Baby's First Days

mamaelle27 · March 2017

Since most are nearing the third trimester, I thought it would be fun to share everyone's plan for their baby's first few days. Ex. how many nights do you plan to stay in the hospital, who will be staying with you/visiting, will anyone be coming to the house to help out, if you have other kids who will be watching them, etc.

Sorry if this is a duplicate, if it is, I couldn't find it.

FSUNole31 · March 2017

I think I will stay probably 2 nights (depending on delivery time) at the hospital. My parents will be watching my older two while my husband and I are there.

As far as visitors go, we live near my parents and 1 of my sisters and my MIL, SIL and her family and my BIL and his new wife. They will probably all make appearances at some point (I would rather they wait till we get home, but MIL and SIL have come to the hospital for my older two). I won't have anyone staying with us. If i need help, my mom will be glad to assist in anyway I need.

My husband will probably take a week off. He gets 6 weeks paid paternity leave that he can choose when to utilize which he will save for if I go back to teaching full time in August.

neludelu · March 2017

I am probably going to have a csection so I'll be in the hospital 5-6 nights. My brother will be staying home with my son and my sister and hubs will be hanging in the hospital with me. My cousin will be around to help when the dust settles and I'm home alone that first week.

also, I'm saving up money to have a house keeper come in and deep clean the house and to send my dogs off to a kennel to get baths and to be away for a week. Im a little too excited for this plan.

mamaelle27 · March 2017

Our standard hospital stay for a vaginal birth is 2 nights, but last time my doctor gave me the option to opt out of the second night. I was too nervous as a FTM and stayed and seriously regretted it. Our hospital has a strong focus on mother-baby bonding which translates to very hands off nurses and not a lot of support for moms, so I probably would have been better off at home.

This time, my DD will be 21 months and she'll be staying with my parents so I'm torn between staying the two nights in the hospital to get the extra rest/one on one time with baby and going home after the first night to be with her too. Someone also mentioned the idea of going home the second night but leaving DD at my parents', which I think I'd feel guilty about but may be good for recuperating and getting used to baby one on one. What do you think?

Also, our hospital has private rooms and my husband was allowed to stay, which he did the first time and it was awful. He didn't get any sleep and became super grumpy. I don't think new dads run on the same kind of adrenaline as new moms, so this time I'll definitely be sending him home to sleep and shower, and possibly check in with DD. We live close to the hospital so that will be easy.

krex-2 · March 2017

Consents for adoption in Louisiana can't be signed by the birth mother until 72 hours after the birth, so I'm not entirely sure how this will end up going down. If baby girl is released prior to the 72 hours, DH and I will be allowed to take the baby out of the hospital with us, but obviously would run the risk of having to give her back, if the birth mother decides to parent. If for some reason baby girl is not released (needs a NICU stay, etc.), we'll be in state and available if birth mother wants us at the hospital prior to consents being signed. After consents are signed, everything switches and baby goes on our insurance, we make all the decisions, etc. Once consents are signed, one of us will need to stay in Louisiana until ICPC is completed through the courts, usually around two weeks. Likely, we'll both be staying, but if an emergency crops up, only one of us needs to be there, legally. After ICPC clears, we'll head back to our home state with baby girl and get started there. Both our parents are older and in poor health, so we won't be having them help out. We'll split FMLA, so 6 weeks each, and use vacation time during this so it isn't 12 weeks unpaid. We'll still end up having some of the leave unpaid, but hopefully not a ton.

neludelu · March 2017

krex said:

Consents for adoption in Louisiana can't be signed by the birth mother until 72 hours after the birth, so I'm not entirely sure how this will end up going down. If baby girl is released prior to the 72 hours, DH and I will be allowed to take the baby out of the hospital with us, but obviously would run the risk of having to give her back, if the birth mother decides to parent. If for some reason baby girl is not released (needs a NICU stay, etc.), we'll be in state and available if birth mother wants us at the hospital prior to consents being signed. After consents are signed, everything switches and baby goes on our insurance, we make all the decisions, etc. Once consents are signed, one of us will need to stay in Louisiana until ICPC is completed through the courts, usually around two weeks. Likely, we'll both be staying, but if an emergency crops up, only one of us needs to be there, legally. After ICPC clears, we'll head back to our home state with baby girl and get started there. Both our parents are older and in poor health, so we won't be having them help out. We'll split FMLA, so 6 weeks each, and use vacation time during this so it isn't 12 weeks unpaid. We'll still end up having some of the leave unpaid, but hopefully not a ton.

