Mental Health Check In 3/28

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

I'm a day late here, but hopefully not a dollar short...

How's everyone feeling this week?

jayandaplus · March 2017

I'm good! 6 hours of sleep and had to get up to pee 3 times, so exhausted. But considering everything, I'm good.

You?

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

@jayandaplus Glad to hear! It seemed like you were having a rough last few weeks, so I'm glad to hear that things have been better!

I'm doing ok this week. I have my shower on Sunday, and I don't have a dress, and clothes shopping in general is pretty awful for me, so I'm trying not to think too much about it, but I'm dreading it already.
I had a meltdown on Friday, crying, yelling at DH, venting, it seemed like he listened, which was good, because he's been so agitated lately it has been hard to manage. After trying so long for a baby I almost feel selfish to wish this pregnancy away, it is so damn hard.

jayandaplus · March 2017

@Jens_Hoes I know what you mean about feeding bad wishing to not be pregnant, especially after trying and conceiving was hard. But you're not wishing to not have your baby, you're just over the pregnancy. It's a torturous 9 months!

It seems like you'd been hitting some bad fortune. Are things looking up?

lilmisscrafty-2 · March 2017

First time check in. I have a history of anxiety and depression. After having a meltdown on Sunday, I thought maybe I should join you guys.

I've been feeling lately like I'm losing my identity. With my work, I'm used to going out to a lot of events but I haven't physically felt up to it. I work-at-home and it's been great having H around during the day (he works nights) because I don't feel alone. But now he's taking on a day job as well. Up until a couple of years ago, we only saw each other on the weekends because of our conflicting schedules. So, you'd think I'd be used to it. But the thought of being home alone with a baby is starting to freak me out.

On Sunday we discovered that his new job only offers employee-only health insurance. We've been paying out of pocket. This discovery set me off and I completely lost it. I think H sensed that my meltdown was imminent because he handled it really well. I feel awful that he has to deal with me plus the stress of starting a new job.

I've started making a list of things to do to get me out of the house and lift my spirits. Like a pre-baby bucket list. And I'm going to look at mommy groups in my area. Just writing this makes me feel a little better.

OmegaRose3 · March 2017

@Jens_Hoes I don't enjoy being pregnant. It's taken a lot for me to say it aloud, but it's true. I felt selfish for the longest time because my first pregnancy ended in a loss and my pregnancy with DD was really tough. It doesn't mean I don't want this baby or feel grateful in other ways to have this experience, but sometimes being pregnant sucks. And you're not a bad person for feeling that way.

BeachMommy2B · March 2017

@jayandaplus sorry about not sleeping, but glad you are doing well otherwise

@Jens_Hoes Pregnancy is tough, and it seems like the last month or two just get harder. Don't feel guilty for wanting the pregnancy to be over. Not liking pregnant definitely is not the same as not being grateful for your baby on the way. I put that into two very different categories! re: clothes it seriously is just torture! I don't really have any good advice on this one, again the last two months of pregnancy just all around blow!

@LilMissCrafty Sorry about the insurance at your husbands new job. That can be so stressful. Its nice that your husband seems to be understanding. I'm fairly new to this thread too. I had PPD last time with DD and started feeling really bummed and having those feelings again. This group has been really supportive just in the past few weeks that I've joined in. I'm glad you noticed the feelings early and posted here, I hope it helps you too!

I, like some others, am just so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I'm cranky and moody and just feel like overall garbage. Fiance has been trying to be overly helpful and supportive so it helps to know how much he cares. He did make things a little worse this past weekend, i was trying to find a dress to wear to lunch with my friend (that turned into a shower he knew was a surprise). I went out and bought a couple and when I came home he just said a couple things that made me feel not so pretty in the dresses. Then he proceeds to try to go into the closet and pull out a pre pregnancy dress that was his favorite. I now understand why he was being so particular, he just wanted everything to be perfect for my shower, his delivery was just not the greatest.

nda_roxybabe · March 2017

@LilMissCrafty Thats rough! I find making lists seems to help me. A list of what's bugging me, what I'm worried about, what I can do, whatever. Sometimes its nice to see it laid out instead of bouncing around your head. Definitely focus on you at the moment and not losing yourself. I feel like I often lose friends and that's rough. This board has helped me and I'm hoping some Mom groups will as well.

