We are planning a homebirth, but because I'm on Zoloft (ok'd by three different docs before we got pregnant and after), we have to have an OB "okay" our homebirth by saying that they expect I'll have a normal pregnancy and delivery. She refused to sign off on that (I don't necessarily blame her since OBs get sued left and right), so now we are in limbo.
Since she she didn't say yes, but also didn't say no, we can go to another OB here in town that is used to dealing with LMs/CPMs (most midwives are CNMs), but there's no guarantee.
I'm REALLY frustrated and nervous with this whole thing, since the law is so vague, and I feel like other people are making decisions about my reproductive rights for me (or, as DH said, I just have the illusion that I had any rights to begin with). It's really dumb because if I were to go OFF my meds, this wouldn't be an issue and I wouldn't have to get an OBs approval. And obviously we don't want that.
Just feeling scared and needed to vent since I feel like we might be losing our home birth option.
@mrsmatt1212 I'm so sorry to hear that! What state do you live in (if you don't mind sharing)? That's so frustrating and I would feel the same way. I hope you can find an OB who will sign off for you!
@lyndshurt it is SO frustrating. And dumb. I live in FL, and I think the laws are pretty strict here from what I can tell. The law says that a woman with "mental health illness treated with drug therapy" is a risk score of 3, which once you reach 3 it requires an OB's approval. Since it's such an ambiguous statement our midwife felt like, legally, that included me. Anything risk factor 6 or above is automatically risked out of care and you have to deliver at a hospital.
The risk assessment also says that a person who had a recent psychotic break is only a risk score of 1 soooo there's that.
I think our OB just really didn't want any responsibility tied to her name (legally, there's no risk for her, it's all still tied to the midwife but we didn't really have time to explain that) and didn't know anything about Licensed Midiwves as opposed to the Certified Nurse Midwives who work in their office.
I'm just scared that this dumb law is going to prevent us from having the birth we want (and deserve!). Seriously praying we can find an OB to sign off!!
@mrsmatt1212 Ugh that sucks. I'm sorry you didn't get the answer you hoped for. Fingers crossed this other OB signs off. It's crazy how they group everyone into such a broad category. I can imagine how frustrating it is to feel like you have no say even though it's your birth experience.
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)? Home birth
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before? STM - well this is my fourth actually. All my others have been unmedicated as well, with the exception of trying nitrous oxide for about 3 breaths before passing it back to the nurse with my first. That was my only hospital delivery, I had stayed home for as long as possible and went in at 7cm, I was there for 3 hours and DD was born 40 minutes after I requested my waters be broken. My other two (DS1 and DS2) were both home births. DS1, we decided to try and induce labour by breaking my water (he was just shy of 2 weeks late at that point) and I was already 7cm with no labour pains. He was born 65 very intense minutes later. My last (DS2) was born after 4 hours of labouring at home. During which I baked muffins for everyone and rested on the couch with my cat until things go intense. I again requested my waters be broken and he was born 20 minutes later.
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing? I grew up with a Mom who was very pro natural birth and as the oldest of 5 I was privileged to attend the birth of my younger brother and sister. I also attended a number of other home deliveries in my community, as my Mom often acted as an unofficial doula and I would tag along and play with the other children. I was not actually present at these births but the experience of being nearby and knowing what was going on really made birthing seem like a natural and regular part of life. This really shaped my perception of birth and what our bodies are able to do. I strongly believe that fear is a very powerful inhibitor to birth and our society is great at blanketing the birthing process with fear. I have always believed that we have some amazing tools and interventions available to us and that they are extremely useful and lifesaving when needed but that they are heavily overused. I chose home birth because I felt that I wanted to have a quiet experience, in my own environment, where I was comfortable and could control who was present and what I chose to do to help cope. I despise hospital rules like, mandatory iv and being denied food and do not believe that they are necessary in most cases. I have loved my previous birth experiences and am hoping to have another smooth experience this time around.
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)? Baby #6 will be an unmedicated hospital because it makes the most sense financially and I have had great unmedicated hospital births before.
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before? Baby#1 was an induced and medicated hospital birth. Baby#2 was unmedicated hospital birth. Baby#3 was unmedicated hospital birth. Baby#4 was unmedicated homebirth. Baby#5 was unmedicated homebirth.
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing? I hated not feeling like a I was a participant in the labor and birth process when I was bullied into an epidural by my OB with my first birth. The recovery was slow and crappy so every birth since I have chosen unmedicated and have never regretted it.
