Do I throw a baby shower for the mom-to-be? — The Bump
Baby Showers

Do I throw a baby shower for the mom-to-be?

My dear friend is having twins. This is her second pregnancy. While I wish I could just offer to throw a shower or sprinkle for her, it's not going to be easy if it's a one hostess show. I wouldn't be able to take on the costs of it alone and the planning that is involved. The friends or acquaintances that she knows are people that I don't know. Do you offer to throw a shower and ask if she can appoint someone else like a family member or friend to help me? Or is this considered rude? And considering that I live further away from her, do you suggest to throw the shower at her place since it would be closer to everyone else? I don't even know if I should take the responsibility of doing a shower if I know I can't do it all alone. Any thoughts? Thanks!

Re: Do I throw a baby shower for the mom-to-be?

  • I wouldn't ask her to appoint anyone to help. The person she appoints may not be financially able to help with the costs either.  I would say if you can't do it alone, then don't offer. If someone else comes forward and offers her a shower, maybe you can contact them and offer your help at that time. 
    kmcc14[Deleted User]
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  • dufferoo said:
    Besides the other issues you mentioned, I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to throw a shower for a second pregnancy. Yes, I get that she has greater financial needs with twins but that's really not the primary function of a shower; it is to welcome a woman to motherhood for the first time. Save your party-planning money and buy her a double stroller if you really wish to help her out.
    This.  I don't think a second shower is appropriate in this instance, even though I do believe your heart is in the right place, wanting to help her out due to her having twins.

    With that said, perhaps you could have a casual dinner party, picnic, or BBQ prior to her giving birth.  Make it about spending quality time together before her life gets chaotic.  If anyone wishes to bring a gift, they are more than welcome but it won't be the purpose of the event.
  • I agree with everyone! It is so lovely that your heart is in the right place! If you really want to celebrate and make her feel special take her out for a pedicure and talk baby or take her out for lunch and have her open your gift.  
    TTC since May 2015 with domestic partner of 13 years. Me 33 OH 33.  No ovulation or natural menstruation. Normal SA.
    Diagnosed PCOS February 2016
    First cycle 50mg Clomid 5/3/16, O'd CD 19 BFN
    Second cycle 50mg Clomid 6/1/16 O'd CD 18 BFN
    Third cycle Clomid 6/29/16 O'd CD 16 BFP @11dpo!
    EDD April 3 and praying things work out!
  • That's very sweet of you, I'm sure your friend would appreciate your initiative. But before anything else, I suggest you talk to your friend and find out her thoughts about it. Should she think it's a good idea, you can start your planning from there. Maybe you can share it with your other friends and see what you can come up with. If baby shower is not that practical, offer other help. Nonetheless, sure she will appreciate your thoughtfulness. 
  • I think since you're further away, you might ask her directly if any friends are throwing a shower, so she can share your information with them so you can collaborate.  Beyond that, I wouldn't reach out to hold a shower in particular, due to second baby, location, and expense limitations.  I've done the collaboration with people I wasn't necessarily already acquainted with.  They appreciated having another person to bring the cake, or extra decorations, or do the invitations.  
  • Maybe send a text to a few mutual friends asking to get together for lunch and then ask if anybody wants to chip in for a GC or some diapers? No shower/sprinkle (agreed not proper to have another one), but a thoughtful get together where everybody pays on their own and no pressure for gifts aside from maybe a few bucks.
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