Unpopular Opinion Thursday

peachy13 · June 2017

rainbowdashh · June 2017

I do not like Game of Thrones. Everyone I know thinks I'm nuts.

collectiveliving · June 2017

@rainbowdashh, I haven't event watched it! I walked in on a collectivemate watching a really brutal scene, and decided I just didn't want to get into it.

I have friends who are such big fans, but I just couldn't.

MJDsquared · June 2017

@rainbowdashh DH and I decided we'd start watching it because of all the hype. We literally got like 10 seconds in to the first episode and it was horses galloping in the snow and we just looked at each other and were like, "Nope." Hahaha.

kyrwyn · June 2017

My UO is that I hate the idea of my parents (and all the other grandparents) camped in the hospital waiting room, ready to descend on us the moment that some nurse or DH tells them the baby's here. This kid will have 8 grandparents, thanks to divorce and remarriage, all within driving range of the hospital where he'll be born. The last thing I want to worry about/think about/know about is 8 people waiting on my ability to push out a kid, or trying to get in between our "golden hour" bonding time, or being disappointed because all I (or the kid) want to do is sleep by the time Gpa and Gma are let in to visit.

If this works for you/your family: awesome. (And I'm a bit jealous). My family is dysfunctional in a bunch of ways that doesn't make me want them right down the hall when I feel physically vulnerable.

jlemons-2 · June 2017

I know it's supposed to be important, but I'm pissed I have to go to this Diabetes Education class when I just had it two years ago and learned nothing!

jlemons-2 · June 2017

@kyrwyn I always feel like this is the first time a parent gets the uncomfortable privilege of advocating for their offspring. Keep it short and sweet. Tell them you will call after baby is born and let them know when to come up. Luckily, if they show up anyway, you can just shut off your phone because the ward is secured!

kyrwyn · June 2017

@jlemons-2 Thank you for the well-worded advice! And good luck with your education class. It sounds frustrating to have to repeat an unhelpful experience.

Tennis11785 · June 2017

@kyrwyn I'm with you. Plus, I'm concerned I'll "feel bad" making everyone wait while I'm in labor. I know its a crazy thing to be worried about, but I hate feeling like I've inconvenienced people.

My UO is that I've already started wearing maternity pants and idgaf. They are a little big, but my other pants are tight and uncomfortable. I'm still fine in my old skirts, it's just pants. So whatever. Give me all the elastic waistbands.

AMCsquared · June 2017

OMG yessss. I soooo fear dh's family pouring in by the dozens at the hospital!

flowerpower5838 · June 2017

kyrwyn I just had to field my mom and MIL and was a little annoyed that DH couldn't be the bad guy and ask that they wait until we at least got settled in the other room!! I would be "forgetting" to tell everyone that you went into labor and calling them when you're ready for visitors haha.

eta: this is NOT an unpopular opinion BTW! There is nothing wrong with wanting to bond with your kiddo before letting the circus roll in.

anewadventure · June 2017

@kyrwyn and anyone else worrying about this...this is the perfect opportunity to practice flexing some muscles that will NEED to be used once LO is here. practice drawing lines and boundaries within your life to define what you find acceptable. do not allow family members to push you in ways you do not like or make you uncomfortable. also make sure you and your H are in good communication and are on a team together.

in this instance, this is an easy place for you to draw the line because wards are secure and visitors are not allowed without your agreement - ESPECIALLY in labor and delivery prior to moving to a mother/baby unit. you can indicate clearly to the nurses what your wishes are. you can tell your family in a kind way what your expectations are and that you will tell them when it is time to come visit. if they show up anyway they won't be able to just come in. and guess what? if they don't listen to you and show up, this is not your problem. this is their problem.

abcola · June 2017

Loving this convo. I have a friend who's FIL complained when her daughter was born that it was 'taking too long' and that 'we've given them enough time'... She was literally being stitched up at the time he said that... She told them not to get to the hospital until after 2, and then they showed up at 10am....
You could also pose it as a hospital policy... make the hospital be the bad guy and say "We had our tour and they said that it is only Mom, Dad and baby until moving up to the room and the Dr. clears us for visitors, It's just hospital policy"...
I know our family will be super excited so depending on the situation we'll try to keep them at home as long as possible before coming to the hospital to visit.

kyrwyn · June 2017

I am stealthily crying at my desk at work because you ladies are so awesome. It feels a lot better to know a) I'm not alone/uncommon in these worries and b) I'm not a horrible mom-to-be for wanting to draw some pretty strict boundaries here. Thank you all for giving your perspective -- it is truly helpful!

MJDsquared · June 2017

Agreed that it's not a UO to not want family hovering around.

My UO is I don't care if my family/DH's family is in the waiting room. They'll just have to be bored out of their minds if I'm in labor forever and ever, and that's their choice! If it gets to be too much, they can leave and come back later. DH's family lives out of state though, so I have no idea what their plan will be. It's supposed to be our year to have Christmas with them, but that's obviously not happening, so we'll see.