Eliza
Married to a pharmacist
Mother of two boys, three girls, and one more little boy on the way!
Two time miscarriage survivor.
So happy to be expecting our sixth child in August 2017!
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)? Unmedicated at hospital with Midwife.
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before? STM. No my son came unexpectedly at 36 weeks and it was traumatizing. Was given pictocin and I accepted out of fear and not knowing.
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing? The anesthesialogist messed up my epidural and I suffered from a punctured lumbar.. so I had the severe headaches from cervical fluid leaking. I want this to be a healing experience! I am hiring a doula to help me through. I will most likely start hypno birthing class soon.. i watched the birth of giving business and wow what an eye opener!!
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)?
Unmediated at hospital/birth center with a midwife. The birth center is connected to the hospital, just one building over.
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before?
FTM
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing?
i watched the Netflix documentary that was recommended in the thread and was very glad that I did. I saw a water birth video in one of my family consumer science classes that peaked my interest back in high school. Up until December I worked with new and expectant Parents with their children in a home visitation program and learned several things from that experience that continued to push me towards an unmedicated delivery. I've talked with my DH and my mom and think that we are going to hire a doula. I wanted both of them to be there, but we think a doula may be super helpful to have as well. I wanted a water delivery, but the practices policy is you can labor in water but not deliver, so I'm still learning all the options I have.
@babydancer83 oh man, what a scary experience. Praying this birth is so healing for you! I think hiring a doula is definitely going to help regardless of the outcome.
@erindippity I think hiring a doula is a great idea! Hopefully the one you find is familiar with the birth center you're delivering at and can help wade through the many options you have and help you be educated in those options!
I do believe you can have a good experience at a hospital but I highly recommend having a doula with you. You will have better chances at a baby friendly hospital. You can look for those here: https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/
@mrsmatt1212 I'm so sorry to hear you aren't allowed to have a home birth..I know you were really looking forward to it. You can make the hospital experience whatever you want it to be - just keep telling yourself that.
Thanks for the love ladies. Definitely had a good cry. @livlew-2 we do have a birth center but they operate under the same laws, so it would have the same outcome Also we are definitely getting a doula now.
ETA: My midwives requested the record from our visit last week at the OB who we needed to sign off on the home birth (because I'm on zoloft) and the OB had added a lot of stuff that we did NOT cover in the appointment, like “client is HIGH RISK and NOT a good candidate for home birth” and stuff like that, so now no other OB will touch the approval for my home birth. Literally at the end of our appointment last week the OB said, verbatim, “I think you’re in really good hands” talking about my midwife. So feeling pretty decieved and now I don't know if I need to find another OB since I don't really trust this one.
@mrsmatt1212 I'm really sorry to hear that. But honestly that would rub me wrong to have things added to my record that were not covered with me. I would visit another OB just for peace mind if it were me, because that would leave a bad taste in my mouth.
@erindippity for sure, I can't imagine trusting her for the rest of my pregnancy + delivery when that crap was pulled. What she wrote was the opposite of what was discussed; I think she was trying to cover her butt after the appointment in case we did do a home birth and something went wrong. Regardless, it's lying.
@mrsmatt1212 I'm so sorry that they didn't clear you for your homebirth, and your OB is acting so shady. I would definitely try to find another one. Also is there any CNM that have privileges at any hospitals near you? If not a new OB you trust and feel completely comfortable with is definitely a must. Creepy internet stranger hugs to you. So sorry this is happening.
Met DH 2008-engaged 8/10/2011-married 7/21/12
DD1 born on her due date 05/01/2012 7lbs12oz and 19 3/4 inches long
DD2 born 12/07/2013 @ 39w6d 8lbs15oz 20 3/4 inches long
#3 EDD 09/27/2015 ~ we are going for a HOME birth!
@homemakermama not creepy at all, I'll take all the internet hugs today. There are CNMs at both hospitals actually, so that is promising, but the CNMs at one hospital don't deliver. So if I want a CNM Delivering (which I'm definitely leaning towards) then that limits which place.
dont know if all those words make sense since my brain is over it.
@mrsmatt1212 You made sense I'm glad that's an option for you! I love the CNM's at the hospital I'm at. They stay with you pretty much threw out the whole delivery, and are just so much more personal then an OB (in my experience). I know there are OB's out there who are pretty amazing to.
