@MrsCaliRN I'm in the same situation, my son's birthday is beginning of May (he will be 2) and I'm due mid June with a girl, but more likely to have her early June given my history. I'm planning to have a small birthday celebration for him early May since we never got to have a party for his 1st (we were all sick). I feel like it'll be his last big celebration with just us as a family of 3 before baby sister arrives. Since he was premature and I went into labor less than 48 hours after my baby shower it's important I do something to celebrate this pregnancy. My friend and I are due at the same time so we are doing a joint thing early June/late may. It is sort of throwing it for ourselves but mostly for each other and it's more of a blessingway (i.e. small gathering of women blessing mama to be before labor vs gift giving etc etc). I think doing a get together like a brunch with girlfriends is totally acceptable to host yourself. Each child and pregnancy is worth celebrating. Just don't expect gifts- I rarely bring a gift to a sprinkle or second baby shower and don't expect any for myself.
You are doing it for gifts. Don't try and make it anything than it is. This whole thing is tacky. Tacky. Tacky. All of your friends are talking behind your back and just won't say it to your face.
@MrsCaliRN I'm in the same situation, my son's birthday is beginning of May (he will be 2) and I'm due mid June with a girl, but more likely to have her early June given my history. I'm planning to have a small birthday celebration for him early May since we never got to have a party for his 1st (we were all sick). I feel like it'll be his last big celebration with just us as a family of 3 before baby sister arrives. Since he was premature and I went into labor less than 48 hours after my baby shower it's important I do something to celebrate this pregnancy. My friend and I are due at the same time so we are doing a joint thing early June/late may. It is sort of throwing it for ourselves but mostly for each other and it's more of a blessingway (i.e. small gathering of women blessing mama to be before labor vs gift giving etc etc). I think doing a get together like a brunch with girlfriends is totally acceptable to host yourself. Each child and pregnancy is worth celebrating. Just don't expect gifts- I rarely bring a gift to a sprinkle or second baby shower and don't expect any for myself.
I'm confused by this. You say you went into labor after your shower.... so you got a shower, correct? Do you mean before your shower?
What are you calling this brunch with friends? You are not "throwing it for each other" since you're both the guest of honor at the same event. It just sounds like you two are throwing yourselves a party. That said if you just want a brunch with friends (no gifts), call it just that. A brunch with friends. Don't call it a shower or a sprinkle. Don't mention that it is to celebrate the pregnancies. Just enjoy time with your friends with no theme around your pregnancies. Friends who know you are both due might elect to bring a gift, but that is their decision.
Re: This thread overall - I'm amazed at the number of women who correlate celebrating a baby with receiving gifts during pregnancy. Each baby is worth celebrating, but that doesn't mean you get a party thrown for you with each pregnancy. I'm on #3. I received a surprise shower with #1 and that is it. Many loved ones gave small gifts for #2 which was generous and unexpected, but it shows that people choose to celebrate each new life in their own way (not at the direction or expectation of an expecting parent). Oh and BTW, #2 was a different sex. Having a baby of a different sex is NOT an excuse to get a 2nd shower. Babies don't care if they are wrapped in garments, blankets and surrounded by decor/toys reflective of a gender identify and vision you selected for them.
@harpyogi I agree with above. I actually didn't even attend my showers for DS and I'm not throwing myself, nor attending, anything for this baby. My best friend brought it up and I politely declined. If she surprises me well then there's nothing I can do but I made it clear I don't desire any kind of gathering. We had two beautiful showers for DS, and even though I didn't attend, I was still celebrated. I don't understand the invite of "come celebrate my motherhood/new baby but I'm not expecting anything at all!" I think deep down, it is about receiving gifts. Why not just wait until baby and see who so generously brings something for new baby? Throwing a party for yourself 100% appears gift grabby.
I had given birth to my son for my shower and he was in the NICU. I was so out of it, emotional for my shower, however I def wouldn't use that as reason to have one for this baby.
Thanks, all! I was 100% against a shower for babies after the first because it seems needy/greedy. However, a friend and my mom have offered to throw one and I've noticed all my other friends doing one with their second. I can't lie and say it wouldn't be amazing to get a ton of stuff, but the most pressure in having a shower is coming from friends and family that are used to having a shower for each kid.
Sounds like if I do consent to someone throwing me a shower, it should be a separate event from DS's bday. I have seen moms have showers 3 months before their due date, perhaps I could consent to an "April Sprinkle." Thanks for all the real input, I really value the honsety!
Do what works for your family and circle of friends. You have to know your audience. To my family/friends turning down a celebration would be considered rude. Usually those people want to honor you and the baby and if you say no it can give off the vibe that you think you are "too good" for them to throw an event for you.
The only thing I agree with is not throwing your own shower/sprinkle. Other than that party on!!
