TTA/Benched Check-In Week of 6/12

AlohaKumu · June 2017

please notice

This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched. (There is also a TTCAL thread.)

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA?

What brings you here?

How long do you think you'll be here?

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS/Q?

GTKY: What picture is on the lock screen/background screen of your phone?

[Deleted User] · June 2017

<div><b>Are you benched or TTA? </b>Benched</div><div>
</div><div><b>What brings you here? </b>Waiting for insurance civerage to kick in and DHs MESA/TESE scheduled for late July</div><div>
</div><div><b>How long do you think you'll be here? </b>See above. Hoping once coverage is effective July 1st I can also go ahead with my testing cycle, regardless of whether CD3 lands before or after his retrieval.... But still would be around similar timeframe.</div><div>
</div><div><b>How have things been going? </b>I cannot even tell you how relieved I am that I actually am super-enjoying my new job! It actually feels like a bitof a break from all the other stress at home, sorry to say.... :/

I ended up opening up to DHs sister about our IF, and it sems like she is just so incredibly supportive. She's been through a lot herself, so while she may not know much about IVF specifically, she totally gets it - the waiting for a baby part, and the barrage of medical crap part so thats kind of a bit of a relief, even though both our parents are still in the dark. That's fine for now. ;)</div><div>
</div><div><b>Any R/R/CS/Q? Nah.</b></div>
<b>GTKY: What picture is on the lock screen/background screen of your phone?
</b><div class=" Spoiler"><b><img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/qh/lgpj3gwkxz87.jpg" alt="" title="Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/qh/lgpj3gwkxz87.jpg">
</b>I am all about the free wallpapers lol. I cant get a screenshot bc it unlocks it, but I have a sky of puffy clouds for my lockscreen.</div>

AlohaKumu · June 2017

Are you benched or TTA? Benched

What brings you here? Azoo

How long do you think you'll be here? I'm supposed to start BC next month so they can time my August cycle for retrieval

How have things been going? The hubs and I just returned from a trip to see his family. I lurked around a few times while on the trip, but I'm back to play. (I also sort of needed a break since the wait has seemed so long.) I'm going to write to the doc today to see what follow-up appointments we should schedule before we get everything going for IVF.

Any R/R/CS/Q? It was so nice to be able to have some Olive Garden salad and breadsticks

GTKY: What picture is on the lock screen/background screen of your phone? I have cute photos of DH and me for both screens.

[Deleted User] · June 2017

Omg @AlohaKumu So it sounds like our retrievals may end up being pretty close afterall! DH has his in July, so that will be my testing cycle - July/August, and prep for probably my retrieval mid/late August!!! They are still planning on doing the tandem thing, right? Eep! Lol How exciting tho. Glad you had a nice little holiday. ;)

AlohaKumu · June 2017

Yes! We are looking at a dual retrieval in August, @BusinessWife. It sounds like we both have a lot to look forward to over these next two months. Hopefully we can graduate together

[Deleted User] · June 2017

Oh wow! Wouldn't <i>THAT</i> be incredible!!!?!?! I sure hope so! From your lips to GGod's ears, right??? ;) (((hugs)))
*typo

sapphiredays · June 2017

Are you benched or TTA?
TTA (I think? That's what I was told to write by someone in my autoimmune thread)

What brings you here?

Trying to get my autoimmune arthritis under control and go through all the various medication hoops so that it'll be safe to TTC.

How long do you think you'll be here?

Maybe the winter? It really depends on how stable I'm feeling and when I can start TTC and pregnancy acceptable meds.

How have things been going?

So much better! I want to thank everyone for being patient and helpful with my separate post about autoimmune illnesses while TTC. I was really struggling at that point to figure out a plan and what was needed, etc and was pretty lost. I've found a new rhuemotologist who is actually helpful and together we have a tentative medication plan for TTC. I've also been able to do some more research etc. I don't have a referral to an mfm yet but I know that there is one here and for sure my psychiatrist said she'd refer me down the road. So that's encouraging. Much more relaxed and now just impatient haha.

Any R/R/CS/Q?

