GTYK : Your family ! 11/04

yasandson · April 2017

Well in seemed to me that in last week's thread (ILs) a few of us wanted to talk about our families... I know i did lol.
So of course we're blessed to have parents and we love them ! But let's hear about the perfect fams, and the not so perfect ( here ! ).

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/l2JdTqhgHBU4AhhoQ/giphy.gif

Oh ! And good mornings mamaz !

carries2018 · April 2017

my family is awesome. far from perfect but i love them. i work with my parents so we have a love/hate relationship haha. jk we love each other. my parents have their faults but they provided us the best life they could. and whilst i am well aware of their flaws, ive always been protective of them, and now that i am a mother i am even more so. no one is perfect.

my sister are 10/7.5 years older than me. **TW** my parents were done having kids before me, but they babysat a neighbor's newborn and he ended up dying in their care from SIDS (the mom smoked throughout pregnancy). after that they decided to have me so i have always felt a connection to that little boy. without him i wouldn't be here **end TW**

growing up my sisters were like my mothers, but now i am like their mother haha, type A bossy boots at your service! but we are best friends, all very different but the same at the same time. even with our age gap we all had our first child within 10 months of each other. and we all got there through different paths: one sister adopted, one just left it up to fate, and I struggled. but somehow we all ended up there at the same time. it has been really special becoming a mother with them and having our kids (this baby makes #6 in 4 years :O ) all be bffs. we live a mile apart from each other. so you could say we are bffls.

yasandson · April 2017

My family ( mom dad and 18 months younger sister) used to live in Canada. For about 17 years. I was borned in Morocco but came to Montreal when I was 1 yo. Around my 18th birthday, i was not done with college, they announced we would pack up our things and go back to Morocco...which we did within months because my granma had passed and my mom didnt want the family business that her late father has started to go to waste. I lasted about 6 months, was severely depressed and "convinced" everyone i should go back to Montreal. Of course parents disagreed, but still let me go. Without any financial help. A friend had paid my ticket, and I found a job when I arrived to pay back. They had sent me to my aunt's place, she is 7 yrs older than I am. She hates me, and always did. Her own friends would tell me to be careful because she was jealous of me ( for a reason ive always failed to see, shes a beautiful engineer in mechanics). She would steal things from me, hide her own things in my stuff to tell my mom i was stealing from her. I was always seen like the liar, the thief in our fam because of her. Anyways, she introduced me to one of her Uni friends, who soon had became my first husband (worst five yrs of my life ). During a weekend I was in Quebec city, she just called my cousin in Montreal and told him she didnt wanna see me anymore, he should come and pick up all my stuff. Reason ? unknown.
Long story short ended up living in Quebec city with the husband. Parents sent me my sister. Again, with no money to take care of her. I was with someone who was using me to get his citizenship and so he would not work and not pay so I was 19 and had to provide for the dishonest man i had married and for my sister. Also i had 5 classes in uni, which i was also paying for. My parents knew all of that. Didnt matter to them. they later came to visit and paid everything for my sister, apartment, new furniture...eeeeverything.
I realize I,m writting this post in a waaaay too detailed manner lol this isnt my journal ( i dont keep one but just realized i should loool ) so long story short, i looooooove my parents and my sister. But i hold a grudge. Because they let me go at such a young age knowing i had NO idea what world i was off to. Because they always treated my sister like she was the only one that mattered ( they blame it on the fact that she lacked oxygen at birth and was always special ) . For sending me off to my aunts, who has never cared nor wanted the best for me. And for letting me go through divorce by myself without any support just because they did not agree with the union in the first place.
Our relationship got better the day I married H. They re in love with him. But I still feel like my sister's the one that matter most, her kids are the most important ones and so on.....
I know it sounds like I'm jealous of her. I'm not. Im really happy at least one of us got the attention they deserved from their parents.

*sorry for the ramble...again, it felt goood lol*

carries2018 · April 2017

wow @yasandson that is really tough! speaks a lot that you can still find the positive in all that.

jessafishy · April 2017

My family was pretty good growing up. My sisters and I didn't get along AT ALL, but that's kind of par for the course in childhood right?

Right after my freshman year of college my parents separated. My mom had been having an affair. This totally blindsided me, I never in a million years expected my parents to get divorced.

My dad leaned on me a lot more than he should have given I was only 18/19 years old. He and my mom still have virtually no relationship which is hard when it comes to grandkids and other kinds of events (i.e. my wedding) where they both need to be there.

My dad met his current wife about 8 months after the divorce was final. Within 4 months they were engaged and that's when she finally started showing her true colors. My relationship with my dad has been strained ever since (a lot of stuff went down with his wife, me, and my sisters and he basically took her side every time). I only recently started making an effort to have a relationship again because of DS. It's not his fault that I don't have a good relationship with him and I figure he should have a relationship with his grandpa if possible. If he decides on his own later he doesn't want one then that's fine too.

beezeee · April 2017

My family is a little (or a lot) crazy, but so great! My mom and dad had me and my younger brother and then divorced when I was 6. My dad was a horrible husband and did a lot of sh*tty things, but we were so young that we had no idea. They were able to keep things civil so that we could maintain a relationship with my dad after the divorce, so we're both really close to both parents. He was/is a great dad, supportive, fun, etc., but he's nuts. I'm glad that I didn't learn about the circumstances of the divorce until I was much older, because I think I would have had a hard time maintaining a relationship with him otherwise. He got remarried to a woman like 20 years younger than him, which lasted 6 months. He's mellowed out a lot now, and has been with his girlfriend/fiancé for almost 10 years. She has two middle school aged kids, and they're living the traditional family life that he didn't have with us. I'm happy for him that he's figured things out.