They started this at my work with sprinkling the mom to be. I hate it. I feel like now everyone has to get one and we are throwing one fore 2nd and 3rd kids. Its an office of 40 and no one wants to be that asshole that doesn't buy.
While we're complaining about tacky shower etiquette, I also want to say that I very much side-eye people being annoyed about getting gifts not on their registry or, even worse, telling family members and friends they have to stick to the registry only. People are giving you gifts, not taking your order at a restaurant. A registry is a guideline you can make to help them know what you need/want, but ultimately they can get you whatever they want to and you have to thank them graciously. Then whatever they gave you is yours to donate or exchange or use. It strikes me as so bratty to demand that people buy you only the gifts you chose for yourself. And, no, having a small living space or a lot of baby things from an older child already or whatever else is not an excuse for rude behavior.
@ellie111227 it's even better when people decide to have a shower/sex reveal all at once specifically because they figure if the guests don't know the sex of the baby before hand, they won't buy clothes and will instead be "forced" to buy off-registry. You have no idea how many posts there have been on TB of people planning to do this, for that reason.
If someone is offering you a gift, you take it, and then you write a very gracious thank you note whether you really wanted that item or not. Period, end of sentence. Anything else is so entitled and bratty, it's just crazy. If people are willing to spend their hard earned money on you to help set you up for your baby's arrival, you graciously accept whatever they are offering, and you don't complain about it. Return stuff if you need to, but put on a happy face and feel nothing but love from people that want to help you out, rather than annoyance that they didn't buy you the "right" things.
They started this at my work with sprinkling the mom to be. I hate it. I feel like now everyone has to get one and we are throwing one fore 2nd and 3rd kids. Its an office of 40 and no one wants to be that asshole that doesn't buy.
We are having the same issue at school. It used to only be first babies. Now, grade levels are throwing showers for every baby. It gets to be a lot. I told my team that I don't want a shower. I don't want them paying to put it together, and I don't want everyone else in the school feeling like they have to buy me something. If someone wants to give me something, they will do it on their own without being asked.
Married my best friend May 24, 2008
BFP #1 9/1/11, EDD 5/15/12, Missed M/C at 9w4d, discovered at 11w3d, D&C 11/2/11
BFP #2 6/20/12, Baby Boy born 3/2/13
BFP #3 October 2016, EDD 6/11/17
Wow thank you. Glad I spent an hour talking to my therapist about how much anxiety showers bring me. I'm not going to do anything if it's considered this tacky and this is type of response, it'll only put me into labor again from the stress. It wasn't even going to be called anything aside of a group of friends hanging out, no invitations or anything. I gained so much strength from giving friends candles to light while in labor and that's all I wanted to do this time. I don't give a shit about gifts, her nursery is already set and packed. Please do not tell me I'm greedy and want gifts. Just in shock, I'm done.
The book birthing from within explains a blessingway. Incredibly different than a shower which our culture is so accustomed to being all materialism. I guess that's not widely known.
@harpyogi I agree a blessingway is very different from a baby shower. I would love to attend one or even have one for a second or more times mom. But you still should not host it yourself. Invite your girlfriends over for brunch/snacks and yoga/meditation. Same feel, not focused on you, not asking them to do anything for you.
@harpyogi I agree a blessingway is very different from a baby shower. I would love to attend one or even have one for a second or more times mom. But you still should not host it yourself. Invite your girlfriends over for brunch/snacks and yoga/meditation. Same feel, not focused on you, not asking them to do anything for you.
This was exactly what I was going to do. Just a group of girlfriends, mamas already, for one last girls hang and I would be the one giving them someone (a candle, or bead, or something) to acknowledge when I go into labor they are with me. It's all the close friends of mine who I'd be telling I'm in labor anyway (maybe 5 people) and who would want to support me. We'd probably do the whole meditation/chant thing, paint the belly maybe etc being the hippy dippy yoga teacher I am
@harpyogi, don't run away and be too turned off by our opinions, I like you around here, but I think where the confusion came from is that your first sentence began with desiring another "shower" and speaking to expectations (or none) of gifts. I like the explaination and sentiment behind a blessingway, especially if it's just a gathering for your closest ladies for strength and love. You're right that invites or hinting towards it being a shower would send the wrong message.
Why are you talking to your therapist for an hour about showers being stressful, if you aren't having one?
Second, anytime you throw yourself a party or blessingway or whatever it is, it's tacky IMO. I'm sorry different opinions aren't your thing. A blessingway is different than a shower, but still a gathering held for the mother to be. And it can still require people to bring things or spend money.
@harpyogi For starters, this thread is about STM showers and sprinkles. Your post was also in reply to/commiserating with a STM considering a shower (also self thrown). If you don't give us more details or context on what you're thinking about doing, we can only go by what we read which very much came across as "my friend and I are throwing ourselves a shower/sprinkle/party (whatever)". This is why I asked what your were calling the event as that would be more reflective of intent.
