PPD/Baby blues

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

So today at my sons 2 week appt his dr told me he was concerned about me and PPD (due to the questionnaire) so I explained to him that I had sever PPD with my last baby who is 5 now and I have already emailed my psychiatrist about it I just don't want to be on meds because I don't feel comfortable taking them while BF (Zoloft makes me suicidal) and he agreeded for now. But I'm wondering if maybe it's baby blues and not PPD... Have any mamas dealt with baby blues or PPD or are dealing with it now? I'm trying to use my skills I've learned from prior therapy but I feel like I'm failing I just don't want to feel like I'm alone...

MTmountianrocks · November 2016

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I had PPD after I had my daughter (21 mo). I can take zoloft, thankfully. But do you go to a church or have a group of friends that can come over and talk? I know for me the seclusion of being home all alone played a huge roll in my depression. Getting sun helps too, the only room that was finished in our house was our basement so I spent a lot of time down there, with no sun. Not a good combo with depression.

I hope you get relief soon.

rspalding001 · November 2016

I didn't have PPD but did have some baby blues. For me it was ups and downs in the first 6 weeks primarily but nothing too extream. Getting outside, going to new mom support groups and talking to other new moms helped a lot. Also calling my own mom a lot was helpful. I still had bouts of crying and feeling down but from what I understand PPD is much more severe and lasts longer.

Use your past past experience and best judgement to help you decide if what you are feeling now is PPD or not. Either way it's great that you already have a psychiatrist and that's a great resource for you to help you understand what you are feeling now.

Best advice I have is just get out and talk to people so you don't feel alone

Hang in there Mama!

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

MTmountianrocks said:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I had PPD after I had my daughter (21 mo). I can take zoloft, thankfully. But do you go to a church or have a group of friends that can come over and talk? I know for me the seclusion of being home all alone played a huge roll in my depression. Getting sun helps too, the only room that was finished in our house was our basement so I spent a lot of time down there, with no sun. Not a good combo with depression.

I hope you get relief soon.

I try to take a walk at least once a day even if it's just to pick up my kids from school... I don't have any groups but I'm going to look for some in my area to help part of my problem is I was on bed rest for so long so couldn't do anything then ripped when I delivered and had my tubes tied also so I feel useless which is hard for me because last time was bad and it took 3yrs and a lot of meds to feel normal again and I don't want to go through that again.... thank you for the response.

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

rspalding001 said:

I didn't have PPD but did have some baby blues. For me it was ups and downs in the first 6 weeks primarily but nothing too extream. Getting outside, going to new mom support groups and talking to other new moms helped a lot. Also calling my own mom a lot was helpful. I still had bouts of crying and feeling down but from what I understand PPD is much more severe and lasts longer.

Use your past past experience and best judgement to help you decide if what you are feeling now is PPD or not. Either way it's great that you already have a psychiatrist and that's a great resource for you to help you understand what you are feeling now.

Best advice I have is just get out and talk to people so you don't feel alone

Hang in there Mama!

Thank you. That's the hard part I don't know because I had PPD and not baby blues I'm hoping it's baby blues since it's temporary because it feels like the beginning of PPD and that scares me! I had it really bad last time and it took a long time to recover I hate feeling like this.....

jenesiso · November 2016

I just had my baby two weeks ago and I dealt with the blues for the first few days...couldn't sleep and cried a lot. I'm a FTM so feeling inadequate didn't help. I'm on Zoloft myself for panic attacks and I don't think there's anything wrong with getting the help you need. Do it before it gets any worse. You need to take care of yourself before youre capable of taking care of your child. They depend on you, don't let them down.

tigerfish227 · November 2016

I'm a little concerned about myself as well and I'm not really sure what to do. I cry at least a couple times a day and I'm feeling so overwhelmed and run down. Vincent is 11 days old and I think the hardest thing is that I feel like there are things that I can't get help with. DH can't feed him. He's not up multiple times a night with a screaming kid. I'm not supposed to be driving yet so I can't even go anywhere without someone having to take me.

DH goes back to work on Thursday and I don't feel like I'm ready to be alone all day with an infant. On top of that, we have my stepsons this weekend so not only will I have an infant to take care of but I'm also going to have them here and they tend to not behave well for me when DH is not home. I'm probably going to have my MIL here to help which will be a whole other level of complicated for me but I least she will help keep my stepsons from being uncontrollable.

Ultimately I'm pretty anxious about this weekend and I just want to lock myself in my room with Vincent and cry.

laurenlalap · November 2016

So sorry to everyone who's dealing with PPD and/or the baby blues. It is really rough.

