TW No heartbeat

silvergreen · April 2017

Went for a second scan today, and pretty devastated to find that baby no longer has a heartbeat. It hasn't grown from my first scan on 4/3, when it had a heartbeat of 111 and was measuring just over 6 weeks. From my LMP, I should have been just shy of 9 weeks today. I had been taking progesterone supplements since the first scan due to slightly low levels.

This is my first pregnancy/miscarriage and I'm absolutely terrified of what comes next. I haven't spotted or bled yet. My OBGYN is closed on Friday afternoons so I have been unable to discuss this with anyone...

Please, I would really appreciate any reassurance. I have no idea what to expect now, and I'm finding it difficult to not just lose myself to sheer grief and fear.

zigzag8412 · April 2017

So so sorry for your loss! Prayers!

Gatorgirl2009 · April 2017

I am so sorry for your loss.

ShePersisted · April 2017

So sorry for such bad news. This is hard and am
sorry you are dealing with this in such Limbo.

Did the Dr tell you what to expect in terms of next steps? Like do they want to do another scan or schedule you for a D&C? Sometimes if there is no HB and if it's not miscarried naturally then they will recommend a D&C or even medication to trigger the bleeding. And it may not be always done right away so perhaps they will call you Monday with some advice. If they have an emergency after hours line, I would call them and ask what to expect next. If not then it's going to be a pain waiting through the weekend but hopefully you can connect with them first thing Monday.

silvergreen · April 2017

@ShePersisted The ultrasound technicians got one of their radiology doctors on the phone, and he simply told me to expect an extra-heavy period with clots in the next few days. I have read a few other posts to try and understand a little more, and some have described excruciating labor-like pains and even passing a visible sac. All things that are causing me overwhelming anxiety.

My OBGYN has an out-of-office number provided for patients going into labor. I never met the doctor personally, only the OBGYN nurse practioner has seen me... It would basically be talking to a stranger at this point. Maybe I should try calling anyway, since I really have limited options.

E3A7AGGIE · April 2017

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage my very first pregnancy as well. We saw a low-ish heartbeat twice (around 6 weeks and again around 7ish or so) but then there was not one at 9 weeks. I totally understand your feeling of grief and the anxiety of how it may feel to miscarry. I ended up having a d&c because I was terrified of going thru the miscarriage, so I don't have any advice for you there. But I will say to go to the Miscarriage/Loss board and seek advice. My m/c was 6 years ago but I assume that it is still the same type of nurturing environment of understanding ladies who know exactly what you're going thru. I would still call your dr.'s after hours number to seek his/her guidance, even tho you never even met with them. I know there are some medications that may help the process along and make it quicker and maybe help with pain, too. Going thru a m/c can feel so lonely, but know that in no way you are alone!! Unfortunately so many of us have been in your shoes, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's hard to see right now. Big hugs.

ShePersisted · April 2017

@Thea17 especially if you are having anxiety they should be talking to you right away. If you certainly don't feel up for dealing with the natural process they should offer the D&C.

megankth · April 2017

So sorry to hear this! With my miscarriage I didn't have much pain at all but did have a lot of bleeding that lasted a couple of days. I would keep calling your Drs office on Monday and insist they get you in as well as maybe call that out of office number for now. Maybe you have friends or family that have been through this as well to help you with your grief? My aunt was very helpful through my mismiscarriage because she had experienced one as well. Again I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through.

liz4382 · April 2017

@Thea17 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I remember how hard the waiting part was. if you haven't had any spotting yet, I would say you have some time. I would definitely call the out of office number and see if you can talk to the doctor. Tell them about your worries and talk it through with them.

As far as pain--I did have contractions, it was painful but not excrutiating. It differs a lot from person to person. i got through it with Tylenol, but if you talk to your doctor, they may suggest something else.

I will be thinking about you as you go through this process. You will get through it! Take good care of yourself and rest this weekend. Thinking of you!!

cmessamore · April 2017

@Thea17 I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages. One that ended with spontaneous bleeding and one that required a D&C. The one with spontaneous bleeding was really uncomfortable, like a really heavily period with really intense cramps, but not what I would compare to labor. As others have said though, it can be different for different people. Also, I agree with calling your OB's after hours line and someone should be able to offer some advice. I'll be thinking about you.

TeacherMama7 · April 2017

@Thea17 I am so sorry to hear this. I had a miscarriage my first pregnancy, and it is the worst. Not just dealing with the physical part of it, but emotional as well.

