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Just here for a hug

40momma40momma member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
How did I get here? It really really sucks to be here. I could just use a few virtual hugs. 3 weeks ago I started counting on the calendar and backtracking the dates but still no AF. Here's the thing, we weren't trying. To all of the ladies out there who have been trying for years, I am truly so very sorry. I feel guilty that it happened so easily to me and yet this is far from easy. I told my SO that I thought I was pregnant and he was over the moon, I cried, scared to death. I'm an AMA and as much as we always thought 'some day', we both kinda figured some day had passed. I took a test on 04/11 and got a BFP. Crap, yay, I'm excited, I'm scared, I can do this, what the heck am I going to do, so many thoughts. But then on 04/19 the spotting started, it got worse the next day so I went to the ER. Dr said closed cervix but sent me for an U/S the next day. By this time I should be 7w3d and although it's only been 2 weeks since I've realized, I've already spent so many hours dreaming and believing and wondering about this new little baby inside of me. OB couldn't find a fetus, but he said he wanted to be sure so sent me for blood work. The spotting turned into bleeding and I spent all day yesterday convinced that I was miscarrying. Then this morning I woke up and the bleeding started to subside, I prayed and prayed and prayed. My blood tests came back and my HCG levels are quite low, he wants me to repeat the test in 2 days to be sure. All signs point to a miscarriage and I am utterly heart broken. I hate this roller coaster of a ride. But if it has taught me one thing, I do really want to have a baby. I want to have this baby. 
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Re: Just here for a hug

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    splashmountainsplashmountain member
    @40momma hugs. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. This part, being in limbo, really bites. FX for good news.
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    Mack2342Mack2342 member
    I'm so sorry.  I hope you get good news. 
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    silvergreensilvergreen member
    Sending so many hugs!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    eliepelieeliepelie member
    I feel for you completely. I have just gone through the same thing, have my ultrasound tomorrow but I know what the result will be. I can't get my head around being pregnant one day then not the next after getting really ecited, it feels so unfair.
    I really hope you have good news and the same as you I know what I really want now!
    Sending you so many hugs!!
    Remember you're not in this alone no matter what the outcome ❤
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    trina347trina347 member
    I'm so sorry that your going through this. I'm in the same boat. I'm also AMA, found at at 9wks 4 dys no viabilty. It's day 3 for me with all the bleeding etc. Sending hugs your way. 
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    lacym19lacym19 member
    Hugs and prayers for you! I'm going through a significant loss as well. It helps to know you are not alone. I'm here and understand the pain!
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    40momma40momma member
    Thank you everyone, I am so sorry that we are all on here together. I hope you all have a strong support system at home. I know I could never get through this without my amazing partner. The more I read about it, the more I realize how often it happens, it's not fair. 
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    twinsmake8twinsmake8 member
    I could have written this post verbatim last month.   I came back to the boards today looking for support.  We weren't planning on having a baby since were both older and have children from previous marriages, but we both got used to the idea quickly and were really excited.   Then, we lost the baby which feels totally unfair.  Its been about 6 weeks since our baby past and i feel like in the only one who ever thinks about him/her.   My husband wants to try again, and that's great, but I still wanted that baby.   Its not as easy for me to just replace one with another.  Then last night a friend of mine announced their baby who is due when ours would have been, and suddenly the pain was so fresh, again. 

    I'm sorry that you are going through this, that any of us have gone through this.  We're always here. 
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    40momma40momma member
    @twinsmake8, I am so sorry you have gone through this. You're completely right, it's totally unfair. My SO is incredibly supportive and kind but there's a small part of me that looks at him and wonders how he can so easily smile and laugh and I am constantly curled up in a ball crying or bawling my eyes out in the shower. I know that we as mothers bond differently and we also grieve differently so I try to remind myself of that when I feel confused as to how he has moved on so quickly. Part of me feels sorry for him that he wasn't able to have the same connection as I did. I felt the tugs in my belly and the soreness of my breasts as they were preparing for our baby. He did not get to experience this. 
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    JennyColadaJennyColada member
    I'm just a lurker, but I also wanted to add my virtual hugs and support. This is a terrible thing to go through. Please do not be afraid to fall onto your support system.

    For Chart Stalking, Click Here!

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