Why My Family is Driving Me Crazy 1.25

dmontgo · January 2017

What is your family doing this week that already has you planning to overeat at the upcoming Super Bowl parties?

yellingbanana · January 2017

Alright. Lucas is 7 weeks old. One of my brothers in law still has not even attempted to act like he wants to come and meet his nephew. BIL used to be super close to DH, until BIL married control-biatch and now he never has time for his own family. Even his newborn nephew.
Dh is so disgusted in how BIL has been ignoring the family that he doesn't want to initiate an invite. He's just waiting for BIL to call and ask to see the baby. I'm starting to think that's not going to happen. With all the tension going on, I was thinking about stepping up and contacting BIL to come meet the baby. What would you guys do? Let the brothers figure it out? Or step in and possibly cross some invisible boundary? The tension is building with the more time that passes...

princesslockness · January 2017

@yellingbanana I'd let the guys figure it out between them. I might contact BIL's wife and see what's up, but the boys probably need to figure it out and their relationship as well.

Backstory: We cut FIL off from anything contact as he repeatedly chose his bitch of a gold-digger over SIL and H. She lied about SIL being locked out to FIL, told SIL she was pregnant when FIL said she can't get KU. Lots of other things, anyways back to the final one: She kicked my dog, then had the nerve to ask 'he won't try to bite me again, will he?' When I responded 'not if you treat him right' FIL told me I was taking it too far, was disrespectful of my 'elders', and should be ashamed of how I was treating others. So we said choose her or our family. He laughed and said 'you can't be serious'. That was Halloween, and aside from responding 'is she gone/moved out/dead ?' To his calls/texts/emails, We haven't talked to him since.

My SIL is being a flying monkey for FIL. She tried at Christmas to get us to call/drop by and see FIL. When we refused it was 'it would mean sooooo much to him to get to meet E' and 'you can't really be mad about it any longer'.

This weekend she stepped it up on FB and in texts. She got my # from someone, as I never gave it to her&didn't have hers, yet I have gotten2-3 texts a day about how 'FIL misses us/kids', 'she went to ST. Louis to see her mom, and isn't there right now', and 'he isn't going to go get her unless she can pay for it before hand'.

She just won't butt TF out, and I'm about ready to call MIL to get it shut down. SIL didn't see/talk to FIL for 5 years unless MIL or the custody agreement made her, yet because we have the crib-midgets we have to take abuse from his imported gold-digging whore.

Sorry just needed to get that out. ETA: fixed auto correct and rage mistakes:

leksiL · January 2017

So my sister had substance abuse issues from about 15-25. She had been in jail, almost died, and broken in to family's houses throughout that period. However since having my niece (now 4) and now my nephew, she has been ok. She doesn't work and the kids father has a job and they get bybwith financial assistance from both families. This week they were going to buy a house (they live in a rural area so it was only about $65k). My Rich aunt and uncle are buying it with them so she can qualify.

so last week my grandmother had noticed that she had been missing cash lately. She is 88 but still has her wits. She counted the cash she had in her pocketbook before my sister came over and wrote the amount on a piece of paper. Sister distracted her with the baby during the visit while sister went in grandmas bedroom, where she keeps a diaper stash for my sisters use. When she left sure enough $40 was missing from her pocketbook.

Upon confrontation my sister burst into tears and admitted to the theft and said she was embarrassed but needed has money and formula. (The next day my dad had to fill up her gas tank, so??) she says that she had put all of her $ into this house and didn't want anyone to know they were broke.

Now we are driving to my hometown so people people can meet the baby. But half my family won't talk to my sister. I don't want to either but I want to see my niece and nephew. So it's fouled up the whole visit (of course). Any time we have something good happen she finds a way to make it all about her! (Even if it is a negative way). I am so mad - my grandmother does so much for her and would have surely given her the $40 if she had asked so I smell bullshit. Stealing is awful but stealing from your grandmother is a special level of sick. I don't know what to do. Ugh.

yellingbanana · January 2017

@leksiL I hate to say, but doesn't your sister have WIC? If so, they give you more than enough formula money. Stealing from grandma, that is pretty low.

leksiL · January 2017

Yep @yellingbanana she sure does have wic. Apparently she only is allowed one can per month? I don't ff so I have no idea if that is enough (or if it is true)

paulpaw · January 2017

@leksiL my sister in law receives WIC and FFs. She has never paid out of pocket for formula. I smell BS.

