@wyomama0427 Have you discussed couple's therapy? I've heard of a lot of people having success with that. Then again, you may just need a good long heart-to-heart, or a date. I think you said you've never left your DS with anyone. Maybe it's time to get a baby sitter so that your H can have all your attention for one night. Hugs! I hope you can work things out.
@wyomama0427 it's not a nice thing to say at all. I know being pregnant makes it worse. I'm here if you need to talk. I've never been through it but I'm always here to listen!
@amandarene112 I have nobody here that I can talk to about this and that's really hard. Thanks for the hugs, they're much needed! @mrsmarygs we are definitely overdue for a date, and I've only ever spent half a day away from DS so I'm overdue for a mom's day out. We haven't talked couples therapy, up until now I didn't know it was this bad. We argue sometimes and we are constantly working on ourselves and our relationship but I thought marriage was work, it's not just easy all the time. Idk I guess we'll see what happens when we can have some time to talk. @kelseyrayay thank you, it helps to know that I have people to talk to!
I'm so sorry @wyomama0427. That is pretty awful timing and definitely a bomb. I hope you two can talk and get some time together to get back on track. I'm also a firm believer in marriages take work and that the rough spots can make you come out stronger. Hopefully he will do the work with you because you seem like such a great couple with many happy memories. All the hugs.
IL's asked if they could bring food. Requested a bacon cheeseburger, milkshake and fries mistakenly assuming they'd order from somewhere good. Then they say they'll uber here then borrow my car to go get it. Fine. Then they say they are ordering at the McDonald's at the airport, I immediately text them to skip my order, and they say they didn't get it in time. Really?
@wyomama0427 I hope you guys are able to talk through everything. I second the finding a counselor to talk to. The firehouse might have resources to find one. Did he give any reasons for not being happy? I hope that girl from the station isn't the cause of this.
@Becky012016 it's not her, he's actually becoming obsessed with EMS now, the guys there convinced him that he wants to be a paramedic now. He says I'm hard to talk to and that we don't communicate and he feels like I'm not "helping" him. And he says he's scared that he's leaving me behind with all of these life changes he's making.
@HollyGolightly09 what is it with husbands ruining our day? I hope everything is okay. You can message me if you want. Hope your day gets better. Big hugs to you.
@Becky012016 it's not her, he's actually becoming obsessed with EMS now, the guys there convinced him that he wants to be a paramedic now. He says I'm hard to talk to and that we don't communicate and he feels like I'm not "helping" him. And he says he's scared that he's leaving me behind with all of these life changes he's making.
He's only leaving you behind if he doesn't take you with him. Maybe ask him what he needs help with? You're not a mind reader.
@wyomama0427 Marriage is work, and part of that work is choosing to, no matter what, bring your spouse with you. I don't see why some new career goals would mean he's leaving you behind, unless he means that he feel like he's growing and changing, and you're not. Which would be unfair, since you're staying home, raising his child so he has the opportunity to pursue his career in the first place.
I'll get off my soap box now. Just remember that yes, you are responsible to do your part to make this marriage work, but you are not responsible for his happiness. No one other person can be solely responsible for another persons happiness or unhappiness. Our therapist used to say that a lot of people think they're unhappy with their spouse because it's the closest person to them, so they're the easiest thing to blame, when really, they're unhappy with themselves.
@Becky012016 he feels like he's leaving me behind becuse he kind of is. He spends all of his free time at the ems base and when he's here he can't just hang out with me, he does for like twenty minutes and then he gets bored and wants to go to the base again. When he says he's going for a minute he doesn't want to come home so he spends hours there. Also this may be TMI but with DS I gained 76 pounds, I go a bunch of stretch marks, and I hate my body. I can't tell you how many times I've walked in on him in the bathroom. He looks at sites like mandatory and his phone is always full of webpages like "(insert hot female here) topless photos" and stuff. While I get that he's a guy, I've told him how I feel about it. He says he still loves my body but it's not convincing when he's always looking at hot tan thin women with perky tits and a firm ass. It's extremely irritating.
@wyomama0427 I'm being a little hyperbolic, but not much. Also, I just realized that my autocorrect changed mucus plug to Monica's plug. New code word!
I'm so sorry @wyomama0427. I hope you two can talk and figure some things out. Marriage is work but it takes the work of both. What a crappy thing to drop on you like that
@wyomama0427 Where he spends his time is his choice. An obsession with anything to where you're not happy unless you're at a certain place or doing a certain thing is unhealthy. I think he really needs to step back and examine why he doesn't want to spend time with his wife or child, and why this job/place is so important to him. I'm not in your day to day lives, so there's no way for me to know for sure, but from what you've told us it honestly doesn't sound like it has anything to do with you. This is his issue.
And the porn thing is just disrespectful. Yeah, he's a guy, but he's not a boy. Being walked in on that many times is just careless. And being that blatant with his porn use that you can find it so easily is just rude, especially since you've told him how badly it makes you feel when you find that kind of thing.
@Becky012016 he feels like he's leaving me behind becuse he kind of is. He spends all of his free time at the ems base and when he's here he can't just hang out with me, he does for like twenty minutes and then he gets bored and wants to go to the base again. When he says he's going for a minute he doesn't want to come home so he spends hours there. Also this may be TMI but with DS I gained 76 pounds, I go a bunch of stretch marks, and I hate my body. I can't tell you how many times I've walked in on him in the bathroom. He looks at sites like mandatory and his phone is always full of webpages like "(insert hot female here) topless photos" and stuff. While I get that he's a guy, I've told him how I feel about it. He says he still loves my body but it's not convincing when he's always looking at hot tan thin women with perky tits and a firm ass. It's extremely irritating.
