Our last after dark got very interesting... let's try this again! Here we can discuss all things sexy time. Let's be honest, it isn't always super glorious, even not pregnant! Sometimes it's just nice to have a place to discuss all the adult things.
Confession- the other morning DH wanted to do it, but I was feeling too pregnant so instead he got a handy. #sorrynotsorry
Sex has been painful since the moment we conceived. I was looking at my period tracking app that I used to take notes in and it seems like that was the first symptom I had after we conceived. So hubby has got a lot of handies these last few months. Sex just feels uncomfortable these days and with nausea I can't imagine putting anything in my mouth. My poor hubby! =/
You're a nicer woman than I am. He'd have been on his own.
I never got ANY of the magical second trimester stuff. No libido increase, no energy increase...
I had myself a proper meltdown last weekend about sex. How I have no drive, but I still want to feel wanted, like I'm an autonomous human that still gets H fired up. But I'm self conscious about my body. And also trying to be understanding that what H wants / how he sees me is valid and I don't want him to force anything. So complicated.
I will say... I start out drier than I used to, but it gets messy once I'm into it.
We used to do it pretty often pre pregnancy (maybe 4-5 nights a week) but this is also our first kid so we had a fair amount of free time at night...In the beginning it slowed down and now that my sex drive is back in full force it's like pulling teeth trying to get him to do it. It's driving me NUTS.
@jena333-2 I've had the dry problem since DS, but it seems like if DH gets handsy and let's me finish first it's waaaaay better. Also, I'm very self conscious about this giant belly as well, but I feel a lot better if we spoon or do doggy, or anything from behind/side lying ish. I also have the meltdowns. But I have to remind myself that we love each other and it's not fair for me to always only get it when I want it, which is half as often as he wants it, so half the time he's shot down and that's gotta suck.... I went through a brief horny phase where we did it a lot and it would suck if he didn't want to.... And the handy the other morning was fairly fast, so that helped!
BIL refused to have sex with SIL the entire time she was pregnant. It just weirded him out too much. I think that would kill me.
Nope. Not sure how that would even work. 9 months, plus the 3 for recovery. Nope. Bless their hearts.
My sister was on pelvic rest for her first two trimesters, didn't want to have sex in the third, and then had a lot of issues postpartum so they didn't have sex for like.... a year or more..... like..... whoa...
Not to be an AW, but our sex life has not suffered, but we've been just doing a lot of doggy style and shower sex that is less personal.
Last night tho idk what got into this man but it was amazing. He went down on me for the 1st time this whole pregnancy...and um I am very au naturale down there. He also just really took his time with me before himself, and I came more than twice. We did end with doggy as I have come to really like it again. (I used to love doggy, but started to hurt in the past few years, but I'm digging it again).
I've been on pelvic rest since April 25. I am dying. DH is really, really sweet about it, but I definitely got the magical second tri libido, and it's being completely wasted. If I could, I'd jump him almost daily. I know it's hard for him too, but he never complains, and he hasn't asked for help (even though I've given it a few times), because he knows it would just put me in the mood, and that doesn't help me. He still kisses and snuggles me all the time, and tells me how beautiful and sexy I am, which is still really nice to hear, and I think will be good for our relationship postpartum since it makes me feel like he really means those things, and isn't just saying them because he wants something. But I really miss sex! I miss the physical part of it, but I also miss being and feeling so close to him. I'm excited for September to get here so we can meet our baby, but I'm almost equally excited for October and (hopefully) a normal sex life.
I am so sorry for anyone who has been on pelvic bed rest. I cant imagine how hard that must be. Maybe the wait and anticipation will make things amazing PP.
Confession- the other morning DH wanted to do it, but I was feeling too pregnant so instead he got a handy. #sorrynotsorry
Handies seem like so much more work. I would rather a BJ or just sex. What am I suppose to look at during a handy? I'm unco-ordinated so if we kiss it's no bueno and staring at myself rub him off...
I've been on pelvic rest since April 25. I am dying. DH is really, really sweet about it, but I definitely got the magical second tri libido, and it's being completely wasted. If I could, I'd jump him almost daily. I know it's hard for him too, but he never complains, and he hasn't asked for help (even though I've given it a few times), because he knows it would just put me in the mood, and that doesn't help me. He still kisses and snuggles me all the time, and tells me how beautiful and sexy I am, which is still really nice to hear, and I think will be good for our relationship postpartum since it makes me feel like he really means those things, and isn't just saying them because he wants something. But I really miss sex! I miss the physical part of it, but I also miss being and feeling so close to him. I'm excited for September to get here so we can meet our baby, but I'm almost equally excited for October and (hopefully) a normal sex life.
