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Calling him Dad??

rel1988rel1988 member
edited February 2017 in Blended Families
My husband passed away unexpectedly when our daughter was only a few months old. Through life's crazy happenings I am now with an amazing man who lives me and her unconditionally and we just got engaged. My daughter is close to talking and I'm not sure how to reference my fiancé to her. Do I call him Dad or Da? Call him by his first name? He will be the man in her life and raising her and unlike divorce situations her bio dad obviously unfortunately can't be in the picture. He referrers to her as his daughter and I want her to call him Dad, but I want to be respectful to my late husband too. 

DD#1 born 3/28/16







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Re: Calling him Dad??

  • mothernorthmothernorth member
    First of all, so sorry for your loss. If you are marrying this man, and he loves her as his own daughter, I personally see no problem (or disrespect to your late husband) with your daughter calling your fiancé dad. This is ultimately your choice, and if you are certain that this is your new forever family, then I would see no harm. Keep in mind, it may rub the family of her biological father the wrong way, especially if they are still grieving, but the ball is in your court with this. Just be sure about your decision. 
    I would also like to say that there is nothing wrong with a step-father going by his name. Or a nickname- my DD was 2-years-old when I met my Fiancé, and although she called him by a nickname the first year of our relationship, after I became pregnant with DS1, she started calling him dad on her own. She was never 'trained' to, but SS called him dad abviously, I started calling him dad when I became pregnant affectionately, and she just kind of fell into it as well.
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  • midge519midge519 member
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss! But I agree with PP. A father figure is a father figure no matter how you put it and it never hurts to have an extra Dad. I'm sure you're going to inform her and teach her of her other Dad also and so she will know she has a Dad looking down on her and a Dad with her. If his family ever questions you can respond with something about how she knows she has two Dads. 
    My children call their step dad Dad and know they are allowed to call their step mom Mom if they want to. 
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  • happyonislandshappyonislands member

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    It’s great to hear that you are engaged.  Congratulations!

    It’s wonderful that your daughter and soon to be husband will grow together; that’s makes life easily because he will be the only man she knows.  However, she will call him whatever you call him.  If you want her to call him “dad” or “father”; you must call him that.  Have you considered coming up with another name/title she can call your soon to be husband to be respectful to your late husband?  Also, have you talked to soon to be husband with his preference? In my opinion, when she’s older, you can explain what happened to her biological father.

    Good luck!  I wish you all the best.

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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Sorry to hear about your loss.

    Ultimately, whatever she ends up calling him will be between you, your FI, and your daughter.  If he is going to serve as the father figure in her life, I don't consider it disrespectful for her to call him "dad" if that's what everyone agrees on.  I'm guessing your late H would want her to have a caring father, even if unfortunate circumstances prevented it from being him.
    Me: 34 | DH: 46
    SD: 21 & SS: 17
    BFP #2 6/3/2020

    *Trigger Warning*
    TTC 6/13/2015 | BFP #1 5/14/2017 | MMC 7/28/2017 (Trisomy 18) | IL + D&C 8/4/2017


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