Jellybelly119 · June 2017

Another vote for boundaries, even at the risk of offending people. DS was born at noon, and no one actually came to visit until 3-4pm, we only told immediate family, they were super respectful, made short visits, brought food, and did literally everything right...and it was still TOO MUCH. I was exhausted and crying and so pissed that I had to entertain people when I just wanted to bond with DS. This time I'll perhaps let my mom and MIL come extremely briefly on day 1, and not let anyone else until at least the next day. They love us; they'll get over it.

acgonzalez22 · June 2017

I honestly never thought about this nor did I want anyone there but my husband. I also think my situation is different because DH and I live 3-6 hours from any family so we didn't expect anyone to make that drive. My parents were at the hospital but my delivery was super short. After delivery, my family called and made sure it was okay to come and visit and when. I agree with all these ladies that have discussed boundaries.

peachy13 · June 2017

Yikes, yeah I only want family visiting when LO is here and preferably the day after delivery (unless I go in early in the morning, then maybe later that day would be fine). I'm not worried about DH's family since there are already young children/newborns in the fam and no one was pushy. LO is the first baby on my side of the family though, and even though no one is pushy, I might just lay out a plan ahead of time like, DH will text you when we're going to the hospital, then we'll let you know when LO is here, then we'll let you know when it's okay to visit! My mom is pretty good with this sort of thing.

breezybee · June 2017

Yeah, I'm not someone who cares about pissing other people off. Our families will get calls after the babies come, and they can visit then - or better yet, they can visit when we get home! My mom will probably throw a fit, but I'm probably going to have to have a c section, and I'll be in pain and super tired. Plus, we'd really like to spend time with our babies alone before we have to hand
them over to other people. Everyone can wait.
Definitely not an UO.

tmk0325 · June 2017

Definitely not an UO. We told our parents they weren't welcome to come until we told them they could. The way around that is don't even tell them you are in labor, just contact them afterwards and be like your a grandparent!!

I highly recommend having a day just you, dad, and baby before having other people there.

cait5413 · June 2017

kyrwyn said:

My UO is that I hate the idea of my parents (and all the other grandparents) camped in the hospital waiting room, ready to descend on us the moment that some nurse or DH tells them the baby's here. This kid will have 8 grandparents, thanks to divorce and remarriage, all within driving range of the hospital where he'll be born. The last thing I want to worry about/think about/know about is 8 people waiting on my ability to push out a kid, or trying to get in between our "golden hour" bonding time, or being disappointed because all I (or the kid) want to do is sleep by the time Gpa and Gma are let in to visit.

If this works for you/your family: awesome. (And I'm a bit jealous). My family is dysfunctional in a bunch of ways that doesn't make me want them right down the hall when I feel physically vulnerable.

I didn't want anyone at the hospital other than DH. We moved 3 months before she was born, which facilitated this, but if we had stayed near family/friends, I probably wouldn't have told anyone when I went into labor, only after she arrived.

ab920 · June 2017

kyrwyn said:

My UO is that I hate the idea of my parents (and all the other grandparents) camped in the hospital waiting room, ready to descend on us the moment that some nurse or DH tells them the baby's here. This kid will have 8 grandparents, thanks to divorce and remarriage, all within driving range of the hospital where he'll be born. The last thing I want to worry about/think about/know about is 8 people waiting on my ability to push out a kid, or trying to get in between our "golden hour" bonding time, or being disappointed because all I (or the kid) want to do is sleep by the time Gpa and Gma are let in to visit.

If this works for you/your family: awesome. (And I'm a bit jealous). My family is dysfunctional in a bunch of ways that doesn't make me want them right down the hall when I feel physically vulnerable.

Preach, preach, preach. On our first, my husband’s and my ENTIRE family (I’m talking brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) were in the waiting room from the second I went into the hospital and ALL twelve hours of unmedicated labor. I say “unmedicated” because it was not me relaxing in a bed during labor (like with an epidural) so I was in no position to entertain guests.

The entire labor, my MIL was texting my husband asking what was taking so long. After I gave birth, we were discussing a blood transfusion with the doctor (I lost a lot of blood), and she had the nerve to continue texting my husband, saying we were rude for making everyone wait so long. It was EXTREMELY stressful having them in the lobby plus her constant nagging.

Anyway, for this baby, we aren’t telling anyone we are going to the hospital except my parents, who will come over to watch our oldest. That’s an unpopular opinion among my husband’s family, but I learned my lesson.