This exactly! I've been on pelvic rest since April 6 and it's totally killing me. I've actually had an increased libido the entire time I've been pregnant (very lucky to have a really easy first trimester), but I can't take advantage of it anymore. Very similar situation with my husband - he never asks for any help, and I have given it a few times, but he feels bad that he can't do anything in return. We are still very close and snuggle a lot, but I definitely wish we could do a lot more than that.
Confession- the other morning DH wanted to do it, but I was feeling too pregnant so instead he got a handy. #sorrynotsorry
Handies seem like so much more work. I would rather a BJ or just sex. What am I suppose to look at during a handy? I'm unco-ordinated so if we kiss it's no bueno and staring at myself rub him off...
this literally made me laugh out loud!! Haha!! Blowies are WAY more work for us.. they just take longer and he says sometimes he just can't finish because he says he feels really bad...... lmao. So handies are faster. But man I got the hand cramps haha
I am so sorry to everyone on pelvic rest. That sounds awful.
I never got the energy or libido increase in the second tri. I try to keep up a normal routine with sex, but it's hard because I have so little interest most of the time. Once we get started, I get really into it, but most of the time, I'd rather just sleep. DH has been really great about it. Just tells me how sexy I am and that there is no pressure.
Confession- the other morning DH wanted to do it, but I was feeling too pregnant so instead he got a handy. #sorrynotsorry
Handies seem like so much more work. I would rather a BJ or just sex. What am I suppose to look at during a handy? I'm unco-ordinated so if we kiss it's no bueno and staring at myself rub him off...
I used to feel this way until we started playing with coconut oil. I actually really like giving hubby handies. They're fun for both of us.
Confession- the other morning DH wanted to do it, but I was feeling too pregnant so instead he got a handy. #sorrynotsorry
Handies seem like so much more work. I would rather a BJ or just sex. What am I suppose to look at during a handy? I'm unco-ordinated so if we kiss it's no bueno and staring at myself rub him off...
I used to feel this way until we started playing with coconut oil. I actually really like giving hubby handies. They're fun for both of us.
I'm afraid I need more details... that sounds super interesting!!! Explain please!!!!
My libido has been really high in second trimester and I've been trying to take advantage of it, but my H isn't as interested as frequently as me. He hasn't said it, but the belly is making positions difficult, so I've been trying to be creative. Last pregnancy I was on complete pelvic rest 2nd-3rd tri and I had to wait a while due to complications after delivery. It was incredibly frustrating at times, but we tried to keep up some level of regular romantic intimacy, even if it was just kissing and cuddling.
My sex drive is almost what it is pre-pregnancy, so pretty high. DH will do it maybe every 2 weeks or so.. and I constantly give sad faces when he turns away from me feeling him up. It also sucks because we're not doing it so often, he is a lot more.. easy? And I'm a lot tighter? So he comes way too quickly. I just look at him like really?? We've had good sex this pregnancy with him going down on me and stuff.. I just wish he was in the mood more. But he never had a high drive to begin with.
+1 to coconut oil.. or some kind of lube for handies. I feel like it's more fun and not as much work that way! Plus he says it feels better than dry skin- dry skin.
Me: 27 years old DH: 27 years old Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
Married in July 2014
TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
BFP #1 3/29/16 MMC: 5/5/16 BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16 BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17 My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: Juicebox Podcast Episode 118 A1Cs: 1/12/16 6.7% 5/25/16 6.0% 11/2/16 6.1% 3/22/16 5.8% 4/27/17 5.4% 6/13/17 5.3% "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
@wyomama0427 My husband said before me he never got a good handy. A few years ago we started using coconut oil as lube, works better than any lube I've ever tried (apparently not everyone loves it... but we do), so you just put some on your hands and you let your hands slide around. Now when I give handies I feel like this: SATC - root chakra episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhgIWajuCjk
@mrs_tacos Will be be able to resume sex that quick? My OB office recommends nothing in that region for 6-8 weeks PP.
On the topic of coconut oil, make sure your SO won't react poorly to it before going all out with the handy. Because the skin is thinner / more sensitive in that region, they may react differently to it there than if it was applied to the hands or arms. That is an EMS call don't nobody want to see.
Our sex life has stayed fairly regular. DH has overcome his whole weirdness about pregnant sex. I used to be the initiator when it came to sex, but lately it has been all him. He is adorable. DH will start playing with the baby belly (aka trying to annoy the baby because he thinks it's funny to watch my belly morph when she moves about and kicks). Then he gets all sentimental and will kiss the belly and move on to more romantic things.
@JNR6510 it depends a lot on vaginal vs cesarean birth. Cesareans some times get clearance as soon as 2 weeks. Vaginal usually is cleared by 6, but the amount of tearing can extend things. They will also want to get your birth control set up before then.