I'm so interested and invested in your story. I would love for you to have your own thread where you talk about the prep work going into the adoption and all your thoughts.

LMMama · March 2017

Hopefully everything will go smoothly and I'll have an uncomplicated vaginal birth, in which case I'll stay two nights in the hospital.

My due date is June 15th and my DF's last day of school is June 9th (he's a teacher) so depending on when I have the baby he will generally be home for the summer with me. My parents will watch my DD. I'm thinking about having them keep her and our two dogs our first night home too. And @neludelu I am super jealous of that house cleaning plan.

As far as visitors go it's up in the air. We have a ton of family who all live within 20 mins of us and the hospital. When I had my DD there were so many people at the hospital right away that I found it overwhelming. I'll probably let my mom and my sister know when I'm in labor but not tell anyone else until I've at least had a few hours to recover. I expect an influx of visitors our first week home.

ladylolly89 · March 2017

I will likely be in the hospital for two nights, three if I have a C section.

My mom will be coming to our house to stay with DS during the day and when/if I go into labor, but DH will come home in the evenings and have dinner with DS and spend the nights with him. He will only be 14 months and would be too young to understand why both Mommy and Daddy were gone! I'll be fine with baby by myself, and if I need help I can put him in the nursery (there are never babies in the nursery at my hospital, so I wouldn't feel like I'm overcrowding them or anything!).

I am all for having visitors in the hospital rather than at home! Way easier.
I'm sure we will have DH's parents, my mom and sister, and my brother and SIL who live close enough to visit; DH's brothers and their families. as well as some of my close friends. No extended family or people I'm not as close to, though. And no guarantee that everyone who visits will get to hold baby. It all depends on how I'm feeling! I didn't pay much attention to my emotional state with DS and won't be making that mistake again.

I'm not planning to have anyone come to help out or clean. DH will be taking off a week after baby is born, and we will see how it goes after that.

merrylea · March 2017

Am i the only person that really doesn't have a clue as I haven't given birth before! In talking with DH, I'd like some time with just us and the baby right after he's born, but other than that, who knows how I will feel!

lmudra · March 2017

@krex I hope your ICPC is quick. Ours was two and half biz days (AZ sending to MN). Fingers crossed you're home earlier than expected!!!!

It helps if you make sure they overnight the packet to the receiving state and if you know a social worker in the receiving state than can give the ICPC office a heads up that your packet is coming and you're stuck out of state.

n0soup4u · March 2017

I will probably be in the hospital for 4 nights because I will be having a csection. My parents will be taking care of DD and our dog while I am in the hospital. Husband will be staying with me for at least the first 2 nights. We are allowing family and friends to come visit after the first day. Most people will come visit when we get home. My mom will take a week off of work after my husband goes back to work to help me out.

My MIL has agreed to cook meals for us so I am pretty happy about that. I am so thankful for helping family members.

Wino0920 · March 2017

They usually make you stay for 48 hours.

My hubby and mom are in the room. My aunt and sister usually stay until pushing, but are going to try and stay for the whole time. They will most likely throw them out, but worth a try.

It it will be really emotional since we just lost MIL. She would have the kids, so I guess my SIL or brothers would have my kids.

Im due June 19th but have gone a 1 1/2 weeks late with my last two so hopefully that happens again. I like overlooked not under cooked. My sip and see,which I just found out is the 1rst of July, should be right after I leave the hospital lol!!