Physically, I would try to have the miscarriage naturally. It feels like bad period cramps and heavy bleeding, but it's not the end of the world. Somehow, dealing with that helped make it real for me. Ibuprofen and a ice pack on our Lowe back (or bag of frozen peas!) will help.

Emotionally, let yourself grieve. This is a loss of a child, but it doesn't mean you're not this child's mom. You're still a mom and you'll always be this baby's mom. I don't know if you're religious or not, but I'm catholic and knowing that's I'll meet my two babies in Heaven when I die is so exciting to me. One helpful thing that I did was name both of my babies after I miscarried. I prayed about whetwher or not it was a girl or boy and then named the baby. So I have baby Elizabeth and baby charlotte in heaven. Also, the third day is the worst for your horomomes. So once you start miscarrying, that's a hard day, but the next day you'll feel better emotionally, like you can deal with this and it will be ok. Then the next day, your hormones go through a flip and you have a very emotional and sad day. That happened to me both times and I've read that the third day is he worst. After that, it gets better and you slowly heal.

i am starting the elizabeth ministry at my church, a ministry for women who struggle with miscarriages, infertility, adoption, infant loss, etc. Please let me know if you ever want to chat about this or if you want me to give you a phone call. I'm here! I will pray for you tonight!

ElizabethSchuyler · April 2017

I am so very sorry.

jka427 · April 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my first pregnancy around 9 weeks. I opted for the D&C after my body didn't seem to know I wasn't pregnant anymore. The D&C was quick and I was under general anesthesia so it didn't hurt at all. I had bleeding after the procedure just like a period but with no cramping. I preferred the procedure to get it over with at that point so I could move on. Very personal decision though.

Prayers for your healing.

ugoglencoco · April 2017

I am so very sorry for your loss. As others said, I would call your OB'S after hours line to get advice from them on your next steps. Let yourself grieve and be kind to yourself.

kissthesky32 · April 2017

I'm so sorry, @Thea17.

I think you should call the on call doctor. Your doctor can talk with you about the options. I've had 3 miscarriages occur naturally. It feels like intense period cramps. At 6 weeks, I don't think you'll notice any tissue, but you might. (I didn't at 6 weeks, but did at 7.)

I would ask for a repeat scan in your doctor's office and then talk with them about your anxiety and how to best handle the situation for you. If you are truly anxious, it may be easier to use the medication to prompt your body to miscarry than to wait for it to happen naturally.

TallMomma29 · April 2017

I'm so sorry @Thea17.

froggy994 · April 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so so hard. I've been through it in between my two boys. Mine didn't start naturally so I took drugs to get it going and ended up not needing a d&c. It was an emotional time and anxious time. Thinking of you.

DuchessOfCambridge · April 2017

I am so so sorry for your loss, my heart is breaking for you.

KT&John · April 2017

I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you.

MissMonroe11 · April 2017

I'm so very sorry and I'm so saddened that you weren't given more information/support by the doctors you saw. It's very hard. Mine too never occurred naturally and I had one with medication and two by D&C. Will be praying for you.

hedgepig · April 2017

So, so sorry to hear this. I'll be thinking of you.

av2323 · April 2017

I am so very sorry for your loss.

lancomechica2 · April 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss.

silvergreen · April 2017

Thank you, all. You are such an amazing group of ladies. I am sad that I will no longer be able to continue this journey with you.

I spoke to my sister, who lives in the UK. She experienced a miscarriage with her IVF treatment late last year, and has been equally supportive as all of you here. She has encouraged me to ask for the medication that will start the bleeding when I see my OB/GYN on Monday; she said she waited too long for it to happen on its own, and that was honestly the hardest part.

There is no way out, but through. I am not alone, and can only thank you all again for letting me know this.

Best of luck & happy wishes to everyone.

dragonfly87-2 · April 2017

I am so sorry for you loss. Other PPs have given great advice. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve and heal.

NYTino24 · April 2017

@Thea17 I am so sorry this is happening. PLEASE, if there is one thing you can remember from all of this, it's that NOTHING you did caused this. Don't feel like you need to hide it. If you want to talk about it in real life, do it. Also remember that miscarriages can vary widely. *TW* I went through labor pretty much. I had intense contractions and passed the baby two days later after feeling the need to push. If you do it naturally and collect the tissue, ask for it to be tested if you want to know if there was a chromosomal abnormality (which approximately 80%+ of miscarriages are). There are many of us on the PGAL check-in that you can reach out to. The MC/L and TTCAL boards may be helpful when you are ready. */TW*

emucoleman · April 2017

I don't know if you're still getting on here but I'm so, so sorry. It seems like miscarriage is different for everyone but for me, like for some PP, it felt like really bad period cramps. It wasn't excruciating. The emotional pain was much worse. After my first miscarriage, I had the opportunity to get free counseling so I took advantage of that for a couple of months and it helped immensely. I know that's not something everyone can do, but try to get as much help as you need. Since I hadn't been pregnant very long, I assumed that I would "get over it" within a couple months and be fine, but it took me much longer to deal with the pain. Be patient and take care of yourself. So sorry.