My drive has gone way up in the past month or 2, but we have been traveling for about 3 weeks. Two together, and the past week, just me and DD. Sharing a hotel room with a 14 month old for 2 weeks doesn't allow much time for sex. I am entering that awkward phase where it is tough to move around and hard to be on my back for too long. I think we need to get more creative.
For those questioning how fast you can go back at it, I will just throw my experience out there. I had second degree tears. Not horrible. I tore front and back, but I had a lot of pressure pain for a while. It would hurt anytime I needed to *ahem* poop. Anyway, I got cleared at my first PP appointment, but it took a while still before I could actually enjoy sex.
It was.....awhile.....after DD before we could even have sex, and even longer before I could enjoy it. I got cleared at the 8 week appt (or whenever the standard is). But if you are nursing, it is SUPER dry down there. After multiple failed attempts, I went back to the doctor to get a prescription for my horrid hemmhorids (that ended up being fissures....ouch....) and Estrogen cream.
Turns out, when my vagina was healing, it was almost like a rubber band around the outside that basically tightened the skin just way too much - you may have something similar with other scars or mole removals.
So, basically, it may be longer than the 6-8 weeks, but I would absolutely encourage anyone with issues to go to the doctor sooner than I did.
I was told 6 weeks PP and got cleared at my post appt. we tried it right after. Definitely hurt the next few times but then I was good.
with my 1st we did for sure weekly or more up until 38 weeks then DH thought my water would break lol This time I'm just more tired. I'm always on top but probably will have to switch to side soon for some of it which isn't my favorite but it's getting harder for me to be on top as in I can't really lean forward as much.
Define sex. Jk we barely do it anymore. I'm only into it once DH is already asleep and he's been weird about it ever since he got kicked a few weeks ago. Being on my back gives me heartburn. Being on top makes me too tired to enjoy it. Doggy is good but it gets dry quickly sometimes which is not good. Pregnancy is a wonderful experience right? Lol
Pre pregnancy we were doing it about 2 times a day. So far this pregnancy I have had no issues so we have sex damn near every day. My DH does not get fazed by pregnancy at all. The only thing he has said is he misses being able to "throw me around". Mind you he is still capable but I am way too self conscious for all that. Lol He is a God when it comes to going down on me and loves doing it so that happens pretty much daily with the sex.
Define sex. Jk we barely do it anymore. I'm only into it once DH is already asleep and he's been weird about it ever since he got kicked a few weeks ago. Being on my back gives me heartburn. Being on top makes me too tired to enjoy it. Doggy is good but it gets dry quickly sometimes which is not good. Pregnancy is a wonderful experience right? Lol
Haha I feel this. The stupidest things turn me on, like when we are both almost asleep and he's innocently resting his hand on my hip or something. And I'm like ugh. Do I want to wake him up? Should I just go to sleep? Is he picking up the horny vibes I'm sending out? Will it be too much work to let him know I'm feeling it without ruining the mood? And then I just go to sleep. Lol
First trimester I was legit vomiting all the time so we never got to have sex. Since then I've been on pelvic rest/ limited activity and we aren't allowed. I'm dying, my sex drive sky rocketed over the whole second trimester but I'm just not allowed and I rather have a healthy LO. Does anyone have any advice for getting back into things after this long after the baby comes? We use to have sex about every day. I'm so worried it's just going to be weird once we can again.
Define sex. Jk we barely do it anymore. I'm only into it once DH is already asleep and he's been weird about it ever since he got kicked a few weeks ago. Being on my back gives me heartburn. Being on top makes me too tired to enjoy it. Doggy is good but it gets dry quickly sometimes which is not good. Pregnancy is a wonderful experience right? Lol
Haha I feel this. The stupidest things turn me on, like when we are both almost asleep and he's innocently resting his hand on my hip or something. And I'm like ugh. Do I want to wake him up? Should I just go to sleep? Is he picking up the horny vibes I'm sending out? Will it be too much work to let him know I'm feeling it without ruining the mood? And then I just go to sleep. Lol
I found out the hard way DH is NOT a fan of being woken up on a work night for sex lol me poking him: want to have sex? Him groggily: now?! me: ...um...yes? Him: gawd no *resumes snoring* me: well I guess that settles that lol
@JNR6510 My doctor says 6 week for a normal vaginal birth, even one with some mild to moderate tearing, and I'm due early in the month. So if I give birth at 40 weeks, that's the second full week of September, and would put my six weeks somewhere between October 22nd and 28th.
My OB told me several of his patients have come in at their 6 week post partum appt and find out they're pregnant again! I waited the six weeks for sure then was cleared but it hurt the first few times. Second degree tears here too
DH delivered tonight As @tfrangul put it.. DH is a God at going down I'm a happy camper! With lots of contractions good lord. I won't miss those after orgasms.