Starting to chart to make sure I'm ovulating and all that fun stuff. Is it strange to ovulate on cd10? That seems early.I'm not sure yet if that actually happened since I'm still only at cd15 and my chart is confusing. I'm mostly chalking the confusing chart up to the fact that it's my first month and I probably did it wrong.

GTKY: What picture is on the lock screen/background screen of your phone?
My favourite photo of my husband and I on our wedding day.

[Deleted User] · June 2017

@sapphiredays. Welcome again! TTC is long and confusing enough for a lot of us without having to throw another health factor into the mix - but kudos to you for reaching out - both to us and to your healthcare professionals, to start to find the answers and support youre probably goong to need throughout this process... ;) I havent looked yet if you have posted your chart in the CS (chart stalk) thread? CD10 could be a little early, but it's possible.... or it's possible you're still getting the hang of it, like you said. :) but either way that's a great place to post it and get more visibility. Sorry you have to be benched/tta but glad you are taking these positive steps!!! We have been benched since we got our dx in sept/october so I mean that's like 10 months by the time DH has his procedure? A year or so from dx to transfer? It really doesn't feel that long tho in a way. Hang in there and you'll be ready to start before you know it! ❤

@Alohakumu. When did you guys get you dx again? How long will you have been benched by the time you have retrieval? How the heck did we get to be such lil rockstar soldiers??? :D

AlohaKumu · June 2017

Welcome, @sapphiredays. I'm sorry you find yourself here, but that's fantastic that you've found a good rheumatologist. CD10 does seem to be early for O, but you'll find women on here with all sorts of cycles. As @BusinessWife mentioned, sharing your chart on the chart stalk thread could be helpful for more eyes.

@BusinessWife -- we've been TTC since June 2016 and we learned about the azoo in Dec. (We got a more specific diagnosis in March.) It was sort of a fluke that we got DH tested, but I'm very thankful that we did! It will be a little more than a year when we go for our retrieval, but it will be well worth the wait if all goes as planned. Hopefully we will be rockstar unicorns. Ha ha!

sapphiredays · June 2017

thanks! I will post my chart in chart stall next month or the month after if it I'm still confused. I'm pretty sure the only thing wrong st the moment is human error. I've been stalking the chart stalking thread and it's very informative.

[Deleted User] · June 2017

@AlohaKumu omg June-Dec 16 is so quick to have gotten a dx!! We had been trying since June '15... :/
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/md/qa9qle68sxj8.gif" alt="">

AlohaKumu · June 2017

@BusinessWife -- I cannot imagine what it was like to have to wait so long to find a clear diagnosis. It is so unfair that it took as much time as it did for you and your DH, and that we all have to be benched until the retrieval attempts. All of IF is so unfair. I'm thankful that I don't have to be alone in this process, though, since I don't know how I could get through it without great people like you.

[Deleted User] · June 2017

Omg and it was SO. Devastating. Like who even knew that was a thing! I felt so alone. But luckily my bump family caught me... the thing is too, we were trying from June 15-March 16 was when we went in to ask the doctor I think. Feb/March. But that's how long it took him to order the SA, like <i><b>September</b></i>. :/ We are not at that clinic anymore! :D It takes what it takes I guess, all water under the brudge now, and who knows why the timing maybe had to work out the way it did, but it will all be worth it in the end when we get our LO + frosties!!! Fx (((hugs))) @AlohaKumu

sapphiredays · June 2017

I hope this isn't insensitive but since I'm new and learning about all of the *wonderful* issues that can spring up while TTC.....what were you/your dh diagnosed with @A@AlohaKumu @BusinessWife? If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, no need to respond. I just have no idea why azoo is....

[Deleted User] · June 2017

It's okay. @sapphiredays. It took a long time for me to be able to talk about it AT ALL on TTGP, but @Alohakumu helped get me out of that shell a bit. ;)

Generally speaking, azoospermia means there is no sperm found in the ejaculate. Not like typical mfi where you're talking about counts or morph, motility, volume etc. Our H's counts were just zero. :/ Naturally there can be all sorts of reasons for that which may take a bit of time for the doctors to unpack. But we are both hoping they find sperm when they go in to attempt a sperm retrieval, similar to an egg retrieval for women, but with sperm instead! Pretty cool, huh? Then if they find sperm they can use ICSI to fertilize eggs and I suppose either do fresh or frozen transfer? But we are planning for frozen with PGS.

