How did I get here? It really really sucks to be here. I could just use a few virtual hugs. 3 weeks ago I started counting on the calendar and backtracking the dates but still no AF. Here's the thing, we weren't trying. To all of the ladies out there who have been trying for years, I am truly so very sorry. I feel guilty that it happened so easily to me and yet this is far from easy. I told my SO that I thought I was pregnant and he was over the moon, I cried, scared to death. I'm an AMA and as much as we always thought 'some day', we both kinda figured some day had passed. I took a test on 04/11 and got a BFP. Crap, yay, I'm excited, I'm scared, I can do this, what the heck am I going to do, so many thoughts. But then on 04/19 the spotting started, it got worse the next day so I went to the ER. Dr said closed cervix but sent me for an U/S the next day. By this time I should be 7w3d and although it's only been 2 weeks since I've realized, I've already spent so many hours dreaming and believing and wondering about this new little baby inside of me. OB couldn't find a fetus, but he said he wanted to be sure so sent me for blood work. The spotting turned into bleeding and I spent all day yesterday convinced that I was miscarrying. Then this morning I woke up and the bleeding started to subside, I prayed and prayed and prayed. My blood tests came back and my HCG levels are quite low, he wants me to repeat the test in 2 days to be sure. All signs point to a miscarriage and I am utterly heart broken. I hate this roller coaster of a ride. But if it has taught me one thing, I do really want to have a baby. I want to have this baby.