I've been doing really well mentally and feeling much more in control with H's job straightened out. This week though, work is stressing me out. Like the type of stress I used to have at my old job 8 months ago. It makes me feel sick. It's all just this one person and this one project too. The one I've mentioned before. I'm not 100% sure how to handle it as I'm still in my first year and don't want to seem difficult or like I cant work with others. If anyone has some anti stress tips, I'd love them! Stress gives me heartburn and I've already get enough of that, plus I feel bad for baby when I stress.

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

@jayandaplus surprisingly I'm ok. My husband's work is seasonal, and he is about to go back into the swing of things, which will help for so many reasons (financial, his mental health, his pissyness). I also have so many positive things coming up, I'm trying to stay focused on that.

@LilMissCrafty Welcome! Feel free to come and post as you please. I'm sorry everything has been stressful for you, anything fun on your bucket list??

@BeachMommy2B @OmegaRose3 Thank you for the support- I know that my pregnancy has been "easy" in that I've had no major issues and my daughter is perfectly healthy, It is hard to put into perspective how much this SUCKS but I love the end result lol
I'm glad your shower was good, it must have been such a nice surprise to walk in somewhere and be the guest of honor!

@nda_roxybabe I think that meditation/mindfulness can be really helpful. The best way to describe it would be to just be in a quiet place, and try to be quiet with your thoughts and body. It takes some work initially, as we are so used to letting a million thoughts run through our heads, but trying to be calm, quiet and peaceful can be really calming. Also, things like "flow activities" can be helpful. These are things that you can do that require brain power, but not so much that you actually have to think about what you're doing. For me, it is working out, for my husband it is mowing the lawn. He truly enjoys mowing, and it is a time for him to be by himself and not have to think about anything or perseverate on things that he is stressed about. Hope some of that helps!!

lilmisscrafty-2 · March 2017

Thanks for the warm welcome!

@Jens_Hoes My list is made up of the usual things like a mani/pedi and going to the movies. I'm contemplating staying in a really nice hotel for a night. Money guilt is the only thing stopping me.

@nda_roxybabe I have a couple of meditation apps on my phone that help keep me sane. Also, 30 seconds of deep breathing. At my last job I tried to go for a short walk twice a day. The exercise and removing myself from the environment helped.

chailife34 · March 2017

Welcome @LilMissCrafty glad you're here and hoping this calm down soon. Vent away, safe space!

@Jens_Hoes I love your tip about flow activities. I often forget how helpful they are to get into the zone.

Lately, with all of the big changes with our birth plan going from out of hospital water birth to high risk csection, it's been so overwhelming. I find myself caught with circular thinking and can't get out of it, especially in the middle of the night. Tonight is night two in the hospital (first time ever staying for more than a few hours) and I'm praying for more sleep and less anxiety. I kept waking up last night disoriented - "where am I? Oh yeah.... this is real." I feel grateful for my incredible support system which has been my saving grace but holy cow. This is real. I'm trying really hard to enjoy the peace and calm before surgery and before newborn life. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time..

Hoping everyone finds a calm week ahead of them. Spring is practically here and we are in the home stretch before baby cuddles. Positive vibes to all

OmegaRose3 · March 2017

@nda_roxybabe When I need to de-stress I get rid of clutter. I clean, I sort and it gives me a way to declutter my mind as well. Otherwise, soaking in the tub and taking a walk by myself or with DD in the stroller can help me relax and recenter.

Mentally, I feel like I'm doing better. I've been upset about a few things and really struggled with my emotions about how to handle things, causing me to realize that I tend to be an angry person in general. I don't necessarily think it's a bad temper thing, but just that I tend to get stuck in a place of frustration because I don't want to be upset about things, but feel like I am surrounded by people who have no respect for the fact that I do have feelings because I allow people to treat me like "the mom" ....I hope that makes sense.
Any advice about how to change that? How do I get people to acknowledge and be thoughtful of my feelings?

redheeler · March 2017

Jens_Hoes said:

@jayandaplus Glad to hear! It seemed like you were having a rough last few weeks, so I'm glad to hear that things have been better!