I understand not being comfortable with your body. I have the same problem. Maybe counseling would be good. At the very least, if he's not willing to go, it might help you with how youre feeling about everything. Is he willing to go to therapy?
@amandarene112 I totally agree with all of that. I feel like because he feels unhappy here he's trying to fill himself and his time with something he thinks will make him happy. And we've literally been having the porn fight for years. Like three.
@wyomama0427 I think that's a good observation. And having the same fight for years can get so old! I second other's suggestions of going to therapy, with or without him. If he will go, you guys can start to work through some of this stuff with the help of an outsider's perspective as well as a professional's expertise. If he won't go, you can at least get some clarity, and learn ways to help from your side of things.
IL's asked if they could bring food. Requested a bacon cheeseburger, milkshake and fries mistakenly assuming they'd order from somewhere good. Then they say they'll uber here then borrow my car to go get it. Fine. Then they say they are ordering at the McDonald's at the airport, I immediately text them to skip my order, and they say they didn't get it in time. Really?
I'm assuming there are other food options? If so, why choose McDonalds? Yuck.
@HollyGolightly09 There is a Ruby's Diner in the airport that has FANTASTIC milkshakes, really good burgers and fries. We have a Sonic that is a mile from our house. So many other good options, and they thought McDonalds???
@HollyGolightly09 There is a Ruby's Diner in the airport that has FANTASTIC milkshakes, really good burgers and fries. We have a Sonic that is a mile from our house. So many other good options, and they thought McDonalds???
It boggles the mind. Was the milkshake good, at least?
@HollyGolightly09 When they finally got here we were both napping. I'm guessing it's in the freezer waiting. But the only thing worse than fresh McDonald's might be old food from there. I'll probably eat something else and see if DH wants it. I'm struggling to get enough calories as is from no appetite. If I'm going to try and force food down it at least better taste good.
@amandarene112 my counselor said the same thing when DH and I went to counseling before we got married. No one else can fulfill your happiness or make you feel a certain way. I used to have to constantly remind DH this and we had lots of fights over it. Marriage is hard and I'm on my second.
I'm so sorry for the bombshell he dropped on you @wyomama0427 . I'm not sure why husbands think this is ok to do when their wives are pregnant (or anytime really). If you want to work on this I would suggest counseling. Individually or as a couple.
@amandarene112 I too initially thought you did the whole Monica'a plug on purpose too. It made me giggle and smile
@wyomama0427 man, that's really crappy that he dropped that bomb on you right now, but in all reality, is there EVER a GOOD TIME for that?! I agree with the other ladies that some counseling either individually or together or both is important. I am on my second marriage and the first was such a learning time and although was a disaster because some people simply don't want to admit to their shortcomings and make changes, I appreciate what I gained. Marriage takes WORK. I think there is a time and place for self-satisfaction and using that frequently is so disrespectful to you and of your marriage. Some even view that as emotional infidelity...if you want to talk more/want some more input from someone who's been there, I'm happy to help. Hang in there mama!
@wyomama0427 I'm glad you're looking into counseling. With all that time spent away from home, something is wrong and he needs to face it before it rips you apart. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for all of your support ladies. It really helps to have advice and encouragement from all of you. And from you who have been through this as well. Thankful for you guys!
<><><><><>DD1- May 2011<><><><><> <><><><><>Angel Baby- June 2012<><><><><> <><><><><>DD2- March 2013<><><><><> <><><><><>DS1- ETA September 2017<><><><><>
@wyomama0427 I don't normally share my families business but they've been pretty vocal about it and I think it might help. my SIL struggled with this with my brother for years. They were arguing a lot because of it and it almost drove them apart. Nothing changed until my brother wanted to change. My SIL did a lot of things restricting his access to the web before/during he made the change and they got counseling like I've seen others mention. It really helped them and their relationship has really done a 180.
Re: Weekly Randoms 3-13
@kelseyrayay thank you, it helps to know that I have people to talk to!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
That is all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
I'll get off my soap box now. Just remember that yes, you are responsible to do your part to make this marriage work, but you are not responsible for his happiness. No one other person can be solely responsible for another persons happiness or unhappiness. Our therapist used to say that a lot of people think they're unhappy with their spouse because it's the closest person to them, so they're the easiest thing to blame, when really, they're unhappy with themselves.
And the porn thing is just disrespectful. Yeah, he's a guy, but he's not a boy. Being walked in on that many times is just careless. And being that blatant with his porn use that you can find it so easily is just rude, especially since you've told him how badly it makes you feel when you find that kind of thing.
https://www.scarymommy.com/making-time-marriage-really-means/?utm_source=FB
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
I'm so sorry for the bombshell he dropped on you @wyomama0427 . I'm not sure why husbands think this is ok to do when their wives are pregnant (or anytime really). If you want to work on this I would suggest counseling. Individually or as a couple.
@wyomama0427 man, that's really crappy that he dropped that bomb on you right now, but in all reality, is there EVER a GOOD TIME for that?!
Dang girls! Where are they?
<><><><><>Angel Baby- June 2012<><><><><>
<><><><><>DD2- March 2013<><><><><>
<><><><><>DS1- ETA September 2017<><><><><>
We're here for you!
Married: 10.15.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20