@schnitz9 , I do see similarities in the way that it changes your life if you didn't have one before, but I agree that it's a totally different ball game with a child. That said, a friend of mine posted this a few days ago on Facebook and I nearly wet myself laughing, because COME ON...(also find it presumptuous and offensive to those going through fertility struggles to state that "any woman can be a mother")...
No hard feelings, @squirtgun! I totally understand how that would be confusing if you didn't grow up with any non-religious aspects of these highly commercialized holidays. The thing that totally confuses me, as a non-religious person, are the people who do not observe a religion any day of the year that isn't a holiday. Like, it's Easter, so we'd better make our yearly trip to church!
On a related note, I'm pretty sad that I can't drink all of the green beer tomorrow. Not celebrating St. Patrick's Day in Boston is just sad.
EO - I use them but don't believe they are a 100% cure all and should be used in place of medicine in all circumstances. However I have see a huge difference with DS when I started using the Breath EO when he's congested as well as the Belly EO along with a medication for his acid reflux. The majority of the others I've tried I mostly just like the scent.
I don't think having your life saved over your babies is selfish at all. Especially now with our second I couldn't imagine leaving my son motherless but even before him I think I'd still want my H to choose put my life first.
My UO - I think 99% of all Lularoe clothes are UGLY! I don't like the majority of the patterns or the cuts.
@schnitz9 - While I completely agree that having a pet is not the same as having a child, I do think that having experience with a puppy is helpful when you do end up having a baby. I was already accustomed to thinking about/taking care of another creature's needs besides my own before my son was born. Granted, the needs of a newborn are much more intense than those of a puppy, but it definitely made the transition into motherhood less jarring for me than it would have been otherwise. Also, I wasn't as grossed out by poop and other bodily fluids thanks to those gross puppy months
Fur daughter: 02/2011 Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017 *formerly kayemjay*
Hey, I always joke that a toddler not giving me any peace to go to the bathroom will be nothing new. Right now if the dog isn't invited in he cries at the door the whole time or sticks his nose under the door. BUT if I let him in, he sometimes cries to get out... same with shower.
@schnitz9 - While I completely agree that having a pet is not the same as having a child, I do think that having experience with a puppy is helpful when you do end up having a baby. I was already accustomed to thinking about/taking care of another creature's needs besides my own before my son was born. Granted, the needs of a newborn are much more intense than those of a puppy, but it definitely made the transition into motherhood less jarring for me than it would have been otherwise. Also, I wasn't as grossed out by poop and other bodily fluids thanks to those gross puppy months
Hey, I always joke that a toddler not giving me any peace to go to the bathroom will be nothing new. Right now if the dog isn't invited in he cries at the door the whole time or sticks his nose under the door. BUT if I let him in, he sometimes cries to get out... same with shower.
Hah! My dog insists on being in the bathroom with me as well. Yesterday he laid on the bathmat while I showered. What a weirdo. However, I am pretty much always an open door person in the bathroom so he just comes and goes as he pleases. I think the main part is that he doesn't like to be told where he can or can't go.
I can't stand when FTM who are pregnant and not working call themselves a SAHM! I'm sorry you're not a SAHM if you don't have any kids that stay at home with you. Let's be honest here, until you give birth you're UNEMPLOYED!!!!!
The economist in me would like to point out that person would be considered out of the labor force and not unemployed. To be unemployed you must be out of work and seeking employment. Unemployment rate = unemployed persons / (employed persons + unemployed persons)
First @WombThereItIs (and many many others) I totally agree about the EO. I'm happy for people to do whatever they want to do at home but please don't expose me and my sensitive nose to that very strong smell in the lunch room. Keep your EO's to yourself.
Second I like what you pointed out there about unemployed vs out of work force. My UO is that I hate hearing the statistics about the unemployment rate going down whilst not addressing the situation of "out of the labor force". Where I live now the economy is really not great and our unemployment rate is mentioned on the news without talking about the people who are permanently out of work. While some of these people chose to leave the labor force, the number of people who have been laid off or out of work permanently not by choice is really high here. It's almost as if many have just given up and then are dropped out of the "unemployment" statistic and that frustrates me because those numbers are used by politicians to make themselves look good while not helping people actually obtain meaningful employment.