A lot of members within this thread have expressed varying views on pregnancy related parties for STMs. If you don't want to hear an opinions opposed to yours or it causes you this level of stress, perhaps don't post about this? I'm not being snarky. Stressing over the opinion of internet strangers isn't doing your health any favors.
Wow thank you. Glad I spent an hour talking to my therapist about how much anxiety showers bring me. I'm not going to do anything if it's considered this tacky and this is type of response, it'll only put me into labor again from the stress. It wasn't even going to be called anything aside of a group of friends hanging out, no invitations or anything. I gained so much strength from giving friends candles to light while in labor and that's all I wanted to do this time. I don't give a shit about gifts, her nursery is already set and packed. Please do not tell me I'm greedy and want gifts. Just in shock, I'm done.
We are not planning on having a shower. But we've been registering on Amazon to keep track of things we need and also for the completion discount. I received a coupon in the mail for $20 gift card if we created a Target registry. So we did last night and the welcome bag has so many goodies in there that I would recommend to all of you. There was a 25% off coupon for paint, $4 off coupon for diapers Pampers that is a Target coupon that you can stack with a manufacturer coupon and a bunch of other good stuff. I love freebies and coupons!
@tmrussell I went yesterday to my local Target to pick up the welcome goodie bag. They had some pretty neat samples and lots of good coupons. I love me some freebies too!
Did the welcome bag come with formula or bottles? Im planning on bf, but I need to get a bottle and formula for our earthquake emergency kit. Don't want to pay for it though. Lol
@Kylieslip24 it came with a bottle. I think the hospital may give you formula samples and my doctors office has them to. I would ask your doctor for a sample. You can also go to one of the formula companies websites and sign up for coupons and they might send you samples. I had about 4 cans of samples last pregnancy. They came in handy because I have to supplement. Your breast pump may also come with bottles. The Medela pumps do I believe. It did come with samples of laundry soap, wipes, diapers, lotion, butt paste and lots of coupons.
@Kylieslip24 I don't know about the target gift bag, but my Amazon welcome box had a bottle in it if you have Prime and can get that one. I also think I got one free from motherhood maternity during my last pregnancy. I don't think I have ever seen formula samples in a registry gift bag, but you can get some from free by signing up with formula companies like Similac and Enfamil. I think they send them close to the due date you give them. OB and pediatric offices also usually have lots of samples they can give you if you ask.
Unsolicited advice: Even if you are planning to breastfeed, I think it is a great idea to have some formula and a couple bottles on hand. I breastfed my daughter without supplementing regularly and we are still going at 16 months, but it made me feel much safer to know that i had that stuff available if i needed it, and it was a lifesaver once or twice when she was tiny and randomly wouldn't latch but was very hungry in the middle of the night. Extreme lactivists would tell you that even having formula on hand will tempt you to use it unnecessarily and interfere with breastfeeding, but I don't believe that. Plus, you need bottles if you are ever going to be away from your baby and want to have someone else give pumped breastmilk. If you are planning to feed on demand, it is tough to predict how much time you might have between feedings in the early days.
@Kylieslip24 The Spectra S2 pump comes with two bottles. You can get samples from your pediatrician as well as Enfamil if you sign up with them online.
Thanks guys. I had a little emergency box of free formula and nice glass bottles for my dd and just a hand pump. But I never used any of it because I had too much milk
So it's official, someone is throwing me a shower. My MIL wanted to do something and I conceded to a simple girls lunch at a restaurant. Now my aunt wants to throw a shower so her and my MIL are doing it together. It feels so weird which I told them but they said this time it's different bc I'm pregnant and they want to celebrate my pregnancy. My kids are my kids regardless how they came to be in my family but I feel bad saying flat out 'no'. They're so excited for me and that this is the first girl in our family for 37 years.
Re: Second Time Moms: Shower/Sprinkle?
What are you calling this brunch with friends? You are not "throwing it for each other" since you're both the guest of honor at the same event. It just sounds like you two are throwing yourselves a party. That said if you just want a brunch with friends (no gifts), call it just that. A brunch with friends. Don't call it a shower or a sprinkle. Don't mention that it is to celebrate the pregnancies. Just enjoy time with your friends with no theme around your pregnancies. Friends who know you are both due might elect to bring a gift, but that is their decision.
Re: This thread overall - I'm amazed at the number of women who correlate celebrating a baby with receiving gifts during pregnancy. Each baby is worth celebrating, but that doesn't mean you get a party thrown for you with each pregnancy. I'm on #3. I received a surprise shower with #1 and that is it. Many loved ones gave small gifts for #2 which was generous and unexpected, but it shows that people choose to celebrate each new life in their own way (not at the direction or expectation of an expecting parent). Oh and BTW, #2 was a different sex. Having a baby of a different sex is NOT an excuse to get a 2nd shower. Babies don't care if they are wrapped in garments, blankets and surrounded by decor/toys reflective of a gender identify and vision you selected for them.
