Frankly terrified of vaginal birth

kyussmadre · May 2017

Hitting the third trimester has given me a brand new fear. I was stupid enough to google the statistics on prolapse, pain during physical activity, and incontinence that don't ever go away after vaginal delivery, and now I feel like my world is ending.

My pelvic floor has gotten incredibly weak already despite kegels, and my hips are very narrow. I was 115lbs soaking wet when I got pregnant.

It isn't a vanity thing for me; I work in factories, I HAVE to be able to lift (a lot) without pooping and peeing myself, without it hurting... or just being unable to do manual labor at all... An most of my hobbies require fairly intense physical activity. My pregnancy has been difficult, and the limited physical activity has already worn my mood down to the blackest parts. If it became a permanent disability, I do not know if I would be able to cope.

So, tl;dr: The posdibility of permanently losing my core strength because my kid shreds my pelvic floor terrifies me beyond all reckoning for valid reasons.

I'm gonna address it at my appointment next week, but I like being proactive. Anything other than kegels I can start doing on my own NOW to nip this in the bud?

and_peggy · May 2017

Honestly, the best thing you can do is just get over it. You'll probably poop on yourself during labor. You might pee yourself a little when you sneeze. Just gonna have to realize that's what happens when you push out a human.

Also, your weight has nothing to do with it. I have a friend who is super tiny and just had a 10 pounder and didn't tear. Must be some voodoo magic. I'll ask for you....

JDBtwinmama · May 2017

You're gonna be fine. I delivered twins vaginally. Thought I'd never be the same. I am and significantly stronger than I was. Being a mom is the most physical work (especially twins). Take care of yourself and it'll be great!

Nxy · May 2017

jadkins2 · May 2017

Irrationally worried. It's not as bad as you think, really. Did this twice already and decided for a third time! Your body will never be the same, but you will feel much better soon. I got back to my pre- pregnancy weight both times. 105 and only difference for me was my hips changed my pants size. Everyone is different, but it truly isn't that bad physically.... You will feel yourself again. Give yourself some room to breathe and take it slow. Good luck.

taylormarie923 · May 2017

I have a friend who had a csec and peed herself when doing strenuous activity afterwards. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

LSP87 · May 2017

Tearing so badly you lose control of your poop is not common. Birth hurts, pretty much any way it happens. You may or may not piss yourself when coughing, laughing, or sneezing..there's really no way to know but it's common and there are procedures and exercises to fix that if it's bothersome or severe.

*edit* I should note that what I meant by tearing and losing control of your poop being really uncommon has to do with literally losing control of your bowels after birth--not during. It's very, very common to poop during birth but it isn't a guarantee that you will. Everyone is different. Horror stories are out there but there isn't much you can do to prevent some of these things from happening 100%.

britvahok · May 2017

I've snissed a few times this pregnancy and been at home every time so I just changed my underwear. Pooping during labor is pretty common regardless of your pre pregnancy weight. Stay away from Dr. Google and you'll be fine!!

Image: https://media2.giphy.com/media/b1kgk5tYEwS9W/200.webp#1-grid1

redheadedcamel · May 2017

It is too early to worry about that. There are so many factors that contribute to those issues and most of them can be fixed. My first kid was sunny side up and because of that I had a 4 the degree tear. No lie snissing was quite the issue but stopped with exercises. My 2nd required 1 stitch and never had a problem with core, bowl, or bladder weakness. Every birth comes with risks but the risks are generally low.

emmeline714 · May 2017

Just because Dr Google has a million stories does not mean that will happen to you, everyone's body is different. After the birth of my daughter everything was a little different but throughout time you can bounce back to yourself doesn't mean you will be weak that's only if you choose to be.

morgy_bee · May 2017

Nxy said:

Right?!?!

AdvoCyndi30 · May 2017

My advice is to step the eff away from google.

I've vaginally deliver two babies already, and even though sneezing and coughing and jumping (jumping rope and on a trampoline) often end in a little bladder leakage, I am still capable of lifting heavy (I do Olympic-style weightlifting and have put 155 pounds over my head) without peeing or pooping on myself.

i was 110 pounds before my first baby was born. Your body changes. It's made to do these type of things. You won't ever be exactly the same, but it isn't the end of the world.

Stop op stressing about things that truly are out of your control. It won't do anything but make you miserable. Know that you'll change, know that it won't all be fun, but also know that it is worth it.

...and also, the way you feel while pregnant isn't the same at all as how you'll feel post-delivery.

clairemwalker · May 2017

Google is baaaaad. It skews the perception of results to look like the minority of people are actually the majority. People are more likely to ask questions or post on forums and medical pages if they are worried about something, or if they have had a bad outcome and are looking for reassurance, making bad experiences seem more common then they are. Things like Kegals for pelvic floor strength are more important after your have baby in order to keep it strong. I pushed for 3 hours to get my baby out (and its during the pushing stage that you are the most likely to cause damage such as torn muscles, prolapse etc) and i have had no issues at all. Neither will many many women. I get that there is a valid readon to worry due to your job, as things like that do happen in some cases, but the chances are low, and there isnt anythibg you can do about it until the time comes anyway. The best thing you can do for yourself is to actually rest properly the 6 weeks pp. there is a massive link in long term problems in women that have pushed themselves too hard in this time, started abdominal exercise early, or ignored their bodies request to take it slowly.

lewliv · May 2017

The best thing about this thread is seeing all the small ladies that went through vaginal delivery. Thanks gals! Although I don't share OP's fears it's very reassuring to see that my small hips are able to do this.

Verstej2 · May 2017

Ditto to what pp have said. I have delivered three babies naturally and had very few issues after with incontinence. I think (although I could be mistaken) that much of these issues are actually caused by pregnancy itself and not necessarily the delivery so no matter how baby makes it's way into the world may not affect the outcome on that front anyway. Honestly, I am tiny girl, weighed 97 pounds my whole life, and have had no difficulty delivering my babies, or breastfeeding (despite non existent breasts), or recovering. I have also had no tearing with any of my deliveries. Honestly, stuff happens and it's important to be prepared for that but our bodies were designed to do this and they generally handle it very well! I'm sure you will do fine. If you feel like looking up information on google then maybe stick to positive educational sites rather than focusing on specific issues. Try Ina May Gaskin, who has fabulous positive birth stories and does a great job of explaining how our bodies manage to get through deliver even when things are challenging. There are a ton of wonderful inspiring stories out there (not all with necessarily the outcomes the Mom's had been planning for either, but still wonderfully positive), that can help to reduce the fear and educate you about your options and the expected outcomes at the same time. It's totally normal to be afraid of something like childbirth but honestly for me, it was more like running the toughest marathon than being in unbearable pain. The pain itself was a positive working pain rather than a bad harmful one and sometimes your perception can make a big difference!

a2003tiger · May 2017

I have never had a vaginal delivery. I've had two c-sections. I have to work really hard to not pee when I sneeze. It's not that bad and you'll adjust. Don't worry about it now.

Lauradi1010 · May 2017

I can understand being afraid, but don't let it rule your life. If you do you are headed down one dark road. Follow the other posters and stay away from google. Google is bad. Most side effects from birth go away with time. Let your body do what it needs to do and give yourself time to heal. It may take a year to year and a half for your body to get back to normal. Sure, you won't be able to jump right back in where you left off, but take that time and enjoy motherhood. Your priorities, hobbies, etc. may also change and evolve once your LO arrives.

Remember a healthy baby is the most important thing.