NomiMomma · June 2017

@jlemons-2 this is my 3rd time around with GD. The 2nd and 3rd times I was able to meet one on one with an educator instead to discuss insulin needs and do a quick review of guidelines. Maybe ask your Dr. if this is an option for you!

breezybee · June 2017

That is truly horrifying @ab920. I mean, truly monsterous. You're amazing, because I promise you I would have killed someone.

jlemons-2 · June 2017

@NomiMomma thanks but when I asked they did not agree. I ended up going to the class this morning and while it wasn't horrible, it did feel like a waste of time.

torresfamily5 · June 2017

@kyrwyn my first labor actually stalled completely because I was under so much stress with texts and messages from family during labor (I was also 42 weeks, so those 2 weeks after the due date were hellish to deal with "concerned" messages, too). With my 2nd, we fibbed and didn't tell anyone the real due date, and waited til after the baby was born to tell anyone she was here, so no stress from family (even though we told them we would call when labor started). Your baby, your rules. We are doing the same this go around.

Amber_Waves · June 2017

@torresfamily5 I once read a book in which the main character told everyone the wrong due date (2 weeks later) so that she wouldn't be pestered with update requests. My EDD right now is 12/16, but baby is measuring ahead. If they update the EDD to an earlier date, I might ask DH if we can keep that to ourselves. I do not need a uterus watch. And hell no to a waiting room full of relatives.

jackiesmom324 · June 2017

Wow I had not even thought of this thanks for a really interesting and insightful discussion.. I definitely think I will be in the call after baby is born team. It definitely seems to be not an unpopular opinion at all as there's some pretty solid consensus especially from the STMs.
Thanks for the post @kyrwyn

My UO is that I kind of hate dirty jokes like especially really dirty jokes.. I feel like an old grandma for that because I know people love comedians like Richard Pryor etc but I don't really find it funny.. Ugh I'm like 100 years old help

AMCsquared · June 2017

All of the cousins in dh's family always have pictures with literally dozens of people in the hospital room. I don't know how they even do that with visitation rules but I am not exaggerating. Every random family member goes that day.

Even when my sister in law had her baby, my MIL gave us the go ahead that we could go see her and that everything was clear. We walked into the room and my sil is on the toilet with her mom cleaning up blood with the door open. I was like oookk this is clearly not appropriate. I should have known better than to believe my mil.
I am so paranoid about them for my labor lol.

Tennis11785 · June 2017

@amber_waves - I'm due the same day (12/16), but I think we're just going to tell everyone Christmas. It's vague enough that they don't ask more specifics (or they just assume we mean literally on the 25th) and it will buy us some time.

NME44 · June 2017

Sorry to all those dealing with family. With my first I told my mom I didn't want her there until after the baby was born and she still showed up and hung out in the room, until I finally told her to leave. So much better after. With the next and with this one she had to watch/will have to watch my kid(s) so it was/will be a non-issue.

And my in-laws live 1300 miles away. So. Also a non-issue.

@jackiesmom324, I also really hate vulgar or dirty jokes. I figure if you can't be clean funny, then you aren't actually that funny. But I've also been an old person my whole life, lol.

ilikestars089 · June 2017

I'm totally team no-visitors at the hospital. Last time was soo many people too soon and this time I hope to have visitors come to the house after.

my UO: I (mostly silently) judge super hard when people who can't afford to support themselves and their infant still spend crazy amounts of money on going out constantly, weed, and alcohol (or at least they try REALLY hard to make it seem that way when you talk to them or look at their social media). When I say can't support themselves I mean like, move back in with parents, ask several family members for money, neither adult tries very hard to get a job or make money to remedy the situation...

It actually boggles my mind. And then it's SO hard to bite my tongue when they complain about their circumstances. *insert eye roll emoji*

ETA: clarity

ab920 · June 2017

breezybee said:

That is truly horrifying @ab920. I mean, truly monsterous. You're amazing, because I promise you I would have killed someone.

You're sweet. At the time, I was like, "It's her first grandbaby...let me cut her some slack." Now, thinking about it makes my blood boil.

I would FOR SURE suggest waiting to tell people. Just because you never know how they'll react if you're in labor for longer than they expected. (In their defense, I hovered at 4.5-5 centimeters for 4 weeks prior to REALLY going into labor, so we thought it would be quick. Little did we know....

)

andipandicWed121369 · June 2017

We totally are going to set better boundaries this time. First time all of my sisters and my parents were in the room up until I got rushed off for an emergency c section and then DH's parents came and then came home with us too! It was hard to focus on baby and figuring out breast feeding because I was uncomfortable with them there. This time, I'll tell everyone when the c section is (especially because my mom will be taking dd) and then focusing on them coming the following day. I may even make everyone a schedule (your scheduled time to see the baby is 11am, etc) because I'm insane. And it's also super important to me that no one else gets to meet our baby before the big sister does.

cassi4 · June 2017

Totally agree with telling the wrong date. I'm due 12/18, but I'm telling everyone I'll have a Christmastime baby.

Want a personalized experience?

Unpopular Opinion Thursday

Re: Unpopular Opinion Thursday

Choose Another Board

Search Boards