TTC After a Loss

Fighting depression after 3 losses

Hello, I am new to these discussion boards, but am feeling like I have no where else to turn. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years to have a baby. Our first 2 losses we were only about 6-7 weeks along. It turns out that I had a heart shaped uterus and the embryos kept implanting where there was not enough blood flow. I was sent to a specialist where they performed surgery to correct the shape of my uterus. Everything went well and after getting the green light to try again we got pregnant again. We were actually able to see and hear the heartbeat this time at our 8 week ultrasound. 2 weeks later we had another ultrasound and it was gone. I was heartbroken. We have had all the testing done and they can't find anything wrong with us. On top of everything, all of the changes in my hormones has triggered a serious depression. I have no motivation to do anything and can't seem to get happy or excited about much. I'm just looking for some advice on how to stay positive and upbeat when things feel so hopeless and everyone I know is turning up pregnant. Or any stories of people who have had similar experiences and gone on to have a successful pregnancy. Any help is greatly appreciated!

Re: Fighting depression after 3 losses

  • I have been fighting depression for many, many years. One of the things that has helped me consistently is quotes. I find one that motivates me and I use it like a mantra. If/When it gets stale, I look for a new one. I have "Love is the only rational act" tattooed on my chest. The family calendar has "Obsessed is a word that the lazy use to describe the dedicated" written at the bottom. I recently came across "The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." I write them down, print them out, say them to myself. I read and watch TV if I think I'm about to spiral to interrupt my thought patterns. 
    D17 May Siggy Challenge: Favorite TV/Movie Mom



    *TW*
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    30 January 2017: Loss at 6+2

     8 March 2017: Loss at 5+4

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Oh I like that last quote @pandawares - I've recently decided to embrace this ttc journey and not be worried about how long it will take.

    to OP - I'm so sorry for your losses but someone I know had 5 miscarriages before she had a rainbow. So never loose hope. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Loading the player...
  • @vlagrl29 Your calm is inspiring. I just get frustrated in the TWW when I don't know if I can take my Ativan. So I've been compiling a list of things to do when I'm feeling stressed, depressed, or overwhelmed. I've been getting great quotes from a Google Chrome plugin called Momentum. 
    D17 May Siggy Challenge: Favorite TV/Movie Mom



    *TW*
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    30 January 2017: Loss at 6+2

     8 March 2017: Loss at 5+4

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    edited March 2017
    @pandawares- I was taking ativan when I got pregnant with DD - Man was that rough stopping it.

    I just want to enjoy life like I did before TTC so I recently made the decision to do so - I have plenty to be thankful for in life.  My backup plan if I'm not pregnant by end of year I'll look for an insurance plan that covers fertlity so I would then see an RE.  No more google - I don't want thoughts getting in my head. 

    yoga also helps
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @Linds628 I'm so sorry for your losses. It can be hard to see any positives after going through so many negatives. I just wanted to share that an acquaintance of mine had a similar experience, with a differently shaped or sized uterus, and had three losses before getting pregnant with her rainbow baby. They monitored her closely and she gave birth (planned) 3-4 weeks early because there would have been no more room for baby to grow. But she now has a healthy 6 month old! :blush: 

    If you like your medical team, and trust them to help you when you get pregnant again, the only advice I have is to think about how the joy you are hoping to experience will outweigh the fear and the negative thoughts you are having now. One day at a time. I like pp advice about quotes <3 sending positive vibes your way! 

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

  • @Uhlease13 thank you so much for story. It definitely makes me more hopeful to hear stories of success after multiple losses. Thank you for the positive vibes, I'll take as many as I can get
  • @Linds628 - I am so so sorry for you losses. It can be so defeating to feel loss again and again. you didn't say how long it has been since your most recent loss but after my most recent loss, I felt a desperation I had not ever felt. Ever. I really felt like I would be lost in depression and sadness forever - the light at the end of the tunnel felt impossibly far away. but days past. i went back to work, students made me smile, i found solace in my workouts and making my body strong again. i still cried everyday, but suddenly days had smiles too. and now i see the light. i am still so sad about the babies i have lost and that i will never meet, but i keep moving in the direction of finding and creating happiness, whatever that may be. Somedays, I admit, still feel impossibly hard. you will find yourself again. you will. but, but, there is always a but, don't be afraid to ask your doctors for help in this part of the journey. Anti-depression meds have been part of my recovery as were sleeping pills at the beginning. 