ellie111227 · March 2017

I didn't realize that standard length for a hospital stay varied by hospital. Last time I stayed two nights after birth, and i was just assuming that's what would happen again unless I end up with a c section or something. I'll have to ask my doctor. Dh will stay with me in the hospital and is planning to take two weeks off from work. Dd will stay with my parents most of the time we are in the hospital, maybe with my neighbor for a while until they are about to come get her. (My dad works a ton still and my mom is primary caregiver for my brother and my grandmother, who both have disabilities, so leaving for a couple hours to come pick dd up isn't necessarily possible at any given time). Dh's parents haven't said anything about coming to visit, and I sort of am hoping they won't, so I haven't brought it up. Last time they just came for a couple hours while we were in the hospital, which was fine, but now we live 6 hours away from them, so if they come it will be for much longer. I really don't want them monopolizing the first few days when we are in the hospital and trying to bond, but I also don't want them coming when i will have to host them after we get home. I'm hoping that if they come at all it will be for one overnight, maybe a week or two after the baby is born, not for an extended time to "help." Other than that we will have no visitors except my parents and brother stopping in briefly every once in a while. My mom is super helpful, so I am looking forward to having her close by this time around.

mombod · March 2017

If everything goes as planned we will be released from the birth center as soon as 3 hours after the delivery. We do have the option to stay for 24 hours (transfer to regular hospital private room) but we wont use it if we dont need it. We chose to stay the 24 hrs when my son was born and wished we hadnt. I plan to leave as soon as possible. Depending on how fast it goes down my mom will be in the room with us and my MIL or FIL will watch my son. This is the part that worries me though bc family lives 2+ hours away and my first labor was 6 hours. My mom made it just as I started pushing. I have friends as back up in case we need to leave before family gets there to watch him and absolutely worst case he will come with us. My mother will stay a few days to help with my son and DH will be off for about a week. Ideally I want the whole family home that night.

awoodruff27 · March 2017

The hospital policy is 36 hours as long as it's an uncomplicated vaginal birth. Which my last 2 have been. We have a sitter "on call" for the actual labor and delivery. Once I'm transfered to the post pardum room dh will go get the kids. And depending on the time he will bring them to see us. But I'll be on my on in the hospital for the most part. Probably no visitors, I just prefer to bond and work on breastfeeding. I'll go home as soon as they let us.

My mom and grandma will fly down over the 4th of July. Just depends when she comes as how old she will be. Other friends are welcome after the first night home, and someone from DHS company will come. They usually give a present. Last time they brought a huge fruit basket, a teddy bear for the baby and coloring stuff for my oldest. We will probably be back to our normal crazy within a week.

CurlyMommy416 · March 2017

Our hospital has a 36 hour minimum stay, which usually amounts to two nights in the hospital. During labor my sister will hopefully be watching my 2 kids. When the baby gets here DH will go get them and hopefully bring them to the hospital to meet him/her! He'll go home with them and I'll just chill at the hospital until I get freed. We don't have any family other than my sister near us, so other than her, two of my best friends will probably come by and that's it. Man, this whole topic is really making things feel very VERY REAL.

rmarble23 · March 2017

@merrylea im with you! i have no clue, my only plan is to not tell anyone until i need to and really it would only be to take care of the dog. all i know is that i dont want anyone other than DH in the room during delivery but im sure with our overbearing mothers they will be there the second baby girl is born. I would like to stay as long as possible being FTM.

mkrel · March 2017

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I don't know my hospital length of stay policies, but I plan to ask at our class on the 8th if they don't already go over it. I am REALLY hoping I don't end up with a csection so I can get out of there asap.
Both of our families are out of state. My parents plan to come a few days before my due date, and will change their flight if I go into labor early. During the actual l&d part, it will just be my husband in the room. I would prefer that only one set of family is here at a time, but it is my ILs first grandchild and SIL is due two weeks after me, so I will let them come whenever they need to, which I assume will be right away. They will be staying at a hotel though since FIL can't stay with us because of our dog. I have no idea what to expect. Part of me pictures getting annoyed by visitors and the other part of me welcomes the help. When my parents stay with us it is always very casual and I never feel like I need to be a "host," so I'm not too concerned. My Dad loves running errands and my Mom will help. The only thing I'm nervous about is the BFing logistics because I won't feel comfortable around my ILs, and honestly don't even know how I will feel in front of my Dad. I will probbaly just use a cover and if anyone is uncomfortable, too bad.
This might be an irrational fear, but did anyone get really possesive over their baby? I can just see everyone wanting to hold her and me getting irritated because I want her back.

Stankonia2014 · March 2017

I'll likely stay 2 nights in the hospital, because cheesecake and quiet. DH and my mom or grandmother will take turn with watching the girls. I'll likely be alone overnight in the hospital.

