tell my bosses?

QsMadd · February 2017

I am a part time PA and a part time nanny. I should be doing my egg retrieval and transfer the week of Feb 26th. I am weary of telling either of my bosses mostly because of the point that I enjoy my privacy. I work in a small clinic in a hospital where it is just me and two attending doctors, I thought of telling one of them but I would rather not have them asking if it implanted and/or if I have a miscarriage later, them asking about when I will do it again.
I only nanny two days a week now but she really depends on me being there. Again, I do not want to tell her because she likes to gossip and I would rather not have in depth conversations with this fertile woman about my struggles. On the other hand, I don't want her to be forced to stay home because I call in sick one day for the retrieval or transfer.
How many of you have told your bosses? Was it fairly easy? For those of you who did not/will not tell your bosses, do you just plan on calling in sick?
I have actually never called in sick to either workplace but I have taken time off in the past for surgery (most recently was last week).

ChocolateIsLife · February 2017

Hey there. I can completely relate to the stress of whether or not to tell. I am self employed at the time, so I wasn't required to tell anyone, but I think if I was in a situation where I was uncomfortable sharing that info, I would simply say I was having an out-patient procedure, and leave it at that. When I had my ER last year, I assumed I would be able to go to normal activities the next day, because so many women do, but I developed moderate OHSS that kicked me to the curb for nearly a week. It might be something to consider, just in case that happens you would probably want to give your employers a heads up so that they can plan accordingly.

I will add though that I did share my IF struggles with my previous employer, because I was having to go through multiple surgeries and always missing work. I didn't want my company thinking I was just flaking out. I can say that my company was very discrete and didn't treat me any different, or ask personal questions, and they were very respectful of the entire situation. Crossing my fingers for your ER and transfer!

Worldtravler0522 · February 2017

I haven't told an employer yet and I've had two since starting this all a year ago. For ER I called in the morning of and ended up having to call out the next day too because I didn't recover as quick as I hoped I would. For my transfers I had one happen on a weekend and the other two I just gave my employer a heads up I had a doctor's appointment. For everything I've always offered up a doctor's note but no one has taken me up on it. Good luck!

adirat · February 2017

This is a tough question many of us have grappled with. I think you are right to avoid telling someone who will gossip. I wouldn't tell her, either. As to the doctors you work with, though, you might be surprised at how supportive they could be. If you think it might interfere with your work, and you think they might be supportive, consider it. To me the question has to do with what's at stake with your job. If you can just call in sick a few times without it being a problem, don't tell. If you think people might get suspicious or start to think less of you at work, it may be worth telling one person to start.

My experience -- I have not told my direct supervisor at work because I am concerned that I may be passed over for projects I want to do because of my doctor's appointments (or because they assume I will be pregnant soon and go on maternity leave). However, I did tell the director of a big project (about 50% of my job) because I didn't want her to think I was being flaky by needing to be out some mornings on short notice for bloodwork and ultrasounds. Without going into detail, I explained that I had been having fertility issues and may need to go to the doctor on relatively short notice, but that I would make up any hours I missed. She was amazing! Super understanding and kind... and she didn't say any of those horrible things like "just relax" that I hate. It's a relief to me to have told her specifically. This is a case-by-case basis situation and I am sure you'll make the right call. Good luck!

funkykey · February 2017

I agree with PP - I think it's case-by-case. My boss knows, but we're close and I know he'll keep it quiet. I also trust him not to discriminate against me (I know - sad - but I think a lot of women deal with this at their workplaces); I told him because of possible absences and because I've had some bad days.

If I weren't comfortable with my boss though, I'd just say I had an inpatient procedure or that I was dealing with a medical issue, and give no details.

Polythene Pam · February 2017

I think if you said you had a personal medical procedure that'll take 1-3 days to recover, they can't (and shouldn't) ask more. I'm only thinking of an old coworker who had a breast reduction, she told us (close female coworkers) but told the vague explanation to our male (creepy) boss.

*TW I have a 3 year old* and have used sitters/nannys as I work from home, and just a heads up helped but I never expected an explanation (the sitter was always reliable so I trusted an occasional miss). Good luck!

pawcall · February 2017

For me - it hasn't felt right to share. I have an open/ongoing intermittent FMLA claim that allows me to take off for medical appointments so I try to give as much notice as I can while keeping the details private.

artemis618 · February 2017

I told my immediate supervisor because I didn't think there was any other way to explain coming in late to work like four times in two weeks from monitoring appointments. It happened that he and his wife went thru IVF to conceive their first, so he "got it." I am also lucky that my job is pretty flexible in that there are five of me and we back each other up when one of us is out of the office. Turns out I was able to get almost all 7:30am appointments so usually made it into work on time. Hopefully that will be the case for this next round too. I took the day after ER off although I probably didn't have to. But also we just have a PTO allocation to use as we please (and not separate vacation and sick time).

AlohaKumu · February 2017

I told my "big boss" about everything I'm going through because I trust her so very much. However, I've opted not to tell my immediate supervisors, as I know how they can gossip. I just say that I'm not feeling well and take a sick day or request a half-day for a minor medical procedure when I know ahead of time. They know they can't ask any other questions, so we just leave it at that.

JuliaGoolia719 · February 2017

I've not told my bosses, my job is primarily travel based and I climb roofs for a living. So far I've just said that I had a few doctors appointments and used a few days of PTO for ER and the days after.
We are doing a FET, probably in late March/April and I've arranged to be home in April on a project, which will allow me to be home for that monitoring/transfer.
Ill tell them after the transfer once we know if the transfer takes and I'm pregnant. At that point I won't want to be on roofs anyway lol.

rainbowwishes5 · February 2017

Didn't tell my bosses- My first ER fell on a scheduled vacation days And my first transfer I just took a vacation day "something came up" sort of explanation.

QsMadd · February 2017

I ended up telling both. I figured it would be easier to tell them now so that they know the reason I may be out a few days in the next month. The mom was very supportive and told me congrats. She said to just take the toddler with me to my morning bloodwork and ultrasound appointments.
My hospital doctors were happier than I was about getting pregnant...especially the big boss! She keeps telling me my endometrium will work itself out after I get pregnant.
It was harder telling the mom because I didn't know if she would take it as a sign that I don't want to be working for her anymore soon (getting pregnant). I want to finish out the school year at the very least...I love that boy!

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