The jealousy begins — The Bump
April 2017 Moms

The jealousy begins

*sigh*  We had our first dose of baby jealousy today.  My 6-year-old son, who will be the middle child, was not very happy during our trip to Babies R Us.  I heard "you guys love the baby more than me" several times.  Lord, help me through the next 6 months.

Anyone else experiencing jealous siblings?
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Married: 12-04-06 
Annabelle: 1-1-08
Patrick: 8-15-10
EDD: 4-20-17
Virginialeigh

Re: The jealousy begins

  • I am a first time mom, but I am really close to my sister (who is also pregnant) and this will be her fourth. My nephew who just turned 2 kind of sort of understands. He likes to lift up our shirts and kiss our tummies, it's really sweet. He even laid his head on my tummy when I was at their house laying on the couch.

    My niece who just turned 7 however, is a different story. When I announced I was pregnant, she had a complete meltdown. My sister announced to our family before I did and she had a meltdown then too. For a few weeks she completely regressed. She would have tantrums and went as far as asking for a bottle at bed time. She also said over and over again that everyone was going to love the new babies more than her. It was pretty upsetting. Eventually though my sister had to explain to her that she is going to be an older sister and older cousin and she needs to start acting like one. She explained to her about how important her role will be once they are here and especially when they are growing up. She has older cousins (on her dad side) that she admires a lot and my sister explained to her that she will also have that role. My family is hosting my baby shower and gave her the responsibility of the dessert bar, just so she would feel involved and not forgotten. She eventually turned a corner and it doesn't seem to bother her as much. 

    We will see when the babies are actually here though.
    KirstinH88cafediscopinkshades05
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  • DD1 was 2.5yo when DD2 arrived. DD1 had a very hard time for the first few months and acted out much more than usual. It was very rough, especially compounded by her speech delay and low comprehension skills. But once she figured out that she could make DD2 smile and laugh and she was used to the new routine it got better for a while. It only got tough again when DD2 started playing with toys and DD1 got pretty jealous. 

    Despite all that, they are the best of friends today at almost 5 and 2.5yo! 

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    KirstinH88
  • DS is 3, so right now he is really excited to have a baby brother. I am worried about how he will react when the baby gets here. I think going from an only child to a big brother is going to be a tough transition. And we are supposed to be moving right around my due date, so the amount of attention he will be getting is going to be a lot less than he is used to.
    KirstinH88
  • I'm terrified of this.. more so than anything else. DD loves talking about the things she's going to do with her brother but she has become so clingy and attached to me and DH since she's known. I am so worried how it will be when he is actually here.  She says things like "daddy can read me stories when the baby is here" and insists I have to do it now. which makes me wonder if she's feeling left out or just knows she's going to have to compromise later so wants me now.

      She's started refusing to be left with anyone. She cried yesterday BC my in laws watched her.. she loves them and was soooo excited they were here until we had to leave.. a few months ago she would have been pushing us out the door.  She used to beg to sleep at my parents house on saturday nights and I'd have to bribe her tocome home the next morning.. now I have to promise I'll pick her up the moment I get out or she won't go.. the closer we get the more this bothers me..
    Abbygirl 5/2012
    Baby Boy due 04/07/17
    KirstinH88
  • @HappyAnjel How old is she? I hope this is just a stage and reaction to knowing that her world will soon be changing. It's so hard to watch as parents, though :(

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    HappyAnjelKirstinH88
  • @pinkshades05 she is 4.5 I know I just need to wait and see but it gives me so much anxiety.
    Abbygirl 5/2012
    Baby Boy due 04/07/17
  • My daughter (4.5) is super excited now so I hope it lasts. She keeps setting aside her old toys and books for the baby, asking when the baby is coming, etc

    She will still be in school for a bit after the baby comes so I hope that helps with the transition 

    DD Born 5.9.12

    MC March [email protected]

    Expecting #2 4/30/17

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    cafediscoKirstinH88
  • I'm worried about this with DS. He will be 21 months when the new baby gets here, and since I can't really "prep" him in a way that he'd even have a chance of understanding what's happening (we have been reading big brother books) and because he's pretty attached to me since DH travels a lot, I think it's going to be a big adjustment for him. And, if I wind up with the likely RCS, I won't be able to pick him up for a while, and I think that plus seeing me carrying the new baby might be a lot for him to handle. He's such a snuggler and he wants to be with people all the time that I worry that he'll be mad at me and jealous with his sister for getting all of the snuggles. I'm planning on keeping him in daycare so that part of his routine doesn't change, and I'm going to make sure that I carve out time for just DS and me in the evenings.

    My SIL has two that are about 17 months apart and she said that the older one got really temperamental for the first couple of months while she was breastfeeding but that he got over it and settled into their new routine pretty quickly.
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    cafediscoHGRichKirstinH88
  • @SnarkasaurusRex I'm in the same boat. DS will be 20 months when this one arrives, so not quite sure how he will handle it. Right now, if DH and I hug or kiss while I am holding him, he pushes DH away and laughs. Right now it's cute, but it won't be as he gets older. I know he doesn't really yet understand that he is going to have a sibling, even though he "knows" the baby is in my belly. He is a mama's boy, and I still rock him to sleep at night. We have already started having DH do the bedtime routine, in case I have another evening cluster-feeder. I am still worried he will "need" me while I am breastfeeding, or even want to start breastfeeding again. My hope is that it will be short-lived, and then he wont remember a time without his younger sibling. 
    HGRichKirstinH88
  • DS hasn't quite showed jealousy toward the baby (he will turn 3 a month after the baby comes), but he definitely shows it toward other kids who try to hug/love on me. I'm sure his little world will be rocked once #2 arrives, but we are doing our best to encourage him on being a big brother through telling him his new "job" and all the cool things he will be able to teach the baby. 