    Hang in there
    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
  • @ladipale I am truly sorry for your losses also. My most recent loss was back in October. I still can't seem to pull myself out of this depression and I don't really want to try antidepressants right now since we are still trying. I don't want to get on something just to have to get off it when we get pregnant again. 
  • @Linds628 There's no shame in taking antidepressants during pregnancy. (At least, that's what I tell myself.) I'm on two myself. If it weren't for medication, I would not be able to function at all. My depression is treatment resistant, and I'm actually on two antidepressants: Lexapro and Wellbutrin XL. Even now, I have days when I have to ask DH to come home from work because I just can't cope.

    @vlagrl29 Thankfully, I wasn't taking it regularly, but it's still rough. It was such a relief to know that I didn't have to be on edge for hours on hours if I had an anxiety attack. Now I'm scrambling to remember my old distractions.
    D17 May Siggy Challenge: Favorite TV/Movie Mom



    *TW*
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    30 January 2017: Loss at 6+2

     8 March 2017: Loss at 5+4

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I wasn't taking it regularly either but would take it in the evenings when I did and it was still hard getting off it @pandawares. I was on the lowest dose too!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @Linds628 - totally reasonable to not want to try antidepressants. I stayed on zoloft through 2 of my pregnancies - its a decision you have to make with your healthcare team for sure. 
    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
  • @ladipale I totally agree! It's a personal decision.
    D17 May Siggy Challenge: Favorite TV/Movie Mom



    *TW*
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    30 January 2017: Loss at 6+2

     8 March 2017: Loss at 5+4

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Totally a personal decision. I was also on Zoloft when I was pregnant.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My old scared the bejesus out of me about the anxiety medicine I was on.  He made me get off of it 6 months before ttc.  I was in it for 18 years!  Even though he was a bit overbearing and insensitive about it, it was the best decision I ever made. It showed me that I didn't need the drugs. But now, since my losses I feel the anxiety creeping back up.  Part of me wonders if anxiety is playing a role in the ttcal journey in a bad way. 
  • I'm sure it is @justsuzie. I found my anxiety coming back when I was pregnant in December and just last 2ww with those side effects I had with the prog pill. How did you ween off them?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @vlagrl29 I tapered the entire 6 months. By the last week I was taking 1/4 of a 10mg pill!  Gradual tapering worked for me. I was on klonopin. NOT a med you want to be on long term. I think if I don't get pg this cycle I'll talk about getting on a different med that is less addictive. Did you find a good med that actually worked?
  • @justsuzie- I don't take ativan anymore and haven't since 2010.  I had a friend on Klonopin and he got off it and got and still is Manic I think.  I've been on zoloft for awhile and it works fine so I'm just going to stay on it.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @vlagrl29 Is zoloft fine to use during ttc and pg?
  • @justsuzie - yes it is according to my OB. I was put on it during my pregnancy with DD. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • amberrukaamberruka member
    edited March 2017
    Technically, Zoloft is category C (possible risk) but in a lot of cases the risk is justified as discontinuing it would be worse. I've seen pg patients on Zoloft, Cymbalta, Prozac, etc. all through OB. Basically a decision made together with the OB. You can use benedryl for acute anxiety/panic during pregnancy, but for most people previously on anxiety meds that's like taking a Tic Tac. ;-)
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
  • It would have been way worse if I wasn't on it. In 2 weeks taking it DH saw a major difference and I was smiling again. It made my pregnancy more manageable.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • The thought of another ectopic is my biggest trigger. I won't be able to relax until I see an intrauterine pg. fix it will be this cycle. 
  • A huge number of drugs (like 75%) are category C, so it's a really big grey area. 
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
  • @amberruka answered it perfectly! I'm way worse off it than on it.
    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
  • part of the reason we waited so long to try for #2 is because of how awful my pregnancy was with DD - yuck!  Now go figure it's taking longer maybe we shouldn't have waited as long as we did but I don't regret it.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @amberruka "taking a tic tac" love it.  
  • @vlagrl29 - similar story here although we were worried about postpartum depression more but it was so much better 2nd time. But we have just accepted I'm an anxious mess during pregnancy 
    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
  • Same here @ladipale I had high stress with our loss too not only because of the spotting I had but also I don't like not having full control of my body and I had a couple moments that reminded me of dds pregnancy.  Once she was out I was on a baby high.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @when I started spotting for my ectopic I had my first full blown panic attack in 1.5 years. I'm curious how I'll be when I finally do get pg. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"