I'm doing ok this week. I have my shower on Sunday, and I don't have a dress, and clothes shopping in general is pretty awful for me, so I'm trying not to think too much about it, but I'm dreading it already.
I had a meltdown on Friday, crying, yelling at DH, venting, it seemed like he listened, which was good, because he's been so agitated lately it has been hard to manage. After trying so long for a baby I almost feel selfish to wish this pregnancy away, it is so damn hard.

I just want to touch on this... pregnancy is not easy! It is not a pain Olympics, you do not have to feel bad for hating pregnancy because you struggled to get here or because others are struggling. The goal at the end of the day is a healthy baby, pregnancy is a means to an end, not the goal. NEVER feel bad for complaining! (I mean with the exception of complaining to someone who has been trying for several years or who hasn't just been through a loss, they don't want to hear it at that point)

kns1988 · March 2017

OmegaRose3, I get what you mean about feeling like the mom. I used to fill that role with my friend group (I eventually moved away and found less needy friends). But really, I think the best thing you can do is say "no" when people are expecting too much from you and to be direct when you feel unappreciated - the old "When you do X, I feel Y." Women tend to fill that mothering, nurturing role and then they get taken advantage of.

*Vent* I do have a friend right now who considers me her best friend, but she's treating me like a therapist. I haven't called her in a month because I've been upset that the last time we talked, she was totally disinterested in what I was dealing with in my home buying process, after I had spent hours talking to her about her desire to leave her husband. I've been waiting for her to reach out, but I should probably lower my expectations.

kns1988 · March 2017

I'm doing well. I was stressed about something yesterday, but I've been finding ways to relax. I'm not a bath person at all, but I took a bath for like 40 minutes last night with music and candles, and I felt great afterwards. DH came home right when I had finished and then we were able to have a nice evening together, instead of me being a ball of emotions.

jayandaplus · March 2017

@LilMissCrafty Welcome! Sorry you're having a hard week, but it sounds like you're handling the stress well! It's great to be proactive, make lists, and take what's worrying you seriously right away so it doesn't fester. I hope your preparation now and getting out of the house now will help post-baby too!

@nda_roxybabe You only have a few weeks left before you go on leave, right? Do you return to the same coworker/project? Is there a way to talk to the person to resolve whatever bugs you? I don't think I really have any anti-stress tips, except keeping a stress ball in your drawer to squeeze when people piss you off.

@chailife34 I'm so sorry to hear about your change in birth plan! How terrifying and upsetting! In the end, you can only do what's best for baby, which is what you're doing. I hope things go well in the hospital and it's not a terrible experience overall. Thinking about you.

@OmegaRose3 I've felt like a very angry person this pregnancy. I have no suggestions, just don't feel alone. Are there certain people in particular you could talk to so they acknowledge your feelings more?

@kns1988 Sorry about your friend. Maybe it's best you take time away from that relationship? It's not fair she's just using you and not providing support back. The bath sounds great. I'm glad you found a way to unwind and pamper yourself (and baby)!

nda_roxybabe · March 2017

Thanks guys! I went on a little walk, took some deep breaths. I love the decluttering idea, but I'm already very clutter free and the biggest stresser of this project is that I want it to be streamlined and paperless and the other person doesn't, haha!
@jayandaplus You sound like my H

He was like "You have a 2 month vacation coming up!" I chose to ignore his use of "vacation" and take it the sweet way he intended it. Unfortunately, yup, project with the same person will continue upon my return. It's a permanent thing.

I'm about to go into a big meeting to discuss how to to streamline it and give my ideas (as I was asked), so wish me luck!

jayandaplus · March 2017

@nda_roxybabe I would never use the word "vacation" for maternity leave, BUT, I do hope the change of pace will help. I'm sorry you come back to the same person/project! Hopefully this meeting goes well and you're allowed to streamline and go paperless.

nda_roxybabe · March 2017

jayandaplus said:

@nda_roxybabe I would never use the word "vacation" for maternity leave, BUT, I do hope the change of pace will help. I'm sorry you come back to the same person/project! Hopefully this meeting goes well and you're allowed to streamline and go paperless.

Haha yea, he clearly doesn't quite get it. I knew he was trying to be sweet and honestly, I'm so looking forward to it and I love newborns so who knows! Meeting went well. Only step 1 of many, many, but hey...

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