Didn't expect to be here.

fivefootbeautie · January 2017

Currently miscarrying. This morning I started with some light spotting (5w5d) and my doc had me go in for an ultrasound to just check things out.

They couldnt find the sac or yolk, and when they took the intrauterine wand out, it was covered in blood. I knew before the doctor even came in.

They still want me to test my HCG levels tomorrow, but I started really bleeding tonight so I think it's fairly clear what's happening.

I was just so excited to be moving forward and starting to make plans... I feel a bit crushed that we have to start all over. That may sound lame - but the baby itself felt surreal, but we'd started orienting our lives around the idea of it. Now I kinda feel like the rugs pulled out.

Also. This may be TMI, but I haven't worn pads since Jr. High. I don't down grannie panties. I'm literally sitting in an old pair of my husbands tighties because they're the only thing big enough for these crazy pads!

jen83mn · January 2017

@fivefootbeautie

I'm so sorry

I just miscarried a few weeks ago - started spotting at 4w3d and miscarried 3 days later. It was heartbreaking. I totally get already starting to make plans and imagining your future with this baby ... it's hard not to, but of course makes it so much harder emotionally when something like this happens. Sending you hugs and just know we're all here for you! I've found a lot of comfort on this board just knowing I'm not alone!

As for the pads, I'm with you ... hate wearing them. I've found the Always Infinity Long or Overnight pads are the thinnest, most absorbent pads and don't make you feel like you're wearing a diaper, so if you haven't already, you could give those a shot. After I spotted for 3 days, I bled heavily for 2 days and then just light/medium for the next 4 days (6 days total). It's tough when you have a reminder every time you go to the bathroom (and as sad as it is, it's also not pleasant to look at or experience). Hopefully the worst of it is over for you quickly like it was for me. It took longer for me to heal emotionally than physically and is still a process, but it gets easier as your hormones start to level out and you go through the grieving process. Hugs!

amberruka · January 2017

@fivefootbeautie I'm very sorry for your loss.

NYTino24 · January 2017

@fivefootbeautie We can't make you feel better, but we can commiserate and let you know you aren't alone. We are here for you!!

Uhlease13 · January 2017

So sorry for your loss and ditto the thought of I can't believe I'm here. All the hugs.

merrypotter · January 2017

so sorry you've found yourself here

I also never thought I'd find myself here. I MC four weeks ago at 6W5D, but I had just had a feeling for a few days prior that it was going to happen. I've been testing my HCG levels biweekly and at my last draw my levels were down to 180 (coming down from 55,000) once they're down to at least 5, we can start TTC again. Be kind to yourself. FX for your rainbow baby.

fivefootbeautie · January 2017

@toniherdt @Uhlease13 @NYTino24 @jen83mn @amberruka thank you for the kind words and solidarity. It sincerely helps.

I told my mom and sister last night (who didn't yet know I was pregnant) and they wept. They texted me all day and they both had stints of crying. I don't want to wish them sadness but it is oddly comforting to know that we're not alone in this.

Thanks for the tips on the pads - I bought those + some black soft undies that will work over the next few days. So far LOTS of bleeding with clotting and some cramping.

My business partner told me that she bled for a month (she MC'd around 5 weeks too); I'm really hoping this doesn't take that long.

The hardest thing? I had saved some of the pregnancy tests that we took and threw them in the trash today. That was rough.

Again thank you for the kind words. It really does help. Sending you all a squeeze and hoping you are taking care of yourself and healing as well.

amu1234 · January 2017

@fivefootbeautie I am so sorry for your loss! Glad you went out & got the pads and undies- those Always Infinity pads have been my go to since my first m/c 5 years ago.

Please be kind to yourself as it's very easy for one to go to dark angry places. I think it's great that you have your family to support you. Sending you lots of hugs.

rklinge0 · January 2017

So sorry that you have to be here. And so sorry for your loss.

rainbowwishes5 · January 2017

I am so sorry for your loss

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