@ShadeofGreen816 Our stupid bathroom has too many doors. If the door to the bathroom is open, it's blocking the shower door. That's fine, but it makes it kind of dark in the shower, then you have to shove it out of the way to get out.. But yea, I am same way typically with open doors, it doesn't bug me. Which is probably why he does cry when he cant get in, he's not used to it.
I do not like the idea of push presents. My cousin's wife is due any day now and she posted a picture of all this new baby loot. She said no push present this time since they are expecting a boy and therefore need all new baby gear. One, no one told you to buy everything pink and zebra print for your previous kids. Two, your little boy won't care about being in a pink stroller. Lastly, your baby and miracle of life is present enough.
I do not like the idea of push presents. My cousin's wife is due any day now and she posted a picture of all this new baby loot. She said no push present this time since they are expecting a boy and therefore need all new baby gear. One, no one told you to buy everything pink and zebra print for your previous kids. Two, your little boy won't care about being in a pink stroller. Lastly, your baby and miracle of life is present enough.
I hadn't even heard of a push present until I was on the bump last time with DD. I think it's tacky.
Not sure how many people will agree or not but, I was lurking and saw someone post that they don't think cheerleading is a sport and that people should do either gymnastics or dance. This really grinds my gears. I did competitive gymnastics from age 6-14 and transitioned to competitive cheerleading at age 15 and continued into collegiate cheerleading as well. It took me all around the US and taught me many skills (time management, communication, people skills) and I consider it a very important and proud 8 years of my life. It definitely hurts when people say it is all sexualized and stupid. Gymnats, dancers, divers all wear around the same amount of clothing yet they aren't sexualized. Also, I am not talking about about non tumbling, non stunting teams, because all they do is yell.
@rkstro2 The government does publish multiple employment statistics. You are referring to U3 but there are other measures that include the discouraged workers you're talking about and you can track those over time as well. I'm not sure how fine of a geographic level they publish some of the alternate measures down to (at least by state) but it may interest you to know the info is out there. https://www.bls.gov/lau/stalt.htm
I'm going to have to agree with @WombThereItIs on tropical vacations. I'd like to go maybe once, but I need activities to do. I don't sit next to the water and get some sun, I have to be doing something.
I could sit at the beach with my feet in the water and a drink in my hand all day.
This. Although I'm very fair so I require shade or at least an option of shade. In my oerfect world I would pick a spot in or next to an infinity pool where I can see and hear the ocean
@rkstro2 The government does publish multiple employment statistics. You are referring to U3 but there are other measures that include the discouraged workers you're talking about and you can track those over time as well. I'm not sure how fine of a geographic level they publish some of the alternate measures down to (at least by state) but it may interest you to know the info is out there. https://www.bls.gov/lau/stalt.htm
I joke about getting a push present, but I don't seriously expect or need anything. I have had friends whose H's surprised them with a nice a little gift for their first baby and I think that's sweet. It wasn't requested or expected, but rather a proud H/ Dad who wanted to treat his wife.
DH has never got me a push present and I never expected one. But damnit this time I'm due the same week as my birthday, which also falls on Mother's Day this year. And I just found out his field training has been extended until I'm 37wks. He better step up his game and get me a fantastic Birthday/Mother's Day/You Put Up with Army Crap present!
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
@mcvgal, I think push presents are so cringe-worthy, but it's mostly the name. If DH got me a spa gift certificate, I'd be thrilled. But who comes up with dumb names like "push present?"
@ShadeofGreen816, I must have missed the thread where people were talking about saving mom vs baby, but my first thought was also "well duh, save me!" and I have had fertility problems. I said it out loud to DH though and it did feel selfish, but his response was that we could make more babies. Still, we obviously love this little one on the way - it's a crappy thing to even think about, really.
My UO is that I find talk about what baby gear to buy incredibly boring. I always skim over it in the random threads. Maybe a little bit of it is decision fatigue.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
I have another UO (maybe?). I will preface with saying that I am probably not educated on the specifics to have an opinion yet here I am! There are several new-ish lawsuits against large chain pharmacies for "contributing to the opioid epidemic" by filling scripts for opiates that were being sold on the street. There have been statements that the pharmacist should have determined whether the script was issued for a "legitimate medical reason." That is NOT a pharmacists responsibility. They should be able to determine whether a script is real or forged, but after that, who are they to determine if a patient has a medical condition? What training do they have to put that onus on them? I think the responsibility lies on prescribers, unfortunately. I know people were doing what they thought was best but for a long time, opiates were handed out to anyone with any complaint if pain by some providers. There are A LOT of other factors involved but I basically don't think that pharmacies have responsibility here.
