June!? (writing challenge?)

ladipale · June 2017

So, I'm super into trying to write my loss story in a compelling way. I work and rework it constantly. I recently found a website with prompts so I'm using them to help write small parts. Anyone want to join? Or critique? Will be TW worthy I'm sure

The first prompt I wrote about was "I knew it was over when". Supposed to write for 8 minutes only! Let me know if anyone is interested in reading what I wrote - then write one yourself.

40momma · June 2017

I would absolutely love to do this as well. I find it very therapeutic to write.

dpjennifer · June 2017

Agreed. I'm in.

pghren · June 2017

Yeah. I've thought about blogging my story, so I'm in

Mack2342 · June 2017

I'm in

MooFish2364 · June 2017

I'm interested!!

Chawk17 · June 2017

Could be fun.

tlq0726 · June 2017

I don't know that I'll have time to wirte, but if so I'm in. And I'd love to read everyone else's stories. Getting to know you ladies has been wonderful.

ladipale · June 2017

Awesome! If anyone comes a cross a prompt they want to try - go for it. Below is my 8 minutes on "I knew it was over when"

*** TW ****

My eyes were shut tight and my heart beating in my ears when my OB's hand started rubbing my right leg. I heard her sigh and curse and that is when I knew. It was over.

When Dr. White couldn't find the heartbeat of our sweet baby with her Doppler just a few minutes before, I held onto hope. "I would usually keep searching but I know you're anxious so I'll go grab the ultrasound machine" Dr. White explained and she was gone before I had time to doubt or question. The door slammed shut and there I was in Exam Room 4 with my husband. He grabbed my hand, "Everything is going to be OK."

"I know," I lied to him, as I squeezed his hand tight, my mind racing back to just 11 months prior, one exam room over when the same doctor found our first missed miscarriage. The aftermath of that loss rushed to my memory and trickled down the side of my face. I squeezed his hand tighter, "I know"

Dr. White was back and firing up the machine. She and my husband made small talk while I laid on the table, my heart beating louder and my eyes shutting tighter as the seconds ticked. Then, cold jelly on my stomach. The seconds lengthened and stretched endlessly. I filled my lungs and belly with breathe - willing the energy and life to reach my womb and the sweet life that was there just 10 days prior. I hear Dr. White furiously pushing buttons and take deep breaths herself. Then the comforting hand on my leg, the audible sigh and a trembling voice “No. I’m sorry.” It was over, but also just beginning.

****

I welcome comments and critique

splashmountain · June 2017

@ladipale that was very well written. It brought tears to my eyes and I felt like I was in the room with you. I love this thread idea, as I've also wanted to write down my experience. Thank you so much for sharing.

vlagrl29 · June 2017

That's beautiful @ladipale - I seriously can't imagine a 2nd tri loss.

For me I was only 5 weeks but spotted a few days after positive hpt. I night after a shower I just knew and I prayed hard to keep It. The next day I got the call from the nurse with my 3rd beta results.

SP128 · June 2017

@ladipale Beautifully written

Like this lady, @tlq0726 I'd love to read what others have written. I'm not much of a writer myself.

tlq0726 · June 2017

Beautiful @ladipale. Tears in my eyes for you. And all of us.

Chawk17 · June 2017

Goodness that was an intro, talk about a hook. Nice story. Chills @ladipale

Mack2342 · June 2017

@ladipale beautiful, made me tear up.

SCK2411 · June 2017

@ladipale that was very beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Is there any chance you can share the website where you found the writing prompts?

ladipale · June 2017

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

@SCK2411 - the prompts are here: https://www.writingclassradio.com/dailyprompts/

ladipale · June 2017

I think I'm going to try "My Biggest Failure" next

ladipale · June 2017

Here it is... My Biggest Failure (of course DH read this after and said that this is not my biggest failure, but it feels that way to me)

I awaken to the sound of my three year old scampering to my room and appearing bedside. "Morning momma!" She exclaims as she climbs into bed for morning cuddles. I breathe her in and hug her tight. On this morning, I do not have enough kisses for her silken hair.

Its a Tuesday morning in January in one of the wettest winters of Northern California. The sun is hidden behind clouds and I can smell the scent of wet pavement drifting in through our old windows. Soon, our six year joins the morning cuddle session. I usually relish in this morning ritual of hugs and cuddles and a slow meeting to our hectic mornings. But on this Tuesday- I wish to stay asleep, lost in my dreams. John and I squeeze each others hand under a pile of warm bodies and exchange grief filled glances as he gets out of bed. “Let’s go girls. Who wants a bagel for breakfast? With extra cream cheese!” And off they march to the kitchen.

I linger in bed and clutch my swollen belly. I have failed, for the swollen belly has not proved a safe place for two sweet babies in a row. Just hours before, I was in my OBs office for my sixteen week appointment when the OB delivered the news, “I’m so sorry Laura. There is no cardiac activity.” No cardiac activity. No. Cardiac. Activity. A perfect little baby girl, free of (known) chromosome defects, but no cardiac activity. There is no explanation but my body. I have failed to do the one thing women are meant to do - carry a baby for forty weeks and deliver her safely. I must have not been worried enough? Or was I too worried? Was it that turkey sandwich I ate a few weeks ago or the cherry coke I use to cure the unrelenting second trimester migraine? I retrace every step between October 23 and January 24 and search to find the exact moment I failed my baby and my husband and our girls. The sip of wine to celebrate New Years? The meds I need to help my debilitating anxiety? The clue is there, I know it must be, if I just keep searching.

Familiar footsteps from the kitchen yank me out of my head and back to this cold and dreary Tuesday morning. “Can you help me get dressed?” the six year old requests. I peel myself out of bed, reluctantly. I have two sweet girls here. They need me. I will not fail them too.

40momma · June 2017

Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing.

amberruka · June 2017

Beautiful @ladipale

justsuzie · June 2017

@ladipale I envy your courage. I think this could be extremely cathartic though.

justsuzie · June 2017

8 minutes...

The tears didn’t come until a month after my miscarriage. Instead, a golf ball lump settled in my throat and festered. At first it was a tightness that I noticed but ignored like the piles of medical bills I was too sad to open. A week later a glass of wine was my remedy to dull the ache that was growing in my throat making it feel like I couldn’t breathe. Three weeks after my loss I felt like I was grasping for air. Like the time I tipped the canoe at summer camp and swallowed too much water feeling shaky for hours afterwards. Four weeks later I was actually drowning. Fear, sadness, and the loss of hope filled the minutes of my day that passed like hours. At 12:48 on Tuesday (I don’t know the date because the days had begun melting together) I lost hope that I would every be okay again. “Okay” was all I was expecting and reaching for at that point. I had given up on happiness. If I could be "okay" then that was good enough for me. I could live with "okay. At 12:49 the room disappeared around me and the golf ball in my throat finally dislodged from it’s hiding spot. Out poured the panic, tears, and grief I had been tucking away like a secret I was afraid someone would uncover. I realized that day my life would never be the same again because I had lost my baby.

Chawk17 · June 2017

@justsuzie that's really well worded. The time order was a nice impact to help understand your pain.

SP128 · June 2017

@ladipale and @justsuzie beautifully written

June!? (writing challenge?)

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