@yellingbanana I would call BIL but I never know when to keep my mouth shut which is sometimes good and sometimes not ha!

princesslockness · January 2017

@leksiL I did FF through WIC for L and we got 9 cans of the small Similac. We had to buy 3-4 cans every month. So it might just depend on where you are and your income level.

sourlemon · January 2017

@yellingbanana we have trouble BIL too. His wife got him into some cult religious groups (it was even on the news that it was a cult!). They have a 6yo and a 4yo. The wife got mad at me 5 years ago because I skipped an event (DH still went) that she invited us to. I had a medical procedure the next day and had to take laxatives the day of the event...I didn't feel the need to be out of the house... well, apparently she took this wrong, said we were liars, unfit to be around her kids, and we haven't seen them since. They missed our wedding. They have skipped everything we invite them to. They don't return calls or texts. They live an hour away and our kids have never met! I tried early on in this thing to try to fix it but it only made it worse. So idk if I'd get involved!

They are driving me crazy too. Last may we invited them to meet some at the zoo so the girls could meet. They never answered. Come December, we got a text back saying that they aren't ready for their perfect little kids to be influenced by ours. My lo was not even 2 at the time we asked! How's my 2yo going to be a bad influence on a then 4 and 5 year old? BIL said maybe in a few years we can revisit the situation! So basically our kids will grow up an hour away from their cousins, but never meet them.

yellingbanana · January 2017

@sourlemon oh, that makes me so sad. I hope it doesn't come to that. But we do see him less and less.
And btw, it's good to know that your kids won't be raised in a cult! Seriously, that's crazy.

swhiddon33 · January 2017

For a slew of reasons I don't even actually understand, my brother still hasn't met my son, who was born early in October. He lives 30 mins from my house. It literally breaks my heart and I feel so rejected.

Just had to say that somewhere.

caffeinenut · January 2017

@swhiddon33 Hugs to you. That is awful that your brother hasn't come to see your baby when he is so close. Can you set up a family event and get him to come?

My MIL is again getting on my nerves. We went over to their house today with the baby so they could see her before they go on vacation. At one point she asks if we are having the baby baptized. Neither my FI or I really wanted to get into this type of conversation with her, so we told her we were going to have the guy marrying us do it sometime in the summer. She asked if he was a priest or of a religion. Not wanting to lie, and knowing we'd have to tell her sometime, my FI said he was non denominational. She responded with asking if he knew how to do a Catholic baptism. To which I said she's isn't getting baptized Catholic. That I am an atheist, and since my FI is Catholic, we are doing a personal ceremony that incorporates both beliefs without giving our baby a specific religion. Then she said that the baby should be baptized Catholic because her son is Catholic. I repeated that I wasn't Catholic and that I was an atheist and we were doing it our way. So of course, to get the last word, MIL said that Catholic was better, and that her other son and DIL were baptizing their son Catholic. I see a fight brewing in the future, and I really hope my FI steps up with me on this against his mother, since he and I finally settled on this compromise since he wanted her baptized and I wanted no ceremony or religion at all.

yellingbanana · January 2017

swhiddon33 said:

For a slew of reasons I don't even actually understand, my brother still hasn't met my son, who was born early in October. He lives 30 mins from my house. It literally breaks my heart and I feel so rejected.

Just had to say that somewhere.

DH's brother also hasn't met our son. It's terrible, I know it's hurting DH even more than it's hurting me. We have invited him over, he makes excuses. He'd be there in 2 minutes for his wife's family, but not his own. He has never invited over since he got married.... 7 years ago.
We feel your pain. I hope one day they come around.

l9i · January 2017

@swhiddon33 My brother with influence from his FI have alienated a lot of people in the family. She's driven him away from all siblings and even my parents to degree so the main focus can be on her family and siblings. Aside from being in the same room for Christmas I wouldn't really say he "met" our son. Neither of them acknowledged him while there. They also live in the same town. I've come to peace with the situation knowing our children will not have a relationship with them or any potential cousins. Family, am I right?

swhiddon33 · January 2017

@l9i
It is eerie how similar our situations are...

yellingbanana · February 2017

This is weird, how and why is it a brother thing? BIL has also pretty much forgotten his parents, unless he needs something.
I just got a first 'like' for my baby's pictures on FB from evil SIL. I'm wondering how long it will be before they meet their nephew. He is 8 weeks old now.

l9i · February 2017

@yellingbanana YES! My brother only comes around to my mom when he wants something and then treats her like crap any other time. She always says she's done, but she never is. So sad.

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