ETA: This is possibly the wrong place for this thought. I havent talked with anyone else about this but have heard and seen two news stories about the topic this week. Guess I'm more wondering if I am crazy
I love my SUV and without its 4wd and high clearance, I literally wouldn't see my parents until the snow on their mountain road melted in June.
I've never really thought about whether I would want DH to choose me or LO. I guess I just hope that he listens to the medical professionals and makes the best decision for our family.
I could sit on a beach with a drink and a book all day.
I can't get past the cringe worthy name of push presents.
My UO: I think a lot of parents these days way over think most things to their own detriment.
@ShadeofGreen816 - I'm with you. I think opioid pain medications were prescribed so freely for so long, and now it's a huge mess. I had a tooth pulled last year, and the doctor gave me a script for 14 Vicodin. For one tooth!
I was the original one to post about the me vs. baby choice. Like I said yesterday, with today's medicine I hope that there would never have to be a decision made on who to save. I don't think that anyone who says "pick me" is selfish. MH and I felt it was the right decision for us to have this conversation because he wouldn't want to make a decision that I wouldn't agree with, should it come down to it. The conversation came about when I was filling out the hospital registration and it asked about advance directives and power of attorney. And this time around, while I love this LO already, I would probably tell him to pick me.
I think that we have become a close enough community where we can all give our opinions and comments freely, but I feel like a lot of the comments made in regards to this particular topic were making it seem like you all thought I was crazy, and the way that they came across was kind of hurtful. I could definitely be reading them the wrong way, and I am having an overly emotional pregant lady day, but I didn't want to not say anything.
@achays11 I will say I honestly didn't even remember who started that line of conversation. I don't think you're crazy at all! Just that it made me examine my own opinions and wonder if I was a horrible selfish bish who didn't give a crap about her baby!
@achays11 I don't think anyone was trying to make you feel that way either. I think it really just got people thinking and everyone stated how they felt. Some felt the same as you and others didn't. I don't think anyone was judged either way.
@ShadeofGreen816 I agree that pharmacies probably aren't at fault here. I do disagree about saying that providers are the problem. I actually think it's a very complicated societal problem that has multiple causes.
NB: I am a provider. I do not see patients in an office or outpatient setting but I do have a prescribing license so it is hard to remove my own bias.
In no particular order: 1. JCAHO. This is the body that "accredits" hospitals and they make up rules for hospitals to follow. Some of them are loosely based on evidence available at the time and some are just rules they made up (sorry if any one here is part of JCAHO). One such rule was making pain the "5th vital sign". This happened in 2001 and puts pressure on providers and hospitals to make sure patients pain is addressed. Is it a bad idea? Not entirely. Did it contribute to the epidemic? IMHO absolutely yes. If you've been to the hospital and had someone shove a pain scale in your face regardless of what your presenting complaint you can thank JCAHO for that.
2. Shortened time with patient and provider interactions. The average amount of time providers have with patients is decreased from the days of yore. So less time with provider can lead to more pill pushing regardless of the type. It's easier to give someone meds for their BP or diabetes than spend a ton of time with them trying to convince them to change their lifestyle. I think the same applies to pain management. Patient is in your office for 10 minutes and you need to try to address all their problems and sometimes they are given them pain meds to satisfy them.
3. Patient satisfaction scores. This is an interesting one. There are lots of great blogs and articles written by providers much more eloquent than myself talking about how patients aren't necessarily customers and their satisfaction cannot always be guaranteed. The government disagrees and ties reimbursement to the satisfaction of health care's customers. Is someone happy when you tell them opioids aren't the answer? Often not. Just like they're not happy when diet and exercise are the answer to their problem. So if I get a letter from my employer/corporation or hospital warning me that my patient satisfaction scores aren't high enough then I may be more inclined to try to satisfy the customer.
4. Society's Belief that all pain can and must be fixed. Pain sucks but some parts of it are just part of life. That sounds mean but we all have pain...like back pain, foot pain, knee pain etc. At some point these things have moved from pain associated with aging and life to something that must be completely removed and one cannot go on with it or work through it. Recommend weight loss or physical therapy to help with back pain? Many people don't want that. They want it fixed now with pain medication.
