Infertility and... having to spay/neuter your pet

lady_grey · February 2017

Ugh, the irony. I am having such a hard time with this. I just adopted a sweet little kitten girl. She is my baby! She needs to be spayed this month. Of course-- I am a responsible pet owner and know this is necessary for many reasons. But I also feel kind of sick over it. How can I sterilize my dear kitten girl, when I myself have been struggling to get pregnant, and dealing with the torment of infertility? I am at ideological odds. Ultimately I know I will have to go through with it, but I already feel ashamed and guilty for having to take away her ability to procreate. Anybody else experience this? Any wisdom out there to help free my guilt-ridden heart?

funkykey · February 2017

Funny, I didn't have the same experience fixing our dog at all, like thinking about denying him the joy of procreation - didn't even cross my mind, though I've heard other people talk about that. Though at the time, he was so little and sweet and goofy, and I was worried taking him in for surgery.

The night before the operation, at the dog park, another owner laughed about my nervousness and said that when he was growing up in the country, they used to just tie an elastic band around the dog's testicles until they fell off- which is also I think what they do to sheep on sheep farms.

Anyway, I realized then that I was maybe guilty of anthropomorphizing my dog.

DH and I like to donate to our local animal shelter to help pay for stray dogs and cats to be spayed/neutered. We're huge animal lovers, and it pains us both to realize that so many wonderful animals don't have good homes. I'd rather give an existing animal in a shelter a home than breed more kittens.

Good luck!

AlohaKumu · February 2017

I realize that there is irony in having to do this when we are struggling to have children, but I think @funkykey said it well--we tend to anthropomorphize our animals. (I'm sooo guilty!) Because I know how many sweet kitties have to be euthanized every year due to overcrowding in shelters, it seems like it was kinder for me to spay/neuter my furbabies. I know not feeling guilt about this is probably easier said than done, but I think our kitties tend to hold grudges over not getting enough treats or bellyrubs rather than having kittens of their own someday.

lady_grey · February 2017

Thank you @AlohaKumu & @funkykey - you've talked some sense into me. I've definitely been displacing my feelings onto her!!

funkykey · February 2017

@lady_grey - I do that with our dog and exercise. I'm like: "I think he looks like he wants to go for a run." Because I always feel guilty because I hate finding time to squeeze exercise in.

Every time, DH is like: "He's just hungry. All he wants to do is sleep on the couch all day. I think you're projecting."

MariaBend25 · February 2017

I second the ladies above. Not only do you project your feelings into the animal you also project your humanity to them. We call them our babies or members of the family. While they have feelings and express them to us...they also don't have the ability to think of the future and consider it like we do, they only live in the present. Like how a dog reacts like you have been gone FOREVER after you just stepped out to get the mail and back, they only care that OH MY GOD SHE IS BACK!!! So don't feel guilty or think your pet will have inadequate or upsetting feelings about not being able to procreate. Procreation for them is a natural instinct and drive without thought, so the spay/neuter is helping their life (reduces cancer risks among other health benefits) and is helping the overcrowding problem in shelters. Hopefully that all helps ease your mind and your kitty has a quick surgery and recovery!

ReesaAnne16 · February 2017

Another thought, if you did allow your cat to have kittens, would you keep all of them? Probably not. As long as we're anthropomorphising our pets, let's imagine the thought of letting them give birth, and then sending all their babies away...
they are so much better off having that instinct removed, their risk of cancer decreased and the chances for other animals to get adopted to be better.

lady_grey · February 2017

thanks for the insights and wisdom! Sometimes you just need internet friends to tell you how it is!

NandJ4Ever · February 2017

Don't feel guilty. She will be happier if you spay her trust me. I was doing cat breeding for several years and an unspayed female cat in heat who can not mate with a male will be unhappy. She will be restless, meowing a lot, and won't leave you alone. She will go into heat every 2 weeks to 2 months depending on the time of year and each time it can last up to a week. She will not be happy if she is not allowed to mate and she will be frustrated. Plus she is at risk of ovarian or uterine cancer and at risk of getting pyometra. These conditions would be very expensive to treat and could cost her life. If your not going to breed her than you are not depriving her of anything by spaying her. If she can not breed than she will actually be happier spayed instead of unspayed and miserable and frustrated because she cannot mate. Your doing her a favor by spaying her trust me! And saving yourself from being annoyed by her heat cycles.

NannyPlum · February 2017

NandJ4Ever said:

Don't feel guilty. She will be happier if you spay her trust me. I was doing cat breeding for several years and an unspayed female cat in heat who can not mate with a male will be unhappy. She will be restless, meowing a lot, and won't leave you alone. She will go into heat every 2 weeks to 2 months depending on the time of year and each time it can last up to a week. She will not be happy if she is not allowed to mate and she will be frustrated. Plus she is at risk of ovarian or uterine cancer and at risk of getting pyometra. These conditions would be very expensive to treat and could cost her life. If your not going to breed her than you are not depriving her of anything by spaying her. If she can not breed than she will actually be happier spayed instead of unspayed and miserable and frustrated because she cannot mate. Your doing her a favor by spaying her trust me! And saving yourself from being annoyed by her heat cycles.

All of this. Plus, if you've ever seen cats mating, it's not generally a pleasant experience for the female. They are induced ovulators and respond to spines on the Tom's penis. Fun!

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