Met DH 2008-engaged 8/10/2011-married 7/21/12
DD1 born on her due date 05/01/2012 7lbs12oz and 19 3/4 inches long
DD2 born 12/07/2013 @ 39w6d 8lbs15oz 20 3/4 inches long
#3 EDD 09/27/2015 ~ we are going for a HOME birth!
Just came in to check for an update @mrsmatt1212. I'm so sorry that your home birth didn't work out! That OB sounds sketch. Praying you find a good OB/midwife that will support your choices and preferences!!
@lyndshurt you're so sweet. Definitely upset and feeing like I'm not getting to decide what happens to my body. Starting to mourn the home birth we had pictured, and hopefully can focus on having an unmedicated hospital birth that is just as good.
@mrsmatt1212 you can totally have a wonderful non-medicated birth experience in a hospital. I did with my first and it was great. I also didn't have an OB that was overly supportive of un-medicated birth, although I can't say she was very supportive of much. I saw her for a couple minutes at each appointment and otherwise it was all with student doctors. It was the resident doc on shift at the hospital that delivered my baby and she was there for about 20 minutes at the end. Basically I stayed at home for as long as I could and if you have a Doula they will probably be able to help guide you with that as well. I totally would have gone into the hospital way to early if I didn't have my very experienced mom there to say no it's not time yet. I laboured at home for most of it and just went it at 7 cm. Then I laboured in the tub for about an hour and a half with the nurse coming in every few minutes and she was born only a few hours after being at the hospital. My OB came in 20 minutes after she was born to tell me that next time I would know to come in earlier so I could have an epidural, which I had clearly told her I didn't want. But despite her complete lack of attention (or perhaps because of it) I just laboured how I wanted and had a fabulous supportive nurse. It was a really wonderful first experience and I really wouldn't change it at all. I know that you will be able to have a fabulous in-hospital experience too. My only suggestion would be to switch providers if you can and see if you can find one that will support your wishes and who you trust. There are so many really supportive providers out there and if something does happen and you do need intervention you want to know you can trust what the OB will tell you! Wishing you all the best!
@Verstej2 that's so encouraging. We're definitely switching providers at this point, so that's encouraging. And getting a. Doula for sure. Honestly I just want to be left alone haha! I wish that hospitals would just leave labeling women alone unless something is wonky.
Im dreading cervical checks all the time (midwives don't do that since it doesn't matter how far dilated you are, either baby is coming out at that moment or she isn't). I just know that'll be so disruptive!
@mrsmatt1212 yes being left alone to do my thing was what I wanted too. And they did do that at my hospital birth. Plus they only checked me once when I was admitted and otherwise not until I was pretty much ready to push. Neither check was rough or painful either. Also I would put together just a super short birth plan that you can pass to the nurse when you go in. Just stating that you want to be left to labour with as little interference as possible and would prefer to have as few checks as possible. Just having these on a small card to hand the nurse means you won't forget in the moment and it will let her know what your very basic preferences are. Plus if you have a doula she will help advocate for all of that as well. Plus the nurse wasn't in the room the whole time, just checked on me every now and then. I think she was happy to have an easy patient. There was very little she needed to do. I certainly hope you get such an easy nurse as well.
I really think the key was staying home as long as possible. I think the longer you are there the more likely they are to want to interfere. They like women to stay on a time schedule and if you go in too early you risk going beyond their comfort zone.
@Verstej2 love all of that advice. And we are TOTALLY planning on staying at home as long as possible! Part of me is worried I'll stay at home until the end because I don't want to go to the hospital hah.
@mrsmatt1212 I had an unmedicated hospital birth with DS and while my OB was not unsupportive I she wasn't supportive either. That is what a Douala is for to be that support for you. I don't know if this is what they all do, but ours came to our house and labored with me at home and then went to the hospital with us. Again I don't think the hospital we were at was pro-unmedicated births but it didn't matter to me because I knew what I wanted. Like a previous poster said do as much as you can at home. My labor ended up going really fast so I was 9 1/2 by the time we got to the hospital so there wasn't even a chance to get an epidural.
I think the most important thing is to know what you want and be firm in that. I personally prefer the hospital birth because it offers a since of security if something were to happen and allows me to relax more and focus on giving birth.