5. Litigious society. (No offense to our attorney friends) I practice anesthesia for a living. Believe it or not someone can sue for inadequate pain control during labor. You are pushing a giant human baby out of a tiny hole and it's going to hurt. Bad. People expect to have zero percent pain and even with an epidural this cannot always be accomplished and should not be the expectation. This is something to be discussed as part of informed consent but sometimes people are still thinking they'll be having zero pain and then they're mad when they had pain during childbirth.
6. Illegitimate providers. Like all professions there are bad eggs. There are providers who run pain management offices who basically trade well reimbursed pain procedures (injections etc) for pain prescriptions. Like " I'll give you as many Percocet as you want if you let me do this procedure on you and bill Medicare or your insurance". This has been a huge contributor to the problem. There are other pain clinics that are just pill mills and someone with a license to prescribe has gone rogue giving scripts for $$$.
7. Pharma. I hate that people blame "big pharma" for everything, but they do share some of the blame. Advertising medications as "unable to be abused" led to false senses of security in prescribing.
Of course, this is all just my opinion. So you can take it or leave it, unpopular or not.
I was the original one to post about the me vs. baby choice. Like I said yesterday, with today's medicine I hope that there would never have to be a decision made on who to save. I don't think that anyone who says "pick me" is selfish. MH and I felt it was the right decision for us to have this conversation because he wouldn't want to make a decision that I wouldn't agree with, should it come down to it. The conversation came about when I was filling out the hospital registration and it asked about advance directives and power of attorney. And this time around, while I love this LO already, I would probably tell him to pick me.
I think that we have become a close enough community where we can all give our opinions and comments freely, but I feel like a lot of the comments made in regards to this particular topic were making it seem like you all thought I was crazy, and the way that they came across was kind of hurtful. I could definitely be reading them the wrong way, and I am having an overly emotional pregant lady day, but I didn't want to not say anything.
I feel like this might be directed at me. I did not intend to make comments that could come across as hurtful. I think that this scenario of having to choose one patient or the other is not something you should worry yourself with. Now, advance directives/power of attorney are something to consider and I think it's important to have those conversations about mom and baby's health. I only meant to emphasis that while, yes, scary awful things can happen in childbirth, I can't think of a circumstance in which one person's life was contingent on the other person not making it. I'm sorry if my comments came across any other way.
@rkstro2 as a nurse and *almost* an NP I totally agree with you! I guess I oversimplified for the sake of this (mostly) non-Healthcare crowd here but you're so right. It's a really frustrating problem. I guess I was thinking about if a patient has a script it's on the provider (as the last checkpoint of sorts, not as the sole owner of the problem) and NOT the pharmacist. Love all of your points!
UO/FFTC: I'm getting a push present. I think it's tacky to expect/request one. I didn't expect to get one. When I was pregnant w/ DD, DH gave me a ring on the Mother's Day that I was expecting. I wasn't due until Oct, but my wedding ring no longer fit by then and he wanted something for me to wear until delivery. After delivery, I moved it to my right hand. It's stackable so I always planned to get more for big life events. This time around, he casually mentioned that he has the best idea for a "push present" for me. I don't like the term, but heck yes I'll take the gift. We don't gift for every holiday or occasion so I think it's sweet that he would get me something to commemorate the birth of our children. I mean, a baby is enough, but I like things too.
@kat81 it honestly wasn't a rhetorical question. I didn't understand it. I guess I didn't grow up with the commercial aspects of the holidays? Like, we didn't do Easter eggs, Santa, green beer, etc. So, your explaination of commercial aspects of the holidays making them more of a cultural than religious thing for people does make sense.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot, @Kipperoo, I honestly didn't mean to offend anyone (and I'm on mobile, so sorry if I missed tagging anyone) , and I'm sorry that I did!
That's awesome that you grew up without the commercial aspects! Not to say that the commercial aspects are all so bad or anything, but if you ARE religious I think you should get to celebrate the holidays in more of a pure way without the other crap attached.
I actually agree that push present is a tacky term, and it's even tackier to expect one. However, that said, I guess I wouldn't turn down a gift. My cousin's wife actually insisted on one when she had her 2 older kids.
We never did push presents (and I think the term would horrify my husband if he ever heard of it) but my DH is giving me the best "push present" of all -- he's using his full 12 weeks of FMLA and he's going to be dad of the century and homemaker of the century during this time.
And basically that's the push present he gave to me before. He never got this much leave before but he always did negotiate for way more than was normal at his various jobs, and then he parented and home-maked like a boss. I don't know how I'd get through that postpartum time without his devotion!