Me: 27 years old DH: 27 years old Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
Married in July 2014
TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
BFP #1 3/29/16 MMC: 5/5/16 BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16 BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17 My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: Juicebox Podcast Episode 118 A1Cs: 1/12/16 6.7% 5/25/16 6.0% 11/2/16 6.1% 3/22/16 5.8% 4/27/17 5.4% 6/13/17 5.3% "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
I think I'm broken. FI is amazing at going down but I still dislike it and it takes me forever to get comfortable then I just feel bad. Shower Bjs have become our favourite thing.
Re: After Dark...Take Two!
#sorrynotsorry
At least you still helped. I had a day like that not too long ago, and I pretended I was already asleep. #alsonotsorry
I never got ANY of the magical second trimester stuff. No libido increase, no energy increase...
I had myself a proper meltdown last weekend about sex. How I have no drive, but I still want to feel wanted, like I'm an autonomous human that still gets H fired up. But I'm self conscious about my body. And also trying to be understanding that what H wants / how he sees me is valid and I don't want him to force anything. So complicated.
I will say... I start out drier than I used to, but it gets messy once I'm into it.
Nope. Not sure how that would even work. 9 months, plus the 3 for recovery. Nope. Bless their hearts.
Last night tho idk what got into this man but it was amazing. He went down on me for the 1st time this whole pregnancy...and um I am very au naturale down there. He also just really took his time with me before himself, and I came more than twice. We did end with doggy as I have come to really like it again. (I used to love doggy, but started to hurt in the past few years, but I'm digging it again).
DS #1 [S-5]
3 Step Daughters [A-8] [E-6] [I-4]
Baby #2 09/10/2017
It's a BOY!
Babywearer&EBF
I never got the energy or libido increase in the second tri. I try to keep up a normal routine with sex, but it's hard because I have so little interest most of the time. Once we get started, I get really into it, but most of the time, I'd rather just sleep. DH has been really great about it. Just tells me how sexy I am and that there is no pressure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
+1 to coconut oil.. or some kind of lube for handies. I feel like it's more fun and not as much work that way! Plus he says it feels better than dry skin- dry skin.
Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16
BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17
My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast:
Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
A1Cs:
1/12/16 6.7%
5/25/16 6.0%
11/2/16 6.1%
3/22/16 5.8%
4/27/17 5.4%
6/13/17 5.3%
"Sugar Fancy Tutu"
SATC - root chakra episode
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhgIWajuCjk
Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16
BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17
My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast:
Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
A1Cs:
1/12/16 6.7%
5/25/16 6.0%
11/2/16 6.1%
3/22/16 5.8%
4/27/17 5.4%
6/13/17 5.3%
"Sugar Fancy Tutu"
On the topic of coconut oil, make sure your SO won't react poorly to it before going all out with the handy. Because the skin is thinner / more sensitive in that region, they may react differently to it there than if it was applied to the hands or arms. That is an EMS call don't nobody want to see.
Our sex life has stayed fairly regular. DH has overcome his whole weirdness about pregnant sex. I used to be the initiator when it came to sex, but lately it has been all him. He is adorable. DH will start playing with the baby belly (aka trying to annoy the baby because he thinks it's funny to watch my belly morph when she moves about and kicks). Then he gets all sentimental and will kiss the belly and move on to more romantic things.
DS #1 [S-5]
3 Step Daughters [A-8] [E-6] [I-4]
Baby #2 09/10/2017
It's a BOY!
Babywearer&EBF
Turns out, when my vagina was healing, it was almost like a rubber band around the outside that basically tightened the skin just way too much - you may have something similar with other scars or mole removals.
So, basically, it may be longer than the 6-8 weeks, but I would absolutely encourage anyone with issues to go to the doctor sooner than I did.
with my 1st we did for sure weekly or more up until 38 weeks then DH thought my water would break lol This time I'm just more tired. I'm always on top but probably will have to switch to side soon for some of it which isn't my favorite but it's getting harder for me to be on top as in I can't really lean forward as much.
me poking him: want to have sex?
Him groggily: now?!
me: ...um...yes?
Him: gawd no *resumes snoring*
me: well I guess that settles that lol
With lots of contractions good lord. I won't miss those after orgasms.
Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16
BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17
My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast:
Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
A1Cs:
1/12/16 6.7%
5/25/16 6.0%
11/2/16 6.1%
3/22/16 5.8%
4/27/17 5.4%
6/13/17 5.3%
"Sugar Fancy Tutu"
DS #1 [S-5]
3 Step Daughters [A-8] [E-6] [I-4]
Baby #2 09/10/2017
It's a BOY!
Babywearer&EBF