Just got off the phone with my midwife. The fights not over! We're heading to a University health system two hours away for a second opinion. She has a midwife in Tampa who she consulted with, who agreed this is crap, and who just had a patient on Zoloft AND Valium be ok'd by the docs at this university. They're extremely pro-midwife there and include midwives in obstetric continuing education and conferences. And there's nothing in the law saying we can't get a second opinion. It's actually pretty standard for the OBs there and we won't see them until we do our 28 week labs, etc so they can confirm it's all normal. PLEASE pray that this works out!!!! (I'm also trying not to get my hopes up and prepare for all things, but mainly I just want someone to listen to me and for my opinions and voice to matter and for an OB to not be shady and put lies in my records.)
this is all all such a rollercoaster but I have a feeling it's totally preparing me for parenting
mrsmatt1212 that is fantastic news. Keep advocating for yourself and be proud even if things don't work out the way you wanted. But it sounds really positive. I will keep my fingers crossed that this works out for you!
Also, I met Ina May Gaskin yesterday at the Texas birth round up and I acted like a major fan girl haha. She is amazing!!! I want her to be my grandma and my midwife.
I'm starting to consider an unmedicated hospital birth. I always thought I would go medicated since I have white coat syndrome and have a hard time with doctors, hospitals, etc. I do think I have a high pain tolerance so I may try to tough it out.
Re: Homebirth/Birth Center Mamas
Since she she didn't say yes, but also didn't say no, we can go to another OB here in town that is used to dealing with LMs/CPMs (most midwives are CNMs), but there's no guarantee.
I'm REALLY frustrated and nervous with this whole thing, since the law is so vague, and I feel like other people are making decisions about my reproductive rights for me (or, as DH said, I just have the illusion that I had any rights to begin with). It's really dumb because if I were to go OFF my meds, this wouldn't be an issue and I wouldn't have to get an OBs approval. And obviously we don't want that.
Just feeling scared and needed to vent since I feel like we might be losing our home birth option.
The risk assessment also says that a person who had a recent psychotic break is only a risk score of 1 soooo there's that.
I think our OB just really didn't want any responsibility tied to her name (legally, there's no risk for her, it's all still tied to the midwife but we didn't really have time to explain that) and didn't know anything about Licensed Midiwves as opposed to the Certified Nurse Midwives who work in their office.
I'm just scared that this dumb law is going to prevent us from having the birth we want (and deserve!). Seriously praying we can find an OB to sign off!!
Home birth
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before?
STM - well this is my fourth actually. All my others have been unmedicated as well, with the exception of trying nitrous oxide for about 3 breaths before passing it back to the nurse with my first. That was my only hospital delivery, I had stayed home for as long as possible and went in at 7cm, I was there for 3 hours and DD was born 40 minutes after I requested my waters be broken. My other two (DS1 and DS2) were both home births. DS1, we decided to try and induce labour by breaking my water (he was just shy of 2 weeks late at that point) and I was already 7cm with no labour pains. He was born 65 very intense minutes later. My last (DS2) was born after 4 hours of labouring at home. During which I baked muffins for everyone and rested on the couch with my cat until things go intense. I again requested my waters be broken and he was born 20 minutes later.
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing?
I grew up with a Mom who was very pro natural birth and as the oldest of 5 I was privileged to attend the birth of my younger brother and sister. I also attended a number of other home deliveries in my community, as my Mom often acted as an unofficial doula and I would tag along and play with the other children. I was not actually present at these births but the experience of being nearby and knowing what was going on really made birthing seem like a natural and regular part of life. This really shaped my perception of birth and what our bodies are able to do. I strongly believe that fear is a very powerful inhibitor to birth and our society is great at blanketing the birthing process with fear. I have always believed that we have some amazing tools and interventions available to us and that they are extremely useful and lifesaving when needed but that they are heavily overused. I chose home birth because I felt that I wanted to have a quiet experience, in my own environment, where I was comfortable and could control who was present and what I chose to do to help cope. I despise hospital rules like, mandatory iv and being denied food and do not believe that they are necessary in most cases. I have loved my previous birth experiences and am hoping to have another smooth experience this time around.
21 weeks
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)?
Baby #6 will be an unmedicated hospital because it makes the most sense financially and I have had great unmedicated hospital births before.
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before?
Baby#1 was an induced and medicated hospital birth. Baby#2 was unmedicated hospital birth. Baby#3 was unmedicated hospital birth. Baby#4 was unmedicated homebirth. Baby#5 was unmedicated homebirth.
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing?
I hated not feeling like a I was a participant in the labor and birth process when I was bullied into an epidural by my OB with my first birth. The recovery was slow and crappy so every birth since I have chosen unmedicated and have never regretted it.
How far along are you? 22.2 weeks!