As for visitors, mainly close family and friends.

doodleoodle · March 2017

Last time I had a c section and still only stayed 2 nights. I don't think the hospital can make you stay if you want to go home. With my sister's RCS she only stayed one night. I'm scheduling a RCS, but if I go into labor before that then I'll see how I'm feeling and maybe attempt a vaginal birth. Unless something crazy happens I'll only stay 2 nights either way. DD1 will be staying with my in-laws and DH will be splitting his time between the hospital and DD1. My mother will come to the hospital to be with me and DD2 when DH is gone. Once released from the hospital we will most likely be staying at my in-laws because DD1 will only be 19 months old and if I have a RCS I won't be able to lift her for 4-6 weeks.

CurlyMommy416 · March 2017

@Stankonia2014 Omg, yes. Cheesecake and silence. Also sounds like some type of Hipster rock band.

krex-2 · March 2017

@stankonia2014...hell yeah to the cheesecake! I'm ashamed of what I'll do for a slice from "The Cheesecake Factory"

mirdamae03 · March 2017

I haven't talked to MIL or mom about it, but they've both been in the room with me when I delivered the boys so I anticipate it will be DH, mom and MIL in the room. I'm very close with my ILs, their only daughter adopted my precious nephew, and my SIL is very, very private, so I know my births may be the only ones she gets to experience as a mother. I know it meant the world to her to see Dean born.
The after birth "plan" this time is to stay one night (baring no complications). That was the plan last time, but my water started leaking and it was longer than 24 hours before I delivered, so I had to stay night 2 to get the full dosage of antibiotics. I have generally had pretty easy labors and deliveries. Hopefully this one is the same. DH's parents will be keeping the 2 hooligans for a few days, and mine may as well if we need the extra time alone with Beau.

Stankonia2014 · March 2017

@CurlyMommy416 @krex, it doesn't get much better. My hospital has the best food and amazing cheesecake. It's no steak dinner and champs, but I'll take it!

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

This subject is making me feel very unprepared. Lol we're still deciding between hospital or home birth. Next wed we do our hospital tour and in a month I'm hoping dh can come to my midwife appt so we can look over my medical records together and see if a home birth is even a smart idea for us.

So scenario 1, hospital:

we bring dd with us, mil meets us and stays in the waiting room with her, hopefully everything goes as fast or faster than dds birth (1-2 hrs) and then dd, mil, fil meets baby. Dh takes dd home at bedtime and Micah and I stay by ourselves. Hopefully we get released asap because dd has never spent the night apart from me and we will both be nervous.

Scenario 2, home: dd will be there as long as she is comfortable, mil will be on call ready to take her to the park or something if she starts getting scared. Mil and fil will probably pop in at some point after to meet him.

Dh has 3 brothers and 2 sil and way too many cousins that live close by so visitors are hard to keep at bay. I also have an aunt and a cousin but word doesn't travel as fast to them. I'm hoping to keep his arrival a secret for a few days, but since mil will know word will definitely get out and then people will start trickling in. I'm really hoping to have the first week with no visitors. Dh will have that first week off and I really want time for the four of us to rest up and bond. My parents are aiming to flying in when he is two weeks old about.

Very curious what our hospitals policy is for how many nights. When dd was born policy was leave the next day, but I had complications so I stayed 3. Which was awesome since I was a ftm. We're at a different hospital this time.

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2017

My hospital does a 2 night stay for vaginal birth and 3 night stay for C section. My plan is vaginal but you never know, and this is my first baby. I plan to just have my husband and a good friend there when I'm in labor, and then once we are moved from the labor room to our private stay room I will allow immediate family to visit. My mom is planning to stay with us for at least 2 weeks after the baby is born to help out (she lives out of state). Once we are home though I plan to be quite strict with the visitors because the last thing I want is for visitors to create extra work for us. The only visitors we'll allow are those who are willing to help out by either bringing us food, cooking us food, cleaning, or all of the above. Otherwise, I'd rather it just be us!