I don't understand the invite of "come celebrate my motherhood/new baby but I'm not expecting anything at all!" I think deep down, it is about receiving gifts. Why not just wait until baby and see who so generously brings something for new baby? Throwing a party for yourself 100% appears gift grabby.
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
Sounds like if I do consent to someone throwing me a shower, it should be a separate event from DS's bday. I have seen moms have showers 3 months before their due date, perhaps I could consent to an "April Sprinkle." Thanks for all the real input, I really value the honsety!
Me: 31 DH: 34
Married 11/09/2013
LO#1: LMP 09/14/2014 BFP 10/15/2014 EDD 06/24/2015 DS Born 06/14/2015
LO#2: LMP 09/18/2016 BFP 10/19/2016 EDD 06/27/2017 DD Born 06/27/2017
LO#3: LMP 05/16/2018 BFP 06/18/2018 EDD 02/20/2019
The only thing I agree with is not throwing your own shower/sprinkle. Other than that party on!!
~Declare it..Claim it..It will be!!~
5/9/09
Here We Go Again!!
@ellie111227 it's even better when people decide to have a shower/sex reveal all at once specifically because they figure if the guests don't know the sex of the baby before hand, they won't buy clothes and will instead be "forced" to buy off-registry. You have no idea how many posts there have been on TB of people planning to do this, for that reason.
If someone is offering you a gift, you take it, and then you write a very gracious thank you note whether you really wanted that item or not. Period, end of sentence. Anything else is so entitled and bratty, it's just crazy. If people are willing to spend their hard earned money on you to help set you up for your baby's arrival, you graciously accept whatever they are offering, and you don't complain about it. Return stuff if you need to, but put on a happy face and feel nothing but love from people that want to help you out, rather than annoyance that they didn't buy you the "right" things.
BFP #1 9/1/11, EDD 5/15/12, Missed M/C at 9w4d, discovered at 11w3d, D&C 11/2/11
BFP #2 6/20/12, Baby Boy born 3/2/13
BFP #3 October 2016, EDD 6/11/17
I like the explaination and sentiment behind a blessingway, especially if it's just a gathering for your closest ladies for strength and love. You're right that invites or hinting towards it being a shower would send the wrong message.
DH: 29
DS: 18 months 4/2/2015
Baby #2 EDD: 6/1/2017
Why are you talking to your therapist for an hour about showers being stressful, if you aren't having one?
Second, anytime you throw yourself a party or blessingway or whatever it is, it's tacky IMO. I'm sorry different opinions aren't your thing. A blessingway is different than a shower, but still a gathering held for the mother to be. And it can still require people to bring things or spend money.
A lot of members within this thread have expressed varying views on pregnancy related parties for STMs. If you don't want to hear an opinions opposed to yours or it causes you this level of stress, perhaps don't post about this? I'm not being snarky. Stressing over the opinion of internet strangers isn't doing your health any favors.
Thank you!
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
DH: 35 | Me: 29
BFP #1- 07.25.12, EDD: 03.24.13, DD born 03.26.13
Surprised BFP #2- 02.25.15, EDD: 10/29/15 |*m/c 7w4d, D&C 04.02.2015
BFP #3- 01.21.16, EDD: 09.29.26 |*m/c-blighted ovum 2.19.16 8w1d, D&C 03.04.16
BFP #4- 05.24.16, EDD: 02.04.17 |*natural m/c- 07.08.16, 9w1d
BFP #5- 09/25/16, EDD: 06.07.17 GROW, BABY, GROW!
They came in handy because I have to supplement. Your breast pump may also come with bottles. The Medela pumps do I believe. It did come with samples of laundry soap, wipes, diapers, lotion, butt paste and lots of coupons.
Unsolicited advice: Even if you are planning to breastfeed, I think it is a great idea to have some formula and a couple bottles on hand. I breastfed my daughter without supplementing regularly and we are still going at 16 months, but it made me feel much safer to know that i had that stuff available if i needed it, and it was a lifesaver once or twice when she was tiny and randomly wouldn't latch but was very hungry in the middle of the night. Extreme lactivists would tell you that even having formula on hand will tempt you to use it unnecessarily and interfere with breastfeeding, but I don't believe that. Plus, you need bottles if you are ever going to be away from your baby and want to have someone else give pumped breastmilk. If you are planning to feed on demand, it is tough to predict how much time you might have between feedings in the early days.
@GlitterFish I didn't know Target sold paint either... I am going to attempt to post a picture.
Edit: picture issues