@Alohakumu and my retrivals are a little different too, bc for us they will try DH first, freeze what they find, then proceed with my egg retrieval. The doctors are timing hers to do at the same time as her H! Amazing right? Are they talking about fresh transfer at all for you? Or just frozen+PGS?? @AlohaKumu?

Does that help answer some of your questions? @sapphiredays ETA of course rheres a lot more that goes into it when you start looking for a differential diagnosis, but that's what you're dealing with generally speaking when you talk about azoo.

sapphiredays · June 2017

@BusinessWife thank you for that great explanation! I had tried googling azoo but had no luck. Now that I actually know the full word/issue I can look it up more if I have more questions. It's amazing what modern science can do. I hope both of your retrievals go well!

AlohaKumu · June 2017

@sapphiredays -- @BusinessWife did a great job of explaining azoospermia and IVF w/ICSI. As much as I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I'm glad that there's someone else dealing with azoo, since male-factor infertility isn't as common, at least for those sharing on the boards. I also hope that if someone finds themselves with the same condition, they can look back at our conversations and learn.

In our case, the doctors discovered a Y chromosome microdeletion--something I had 0 knowledge of prior to TTC. There are three kinds of this microdeletion: AZFa, AZFb, and AZFc. My DH has the "good" kind: AZFc. There's a 40-80% success rate of finding sperm using a micro-extraction (m-TESE) process, depending on which studies you read. (With AZFa, your chances are 0 and for AZFb, it's also extremely low.)

As @BusinessWife said, we are doing a dual retrieval, since our doc is pretty confident that we will find at least a few sperm to work with. (Also, because our doctors have a limited window to use the facilities at the fertility institute, they opt to do a dual retrieval.) If all goes well, we'll get plenty of eggs and sperm to work with on the same day, and they'll inject the sperm into the eggs. They'll wait for 5 days to let the embryos "hatch."

After that, the medical team will do a biopsy of each embryo for PGS testing, which we have been encouraged to do with DH's condition. That means we will have to freeze all the viable embryos while the testing is done. If all goes as planned, we'll take the best embryo, thaw it, and implant it in September.

Science is totally amazing and I'm thankful that it has progressed to the point where we have a chance of a successful pregnancy, since even 10 years ago, these procedures were extremely rare. A zero count can be scary, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of the road.

[Deleted User] · June 2017

You know what's so crazy about ours too is - I mean again, not that it's a pain olympics at all cos it all pretty much sucks all around, but after all that testing, we still don't even have a good explaination.

He had one side undescended from birth, but it was brought down as an baby and that alone is not usually the hugest deal - that's why men have TWO! lol. He had inguinal hernia repairs so we thought maybe scar tissue? But no, turns out he may have been born <i>missing</i> one or both vas deferens tubes. Okay, we're maybe getting warmer.... so they test for known issues with the cystic fibrosis genes bc apparently there are certain markers that are known to cause congenitally absent tubes in men, if they are CF carriers. He's not tho. And he had the y-chromosome test come back normal. But his FSH is borderline high? Clomid sent it through the roof tho, along with his T which was not actually clinically low to begin with either, so idk.

I am hoping his doctor will be able to give us a clearer picture/cause of his azoo after his procedure - but of course, on some level it wont even matter so long as we find sperm! Lol. :D However, if there <i>were</i> a known genetic cause and you could try to prevent that, of course that's different. But just when I start to wish I had an answer, then I wonder if maybe it's better not to know? Cos as far as I'm concerned, there's "nothing wrong" with him... we just need tese and icsi to make our babies! :#

It definitely took us a while to get here though because our Church is against it... so idk. For us I think the right thing to do is to just try and use the technology available to conceive our own biological children. If it were to come to a donor situation.... which I hope and pray it doesn't, because I really don't know what we would do. :/ Not only was it a huge blow to his ego at first, (and probably still is he just doesn't talk about it as much), but I just am not sure he could be okay in his heart with that, and I couldn't push him on it either if I knew he was even the slightest bit not okay... hopefully we don't have to cross that bridge tho ;)

sapphiredays · June 2017

@BusinessWife is your church against a donor? (Assuming you and DH wanted to go that route, which I can imagine would be hard to accept).