anitamargarita_82 · March 2017

I have no clue how long I'll be in the hospital. I was told standard length of time for normal vaginal deliveries was 24-48 hours. I plan to send the hubs home to sleep if he'll go home. He can be a real grumpy monster if he's not slept well and been under stress so I'd rather he goes home to sleep and shower and decompress from all the excitement rather than try to tough it out in the hospital room with me. I'm considering sending out 2 dogs to the vet to be boarded for 2-3 days once I go into labor. Our vet has a spa/rehabilitation center wing at it. When we board them there they stay in their own suite with a TV that plays animal planet all day. You can monitor your pets in their suite via video. They also run around and play with other dogs their size most of the day. They get daily teeth brushing, massages and also a personalized email and photos from the staff about what your dogs did all day and they send them home freshly groomed. It costs a ton of money but well worth the peace of mind to know they are well cared for. We boarded them for 2 weeks when we went on our honeymoon and were constantly checking in on them. We're helicopter dog parents :-)

ladylolly89 · March 2017

My hospital is like a hotel with 24 hour room service. I'm definitely staying as long as they'll let me.

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2017

@Wearmi1 That vet sounds amazing! I'm always so concerned about our 2 dogs too as we are also both helicopter dog parents haha. The plan is for my mom to get here before I go into labor to stay with them but we will need to figure out a back up in case she isn't here in time. I'm not sure what to do because I hate the idea of boarding them (we don't have facilities like yours that I'm aware of) and whenever we go out of town we always hire a private pet sitter who I trust and she takes them to her house and gives them the royal treatment when we're gone. She gets booked up in advance though so I don't think she'll be available on a moments' notice!

alm52386 · March 2017

Our plan is to have no one at the hospital and no one come visit at the hospital. After we are home we are planning on not having any visitors for about a week as long as DH can take the time off of work. After that I'm going to have my mom help out for 2-3 weeks probably. My mom is not happy about not being able to come for a week. Hopefully she will get over it. Obviously this could all change depending on when I deliver, if I have to have a c-section and how Chloe is!

Kylieslip24 · March 2017

MKRLTX said:

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I don't know my hospital length of stay policies, but I plan to ask at our class on the 8th if they don't already go over it. I am REALLY hoping I don't end up with a csection so I can get out of there asap.
Both of our families are out of state. My parents plan to come a few days before my due date, and will change their flight if I go into labor early. During the actual l&d part, it will just be my husband in the room. I would prefer that only one set of family is here at a time, but it is my ILs first grandchild and SIL is due two weeks after me, so I will let them come whenever they need to, which I assume will be right away. They will be staying at a hotel though since FIL can't stay with us because of our dog. I have no idea what to expect. Part of me pictures getting annoyed by visitors and the other part of me welcomes the help. When my parents stay with us it is always very casual and I never feel like I need to be a "host," so I'm not too concerned. My Dad loves running errands and my Mom will help. The only thing I'm nervous about is the BFing logistics because I won't feel comfortable around my ILs, and honestly don't even know how I will feel in front of my Dad. I will probbaly just use a cover and if anyone is uncomfortable, too bad.
This might be an irrational fear, but did anyone get really possesive over their baby? I can just see everyone wanting to hold her and me getting irritated because I want her back.

I was very possessive over my dd. It never went away either. I never wanted anyone to just grab her and walk away at parties or even family dinners. I wanted to see her at all times, basically until she was old enough to walk away that instinct was there. When visitors came to see her I let them hold her, but it almost physically hurt when they held her. Oddly I was totally fine with close family, but I would silently panic if one of the cousins held her. I imagine it will be the same this time too. At least this time I'm ready for it and I'm told 2nd babies are old news so we will have less people wanting to visit.

lovesclimbing · March 2017

We haven't really talked about it much. We're having the baby at a birth center, and I believe there is a legal limit to how long you can stay. They require you stay at least three hours, and for some reason I'm thinking you can't stay more than 24, but I may not be remembering correctly.

We have family in the area - cousins, grandparents, some siblings - but I think we will probably not invite them to the birth center. I expect as soon as I feel up for visitors, I will also feel up for leaving and I don't see any need to hang around for visitors at the center. They can come by the house later.

awoodruff27 · March 2017

@ladylolly89 the hospital I delivered DD2 in was like that. I'd kill to go back there! Queen sized beds in postpartum room? Yes please!

wifeinraleigh28 · March 2017

@ladylolly89 My hospital is like this too. And the room service includes meals for DH too (included in our stay). They also have in room spa services, which we have to pay extra for, but yes please. I mean, I might be needing a facial after giving birth, you know?