My mom is the best. We live 4 hours away, but we talk daily. She remarried when I was in high school (they were together for a very long time before that), and my step-dad is great too. I had a hard time getting along with him when I was in high school, honestly no idea why, but we're very close now - probably closer than I am with my dad. He has two daughters that are around my age, we used to be close, but not as much anymore because we don't live near each other. I also don't have much of a relationship with my brother anymore, because he lives far away and has a crazy wife, as I mentioned in the IL post last week.

bluejeanbabi05 · April 2017

@jessafishy are we the same person, because I could have written a lot of that.

Same age, same shock, Dad leaned on me too much. My mom left him so suddenly, at least it seemed that way to me- now I know she tried for years to get him to go to counseling and he refused. My mom says she didn't have an affair, and my dad insists she did. I believe her, because his evidence was extremely shaky and circumstantial, and I think he just wanted a reason to cling to as to why she left (and trust me, I got all the details because he overshared and CC'd me on all emails) but who knows. She's my best friend (I'm really cool like that) so believing that could be a survival strategy on my part.

I have a good relationship with my dad now, but we had some issues in the early step-years. My step-mom has mellowed but LORD she drives me crazy sometimes.

Quick step-story: the Christmas after our wedding I got my dad this gorgeous two-sided picture frame, the kind that hinges at the side. It was engraved with our wedding date and "I'll always be your little girl." On one side, I put a picture of me sitting on his lap when I was a little girl. On the other, a picture of our father-daughter wedding dance. Beautiful. Step-mom threw a fit because my mom was in the background of the dance photo. Because it was my wedding. And she's my mom. SERIOUSLY? It started drama that lasted 2 months. So dumb.

eta: and I have a younger brother who I love, but I'll refrain from aw-ing him any more than I did on the other thread

jessafishy · April 2017

@bluejeanbabi05 My mom actually DID have the affair and is now married to the guy she cheated with. I think this is why there are still a lot of negative feelings. I was very very angry with her for the long time and she is really really lucky my dad's current wife is such a terrible person because that's the only reason I kind of mellowed out on her and her husband.

They are great, really. They don't get in my business as an adult and her husband doesn't try to parent me like my dad's wife sometimes does (which obviously doesn't go over well). He is much younger than my mom and is only like a year older than my oldest BIL so that's a little weird, but they are very very supportive of us.

natleilynn · April 2017

My family is fairly boring. I grew up in a small, rural, poor area. Mom, dad, big brother. My mom and dad were both "oopsies" which resulted in my aunts/uncles being 10-20 years older than them. My grandparents have been gone for decades, my uncle was the oldest person at my wedding. My second cousins are far closer to my age than my first cousins, but they all lived several states away when I was growing up.

My mom was also older when she had me - technically I shouldn't even be here. She almost died in childbirth with my brother and had several miscarriages before I stuck. I never really went through a rebellious stage. They were strict on me, but I was focused on getting out of my hometown and making a better life for me and my future family. I was allowed to drink (as long as I stayed home), but never did - that kind of stuff.

All in all, I hope I have the kind of relationship with my kids that my parents had/have with me. They're here for me, but they also raised me to become independent and be able to take care of myself. I love my parents and want to be around them, but I don't need them around to live my life either. I see a lot of friends' parents who can't let go of the fact that their kids are now adults with families of their own. I want DD and this LO to know that I'm here for them always, successes or failures, but I'm going to let them fall sometimes so they can learn to pick themselves back up.

dajocl · April 2017

My parent story is a little sad and depressing, just a heads up if you don't want to read.

When my mom was 7 months pregnant with me, my dad left. He left her with a 10 year old, an almost two year old and me on the way. He had visitation rights but hardly used them for me, only my brothers. She realized that she needed to provide better for us and went to college and got a degree in nursing by the time I was 5. She raised us by herself until I was 10 when she married my step dad. They had my little brother a few years later after a long time trying.

Two years later when I was 14, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. To make a long story short, she passed away 8 years later. She beat a lot of odds but didn't live as long as she wanted to. She wanted to see my little brother graduate high school (which is happening this June) and she wanted to see me get married. She didn't get to see me get married but a few months before she passed she got to see my husband and I (before we were together) as the best man and maid of honor in our bff's wedding. So that was bittersweet..

My dad took his own life in 2012, shortly after getting out of jail. He struggled most of his life with alcoholism and gambling and all that come with that. It was still a little hard to process, just because I wonder what I could have done differently.