I'm a STM and with my first, I had the baby blues BAD. It didn't help that my husband had no clue what to say or do to help me, and I just felt incredibly alone. I remember the feelings of inadequacy, and feeling like I had made a huge mistake by having a baby.

Your feelings are all entirely normal and often expected when you're dealing with a huge life change, coupled with a massive hormonal drop, stress and sleep deprivation.

It really helped me last time to force myself to shower and get dressed everyday, and leave the house at least once, even if it was just to walk to the mailbox with the baby.

Please reach out for support and know that this board is here whenever someone needs to vent or needs support.

It will get better soon, I promise! For most women, it seems to get better almost right around the 6 week PP mark.

ANZ116 · November 2016

My doctor actually upped my dosage of Zoloft in my third trimester to help me with PPD (since I already suffer from anxiety/depression). I've been feeling pretty good but definitely had some tough feelings when DH went back to work. I also stopped pumping/BF because I was feeling like I had no independence and it was causing tension with me and DH. I'm in a better place because of that decision. I know moms are supposed to sacrifice for their kids, but not to the point of being mentally unstable. Please don't let BF get in the way of your health. Baby will be ok on formula and you will be happier if you have the medicine you need.

MrsMaryK2016 · November 2016

ANZ116 said:

My doctor actually upped my dosage of Zoloft in my third trimester to help me with PPD (since I already suffer from anxiety/depression). I've been feeling pretty good but definitely had some tough feelings when DH went back to work. I also stopped pumping/BF because I was feeling like I had no independence and it was causing tension with me and DH. I'm in a better place because of that decision. I know moms are supposed to sacrifice for their kids, but not to the point of being mentally unstable. Please don't let BF get in the way of your health. Baby will be ok on formula and you will be happier if you have the medicine you need.

This is excellent advice and I'd consider it if I were you. Putting yourself through hell just to breastfeed isn't worth it. Good luck lady, you can do this!

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

Thank you everyone for the support! I talked to my neighbor who is a RN / lactation consultant and she went through all the medications that are safe for BF with me also recommended an app to help ease my mind. Also I emailed my physiatrist to set up appts before I get worse and gets harder...

hoosiermama-2 · November 2016

Best wishes for you, mama. As much as we can help digitally, we're here for you. Flood the message board and I'll do my part to check in and reply!

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

Went to my appt yesterday and my dr put me on a very low dose of Zoloft so hoping I don't have to go higher (even tho I have a feeling I will) and that I start to see atleast a little improvement soon! I cry randomly and it's awful on top of feeling down a lot more...

squish143 · November 2016

@Muscatmommyof4 I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Hoping the medication works well and you start to feel like yourself again. *hugs*

kvruns · November 2016

In still in the hospital but have already had several crying fits, mostly bc I'm exhausted. H has tried twice to let me sleep but it resulted in him falling asleep with baby in chair and the other time leaving with baby but not crib which is a no no and I got woken up. I just need sleep and It worries me for going home. H can sleep anywhere and everywhere and this sleeps through the wake ups etc or falls asleep when he should be "on" so I get a break

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

squish143 said:

@Muscatmommyof4 I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Hoping the medication works well and you start to feel like yourself again. *hugs*

Thank you! Some days are better then others I keep telling my self I will feel better soon.

Muscatmommyof4 · November 2016

kvruns said:

In still in the hospital but have already had several crying fits, mostly bc I'm exhausted. H has tried twice to let me sleep but it resulted in him falling asleep with baby in chair and the other time leaving with baby but not crib which is a no no and I got woken up. I just need sleep and It worries me for going home. H can sleep anywhere and everywhere and this sleeps through the wake ups etc or falls asleep when he should be "on" so I get a break

I'm sorry! That's how my DH is so instead of being disappointed I do it all which makes me very unproductive during the day hope it gets better for you cause it's hard to be overwhelmed and feel okay.

desoky01 · November 2016

I just wish I could stop feeling anxious about every little thing. I also feel pretty down, so the anxiety in top of it is pretty overwhelming. I just want to feel happy so I can fully enjoy the time with my little one!

rspalding001 · November 2016

@desoky01 I feel the same way, anxious and sad. I just worry about juggling everything with DD and now DS. My parents were here helping me out, my mom for the last 11 days. I was kind of glad she was leaving today but now that she's gone I'm sad again and scared about doing it all alone. I want to tell my husband but he's got work and I don't want to be a burden.

