it and add it here.
@mamasaurus12415 we are Disney addicts! And yup, FF gives you CH after 3 high temps. Most people come over here after they see the CH.
@hedgepig that version of Romeo & Juliet would be in my top 5! And scorpions?????
@kiki75 yay for your anniversary dinner!! H won't be home until 2am so I think I missed it. I'm really hoping my body did ovulate 7 days ago and we had good timing and it's not right now.
@doxiemoxie212 they cancelled his flight last minute for no reason??? I'd be so pissed!! I did think about a triphasic chart with the temps but the pinching feeling for the couple days is throwing me. It was on the same spot right by my hip. It was way too early to be implantation.
@vflux33 how can anyone think anyone going through IVF is lucky??? IVF is such a struggle mentally & physically!!
Re: TWW Thursday 6/22
*TW
@vflux33 I'm going to just +1 to everything @doxiemoxie212 said, because she really said it perfectly. Loss is painful, and can be a total mind fuck some days, but it doesn't give your sister (or anyone) the right to say ignorant or hurtful things to others just because they themselves are hurting. If she can't talk about her loss without mentioning IVF or saying things that cross a boundary for you, then I agree that a little distance might be the best thing until she can get that out of her system. Saying stuff like that to you, or to anyone, is unacceptable. Period. I also want to comment on the fact that you said that you want to help your sister get over her loss. You can't do that for her. There is nothing that you can say or do that will fix this for her and you shouldn't try to carry that burden. She will be able to heal on her own in her own time. Is her relationship with her husband good? Since it is his loss as well, perhaps she should be turning to him so that they can work through their grief together.
here's a screenshot I just took that should help you out with finding the "spoiler" tag.
How about: You know what's lucky? Getting pregnant on your first or second try and staying pregnant and having a glorious healthy baby. What you're going through is absolutely terrible, I'm going to need you to muster one effing ounce of sympathy for what I'm going through. Going through IF treatments is neither fun nor cheap nor anything resembling effing lucky. Unless you can act like you give a damn about my emotions and what I'm going through, we're not going to be able to talk about this stuff. Talk to mom and leave me out of it. You and I can just talk about the weather.
*TW* As someone who has done both, I have never felt like one gave me any right to diminish the other.
edit: deleted a line that was there on accident
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
... I didn't really have a 'question'. And yah, only watching the next few days will I know for sure. But just posting for a grrr moment. My cover line is usually higher. And my first couple post O temps are as low as my normal pre-o temps
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
@kiwi2628 I wanted to bring it up like that, but I'm conflicted b/c my mom suggested not doing that to me on the phone yesterday and said my sister would just shut it out and ignore me, which might be true (and kinda happened via text). But in the spirit of bluntness and honesty that is definitely what I'd prefer. Maybe I'll try again. I was thinking about doing it yesterday and we were supposed to talk on the phone but she sent my call directly to voicemail.
@catlady1215 Yeah, I am constantly conflicted about doing what I just said to kiwi above and just giving up and refusing to discuss it with her. It may be too late to force empathy on her.
*TW
@kbamomma33 You're right, I can't make her feel better about her loss. That's so important to remember. Unfortunately, my parents and I suspect her new H is too much of a child to support her emotionally in the way she needs. And she refuses to see a therapist (I was on her about this all last week). But I can't do anything about that or her H, and TBH I still feel like I barely know the guy and kinda miss my old BIL.
@kiki75 I really appreciate what you said about having gone through both and not wanting to diminish either. She isn't acknowledging that people who have gone through both exist (though I have pointed it out to her a bunch of times). She has 2 beautiful and healthy kids from a previous marriage which she got KU with moments after starting TTC. I'm not saying that makes loss easier, but you'd think it would give her some perspective, generally speaking.
It is so hard to pick! I love movies... favorite classic is The Sandlot for sure. Favorite romance is PS I love you (I love Gerard Butler and Ireland. So. Much.) Movie I really want to rewatch for the 300th time right now, Boondocks Staints. And a bonus... fav childhood flick, Fern Gully
@mispanda sorry about BFN :-(
@scoogy19 best of luck!!
@kiwi2628 a margarita sounds ammmaazzzing right now!
@nitnat007 yay for date night tomorrow!
@catlady1215 I don't know how to link my chart so I just screen shot it and add it here.
@mamasaurus12415 we are Disney addicts! And yup, FF gives you CH after 3 high temps. Most people come over here after they see the CH.
@hedgepig that version of Romeo & Juliet would be in my top 5! And scorpions?????
@kiki75 yay for your anniversary dinner!! H won't be home until 2am so I think I missed it. I'm really hoping my body did ovulate 7 days ago and we had good timing and it's not right now.
@Dilynne oh no! What's wrong? I hope you're feeling better soon!!
@doxiemoxie212 they cancelled his flight last minute for no reason??? I'd be so pissed!! I did think about a triphasic chart with the temps but the pinching feeling for the couple days is throwing me. It was on the same spot right by my hip. It was way too early to be implantation.
@vflux33 how can anyone think anyone going through IVF is lucky??? IVF is such a struggle mentally & physically!!
@mispanda I'm sorry about the Bfn.
@scoogy19 hope you had fun at the pool!!
@hollieileen forrrrreeeevvvveeerrrr