Who throws you a baby shower?

SarahChetty · April 2017

I'm 24 weeks with my first and haven't heard any rumblings among my friends or family about a baby shower yet. I'm not super close with my mother and she's also not mobile and fairly sick ATM, so her throwing me a shower is pretty much out. All my in laws live in Texas. My step-mom could I'm sure, but I don't know if she feels like that would be "out of bounds" We are very close, but she always been very respectful of family stuff like that. That leaves my friends. My best friend is a bit scatterbrained and currently running her own business that takes a LOT of her time. It's often to hard to just nail her down for a dinner. She hasn't mentioned it to me at all, and I really feel weird asking anyone about it. I think it's quite normal for 1st time moms to want a baby shower, but I also don't want to "expect" anything. My mom/dad have expressed interest in buying certain "big ticket" items, but I see all my friends having these baby showers and they looks really fun - I'd love to have one. I'm the first of my close friends to get pregnant so I haven't had to throw one/attend many that anyone would feel they should "return the favor" (does that make sense?)
Anyway, thanks for any advice!

taylormarie923 · April 2017

General rule is it shouldn't be thrown by family, so not your parents or ILs. Traditionally, it is something your friend should offer to throw for you. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. I was living in another state and didn't have super close friends so I never had a shower with my son. It made me sad, but it's not the end of the world. Family and friends will still buy you gifts and celebrate your baby's life.

Kristine11 · April 2017

If family throws it for you I think it's fine. You just don't want to throw it for yourself. I personally am helping with mine (friend is hosting) because I'm a control freak, but she's not letting me do much, and I'm going crazy, haha.

MetsGirl18 · April 2017

@taylormarie923 I've never heard of that rule. Every baby shower I've ever been to has been thrown by family members, usually the mother, of the mom to be. You shouldn't throw your own shower, but other than that, I think anyone can throw/host it for you.

lwhrmomma · April 2017

MetsGirl18 said:

@taylormarie923 I've never heard of that rule. Every baby shower I've ever been to has been thrown by family members, usually the mother, of the mom to be. You shouldn't throw your own shower, but other than that, I think anyone can throw/host it for you.

This. The mother of the mom to be, or possibly both grandparents to be. I've occasionally heard of sisters or friends throwing them as well. Where I live, it's considered super tacky to throw your own though.

SouthernMama15 · April 2017

I was also raised that moms don't throw or host the shower. My mom helped set up, but it was not in her home and her name was not on the invites. I had one at work, DH's aunts threw one, and my sister, aunts, and friends threw me one. For hosted by, since we tend to have so many people helping, we put hosted by friends and family.

SarahBethBR · April 2017

Where I'm from, moms don't throw bridal or baby showers. My shower is being hosted by my aunt and cousin. My H's aunt would have hosted one too, but he told them I wouldn't want to travel that far and they're invited to the one my family is throwing.

TRA0816 · April 2017

We live in the south, where it is pretty standard for Moms, sisters, and Aunts to throw a shower :-)

lewliv · April 2017

MIL and SIL want to throw my shower (I don't want a shower so we're still negotiating).

ColoradoHiker · April 2017

My mom and MIL both threw baby showers for me with DS, due to the distance between DH's and my families. In our areas, it's really only if the mom-to-be is throwing her own shower that they get side eye. With this LO, we're going to have a very small family/ close friends BBQ to celebrate, but no shower.

bumpybump · April 2017

Anyone can throw you a shower. Family, friends, coworkers, church, etc (3 of the 4 listed gave me one when I was an expecting FTM). I firmly believe in the rule of not throwing yourself one.

DeansGirl14 · April 2017

I've heard that it's not proper for moms to throw bridal showers, because in the olden days women lived at home until marriage so the mom throwing the shower was just as tacky as the bride herself throwing one. However, I've never heard it's tacky for moms (grandmothers-to-be) to throw baby showers...
As long as you don't throw yourself your own baby shower it seems anyone is free to offer. My MIL is the main planner for mine (she started within 5 minutes of hearing we were expecting, seriously) and my parents are sharing the costs with my in-laws.

If I were you, at least register; if you don't get a shower you can at least get completion discounts and people who want to give you a gift anyway can at least buy from a registry. If anyone asks if you're having one, just very politely say, "Oh, I'm not sure, no one's asked me if they can host one." I would not be surprised if friends weren't stepping up just because they assume your family might first. Give it time, but try not to be disappointed if nothing happens.
My best friend was the first in my crowd to have a baby and I immediately offered to host. They never have to be fancy; home showers with 10 people, appetizers and cupcakes are just as lovely as big parties with 50+ and full meal.

imwithbaby · April 2017

My best friend and sister are throwing mine, and my SIL is throwing the second in a different state. Usually my aunts throw us nieces showers but this summer is crazy for them. +1 for not throwing your own shower.

agree with @DeansGirl14 at least register for the completion discount and you never know, your friends might just google your name & baby registry looking for it to get you a gift!