So, here I am at 30 and both parents are gone, so thats weird. But I have a great relationship with my step dad, he was always more of a father than my dad was. He lives 500 miles away but we see him a couple times a year and he's a wonderful grandpa to our little guy.

soprano19 · April 2017

Like several of you, my family today doesn't look like I thought it would while I was growing up.

My parents divorced when I was in college. We're pretty sure my dad left for another woman, though to this day he denies having an affair. He is now married to that woman, who had actually previously been a friend of my mom's when my parents were in a church couples' group with her and her ex-husband. Gross, I know.

My mom has handled the divorce both well and not well. She's fairly independent, so she's totally fine living on her own (with her dog), and she eventually sold my childhood home and moved into a new condo that's perfect for her and doesn't harbor all the memories of our old house. On the other hand, she's very clingy with me, H, and my brother, and it can be difficult to say no to her when she tries to monopolize our time.

My dad's extended family is mostly made up of conservative Christians, and my brother and I and our cousins were all basically raised that way as well. The adults in our family (our parents' generation) are horrible at expressing emotions or dealing with difficult situations, so things tend to get swept under the rug until they start to fall apart. Case in point: they refused to call my dad out on his bad behavior surrounding the divorce, to the point that his siblings and their spouses have now completely shunned my mom rather than figure out how to have relationships with both of them. My brother, H, and I now refuse to see most of that generation of the family because of how they've treated my mom, but we are still close with our cousins.

I do have a great relationship with my brother, who is 2.5 years younger than me. We're both teachers and have a lot in common besides that, and we live seven minutes apart. I'm very thankful to have him as a friend.

mrs_fogue · April 2017

Gosh, all these questions require books today. I'm sorry if I don't get to reading everyone.

Mom and Dad got divorced when I was 11ish. I have a little brother that is 4 years younger. My dad had an affair that resulted in my half sister that is 12 years younger.

I remember growing up I wished and prayed for a sister and on the July 31st, God gave me 4-1/2 (my little sister wasn't born until 2 weeks later.) Yep, my parents both remarried on the exact same day. You can imagine what happened going from me and my brother to such a large and dynamic family. It was fun and it was ugly.

So, my mom married my now step dad who was a really good friend from HS. He had 3 daughters and was going through the exact same thing that my mom was. They got married more out of convenience in that they both needed help raising their children. So all 5 of us lived together primarily. I have an older step-sister, a step-sister that is my age and a step-sister that is my brothers age. It was basically like having 2 sets of twins in our family. But we all got along great and I actually wouldn't change it for the world. Today, they are my best friends. Our husbands all get along and our kids have this loud and crazy group of cousins (#7 & #8 are set to arrive in September and October.) I have been fortunate to also experience pregnancy with each of them. Which is pretty cool.

On my dad's side, I have my half sister, but that relationship with her mom didn't last and I have a new step-mom. I actually think it's for the best because I went all Parent Trap on Step-mom#1 and our relationship just never would have had a chance. It took a little while to come around to step-mom #2 but now our relationship is as great as it ever has been. She has a daughter that is the second youngest in my family dynamic. She was raised like an only child since the 3 of us other siblings all lived with our moms. Our relationship isn't the best, but we are nice to each other when we are around.

So yeah, that my big fat crazy family!

ksf13 · April 2017

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sjohns908 · April 2017

Edited because stranger danger

VLillyV · April 2017

Ahhh. I've enjoyed reading everyone's story, everyone has such a unique life and upbringing!

My family life is a little complicated now. It wasn't before. My parents both entered the US in "wetback" fashion. They didn't know each other but met in a Salad packing warehouse. My mother prepared bagged salad and my dad was working his way up the ranks. They bought a very modest home with two bedrooms in a somewhat slummed place. They married and had me in their early 30s. Then two years later came my younger brother, and 2 more years came the last brother. My father had successfully crawled up and bought a much bigger home far away in a nice development.
Life was quiet, peaceful. I was treated well. My dad was an alcoholic but still did his best. My mom was a SAHM and doted on us.

it was in my middle school to high school years it got bad. My dad cheated on my mom with a former flame. I was the one who discovered it. My mom is not literate with technology and he got a text. " just got out the shower, LU" it took over a year for it to stop. Countless outings with her, expensive "business trips" and I had to deal with all of it on behalf of my mom.

this made me really dislike my father. I still don't forgive him for this. I just keep my rage tucked. Years were hostile after. I met my DH, fell in love. Grew up fast, moved states at 19 and have been independent since. I still talk to them but honestly, it's not a great relationship. When I told him of my engagement with my dear they had no reaction. They stared at me. This was meanwhile my brothers clapped furiously in the background applauding our engagement. We have been together seven years at that time.

Their lack of enthusiasm for my relationship with my husband has caused my husband to feel resentment towards them. They are strangers to him and he is a stranger to them. They don't make any attempt to get to know each other, I'm beginning to except that. I don't think they ever will. We like to keep a far distance. I haven't seen them in about two years. I may see them for about two days this year, and hopefully not see them very frequently after. I know my mother misses me dearly, she is now an empty Nester. My father continues to travel long links of time for business and for work. My brothers are in college now, growing up and living their lives. They are good people. It's just not a perfect family life nor is it awful

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