I'm looking forward to being pampered for a couple of days.

Stankonia2014 · March 2017

ladylolly89 said:

My hospital is like a hotel with 24 hour room service. I'm definitely staying as long as they'll let me.

My friend delivered in at Midlands, that hospital was AMAZING!

berg · March 2017

This is my first so who knows how it will actually go. I'm not due until 6/21, which could very well turn into July if I'm anything like my mother. The plan is for DH, my sister, and my mom to be in the room. My sister plans on picking up my mom so that my dad can drive up later. The issue is we live about 4 hours apart. If I go into labor too late at night/early morning, I may wait to let them know as I don't want them driving that far while half asleep. There is a high likelyhood if I have a short labor that it'll just be DH and I in the room and I'm okay with that too. We will stay at the hospital as long as they let us. We have an automatic feeder and a water fountain so that cats will be fine, but we have a neighbor who can check in if need be. Once we are home, it will most likely just be us. Since we live so far from everyone I don't expect too many visitors. Probably just our immediate families. I plan to head back to NJ later on in the summer, and all our friends will get a shot to come by and visit then.

And I agree with @CurlyMommy416 this is starting to feel very real.

CapricaAndrea · March 2017

merrylea said:

Am i the only person that really doesn't have a clue as I haven't given birth before! In talking with DH, I'd like some time with just us and the baby right after he's born, but other than that, who knows how I will feel!

I'm with you on this! My understanding is that having a midwife instead of an OB I'm more likely to go home after one night, but we haven't actually talked about it at all yet. I know my mother would like to be there for the birth but she's 3 hours away and would need to take time off of work so I doubt she'll be able to make it (which frankly is ok by me...) I think my in-laws would not want to be there during birth, but would come soon afterwards though again I'm not sure, they've surprised me before with things I didn't expect. DH has a social circle of approximately 50 different close friends so I imagine I won't have much say in stopping the inevitable parade of people who will be coming by either in the hospital or to the house shortly afterwards (unless I get super hormonal and bitchy, which so far this pregnancy doesn't sound like me).

ladylolly89 · March 2017

Stankonia2014 said:

ladylolly89 said:

My hospital is like a hotel with 24 hour room service. I'm definitely staying as long as they'll let me.

My friend delivered in at Midlands, that hospital was AMAZING!

I'm at Methodist Women's, but I've heard great things about Midland's too! My mom delivered my brother there 23 years ago, and she loved it then.

Adding to the comments about being possessive with your baby, I wasn't overly possessive with DS right after he was born. I wish that I had been, but those instincts hadn't kicked in yet. When they finally did, I was/am almost overly possessive of him because I felt like I had to "make up" for his first few days/weeks. He's 11 months old and sometimes I still struggle with it and will refuse to let others other than DH hold him (he's not quite walking yet). My mom totally gets it, but MIL can get offended.

merrylea · March 2017

@Wearmi1- we have 3 dogs, and DH and I are not on the same page on what to do. He thinks that we should keep them at home, just having people let them out. I think we should board them and so it's one less then to have to think or worry about. Sighs.....

danij0 · March 2017

My hospital says 48 hours after vaginal delivery, 72 hours after a c-section. They also mentioned that they discharge most people at 11AM so I'm not sure how that works in to the equation. I'll just leave as soon as they let me.
DH and I will be the only ones in the L&D. All our family lives at least 1 hour away. We will let people know when I'm admitted but we will request that no one starts driving until after we announce he is born. Visitors will be allowed when we switch to the postpartum room 2-3 hours after birth. I'm hoping to only allow our parents and our siblings to visit the first day. We're still trying to figure out if having our two nieces and nephew visit in the hospital will be easier then visiting at our house.
We are pretty independent people so we aren't having anyone stay with us but I think MIL will probably visit a few times in the early days.

alm52386 · March 2017

I have a feeling I will be overly possesive over her. I won't even want DH taking her I bet! Then again I'm going to be so excited for everyone to see her. DH is very set on not having anyone come over the first week unless we need help. As it gets closer I'm thinking I want people to come see her! Like I said before, it will just depend on how everyone is feeling I think.

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