@Worldtravler0522 - I'm so, so sorry. I don't have any words. When I read your update, I just thought: "Shit". Shit, shit, shit. Ugh. I'm sorry; I hope you find what comfort you can over these next few dark days. It's brutal, what you've been through! Sending you love. xx
@MountainLady- I was rounding up a bit. Our IVF ticket price wouldn't be $20,000 BUT the drugs will be expensive, and I'm sure I'll take time off and we might do PGS too. So I like to keep that number in my head, even if it works out to be less.
@notamyrtle - ah, you're right, it might be early. I dunno. If AF hasn't come, I'll go in for a blood test early next week, but every other time I've had a BFN, I've actually not been pregnant, so I'm not optimistic.
But re: the pity parties - don't worry about saving them. I was thinking this morning, how difficult it would be to invent a psychological torture more effective than IF. For most of us, we didn't start actively trying until we were "ready", so we might have wanted kids years and years ago, but wanted to be "responsible" - getting educated, building savings, establishing careers - already years of work and waiting. So then you start actively trying, even if you're not completely "ready", because the spectre of aging hangs over you, and it's like "nope", "nope", "nope", and as you get further along, it gets more and more expensive, invasive and painful, and no one can tell you why it's not working. And at the same time, all the people around you are getting the thing you're working towards, even though they don't have to try as hard as you, and they're like: "come to my baby shower! Smell my little baby! Listen to me talk about breastfeeding and mommy and me yoga!" AND every time you try takes a full month - it's not like you can find out any sooner. And then even if you do get the result you have been working towards, for years, it's terrifying and there are no guarantees. Others have said this more eloquently than I have, but it seems to me that we're basically enduring a form of torture. Have all the pity parties you want.
Last night, my DH and I listed all the ways it could be worse. We're lucky in so, so many ways, so lucky - and I realize that. Most of the time, I do my best to "cultivate an attitude of gratitude" or whatever. But that doesn't mean that IF isn't really awful - just because it's worse for some people than it is for others, doesn't mean IF isn't all bad. It is all bad.
@notamyrtle I read a lot of blogs, and 99.9% of them have babies, or are pregnant, or blah blah blah. I actually had to unfollow one on Instagram this morning because of a pregnancy post. I couldn't take it anymore. I used to like reading bumpdates and pregnancy announcements and all that because I was so hopeful it would be me soon, but the longer this takes, the less I can handle stuff like that. Anyway, I would totally read an infertility blog!
I'm on day 2 of AF. Nothing to report, really. I started temping a week or so before AF started and DH or the dogs kept waking me up in the middle of the night/early morning which meant that my temps weren't accurate (because I didn't have 3 straight hours of sleep or they weren't within 30 minutes of my normal time). Luckily, yesterday and today have been fine. Hopefully that lasts for the whole cycle.
GTKY: I wouldn't open it, but I'd give it to DH and insist that I get to read it too.
I've been having ovary pain this month. Its my first month on clomid but the pain started after ovulation. I definitely ovulated (temp and bloodwork confirm) and then started having slight pain in what feels like my left ovary. Has anyone experienced this? Is it something I should be worried about?
Me: 30 | DH: 28
Together since 2013 | Married 2014 TTC since March 2016 1 cycle of Clomid 50mg and TI, unmonitored by OBGYN= BFN Dx: unexplained & mild MFI | Rx: Femara w/ trigger & IUI 1st IUI: BFP. Chemical Pregnancy 2st IUI: BFN 3rd IUI: BFN 1 round femara 7.5: BPF! Due date March 2018
Thanks for the support. I'm so angry about this entire situation. I just want to give up and never even try again because I feel like we will just keep losing babies. I'm just so frustrated and feel completely helpless.
Me 36 DH 34 - Married May 2010 DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation TTC since December 2014 Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good 2 snow babies
Follies check went well....the doctor was very happy with the size of my Follies. I had a 19 and a 15, along with several other slightly smaller ones. Planning to do trigger shot tomorrow, followed by insemination Monday morning. The ultrasound did show a kind of "dip" in my uterus that she said they sometimes see women with that that have subfertility and might be a possible reason we have been having trouble, but that the HSG showed a normal cavity so it's nothing to really worry about.
@Bababatty thanks for sharing about the SA's. It helps me to have an idea of what to expect! If this isn't your cycle (of course I hope it is!) I hope the next SA shows that Clomid has helped.
@funkykey sorry about the BFN. Crossing everything that it is still too early! You are so right! We definitely waited a while to start. I wanted to feel really ready and like it was something we really wanted, and not just trying to get KU because society (and let's be real, our mothers) pressures you to have a baby by a certain age/after X amount of time being married, etc.
