Mental Health Check In May 16th — The Bump
July 2017 Moms

Mental Health Check In May 16th

A board to discuss and post about anything mental health related that you are dealing with. 
Hubby and Me
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
DS born: July 8th, 2017
Baby #2 Due: July 2nd, 2019 
(we clearly have a problem with the month of July)

Re: Mental Health Check In May 16th

  • I started this mostly because I need it, but we haven't had a check in/thread in awhile, so hopefully it can help someone else too. 

    So I've always had depression and anxiety, but even up until about a month ago I was doing pretty well with it, even being pregnant. Something about hitting third tri really messed with my head though, and now I'm really struggling. My hormones have seemed to really go crazy, and it's making me feel crazy! Plus, we have been super busy since May started, and that's always hard on me. I'm super introverted, as is my husband, and spending a ton of time out of the house with other people really isn't our thing. That has gotten worse since getting pregnant because I'm already physically tired. I like to spend a little bit of time with family, but it's just been too many things to do. So I guess I'm mentally run down/exhausted? Plus, the last few days I have been having really crazy, really vivid dreams about people stealing my baby, and they're just bothering me. And I feel mom guilt for feeling so down because I feel like I'm making my baby unhappy, and I don't want him to be unhappy! It just keeps compounding itself. And now I'm having serious back issues. I can't sit up straight for longer than ten minutes without this one part of my back spasming and really aching, and it's making it extremely difficult to drive even to the grocery store. I can do it, but the pain makes me miserable, and I feel like it's making me a distracted driver. So now I feel like my freedom is just cut off, and the  only person who can drive me around is my mom. Whom I have a really weird relationship with, and spending a lot of time with her isn't that great for my mental health. But now I'm stuck having her drive me to the grocery store and she's taking me to my doctor's appointments. Which are two hours away. So I'm having to ride with her in the car alone for 4+ hours, plus have lunch and go to my appointment.... It really bothers me that I can't drive myself. I used to really enjoy going, getting out of the house for a day, and having a nice lunch out, and now I can't enjoy any of that, and I have to deal with my mom for a whole day. Or else I have to deal with extreme back pain that almost has me in tears by the time I get home. I don't even know what to do to make this better. I'm letting the housework slip because I'm so down, and I feel bad about that too, but I can't motivate myself to keep up with it. I was doing really well with it too, and now I feel worse because I'm just slacking off on everything. 

    Anyways, I mostly just needed a place to vent and whine about it. I don't really know if there is anything to do except to finish this pregnancy so my hormones can level off. 

    Speaking of which, have any of you dealt with PPD, and do you have any suggestions as to how to help prevent/mitigate it? I'm assuming I will get it, considering my history and how badly I react to my hormone levels changing. I'm trying to make sure DH understands that I need my space and my time with baby respected (i.e. not too many visitors, and not for too long). He's on board, but I'm not sure he gets how serious it is, and how much it could make a difference in terms of PPD. Or so I've heard anyways. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    DS born: July 8th, 2017
    Baby #2 Due: July 2nd, 2019 
    (we clearly have a problem with the month of July)
  • @kerils I would recommend calling your doctor and discussing your current concerns as well as post partum concerns. Hormones are a force of nature not only during pregnancy, but especially after - and also when you wean!

    cait32
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  • BabyMama4LifeBabyMama4Life
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    member
    edited May 2017
    All of this sounds super normal. I know you mentioned that your Dr. hasn't been much help in the past. Thought about a therapist?  Perhaps one willing to do video sessions?  So good that you are aware of the potential for PPD. Keep looking for resources. 

    Is there anyway your mom would do the grocery shopping alone (tell her you are in too much pain)?  What about grocery delivery services like Safeway or others?

    I know this post is a little older. How are you doing now? @kerils
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    cait32
  • cait32cait32
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    @kerils I know this is a bit old, so like @BabyMama4Life thought I'd check in -- have you seen a chiro about your back issues? I'm seeing one from now until delivery and I have friends for whom it has worked wonders--especially if you're having back issues/spasms. Just a thought. Another thing that may/may not help re: PPD. One of the doulas I interviewed said that the best thing to do for PPD is to take time before baby comes to make a PPD plan. I know you've really focused on making lists etc throughout this pregnancy, and this could be similar. Resources/things that might help you, such as post-partum mom groups (my birthing center has a monthly meeting where you can share all your stuff), therapists/counselors phone numbers, a plan for getting out of the house (IF it helps), books to read, etc. It might sound a little silly but it made a lot of sense to me, because I was telling the doula I was afraid of PPD but didn't know what to do about it right NOW. She said even just a short list of things to try/resources, etc will help me 1) feel more prepared and 2) not be totally overwhelmed trying to find resources while in the thick of PPD, if that makes sense.
    [spoiler]
    DSS 03/2006
    DD 07/2017
    DS EDD: 1/30/19
    [/spoiler]
    BabyMama4Lifeljd2010
  • @kerils I hope you are in a better space now but also wanted to add some words of support.  
    It sounds like a lot of your current issues are stemming from your back pain so I would really be working to get that as under control as possible.  Whether that is baths, chiropractor, back rubs from your hubby. Swimming and yoga can also really help, even walking if toy are able. 
    This is also worth raising with your doctor - are there any painkillers you can take that would help? 

    I know how you feel re housework! I feel terrible for not pulling my weight my partner is doing almost all of the cooking and housework!  I have agonizing cervix pain when I stand or walk and my back is playing up too. Hoping it will improve when I finish up work at the end of next week - I'm planning to make good use of the crock pot!

    One of the most important things for beating/ dealing with PPD is being aware of the risk and talking about it with people close to you and your doctors. Whatever you do don't feel guilty for the impact that hormones and chemicals are playing on your body! Be kind and gentle on yourself. 
  • For anyone that is concerned about PPD or even 'just' the baby blues, I second @cait32 ; 's suggestion to make a plan and @nellin-2 's suggestion to reach out ahead of time. It can be so much harder to find sources of support and reach out once experiencing those symptoms. If anyone needs ideas of where to look for support, especially in smaller cities without formal PPD groups, maybe we could start a conversation about that. 
    cait32nellin-2
  • Thank you guys for checking in. I'm doing ok, it really depends on the day. I'm much less exhausted from all of our over activity in the beginning of the month, but it's been rainy and cloudy here a lot, which never helps me much. And I've been having anxiety about labor because it's finally real to me that this is happening. I'm still struggling with this back problem, and the chiropractor did not help, but I'm getting better at mentally dealing with it. Funny enough, I feel like I'm finally good at managing pregnancy, but it's basically over! Oh well, maybe the next one will be better. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    DS born: July 8th, 2017
    Baby #2 Due: July 2nd, 2019 
    (we clearly have a problem with the month of July)
    nellin-2
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