@achays11 , sending creepy "I'm sorry" internet hugs! If my comments were offensive or upset you, I'm really sorry as that definitely wasn't my intention. I was truly curious about what situation would necessitate such a decision, but may have used language that was more abrupt that I meant to. Thanks for creating a lively bump discussion!
I would never in a million years use the term "push present", but DH did buy me a necklace with DS's initials and birthday as well as a birthstone ring. I didn't ask for them, but his logic was totally on point--I wear the same jewelry every day and every piece is very sentimental for various reasons. He felt like it was important for me to have some pieces to add to my collection and commemorate out changing family. Because my necklace will now be oddly only a nod to DS, I will likely get something new that represents both kiddos. I've worn this one daily for 2.5 years, though, so giving it up is going to be strange. At some point, I will also likely getting a stacking ring with DDs birthstone, although we joke that she will have a diamond for a birthstone and there is already diamonds on the birthstone ring for DS, so it's kind of unnecessary (totally a second child mentality, haha). Of course, the baby is MORE than gift enough, but I guess I don't really see this as an either/or kinda deal...
I felt most of the gasps were at my response to achays11. I realize I am the lone minirity on this one, but I've been handling responses on the other end of the spectrum since I was in high school. I've had my DNR in my paperwork (which is a part of our hospitals intake process) since I was in high school and my dad was diagnosed with his first cancer. My stance has not changed and doesn't change with pregnancy. DH knew my wishes before we were even dating and, while he doesn't like it, he has accepted my wish and hopes to never have to make the decision. I appreciate everyone's opinion and I did not mean to spark anyone. I guess I was just putting it out there that it's a conversation we have had each pregnancy and I didn't realize it wasn't something couples talked about.
@kat81 that is an AWESOME post-baby gift (I hate the term push present too, can't bring myself to use it).
@Squirtgun I'm an atheist and grew up celebrating Christmas, Easter, etc. as purely non-religious holidays. I know they have religious origins and for many people they are still religious in nature, but for us they're important family traditions that have nothing to do with religion, if that makes any sense. For me, holidays are about re-creating the stuff that was super fun for me when I was a kid (Santa, Easter eggs hunts, etc). when I was a kid for DS.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I'm jealous your H is getting you a great present! I also wouldn't expect one but who doesn't like presents?
**potential TW** I SWEAR we already had the "who should live, mom or the baby" discussion really really early on. I remember it because I remember thinking I'd want DH or the doctor to choose my life over the baby but that it was a hard decision. At the time (again, I think this was in like October) I remember feeling selfish for feeling that way. In January, very early on in my process of getting diagnosed, I spent a few hours fairly certain that I had cancer but unsure of what that would mean for my 19-week pregnancy. At that moment it wasn't a hard decision - I knew I would choose starting treatment immediately even if it meant that I needed to end the pregnancy. It sucked and it was awful to be put in that position but the decision came pretty easily. I just bring it up because I'm probably in a unique position where the duress a terrible situation forced me to mentally make that decision, even if I didn't end up needing to. And I don't think anyone is selfish for wanting to live their life even if doing so would come at the expense of an unborn baby.
I do not like the idea of push presents. My cousin's wife is due any day now and she posted a picture of all this new baby loot. She said no push present this time since they are expecting a boy and therefore need all new baby gear. One, no one told you to buy everything pink and zebra print for your previous kids. Two, your little boy won't care about being in a pink stroller. Lastly, your baby and miracle of life is present enough.
THIS!!!! I have a "friend" who caused a huge scene in the hospital because her husband didn't buy her the huge diamond earrings she demanded as a push present. Largest eyeroll ever over here. I wanted a chocolate shake. And I didn't demand it haha.
Thank you ladies, I was definitely having a more emotional day today. I appreciate everyone's opinions and stances, and I don't think that anyone is selfish at all. I'm glad we are able to have these conversations and not let things turn catty.
Re: UO 3/16
On a related note, I'm pretty sad that I can't drink all of the green beer tomorrow. Not celebrating St. Patrick's Day in Boston is just sad.
I don't think having your life saved over your babies is selfish at all. Especially now with our second I couldn't imagine leaving my son motherless but even before him I think I'd still want my H to choose put my life first.
My UO - I think 99% of all Lularoe clothes are UGLY! I don't like the majority of the patterns or the cuts.