As for pity parties, we all do it! I had one the other day, a coworker of mine is pregnant (after 2 months of trying) so we are planning a small shower for her at work. Her nursery theme is the theme I have always wanted, and all last week I kept getting texts with pictures of all the cute things everyone was buying her and I just wanted to remove myself from the group chat. Of course I can't do that. It's just tough. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her. I am also just sad for me. And I think that's okay. We are allowed to be sad for ourselves sometimes.
My surgery yesterday went well. Apparently the polyp was pretty large. We are benched now for 4 weeks but I think I can deal with that. Plus it will be good timing for FW next month when we get off the bench! I am just hoping I don't get unrealistic expectations for next cycle now that it's gone and the blockage it was creating is cleared. Because, you know, what MFI? Obviously the problem this whole time has been the polyp, not the MFI lol
I may need someone to talk me down in 4 weeks ....
@Kim41313 I'm so glad the surgery went well! I hope these next four weeks fly by. I feel like I always have unrealistic expectations about cycles, so I understand you there. There's always a hope.... As for the baby shower, I once got out of a baby shower for a colleague by conveniently scheduling our first RE appointment at the same time, haha.
@Worldtravler0522 Oh no. I am so, so sorry. That is devastating and frustrating. I'm sad and angry at infertility for being so cruel. I hope you are taking the time you need to heal, and that whenever you're ready, you have a good RE who can make a good game plan for going forwards. I'm so sorry.
Me - 35 (DH - 33). TTC since May 2015. Saw RE in July 2016. 11/16: IUI #1= BFN. 1/17: IUI #2 = BFN. 5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B. 8/17: FET #1. Thus far - 'unexplained'.
@Kim41313 Good to hear the surgery went well!! @MJDsquared Thanks for the encouragement. Ugh yeah I don't like how all the blogs of peers are baby focused. I stay away from social media because of the babies. Before that, I stayed away from social media because of the engagement and wedding photos. My ego is too fragile for Facebook
@funkykey Thanks for the permission to pity party! I totally agree that IF seems to be perfectly crafted to torture women of childbearing age. That is an excellent point. And like you said, the isolation element is huge. I know it's been described many times before, but IF really does cause me to feel as though I missed some critical life stage and life is passing me by... It's as though everyone else went to college and I'm still at home with my parents. Or I'm being held back a grade... and another grade... indefinitely.
Basically, I feel in limbo. Time has never gone so slowly.
Me - 35 (DH - 33). TTC since May 2015. Saw RE in July 2016. 11/16: IUI #1= BFN. 1/17: IUI #2 = BFN. 5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B. 8/17: FET #1. Thus far - 'unexplained'.
Just finished with our IUI and for some inexplicable reason, I found myself singing the "just keep swimming" song at my uterus. *eye roll* I'm pretty sure this whole process has turned me crazy. Lol.
Ugh!! @Worldtravler0522 I'm so so so so sorry, I really, honestly thought this was it for you. reading your post made me hate the world, seriously, it's so inexcusably unfair.
Me: 39 SO: 36
Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR - officially "unexplained"
TTC#1 since November 2015 9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN 10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN 1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018 May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
Re: TTTC Checkin 2/7/2017
Married 7/13
TTC #1 since 10/13
BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
IUI #1 2/25/16
Married for 7 years, TTC for 4 years
dx: Diminished Ovarian Reserve
2 Clomid IUI's + 4 injectable IUI's= 5 BFNs and 1 mc
@MountainLady- I was rounding up a bit. Our IVF ticket price wouldn't be $20,000 BUT the drugs will be expensive, and I'm sure I'll take time off and we might do PGS too. So I like to keep that number in my head, even if it works out to be less.
@notamyrtle - ah, you're right, it might be early. I dunno. If AF hasn't come, I'll go in for a blood test early next week, but every other time I've had a BFN, I've actually not been pregnant, so I'm not optimistic.
But re: the pity parties - don't worry about saving them. I was thinking this morning, how difficult it would be to invent a psychological torture more effective than IF. For most of us, we didn't start actively trying until we were "ready", so we might have wanted kids years and years ago, but wanted to be "responsible" - getting educated, building savings, establishing careers - already years of work and waiting. So then you start actively trying, even if you're not completely "ready", because the spectre of aging hangs over you, and it's like "nope", "nope", "nope", and as you get further along, it gets more and more expensive, invasive and painful, and no one can tell you why it's not working. And at the same time, all the people around you are getting the thing you're working towards, even though they don't have to try as hard as you, and they're like: "come to my baby shower! Smell my little baby! Listen to me talk about breastfeeding and mommy and me yoga!" AND every time you try takes a full month - it's not like you can find out any sooner. And then even if you do get the result you have been working towards, for years, it's terrifying and there are no guarantees. Others have said this more eloquently than I have, but it seems to me that we're basically enduring a form of torture. Have all the pity parties you want.
