Randoms - Week of June 12th

byrneme · June 2017

Have any thoughts, questions, feelings, fears? Spill them here!

This is a good place to ask questions to a broader audience than the weekly trimester check-ins so those with experience can chime in!

ryannenikole · June 2017

I'll start! We've been slowly announcing to friends and family and I keep hearing the same response. It's some variation of "See! You stopped thinking about it!'

The backstory is this: after 5ish years TTC and 2 MCs, I switched from IUIs with clomid to a functional/alternative medicine practioner. He cleaned up my diet and added supplements based on testing that we did and had me do things like vaginal steams and castor oil packs. I felt better than I had in years, my adult-onset eczema went away and so did my adult-onset dairy sensitivity. I was still charting and all that so we could see my progress, and we were still actively trying. And once I got healthy, it did happen easily and without intervention. But the story that everybody sees is that we decided to focus on other things and got pregnant: We sold our house, bought property and are living in a camper while we build. DH is building his own business as part of this as well.

So....no. We DIDN'T stop thinking about it or give up or anything else. I worked my butt off to restore my health and make my body as healthy as it could be and it worked. It annoys me that people want to assume that "just relaxing" or "thinking about other things" are the reason for this baby. I feel like it diminishes our experiences and I don't want that to be the case.

Any ideas for how to put it out there--maybe in our big social media announcement?--that we actually did work our butts off to get here?

Megzb510 · June 2017

@ryannenikole ugh that impression would annoy me. I know I've seen a version of people posting that "for this child I have prayed" bible verse and post how many days they had been trying. Not sure if you're religious though. I think it depends how honest about your journey that you want to be. I think elaborating isn't a bad thing! I connected via Facebook with a high school acquaintance over her public IF journey and she donated me a full IVF cycle worth of meds. You never know who else out there is struggling.

Polythene Pam · June 2017

@ryannenike I've seen "worth the wait... and wait... and wait" and you could add "and work!" Just an idea? People are just idiots, 2 good friends did IVF to get twins and both had miracle 3rd babies. People said "hey maybe if you'd relaxed the first time!" They just don't think. Congrats to you on getting here!!

JWatt5 · June 2017

@ryannenikole - you never stop thinking about it. And for most...they never had to in the first place the way you did. They just truly just don't understand. I've shared my story and been very surprised at how many others have come out and called or messaged me about having the same path. Try not to let it get to you, although that's about as impossible as not thinking about your cycle each month, totally get it haha. This is your time, don't let them ruin it for you. My aunt kept saying "just relax, it's worrying that's keeping it from happening". Eventually I cut my diet way back, stopped taking in red meat due to my endo and then it was "I know a gay couple who's fertility specialist said that not eating red meat will keep you from getting pregnant". WHAT? Where do you get this crap from lol. I hate even more when someone actually asks why it was hard and then gets all awkward when I say the word ovary or something lol...
Sometimes I will post on my Facebook page the odd article or something about infertility - try to educate one more person out that that doesn't understand it because it hasn't applied to them. Could look at it as a bit backhanded or passive aggressive but...I still do it. I'll get an 1/8th of the likes for that article than I do for a picture of my dog but oh well lol.
Scary Mommy posts up some great ones - I like this one https://www.scarymommy.com/stop-telling-women-trying-to-get-pregnant-to-just-relax/?utm_source=FB

Tulips29 · June 2017

@ryannenikole that response always frustrates me so much. People just don't have a clue what it takes for those of us that struggle to get pregnant. I think educating them is the way to go. That scary mommy article above is great to share. I think sharing an announcement on social media and including some information on how hard you worked to get here would be a good way to go. That way it's one message for everyone. Although I have one friend who is still clueless. She knows we did IVF and were lucky to get pregnant on the first try, but it was still a tough road leading up to it. She now tells me "see how easy it was to get pregnant on the first try, you'll have no problems if you go for baby #2" and it infuriates me. I keep reminding her it's not the case, but it falls on deaf ears. You just can't win with everyone.

ryannenikole · June 2017

@Megzb510 @PolythenePam @JWatt5 @Tulips29 Thank you ladies.

I am definitely going to bring our story into our announcement whenever we make it. Like you all said, it educates people. That and the fact that we made it is a big deal.

kelrauh · June 2017

You just have to educate people and not let them bother you. I have a sister in law who was dumbfounded that I was going on birth control after having twins through ivf. Shes like well they say it happens when you dont try.... would it be a miracle?! Yes it would but I also can't afford daycare for 3 kids and we aren't ready to have the complications I went though with pregnancy. People dont get anything with infertility unless they have gone through it

nellin-2 · June 2017

I had someone say to me at my work baby shower "you are so lucky you've had such an easy pregnancy". I just let it slide - incompetent cervix, polyhydramnios, and an ectopic fetal heartbeat requiring weekly scans at the hospital...super easy. But hey at least I haven't got fat which is all the old ladies seem to care about! (I work in a library so mostly with older women)
It's the same as when someone close to you dies - people will always say stupid things and it's often easiest to thank them and move on.
I figure parenting is going to be a long string of people staying stupid (hopefully well meaning) things so I may as well get used to it now :P

Posting something with your announcement might help, but the reality is many people who have never experienced infertility just don't understand how tough it can be. I think it will mean more to friends who are still struggling to fall pregnant.

Colleen0516 · June 2017

I put a simple picture up on Facebook at first. I wanted to reveal the pregnancy in the "normal way" with one of the many cute ideas I saw in the 2 1/2 years I was trying to conceive. I actually drove myself crazy trying to find the perfect way, and then Realized, "I'm pregnant and at a point where I am able to announce it- so who cares how I did it."

But i did feel the same as you. A lot of people don't uNderstand IF and all we go through. Theyhave no clue how hard it can be at times. So when we did our gender reveal a few weeks later (and found out it was a boy and girl) I felt blessed and wanted to share why.
I wrote a long (but tasteful) post about our journey. I wrote it from a stand point of feeling blessed to have b/g twins after ALL we went through. I also wrote it to help others who were in my situation. I knew that During my IF journey I would watch pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement on FB and feel helpless, so I wanted to make sure that others didn't feel the same way about my announcement.

I received a Ton of positive feedback from it, and it honestly has helped people. I have had people I don't even know (friends of friends) reach out to me to talk about my journey and their journey that they are currently undergoing.

However you decide to share your story, it will be great! Don't overthink it. Make it heartfelt. You endured those emotions for how long?? So share them.

Pictures below of our announcement and of our gender reveal post.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/m5/tn12rbkovk6c.png

byrneme · June 2017

@Colleen0516 you just made me cry. Thats beautiful.

ryannenikole · June 2017

@Colleen0516 that is beautiful!

Randoms - Week of June 12th

Re: Randoms - Week of June 12th

Choose Another Board

Search Boards