[Deleted User] · June 2017

@sapphiredays Tha Catholic Church is "officially" against <i>any</i> form of ART. Any form of conception outside of the married coital act. Not that there aren't plenty of Catholics who end up doing IVF anyway, but I do still feel a little bit badly that the Church wouldn't necessarily support our decision, bit it is what it is I guess.

If there were nothing they could do to surgically repair his tubes (which we will also look into whether that's a possibility during his procedure, but it's unlikely to be a real option for us), then the next/ only other church-sanctioned step would be adoption. That's it.

**TW** possibly offensive religious pov

<div class=" Spoiler">I think they are even moreso against donor ART in part bc of the "identity confusion" it can create. Like if you are adopted, you're adopted pretty straightforward. But if your mommy is your mommy and she carried you in her womb, and your daddy is your daddy and he loves you and mommy so so much, but he's not <i>actually</i> your biological parent, ...or say in a known donor situation where your uncle's your father etc... Obviously there are all kinds of families nowadays by all kinds of means, so by no means am I now or would I <i>ever</i> personally judge or criticise <i>any</i> TTC choice any family makes AT ALL for any reason.</div>
But the fact is that the Church's official stance is to collectively run screaming at that whole can of worms. To put it mildly. Admittedly a gross oversimplification, but short answer, no. The Church does not support the use of donor genetic material. I think @AlohaKumu has discussed it with her H and perhaps they are more open to it as a couple?? Which is great! Fx its totally unecessary tho and completely moot after an amazing retrieval!!! :D

One other loophole I had kind of thought of might actually sooner be the snowflake adoption. It's still ART and the product of ivf, but I feel like it's maybe less problematic in a way because you are in fact still <i>adopting</i> a precious little life, plus I would get to have the whole pregnancy experience, but it's still neither of our biologically? so we'd be in the same boat at least that way... who knows. Idk

sapphiredays · June 2017

@BusinessWife I'm feeling bad that all my questions end up with you writing a novel to answer! But thanks for all the information. I only know of catholic views on a preliminary level but definitely not as deep as their views in art. I'm also Christian (but not catholic) and can sympathize with the challenges of trying to navigate between the churches views and what's actually occurring in your life. For us ***tw (abortion and mc), it would be very challenging if I was to accidentally get ku due to my current medication (methotrexate). Most likely it would result in mc but if it didn't....it wouldn't be good news for that baby and a medical abortion would be recommended and the best option. It's not something we'd want and would be heartbreaking. My Dh and I know the right choice in that case but I don't know how much support or compassion we would have at church. End tw***

Im happy you and your dh have determined what is right for you.

chellisam · June 2017

Are you benched or TTA? Benched.

Trigger warning, possibly? Or possibly a sensitive subject for some.

What brings you here? First bipolar episode (mania) that landed me in the hospital. DH and I are trying to TTC as safely as possible considering the severity of my illness, so my perinatal psychiatrist has benched us until I have some stability under my belt again. We're trying to ensure I can go an entire trimester without ECT, as it's done the bulk of the work in keeping me stable for the last two years.

How long do you think you'll be here? Probably between 4-6 months.

How have things been going? Started temping again and mostly trying to not rush things, but otherwise good. Finally going back to work today after a 4-week FMLA. I'm a little nervous going back, as stress at work is what triggered my episode. But I have a lot of awesome, understanding, caring coworkers who are some of my best friends, and who have been nothing but supportive during my leave...and will help me through adjusting back to work. DH is excited that I'm temping. Every morning when we get up, he asks if I remembered to temp. I'm excited that he's excited about TTC.