Last night, my DH and I listed all the ways it could be worse. We're lucky in so, so many ways, so lucky - and I realize that. Most of the time, I do my best to "cultivate an attitude of gratitude" or whatever. But that doesn't mean that IF isn't really awful - just because it's worse for some people than it is for others, doesn't mean IF isn't all bad. It is all bad.
TTC #1: Oct 2015
DX: Unexplained - all tests normal
TXX:
Jan '17 - 1st round of Letrozole 25mg CD1-9... BFN
Feb '17 - 2nd round of Letrozole 25mg CD1-9... BFN
Mar '17 - 3rd round of Letrozole 25mg CD1-9 + IUI... BFP!!!!!!
@notamyrtle I read a lot of blogs, and 99.9% of them have babies, or are pregnant, or blah blah blah. I actually had to unfollow one on Instagram this morning because of a pregnancy post. I couldn't take it anymore. I used to like reading bumpdates and pregnancy announcements and all that because I was so hopeful it would be me soon, but the longer this takes, the less I can handle stuff like that. Anyway, I would totally read an infertility blog!
I'm on day 2 of AF. Nothing to report, really. I started temping a week or so before AF started and DH or the dogs kept waking me up in the middle of the night/early morning which meant that my temps weren't accurate (because I didn't have 3 straight hours of sleep or they weren't within 30 minutes of my normal time). Luckily, yesterday and today have been fine. Hopefully that lasts for the whole cycle.
GTKY: I wouldn't open it, but I'd give it to DH and insist that I get to read it too.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
I've been having ovary pain this month. Its my first month on clomid but the pain started after ovulation. I definitely ovulated (temp and bloodwork confirm) and then started having slight pain in what feels like my left ovary. Has anyone experienced this? Is it something I should be worried about?
TTC since March 2016
1 cycle of Clomid 50mg and TI, unmonitored by OBGYN= BFN
Dx: unexplained & mild MFI | Rx: Femara w/ trigger & IUI
1st IUI: BFP. Chemical Pregnancy
2st IUI: BFN
3rd IUI: BFN
1 round femara 7.5: BPF!
Due date March 2018
DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
TTC since December 2014
Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy
FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks
FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks
FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days
FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days
Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good
2 snow babies
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
@hoffmanr7 yay for good follies!!
@funkykey sorry about the BFN. Crossing everything that it is still too early! You are so right! We definitely waited a while to start. I wanted to feel really ready and like it was something we really wanted, and not just trying to get KU because society (and let's be real, our mothers) pressures you to have a baby by a certain age/after X amount of time being married, etc.
As for pity parties, we all do it! I had one the other day, a coworker of mine is pregnant (after 2 months of trying) so we are planning a small shower for her at work. Her nursery theme is the theme I have always wanted, and all last week I kept getting texts with pictures of all the cute things everyone was buying her and I just wanted to remove myself from the group chat. Of course I can't do that. It's just tough. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her. I am also just sad for me. And I think that's okay. We are allowed to be sad for ourselves sometimes.
My surgery yesterday went well. Apparently the polyp was pretty large. We are benched now for 4 weeks but I think I can deal with that. Plus it will be good timing for FW next month when we get off the bench! I am just hoping I don't get unrealistic expectations for next cycle now that it's gone and the blockage it was creating is cleared. Because, you know, what MFI? Obviously the problem this whole time has been the polyp, not the MFI lol
I may need someone to talk me down in 4 weeks ....
eta: TB ate half my post
TTC since May 2015.
Saw RE in July 2016.
11/16: IUI #1= BFN.
1/17: IUI #2 = BFN.
5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B.
8/17: FET #1.
Thus far - 'unexplained'.
@Kim41313 Good to hear the surgery went well!!
@MJDsquared Thanks for the encouragement.
@funkykey Thanks for the permission to pity party! I totally agree that IF seems to be perfectly crafted to torture women of childbearing age. That is an excellent point. And like you said, the isolation element is huge. I know it's been described many times before, but IF really does cause me to feel as though I missed some critical life stage and life is passing me by... It's as though everyone else went to college and I'm still at home with my parents. Or I'm being held back a grade... and another grade... indefinitely.
Basically, I feel in limbo. Time has never gone so slowly.
TTC since May 2015.
Saw RE in July 2016.
11/16: IUI #1= BFN.
1/17: IUI #2 = BFN.
5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B.
8/17: FET #1.
Thus far - 'unexplained'.
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
Fur babies: Phoenix and Yeti (both cats).
September 2016- Infertility Testing
dx: Low Progesterone, Vitamin D Deficiency, Borderline PCOS
Treatment:
October 2016-January 2017- Metformin, Clomid/Letrozole, hcg trigger, progesterone
IUI- 2/17/2017 BFP 3/2/2017!
TTC#1 since November 2015
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018
May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!