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
Second I like what you pointed out there about unemployed vs out of work force. My UO is that I hate hearing the statistics about the unemployment rate going down whilst not addressing the situation of "out of the labor force". Where I live now the economy is really not great and our unemployment rate is mentioned on the news without talking about the people who are permanently out of work. While some of these people chose to leave the labor force, the number of people who have been laid off or out of work permanently not by choice is really high here. It's almost as if many have just given up and then are dropped out of the "unemployment" statistic and that frustrates me because those numbers are used by politicians to make themselves look good while not helping people actually obtain meaningful employment.
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
This really grinds my gears. I did competitive gymnastics from age 6-14 and transitioned to competitive cheerleading at age 15 and continued into collegiate cheerleading as well. It took me all around the US and taught me many skills (time management, communication, people skills) and I consider it a very important and proud 8 years of my life.
It definitely hurts when people say it is all sexualized and stupid.
Gymnats, dancers, divers all wear around the same amount of clothing yet they aren't sexualized.
Also, I am not talking about about non tumbling, non stunting teams, because all they do is yell.
May '17 labor memes
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
DH has never got me a push present and I never expected one. But damnit this time I'm due the same week as my birthday, which also falls on Mother's Day this year. And I just found out his field training has been extended until I'm 37wks. He better step up his game and get me a fantastic Birthday/Mother's Day/You Put Up with Army Crap present!
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
@ShadeofGreen816, I must have missed the thread where people were talking about saving mom vs baby, but my first thought was also "well duh, save me!" and I have had fertility problems. I said it out loud to DH though and it did feel selfish, but his response was that we could make more babies. Still, we obviously love this little one on the way - it's a crappy thing to even think about, really.
My UO is that I find talk about what baby gear to buy incredibly boring. I always skim over it in the random threads. Maybe a little bit of it is decision fatigue.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
There are several new-ish lawsuits against large chain pharmacies for "contributing to the opioid epidemic" by filling scripts for opiates that were being sold on the street. There have been statements that the pharmacist should have determined whether the script was issued for a "legitimate medical reason."
That is NOT a pharmacists responsibility. They should be able to determine whether a script is real or forged, but after that, who are they to determine if a patient has a medical condition? What training do they have to put that onus on them?
I think the responsibility lies on prescribers, unfortunately. I know people were doing what they thought was best but for a long time, opiates were handed out to anyone with any complaint if pain by some providers. There are A LOT of other factors involved but I basically don't think that pharmacies have responsibility here.
ETA: This is possibly the wrong place for this thought. I havent talked with anyone else about this but have heard and seen two news stories about the topic this week. Guess I'm more wondering if I am crazy
I've never really thought about whether I would want DH to choose me or LO. I guess I just hope that he listens to the medical professionals and makes the best decision for our family.
I could sit on a beach with a drink and a book all day.
I can't get past the cringe worthy name of push presents.
My UO: I think a lot of parents these days way over think most things to their own detriment.
I think that we have become a close enough community where we can all give our opinions and comments freely, but I feel like a lot of the comments made in regards to this particular topic were making it seem like you all thought I was crazy, and the way that they came across was kind of hurtful. I could definitely be reading them the wrong way, and I am having an overly emotional pregant lady day, but I didn't want to not say anything.
NB: I am a provider. I do not see patients in an office or outpatient setting but I do have a prescribing license so it is hard to remove my own bias.
In no particular order:
1. JCAHO. This is the body that "accredits" hospitals and they make up rules for hospitals to follow. Some of them are loosely based on evidence available at the time and some are just rules they made up (sorry if any one here is part of JCAHO). One such rule was making pain the "5th vital sign". This happened in 2001 and puts pressure on providers and hospitals to make sure patients pain is addressed. Is it a bad idea? Not entirely. Did it contribute to the epidemic? IMHO absolutely yes. If you've been to the hospital and had someone shove a pain scale in your face regardless of what your presenting complaint you can thank JCAHO for that.
2. Shortened time with patient and provider interactions. The average amount of time providers have with patients is decreased from the days of yore. So less time with provider can lead to more pill pushing regardless of the type. It's easier to give someone meds for their BP or diabetes than spend a ton of time with them trying to convince them to change their lifestyle. I think the same applies to pain management. Patient is in your office for 10 minutes and you need to try to address all their problems and sometimes they are given them pain meds to satisfy them.