kvruns · December 2016

It is 12:01 which means I made it an entire day without crying!! I almost lost it when H said something to the effect of I need sleep or I get crazy and I know he was referring to the crying but it almost set me off

mrsmoose5 · February 2017

So I'm starting to wonder if I don't have some form of PPD. It seems to be tied to sleep deprivation, so I'm not sure. Most days I feel fine - optimistic, energetic, capable of tackling the day and stresses of life with a toddler and a baby. But when I've had a few nights in a row of far too little sleep, I start to lose it. The main symptom is rage. I lose my patience and my temper with everyone around me (DH, my toddler, even the baby); I get short-tempered, snappy, and sometimes yell and curse. When I get like this any little thing can set me off. I want to throw things, slam my head against a wall, break dishes, etc. (I don't, but I want to). I want to put my kids in their cribs and just hide in my room while they cry (again, I don't do this, I just think about it). These days also come with their fair share of crying, anxiety, and doubting my ability and worth as a mother. However, once I get some good sleep, it passes and I'm fine. I mentioned it to my doctor at my 6-week checkup, but her only response was, “Do you want me to medicate you or not?” To which I said no. Is this normal? I’m wondering if maybe the rage and irritation is always there, but when I’ve had enough sleep I’m just able to keep it under control. Is this just normal motherhood stress — sometimes there are bad days — or should I talk to my doctor again? I really don't want to go on medication if these are just normal feelings.

Edit: spelling

SandNStarsNJ · February 2017

@mrsmoose5 To some degree, yes, those feelings are normal - especially with little sleep. But if these urges feel too real or are s drastic departure from you pre-baby, then it's worth a second opinion. While I don't have PPD, my OB indicated that it can surface anytime in the first 6 mo PP. I hope you get the help/answers you need.

Ladybug2821 · February 2017

@mrsmoose5 I would say talk to your doctor because it won't hurt. I notice that I get very frustrated when I'm super tired also and hungry. It mostly happens when I'm trying to put her down for a nap and she just won't go to sleep. I know she needs to and she's tired but she fights it so hard. I'm sure a lot of feeling this way is due to mommy stress. It may not be something that needs antidepressants but could be hormone related. I just recently got AF back for the first time and noticed I've been super weepy and emotional.

lajoliedreamer · February 2017

I feel you, @mrsmoose5! The sleep deprivation is really ratcheting up my anxiety and I'm having many of the issues you describe. mine is more often directed at myself,though. Lots of self-hate talk - "I'm an idiot" or "I'm a bad mother" or "you'd all be better off if I weren't here." Thankfully, when I lose it DH is usually around and takes over the situation, making me get some sleep or at least step away. I feel so guilty when he takes over, but it's healthier for everyone.
I also have spent too much time thinking about life before baby and wondering why we ever thought this was a good idea. I know it's all connected to the lack of sleep, but I am so over it. And so sick of people saying that it will get better. What I need someone to say is - "yeah, it totally sucks." and just leave it at that. Hearing that it will get better doesn't help because it just feels like I'm going to be the exception to that.
If you haven't already, find a therapist. I feel like I say that all the time on this board, but it has been so so so important for me. Right now I'm having a scheduling issue with my therapist, but I've been trying to start writing down what I'm feeling when I'm in the middle of a low so I can get to the deep stuff with her at our next appt. My last appt I was feeling great and had trouble pinpointing why I thought I needed to see her.

Edited to add: There is nothing wrong with medication, but I think it is too often seen as the solution when talking to a professional can be more beneficial so I would try that before seeking medication options. A good therapist will let you know if they think that would be a good option for you.

SandNStarsNJ · February 2017

@lajoliedreamer - For a time, it does suck. As a STM I felt much more prepared and comfortable with what to expect: the first six weeks feel impossible and you don't feel human; then everything slowly improves week by week. But embracing that it kind of sucks so drastically departing from the "old life" definitely helps!

kvruns · February 2017

I agree that it would be nice if we heard more of "it sucks" instead of just it gets better, you'll forget all about it etc. bc it is hard and we need to realize it is ok to feel that way. I know when I had a tough time my dr asked if I thought it was just sleep deprivation related and I said i think so, which I believe it was. I
hsve lingering issues from my husband problems that I am afraid might turn into PPD if it gets as again.

MrsMaryK2016 · February 2017

I second how annoying it is when people say it gets better. If I hear "This too shall pass" one more time I'm going to lose it. In what world is that helpful???

SandNStarsNJ · February 2017

MrsMaryK2016 said:

I second how annoying it is when people say it gets better. If I hear "This too shall pass" one more time I'm going to lose it. In what world is that helpful???

That really is one of the WORST sayings. And remember all of you who are FTM that now you know how those first couple of months feel. Don't forget that if you have another LO. It makes the adjustment so much more manageable. And also, remember that your DH will have forgotten all about the early months and be equal to or more stressed than right now.