Mango517 · April 2017

Thinking back to all the showers I've recently attended and they've all been hosted by the family of the parents to be. Usually it's mothers, mother in laws and any sisters who've hosted. I think any family or friends hosting is OK.

My MIL's love language is party planning and she was also starting to plan a baby shower within minutes of finding out I'm pregnant.

Nxy · April 2017

If you look up etiquette it says that family shouldn't host your shower because it can be considered very rude for your family to ask for gifts on your behalf. I think that is a little old fashioned though. As long as you're not throwing your own you should be good.
Just ask whoever if they planned on throwing you one. I know that might be a little awkward but that way you don't have to wonder, you'll just get the yes or no answer you need to plan ahead for baby.

edit to clarify.

JWatt5 · April 2017

I've always viewed it the same as @bumpybump - anyone can throw one for you.

I also agree that you shouldn't throw one for yourself & shouldn't "ask" to have them thrown for you. But after being told my mother/sister were throwing me one, I did work with them on the invite list, date & they've asked me if I have any special requests.

Edited - spelling

kvh22 · April 2017

I'm not having a shower (as a FTM) but as PPs have said, I'm definitely registering for the completion discounts/welcome bags and boxes. We have tons of family (and some friends) who will go on the registry or just buy us something without having a shower according to my mom and MIL, but I am looking at things as if we might have to buy it all and trying to buy some of the bigger ticket items so it doesn't all hit us at once in the 3rd trimester. We're across the country from family and will only be flying home for my sister's college graduation. My friends where we live are in a totally different place (maybe just moving in with their SO...if that).

asfiore · April 2017

I would say these days anything goes. I hate showers so I didn't want anyone to throw me one, plus I hate the gender divide. So hubby and I are throwing a baby-q/housewarming party at our new house. We are sending out baby-q invitations, there won't be any games, there might be a couple of activities ppl can do, sports will be on the tv, we'll have drinks (not me) and eat yummy food. I wanted to celebrate the upcoming baby, but I wanted my husband to be a part of it too. So we're hosting our own party I guess, and breaking all of the rules in terms of etiquette. But it works for us and our family and friends. And we're including where we are registered on the invite. Our parents are going to pitch in and help us cook and set up. So there is always this option!

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f · April 2017

@asfiore There's no reason your husband can't be part of the typical baby shower festivities. I've seen some fun co-ed "showers" that aren't over the top with games, baby themes, etc.. It kind of sounds like you're using a housewarming party as an excuse to still get baby gifts

Just my interpretation, though.

bumpybump · April 2017

@asfiore so you're going to grill your baby? Cuz that's totally where my mind goes when I read a baby-q. I'm also with @secicc12.

lesmizfan · April 2017

I like the baby-q! If someone felt it was tacky or a play for gifts, they wouldn't have to participate. I think it'd be sad to have to miss out on celebrating your baby with a party because your friends couldn't throw one!

LeA2017! · April 2017

My mom, sister and MIL are planning my shower. In my group, all the showers I have been to have been thrown by the Grandmother of the baby.

asfiore · April 2017

@bumpybump @secicc12 I guess baby-q's are becoming a big thing these days. I had never heard of it but then my husband's cousin had hers at park, we ate and chatted, brought gifts, and just had a nice time with family. I wasn't going to do anything bc my best friends are all spread out around the country right now, but I still wanted to celebrate our upcoming baby. I feel like it works for our family and group of friends. You would definitely have to know your audience I guess, but it's what we're comfortable with and sounds fun to us. I guess my thought is that there is no "right" way to celebrate a new baby with the people that love you. ☺

smallbutmighty77 · April 2017

My sister, SIL and my mom's 2 best friends (who happen to be my best friends moms-hope that made sense) are hosting mine.
Jewish tradition you don't have one, so I knew no one on my side would really do it. My sister had one since her DH isn't Jewish, I helped and his SIL. So it was nice my friends mom's, who are Jewish wanted to help.

pbandjyummies · April 2017

what are thoughts on hand delivering versus mailing out invitations? I feel like it should be mailed out but if you are going to see those being invited anyway any harm in just giving it to them?

bumpybump · April 2017

pbandjyummies said:

what are thoughts on hand delivering versus mailing out invitations? I feel like it should be mailed out but if you are going to see those being invited anyway any harm in just giving it to them?

I see no harm in handing them out. I think that's way more personal than all the evites and Facebook events I get as invites. Mailing or handing out are my vote.

brookeelyse527 · April 2017

Sip and sees are usually thrown by yourself. It's a way to celebrate the baby. You don't advertise that you want gifts though, but I'm sure friends/family might ask if you need/want something.

emmeline714 · April 2017

As long as you are not throwing your own it is fine whoever is doing it, my case the first baby I did not have one because I was against it all and now my both my SIL are throwing a baby shower for this baby which I still don't want one but they want to I just hate that I have to tell everyone hi and I don't know all my DH family side just his close family but his family is huge an I just always feel shy around them.

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