JDW0325 · April 2017

I'm so very sorry you are having to go through this. Big hugs

rms924 · April 2017

I am so sorry that you are going through this experience.

TW-Every woman experiences loss differently. For me the physical was not as bad as the emotional - your body still thinks it's pregnant and my symptoms just began to kick in. I bled in spurts and it was a process until my hcg went to 0. My dr monitored me.

On the emotional front: do what you need to do to take care of yourself. And give yourself time to process your grief. Get help if you need it. TW.

Im sending much love your way.

silvergreen · April 2017

Thank you, ladies. I am still visiting to read your stories. It's an anguishing wait of mixed emotions; I want it to be over, yet so fearful for it to begin. I am worried it will start to pass naturally before I can even get to my appointment and have some kind of painkiller on hand, especially on a holiday weekend... No sign of spotting or bleeding yet.

deeerfauxm · April 2017

So sorry, Thea. My first ended abruptly, give yourself all the time and mental space you need to grieve.

missrekaeagle · April 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss.

*TW* My loss at 6 weeks started naturally and felt like intense period cramps. I called the after hours maternity line at my practice even though I hadn't officially met my doctor at the time. The doctors on the line were helpful with answering my questions. Emotionally, I turned to a support group for women who had experienced loss because it was hard talking to my family friends about it. */TW*

Please remember to take care of yourself. You're not alone.

ShortStuff5 · April 2017

So sorry for your loss. I personally have been through this twice. My first miscarriage was excruciating I hate to say that but people should be told. I had the labor pains and passed clots for days. I had to just sit on the toilet pretty much that whole night I was in so much pain just moaning through each contraction. My ob did a ultrasound to see how much blood /clot was left unfortunately after all I had passed on the toilet there was still tons to come out I was given to options first medicine to help move things along but was told it could possibly not do the job as in making it all come out or I could opt for a D&C which I chose to do because if medicine didn't work she said I would have to do that anyhow. It was devasting we had already announced the pregnancy because it was our first. The D&C was fast and simple they out you under it was sad in recovery realizing it was all over. I also got very sick after from anthesieia had alot of motion sickness and vomiting. My second miscarriage was nothing like the first it was a positive pregnancy test and like a week later heavy bleeding no physical pain. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my angel babies and you won't either. It also made me appreciate my daughter so much more when we finally had our first baby and it makes you take pregnancy differently you won't want to share the news until later. I was in a church group that really helped me with healing in that time don't get me wrong it still makes me sad and to talk about it without crying hasn't happened for me it and it was two years ago when I was 22. Pray hard and God will help you through this time it's hard to understand why this happened why you I completely understand those feelings and hating people who have babies or being jealous it will happen for you take time to process and grieve but don't stop trying once you are cleared.

silvergreen · April 2017

I tried moving into the miscarriage/loss board, but I have had overwhelming support here, and I am so grateful. I just wanted to update.

I decided to have the D&C yesterday, after reading everyone's stories, and know in my heart that this was far and away the best option for me - especially as this was my first pregnancy. It's hard to explain why. I think I need to feel labor (which I am aware not everyone does during a MC) when I bring new life into this world. I just felt in my heart that I need that first experience of pain to be a positive one. I also needed to move past this so I can begin to heal; it's been beyond traumatic already, and I just needed to eliminate any further pain and anxiety that would come with waiting and passing on my own. That is a very personal decision - I know some women need to experience it for their own closure. I will continue to grieve, but it is strange, I am already feeling a sense of peace.

I realized that I cannot put a price on my mental and emotional wellbeing, so bit the bullet there. However, my OB and her surgical team were just so friendly and amazing despite all of the emotions I was going through.

Even though I lost my baby, I think the universe has returned to me so much love and support. I cannot thank everyone enough for that.

Wishing you all much love and happiness.

TeacherMama7 · April 2017

@Thea17 I'm glad you made your decision! Now that the worst part is over, you're on your way to heal now.

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