And for now, we have each other to commiserate with!

mrsmoose5 · February 2017

I really appreciate all the responses. I think it's just been a really bad two days. Hopefully the metaphorical sun will come out tomorrow. The sleep deprivation and all the hard stuff that comes with having a new baby have been easier to handle since this is my second one and I've experienced first-hand how this is just a tough season. I've definitely been able to enjoy DD's babyhood much more, but the chaos and stress of having two still catches up to me some days. I constantly feel like I'm neglecting one of them. I feel like I'm never going to get her in any sort of routine or napping independently because she is always at the mercy of whatever DS's schedule and activities allow. We're 4 months in and breastfeeding still feels like a battle most of the time. Anyway, rant over. Thanks for commiserating with me!

SandNStarsNJ · February 2017

@mrsmoose5 I know what you mean about revolving around the first kid. I'm constantly feeling like I don't do enough for/with LO. And BF can definitely be a stressor when it's not going smoothly (heck, it can even when it is going smoothly). Hoping for sun!

m6agua · February 2017

@mresmoose5 First off, you are a great mother and I'm sure you are doing the best you can for your family. I second what @lajoliedreamer said. If you don't want medication maybe try talking to someone. Check out if your or your SO employer has EAP that you can take advantage of. I know seeing a counselor can be sort of scary. But I am a firm believer that everyone could benefit from one at some point or another. I went to one about 2 months after my loss and I should've gone sooner than that. I would say I was in a bit of a depression at that point. I would come home and sleep a lot (which I was never a napper). I stopped cooking and going to the gym, I basically stopped doing all the things I typically did on a daily basis, and only did housework when it really needed to be done. But it took everything for me to do it. I would say I was just going through the motions.

desoky01 · February 2017

Had a Dr appointment yesterday for follow up on postpartum bleeding and they had me fill out the depression and anxiety inventories. Well, I scored a 13 on depression and 14 on anxiety, and I guess average is less than 5. So doc mentioned meds and asked about therapy. I left the appointment feeling very sad and overwhelmed. I was on meds for anxiety and depression before baby, but I really worry about meds and breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is really important to me, and although Zoloft is thought to be safest I still worry (probably partly due to the anxiety!) She asked a lot about what I do with my therapist and I honestly just felt stupid when trying to talk about it and answer her questions. A lot of guilt there. So anyway, struggling over here.

SandNStarsNJ · February 2017

desoky01 said:

Had a Dr appointment yesterday for follow up on postpartum bleeding and they had me fill out the depression and anxiety inventories. Well, I scored a 13 on depression and 14 on anxiety, and I guess average is less than 5. So doc mentioned meds and asked about therapy. I left the appointment feeling very sad and overwhelmed. I was on meds for anxiety and depression before baby, but I really worry about meds and breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is really important to me, and although Zoloft is thought to be safest I still worry (probably partly due to the anxiety!) She asked a lot about what I do with my therapist and I honestly just felt stupid when trying to talk about it and answer her questions. A lot of guilt there. So anyway, struggling over here.

Try to keep your head up. As long as you're seeing someone and confiding in them honestly, don't force yourself to accept medication unless it is necessary for the safety and happiness of you and your family. LO will be okay on BM or formula as long as he has his mom. Internet hugs to you!

lajoliedreamer · February 2017

@desoky01 - *hugs* I would bring it up at your next therapy appt and have your therapist give you feedback on pros and cons for medication based on what they see in you, since they have talked to you more about things than the test your dr gave you could uncover. It doesn't hurt to have the prescription in hand in case you do need it, you don't have to run out and fill it today. That said, taking the medication and breastfeeding is fine - many women have done it. My sister took that with my nephew (she also took it while pregnant), and it was the right thing for her to do and it didn't have any negative effects on him.

Take a few moments for you today - read a book, have a cup of something comforting, journal, yoga, or whatever it is that helps you recenter a little. You're doing a great job, even if you are struggling with depression and anxiety, it doesn't negate your awesomeness.

m6agua · February 2017

@desoky01 *hugs* I think pp have great advice. I understand that breastfeeding is important but if it gets to a point where you need to make a different choice at all, just know formula is great as well. I really wanted to BF but my body wasn't made to, it was heartbreaking, however LO has been thriving on formula. All that being said you should still be able to BF.

kvruns · March 2017

Hugs to you @desoky01

desoky01 · May 2017

I'm updating here to say that I am officially starting meds tomorrow for anxiety. I'm starting on a low dose, and I'm hoping I can get to a point where anxiety isn't running my life anymore. Of course I'm super anxious about it (go figure!

) but I'm really hoping it's a good thing.

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