Any R/R/CS/Q? Rant: There's this tiny puppy in our building...it yelps and barks at all hours of the night and during the day, which of course gets my dog barking. It honestly sounds like the owner is hitting it. I have no proof, but it seriously makes me concerned. Maybe I'm biased since the guy is a jackass to begin with.

GTKY: What picture is on the lock screen/background screen of your phone? Blue/teal swirlies that when I put my finger on the screen they move.

AlohaKumu · June 2017

@BusinessWife -- I hope they are able to give you more information after your DH's procedure. Sometimes just knowing--even if there isn't anything that can be done about a diagnosis--can be comforting. (Like when I was diagnosed with nerve damage in my foot: it didn't make the pain go away, but I was happy to know why I was feeling pain when there was clearly not a new injury.) But no matter what, hopefully they can get oodles of sperm during your DH's extraction! Having grown up Catholic, I know the challenges for what interpretations/guidance the Church provides versus the difficult choices we find ourselves making in this process. There are no easy answers, but I feel like some of the mandates really miss the boat on the message of love, understanding, and compassion. Funny side story-- as a small child, I distinctly remember seeing my mom take a pill and I asked her what it was for. She explained that they were birth control pills, which I had heard about in the Church sermons and I knew she "shouldn't" be taking them. She told me that unless the Pope was going to come pay for all her kids, she felt it was more ethically/morally responsible to take the Pill. My mom is suuuper religious, so as an adult, I'm really proud that she did what she felt was the best choice.

@sapphiredays -- your situation is precisely why I have a problem with "black and white" judgments about abortion. For so many, the assumption is that the abortion is simply due to sloppy/unused contraception and medical factors are simply swept under the rug. (tw* abortion) I read the most beautiful, heart-wrenching piece by a couple who had to have an abortion at 20 weeks after struggling with IF, as their unborn child was found to have a condition that would spell death for both the mom and the baby. They wanted a child so, so badly, but it simply didn't make sense for both to die of sepsis. (*end tw) I can imagine that it's quite challenging to navigate the medical realm in your case and I look forward to hearing more about your progress!

@chellisam -- I hope all goes well for you during your return to work. You are welcome here during your journey. That's fantastic that your DH is excited about the TTC process! I wish you two all the best as you work with your psychiatrist and prepare for a BFP.

sapphiredays · June 2017

@chellisam I wish you luck returning to work. I'm really happy to hear that your coworkers are supportive. I'm bipolar type 2 so while I haven't personally experienced a major manic episode, I know how challenging it can be to navigate regular life with mental health issues. I don't know of anyone personally who uses ect as a treatment so find it really interesting that it has been so effective for you. That's fantastic to hear!

@AlohaKumu thank you for the understanding. It's a hard topic to even think about. I'll be going off that specific medication in the fall (ish?) so it's not that far from now. I'm lucky that my husband and I are in agreement. I have a friend who married a Scientologist (do not like him at all) and she basically spends the whole time praying her kids don't need major major intervention or psychiatric services before they are of legal age. It sounds horrible.
It seems so crazy to me how life throws stuff at you to make you rethink everything though. Just when you thought you had a definite opinion on something, you get blindsided. I had previously always thought that abortions were black or white for me (note: zero issue with them legally or politically since I don't have the right to make that choice for others. My belief was just for my own self). And then I get put on this medication and realize that things really aren't that simple. I guess it's the "joys" of getting older and hopefully wiser (ha!).

[Deleted User] · June 2017

@sapphiredays so much of what you said, you could have taken the words right out of my mouth!

@chellisam Thanks for jumping in, and Welcome! GL returning to work - I can see how that could be stressful, but supportive co-workers can make all the difference! ;)

m6agua · June 2017

*lurking*

Thank you @BusinessWife & @AlohaKumu for your explanations of your dx. I have been lurking a bit lately and was also wondering what everything meant. It is so interesting and I am amazed at the things we can do now a days! FX everything goes well for both of you! @BusinessWife I don't know how much you remember me but I am rooting for you and your DHs sperm!

[Deleted User] · June 2017

Of course I remember you @m6agua !!! I miss you! ❤❤❤

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