Donor Eggs

rainbowwishes5 · March 2017

at what point did you go to donor eggs and why? It looks like this is my only option. Thanks to anyone who has any information!

mandasd · March 2017

It's good to know your options but you're in an IVF cycle right now about to do an ER, focus on that for now. I know your frustrated and upset and we are here for you, but work on positive affirmations and focus on your body and the bounty you are producing. You're already in it, you've spent the money, you're doing an ER tomorrow. Rest and try to be at peace.

rainbowwishes5 · March 2017

@mandsand Thanks but my doctor said I have unexplained poor egg quality and poor response. I have had 3cps in the past 7 months so that also factors in. I don't really think you can understand that. I was actually looking for people who are like me and can't get/stay pregnant with their own eggs. You are blessed you have no idea what this is like.

srh18 · March 2017

@rainbowwishes5 I'm sorry you find yourself in this place. I've begun discussions with my RE about donor eggs as well, after 3 failed ivf cycles (including a cp). I don't think there's a right or wrong answer for when to move on to donor eggs. You have to do what emotionally and financially makes the most sense for you and your partner.

I will add that my issue is also unexplained poor egg quality. I also have PCOS, but it isn't always just a "fixable" thing, as you mentioned on a different thread. We're all in this together, struggling to get and/or stay pregnant. I know your heart is breaking and I understand how challenging this process is, but it was a little hurtful to see you diminishing my primary diagnosis as a desirable option. I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle, just like you, and with luck, we'll both have success. But up to this point (after 18 months with my RE), I've been just as unsuccessful as you, despite having a diagnosis. We all do know what it's like. Try not to put pain into a hierarchy. Mine (and @mandasand 's and all of ours) hurts the same as yours.

DungeonTrollMel · March 2017

From the stim cycle we were able to diagnose my recurrent pregnancy losses as poor egg quality after we used PGS testing. I had 4 losses in 2016 including one as far as 9 weeks because of my own eggs. My RE does think that being able to do PGS and weed out the poor ones will hopefully cure this. I can't remember if this was something you were do or not? Have you and your doctor discussed that?

rainbowwishes5 · March 2017

@DungeonTrollMel if I have any blasts this time it will be PGS tested. The problem is that there really are none to weed out. I'll be lucky if I get a single blast this time so it's just about eliminating - not weeding out per se. If I get a blast it should be informative though. Maybe they finally agree to donor eggs.

@srh18 my nurse was the one who originally said it would be better if I had pcos and my re agreed. They have to idea what to do with me because absolutely everything is unexplained. That's why they hold back from recommending donor eggs etc. because they can't explain why nothing is working and why all my babies keep dying. They have zero answers. So it's hard for them to validate signing off on a donor program when there isn't a clear reason why I would need it.

cakeforbreakfast · March 2017

If someone is on this board because of struggles with infertility, one shouldn't judge them while believing the grass is greener on the other side; in the end they are also fighting to become a parent. To say someone is 'blessed' because their infertility issue is different than yours is ignorant of the bigger picture and inconsiderate.

rainbowwishes5 · March 2017

@cakeforbreakfast if you can get pregnant and stay do with your own eggs I'd call it blessed. Thanks for helping with a comment of your personal experience with donor eggs!

Zoey1019 · March 2017

@rainbowwishes5 and has @mandasand gotten pregnant with her own eggs? I think it was just your tone that came off as a little preachy to people who are all going through a LOT of treatment for the same (hopeful) outcome, there are no guarantees with IVF, just a lot of waiting and heartbreak. Sorry you find yourself in this situation, I just had a cycle with all abnormal embryos, but some could say I am lucky I had any right?

fivetimesnoluck · March 2017

@rainbowwishes5 I get that your emotions are high - it's likely the same for every one of us who finds ourselves here. That said, I caution you in feeling like anyone has it "better" than you - for any reason. That's a presumption none of us have enough information to make about another here.

Now, to the topic at hand - I feel that I am qualified by your criteria to speak to this, since I have no living children, have suffered the loss of five pregnancies with my own eggs and am now pursuing donor egg IVF. My RE is a specialist in RPL. He included DE IVF as our "last resort" in our first consult (December '15). We tried medicated TI cycles (3x) and then medicated IUIs (3x) because obviously conception had never been my problem. But then it was. DH and I never conceived last year while under his care and were then faced with what to do next.

I am not super familiar with your history or age, so I apologize if these seem like silly questions, but are you considered advanced maternal age (over 35)? Has your doctor checked your AMH, FSH and estradial levels that would give you a clearer diagnosis of egg quality? These are all helpful.

The reason why I skipped IVF with my own eggs is because I am 38 (39 in May), mine have failed me five times, dx with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - so quality and quantity is an issue - and because I did not want to spend money and time on retrieval cycles that were not fruitful (all of this is out of pocket). Doc has also indicated that he tested for and was concerned about the results that looked at C-reactive protein levels for evaluation of my vascular system and it showed risk for vascular disease in addition to the likelihood of an immune disorder. (One thing our RE looks at is the immunology of the reproductive system. Apparently some doctors feel this is bunk and others feel it is very legitimate.)

I am using a frozen donor bank and would be more than happy to share more details with you about my experience thus far, the cost, etc, or answer any questions you may have. I never thought I would be here and I am blown away by how few people talk about it - even on this forum. (Way more discussion on DE cycles on Baby Center, but have only perused, never engaged.)

Anyway, if there is anything I can do or say to make the adjustment to your next steps more palatable, I am happy to try!

This shit sucks, but it's where I am, so I gotta keep swimming.

xoxo

mc4dj13 · March 2017

@rainbowwishes5

I wanted to chime in because I too am in the process of DE IVF. While I don't have a long story to tell of how we came to this end result, I just want to provide you with a virtual hug and say that I understand your pain. Even in a small way and i wish you didn't have to go through what you are. Sometimes we don't need comments or suggestions, we just need someone to sit with us silently and be there.

[Deleted User] · March 2017

Yeah, I agree OP, it's all very painful, and most of us never imagined we'd find ourselves where we are in our journies to grow our families. But you know, everyone is here to support each other at all different stages. To say that someone can't possibly understand where you're coming from bc they are not in your EXACT same shoes, ...well no one could <i>possibly</i> be bc they are not YOU, they have not lived your whole life leading up to bring you where you are today. But we actually do all "get" the pain, and yes, believe it or not, people do understand, if you let them.

Maybe let's all agree to <i>try</i> not to lash out at one another, or block people when they reach out, because we're all in it together. ❤ Deal?

<img alt="" src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/27/40dvkxwklc1s.gif">

I hear the sentiment and agree that we will feel incredibly blessed if we are able to have a child that is genetically both our own. But we still don't know if that's going to be a possibility for us, just for different reasons. Using a donor definitely comes with its own set of challenges, and you may be surprised to relate to women who have had to select donor sperm for various reasons, too. Or women doing ivf for some completely different dx all together.

I get hoping to find very specific resources regarding your situation. I tptally do. And you are definitely not alone in looking at donor eggs. Along with PPs who have already responded here, (and others who haven't, I'm sure), there are also some pretty specific threads like this on the 3rd party reproduction board, if that's what you're looking for.

But if what you need is love and support, we're all right here. :)

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