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)? Unmedicated at hospital with Midwife.
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before? STM. No my son came unexpectedly at 36 weeks and it was traumatizing. Was given pictocin and I accepted out of fear and not knowing.
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing? The anesthesialogist messed up my epidural and I suffered from a punctured lumbar.. so I had the severe headaches from cervical fluid leaking. I want this to be a healing experience! I am hiring a doula to help me through. I will most likely start hypno birthing class soon..
i watched the birth of giving business and wow what an eye opener!!
How far along are you?
22 weeks
What type of birth are you planning (home, birth center, unmedicated at hospital)?
Unmediated at hospital/birth center with a midwife. The birth center is connected to the hospital, just one building over.
FTM? STM?/ Have you had an unmedicated birth before?
FTM
GTKY: What made you choose an unmedicated birth and how are you preparing?
i watched the Netflix documentary that was recommended in the thread and was very glad that I did. I saw a water birth video in one of my family consumer science classes that peaked my interest back in high school. Up until December I worked with new and expectant Parents with their children in a home visitation program and learned several things from that experience that continued to push me towards an unmedicated delivery. I've talked with my DH and my mom and think that we are going to hire a doula. I wanted both of them to be there, but we think a doula may be super helpful to have as well. I wanted a water delivery, but the practices policy is you can labor in water but not deliver, so I'm still learning all the options I have.
@erindippity I think hiring a doula is a great idea! Hopefully the one you find is familiar with the birth center you're delivering at and can help wade through the many options you have and help you be educated in those options!
someone pleassse tell me we can have an empowering, unmedicated experience at a hospital because right now I'm scared.
I do believe you can have a good experience at a hospital but I highly recommend having a doula with you. You will have better chances at a baby friendly hospital. You can look for those here: https://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/
Also, are there any birth centers near you? You can check here: https://www.birthcenters.org/search/custom.asp?id=2926
Hugs!
ETA: My midwives requested the record from our visit last week at the OB who we needed to sign off on the home birth (because I'm on zoloft) and the OB had added a lot of stuff that we did NOT cover in the appointment, like “client is HIGH RISK and NOT a good candidate for home birth” and stuff like that, so now no other OB will touch the approval for my home birth. Literally at the end of our appointment last week the OB said, verbatim, “I think you’re in really good hands” talking about my midwife. So feeling pretty decieved and now I don't know if I need to find another OB since I don't really trust this one.
dont know if all those words make sense since my brain is over it.
@lyndshurt you're so sweet. Definitely upset and feeing like I'm not getting to decide what happens to my body. Starting to mourn the home birth we had pictured, and hopefully can focus on having an unmedicated hospital birth that is just as good.
Im dreading cervical checks all the time (midwives don't do that since it doesn't matter how far dilated you are, either baby is coming out at that moment or she isn't). I just know that'll be so disruptive!
I really think the key was staying home as long as possible. I think the longer you are there the more likely they are to want to interfere. They like women to stay on a time schedule and if you go in too early you risk going beyond their comfort zone.
I had an unmedicated hospital birth with DS and while my OB was not unsupportive I she wasn't supportive either. That is what a Douala is for to be that support for you. I don't know if this is what they all do, but ours came to our house and labored with me at home and then went to the hospital with us. Again I don't think the hospital we were at was pro-unmedicated births but it didn't matter to me because I knew what I wanted. Like a previous poster said do as much as you can at home. My labor ended up going really fast so I was 9 1/2 by the time we got to the hospital so there wasn't even a chance to get an epidural.
I think the most important thing is to know what you want and be firm in that. I personally prefer the hospital birth because it offers a since of security if something were to happen and allows me to relax more and focus on giving birth.
Just got off the phone with my midwife. The fights not over! We're heading to a University health system two hours away for a second opinion. She has a midwife in Tampa who she consulted with, who agreed this is crap, and who just had a patient on Zoloft AND Valium be ok'd by the docs at this university. They're extremely pro-midwife there and include midwives in obstetric continuing education and conferences. And there's nothing in the law saying we can't get a second opinion. It's actually pretty standard for the OBs there and we won't see them until we do our 28 week labs, etc so they can confirm it's all normal. PLEASE pray that this works out!!!! (I'm also trying not to get my hopes up and prepare for all things, but mainly I just want someone to listen to me and for my opinions and voice to matter and for an OB to not be shady and put lies in my records.)
this is all all such a rollercoaster but I have a feeling it's totally preparing me for parenting