3. Patient satisfaction scores. This is an interesting one. There are lots of great blogs and articles written by providers much more eloquent than myself talking about how patients aren't necessarily customers and their satisfaction cannot always be guaranteed. The government disagrees and ties reimbursement to the satisfaction of health care's customers. Is someone happy when you tell them opioids aren't the answer? Often not. Just like they're not happy when diet and exercise are the answer to their problem. So if I get a letter from my employer/corporation or hospital warning me that my patient satisfaction scores aren't high enough then I may be more inclined to try to satisfy the customer.
4. Society's Belief that all pain can and must be fixed. Pain sucks but some parts of it are just part of life. That sounds mean but we all have pain...like back pain, foot pain, knee pain etc. At some point these things have moved from pain associated with aging and life to something that must be completely removed and one cannot go on with it or work through it. Recommend weight loss or physical therapy to help with back pain? Many people don't want that. They want it fixed now with pain medication.
5. Litigious society. (No offense to our attorney friends) I practice anesthesia for a living. Believe it or not someone can sue for inadequate pain control during labor. You are pushing a giant human baby out of a tiny hole and it's going to hurt. Bad. People expect to have zero percent pain and even with an epidural this cannot always be accomplished and should not be the expectation. This is something to be discussed as part of informed consent but sometimes people are still thinking they'll be having zero pain and then they're mad when they had pain during childbirth.
6. Illegitimate providers. Like all professions there are bad eggs. There are providers who run pain management offices who basically trade well reimbursed pain procedures (injections etc) for pain prescriptions. Like " I'll give you as many Percocet as you want if you let me do this procedure on you and bill Medicare or your insurance". This has been a huge contributor to the problem. There are other pain clinics that are just pill mills and someone with a license to prescribe has gone rogue giving scripts for $$$.
7. Pharma. I hate that people blame "big pharma" for everything, but they do share some of the blame. Advertising medications as "unable to be abused" led to false senses of security in prescribing.
Of course, this is all just my opinion. So you can take it or leave it, unpopular or not.
Eta: error fixing
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
And basically that's the push present he gave to me before. He never got this much leave before but he always did negotiate for way more than was normal at his various jobs, and then he parented and home-maked like a boss. I don't know how I'd get through that postpartum time without his devotion!
I would never in a million years use the term "push present", but DH did buy me a necklace with DS's initials and birthday as well as a birthstone ring. I didn't ask for them, but his logic was totally on point--I wear the same jewelry every day and every piece is very sentimental for various reasons. He felt like it was important for me to have some pieces to add to my collection and commemorate out changing family. Because my necklace will now be oddly only a nod to DS, I will likely get something new that represents both kiddos. I've worn this one daily for 2.5 years, though, so giving it up is going to be strange. At some point, I will also likely getting a stacking ring with DDs birthstone, although we joke that she will have a diamond for a birthstone and there is already diamonds on the birthstone ring for DS, so it's kind of unnecessary (totally a second child mentality, haha). Of course, the baby is MORE than gift enough, but I guess I don't really see this as an either/or kinda deal...
@Squirtgun I'm an atheist and grew up celebrating Christmas, Easter, etc. as purely non-religious holidays. I know they have religious origins and for many people they are still religious in nature, but for us they're important family traditions that have nothing to do with religion, if that makes any sense. For me, holidays are about re-creating the stuff that was super fun for me when I was a kid (Santa, Easter eggs hunts, etc). when I was a kid for DS.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I'm jealous your H is getting you a great present! I also wouldn't expect one but who doesn't like presents?
**potential TW**
I SWEAR we already had the "who should live, mom or the baby" discussion really really early on. I remember it because I remember thinking I'd want DH or the doctor to choose my life over the baby but that it was a hard decision. At the time (again, I think this was in like October) I remember feeling selfish for feeling that way. In January, very early on in my process of getting diagnosed, I spent a few hours fairly certain that I had cancer but unsure of what that would mean for my 19-week pregnancy. At that moment it wasn't a hard decision - I knew I would choose starting treatment immediately even if it meant that I needed to end the pregnancy. It sucked and it was awful to be put in that position but the decision came pretty easily.
I just bring it up because I'm probably in a unique position where the duress a terrible situation forced me to mentally make that decision, even if I didn't end up needing to. And I don't think anyone is selfish for wanting to live their life even if doing so would come at the expense of an unborn baby.
I can't say it enough, I love our group!