    His little cousin has been visiting the past week, and DS has definitely showed signs of jealousy and a little regression. For example, he will mimic his cousins "baby talk" when he asks for things because he sees his aunt respond differently. It's only happened a couple of times, but we have really been trying to encourage him to take on a leader role. We shall see if it works!
    BFP 7/26/2016 with Baby #2 <3 
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    KirstinH88
  • My DS is 5 years old right now and is still feeling positively. However, I have been telling him (for months now) about how important it is for him to be a big brother and role model to the new baby! I have been maybe even overly intentional about praising him in front of family and friends for being so responsible and about how grateful I am to have him be my big helper this spring/summer! I am trying to make him feel like this process is just as important and special for him too. I am also having more special one on one moments with him- like having game night together, reading every night before bed, taking the time to really sit down with him and color or do arts/crafts. 

    I would suggest really trying to make an older sibling feel important and special during this time. Reassure them about how much you love them and how special their role is in your family. 

    I also have have bought him some illustrated books on having a new baby brother or sister.
    - Danielle

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d4716" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>

    shaunessaSnarkasaurusRexMagheetaKirstinH88
  • My DS is 5 years old right now and is still feeling positively. However, I have been telling him (for months now) about how important it is for him to be a big brother and role model to the new baby! I have been maybe even overly intentional about praising him in front of family and friends for being so responsible and about how grateful I am to have him be my big helper this spring/summer! I am trying to make him feel like this process is just as important and special for him too. I am also having more special one on one moments with him- like having game night together, reading every night before bed, taking the time to really sit down with him and color or do arts/crafts. 

    I would suggest really trying to make an older sibling feel important and special during this time. Reassure them about how much you love them and how special their role is in your family. 

    I also have have bought him some illustrated books on having a new baby brother or sister.
    I need to do this!  DD will be 3 when little brother arrives and I'm not sure how he'll handle it.  But we're definitely praising him more than usual and keep reminding him of how great of a big brother he'll be.
    MagheetaKirstinH88
  • We had zero jealousy. I made a conscious effort to highlight the things big sister can do that baby can't that are fun and special. We used baby's many sleep times to snuggle, bake together, take walks and play outside (when DH was home), etc so I think that helped a lot. We also dawned over dd1 for all her help with the baby.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
    shaunessaKirstinH88
  • I'm not worried about DD1. She will be 3.5 in March. She is used to sharing me. Right before she turned 1 I started nannying for a 3 month old in our home 4 days a week. So, she got used to sharing me then. We watched him for about 8 months. And for the last 8 months we have been living with SIL and my nephew, who is now 13 months. It has been a nightmare and she has had to put up with a lot from him. He is such a bully, seriously. So, she is used to sharing her space. When I am nursing all the time I'm sure there will be a little jealousy and at night perhaps some as well. But, she will be fine. She has never been super attached to me, despite me staying home with her for her entire life. 

    Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula
    DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer 
    Married: October 8, 2011
    DD1: September 24, 2013
    BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
    DD2: April 16, 2017
    BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
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    KirstinH88
  • Thanks for the feedback, ladies.  I think he was just having a rough day and my hormones were running high.  We talked when we got home from the store and he was much better.  I told him that they're all three my kids and I love them the same amount.  He has been excited about the baby my entire pregnancy and loves to touch/kiss/hug my belly.  I'm sure we will have some tough moments, but I know that he'll be okay.
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Married: 12-04-06 
    Annabelle: 1-1-08
    Patrick: 8-15-10
    EDD: 4-20-17
    KirstinH88
  • I'm very worried about DD.  She currently acts happy about baby sister, but I worry she will feel differently when we're actually holding and feeding the baby. I'm less worried about how she'll be with me, I'd not her favorite - she's a daddy's girl 1000000%.  She'll be 3 when the baby arrives, but she's been very stubborn about the potty and we've finally gotten her trained, and I just have this feeling of dread that she's going to regress horribly. 
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    KirstinH88
  • Ah we've had our first encounter with this as well.  DH has almost always dropped off DS and since he was like 6 months he's never cried at drop off.  These days DH barely gets him inside the building before he starts crying about how he wants to stay with daddy and baby sister.  He loves his teachers and stops crying before we really even leave the building (our daycare has cameras so you can watch from the lobby if you wanted to). His teacher said it's the first sign of jealousy - can't wait to see the rest.  DS seems so excited otherwise for baby sister - he's helped every step of the way with her nursery, etc. Fingers crossed that this is the worst of it but my guess is that it's not. 
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    KirstinH88
  • DS is 17 months old so it's hard to know what he understands. He likes to kiss my belly and hug baby brother, but I think it's because he knows I like it and he gets attention for it. A little nervous about him getting jealous, he has been refusing to interact with baby (when he is cranky) more often and hugs me really tight when I talk about baby brother. DS and I do everything together and it breaks my heart that he might feel left out when the new baby comes! 
    KirstinH88shaunessaHGRichMagheeta
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