Introduction **TW: Children Mentioned**

Hi Everyone,

I've been lurking on this board for a while, and as it seems to be getting more active I thought I would introduce myself and share my story.  My DH and I struggled with infertility for about 4 years (and still do.)  We really wanted a family and decided that if we could not have a baby that is biologically ours, we would both be happy adopting a baby.  Around June of 2015 we decided to pursue adoption through foster care while simultaneously continuing with our fertility treatment.  In our state, (California) families have to first become a licensed foster home before being matched with a  potential child for adoption.  While we were in our last few weeks of classes needed to become a licensed foster home, we found out that we were pregnant (through IUI) with our miracle baby. 

Fast forward....When I was eight months pregnant (by this time we had received our foster license) we received a call from a social worker needing a home for a 3 day old infant who was still in the hospital (who is healthy and beautiful!).   We asked a lot of questions about whether or not this would be a temporary placement, or a more permanent (adoption) placement.  We were told that this would likely lead to a permanent placement, though there were no guarantees.  We decided to take in this sweet girl, who we call our angel baby.  Thus, DH and I are in the throws of "twin" parenting an angel baby and a miracle baby (they are 6 weeks apart.)

When we started fostering our angel baby, it seemed like the father was unknown, however, they have since identified her biological father.  Our girl is almost 7 months old, and we are FAR from finalizing her adoption.  There have been some bumps along the way related to the possibility of a family member wanting to take her in.  Thus far, this has not happened, but the threat will remain hanging over us until the adoption is final, which could take anywhere from 6 months to a year or longer.  The fear we have of losing our little girl is indescribable.  We are the only family that she has ever known, I am the only mother that she knows. 

We take everyday with both of our girls as a gift and cherish every moment we have with them.  Adopting through foster care is a long and intense process that is full of heartache, as is infertility.  At the end of the day we love both of our girls, and we love them hard.  We love our angel baby just as much as we love our miracle baby, even though there is the possibility of losing her, which is a difficult thing to do when you don't know if it will be forever.  We attend a support group that one of the foster to adopt moms started in our county.  It's been so invaluable to us.  Connecting with other parents going through the same fears/struggles, and also connecting with parents that have made it through to the adoption side has been the best support.   

Good luck to all starting this journey (I'm happy to answer questions anyone might have), and please send some prayers or positive thoughts our way as DH and I continue to navigate this difficult process!  We are hopeful that things will work out in the best interest of our sweet girl!

One more side note...If things don't turn out the way we hope... we will do it all again.  The love we have for these babies is such a blessing.  All of the heartache along the way is worth every second of being their mother. 

-XOXO    

**Edited to add TW