Month old baby at wedding?

budzynb · January 2017

So SIL is getting married 2 miles from my house 1 month after EDD. Everyone lives on the other side of town an hour away so we thought it was awesome that the venue is basically in our backyard. Her plan was to have everyone get ready at my house since it's so conveniently located. Now that LO will be here, I am worried about the germs and stress of having 15-25 people at my house all morning. Should I tell her our house can't be the prep/picture location anymore? Or should LO go to one of my parent's houses?

Then, I need help coming up with a plan for baby at the wedding. I would assume MIL will want a family picture with all the grandbabies, but other than those few pictures should LO not be at the wedding? It's outdoor at a farm. Unfortunately DH and I are standing up in the wedding and already bought our outfits so there's no backing out now. Should LO hang at my house with my mom until pictures, she can drive baby up for a pic and to nurse, and then she can take baby back to my house? I'm just picturing 200 people oogling my tiny baby at the reception and I'll be more worried about diapers/nursing/germs than enjoying myself and the event.

DeansGirl14 · January 2017

I think you should talk this all out with SIL. A baby a month old, I totally give you a pass for needing to change plans. I wouldn't have 20-25 people over!

Also as far as "should LO be at the wedding"- talk to your SIL. I would hope any reasonable bride realizes that tiny babies are likely to depend on breastfeeding, and don't require an extra "plate" at a reception (just a chair to rest a carrier on perhaps).

My close friend was going to have a 6 week old at the time of my wedding. Even though it was adults-only, I told her it was more important to have her there with newborn in tow than to not have her there at all. However she was able to have her cousin watch her baby. It was her choice. Hopefully your SIL is reasonable so you can do what's best for your family.

budzynb · January 2017

@DeansGirl14 I would love to just ask my SIL, especially since she has a 6m old, but she FF her baby from day 1 and her baby is constantly sick from being exposed to so many people, kisses, and germs. She is totally not the person to ask. lol I wanted to go to her with a plan already in mind. She wouldn't care if baby were there; I'm more worried about am I going to enjoy myself at all or just act like a hawk keeping people away from my NB. lol.

DeansGirl14 · January 2017

budzynb said:

@DeansGirl14 I would love to just ask my SIL, especially since she has a 6m old, but she FF her baby from day 1 and her baby is constantly sick from being exposed to so many people, kisses, and germs. She is totally not the person to ask. lol I wanted to go to her with a plan already in mind. She wouldn't care if baby were there; I'm more worried about am I going to enjoy myself at all or just act like a hawk keeping people away from my NB. lol.

Oh well if that's the case, I'd tell her you can't host people for getting ready, and I'd find a trusted sitter to take your baby during the wedding. If the child isn't around for pictures, safety takes precedence over pictures.

Jmccabe12210 · January 2017

I wouldn't back out of the commitment unless your sister in law offers to change plans. Weddings can be extremely stressful. I would enlist the help of someone to watch your little one elsewhere while everyone is over getting ready. Weather or not your baby is at the wedding is totally your call. If you end up having a great newborn who sleeps a lot and doesn't fuss you might not mind having them at the wedding for a bit. If your baby isn't really easy going you may want to have someone watch the baby so you and your hubby can enjoy the night. Just my two cents! I work with brides daily and they're usually a stressed out group of ladies! Best of luck! I will say I left my first born when he was a month old to attend an anniversary party for a few hours and it was a much needed night out!

jacksonbears · January 2017

@budzynb i could have written this myself! My sister's wedding is exactly one month after my EDD. But unfortunately the wedding is about 4 hours away. We will be traveling with the baby a few days before the wedding, and the morning of the wedding, my MIL and SIL will take the baby overnight. I hope to pump enough and have the baby comfortable on the bottle by then. My SIL is mom to 3 and is a nurse, so I feel safe leaving the baby with her and we'll get the baby first thing in the morning. My sister didn't want the stress of having the baby there, and with all new people, she acknowledged too many germs.

I'm already feeling stressed about it, but it means the world that I'm at my sisters wedding, I am the maid of honor.

But a side question, when are you going to get your dress? I'm not sure what size I'll be...I feel stressed about that!

bwing10 · January 2017

My husband is the best man in a wedding that is 12 hours away, 3 weeks after our edd. My mom will be in town for the baby's birth and she is going to travel with us the Chicago to go to the wedding and help us with the baby on the road trip. I am stressing over the long drive, but I felt driving was better than getting on a plan with people full of germs. Our baby is the only baby allowed at the wedding but the wedding is outdoors in kinda the heat of summer, not sure if we will bring the baby to the wedding or have my mom watch baby for the night.

KirstinH88 · January 2017

From personal experience. My sister got married when DS was 6 DAYS old. I was the MOH and DS came to the wedding. It was in a family members backyard, but the wedding was huge. Not to sound like a horrible mom, because I'm not, but there were so many people (family and friends) at the wedding that wanted to see and hold the baby and I let them. It was really stress free because I knew he was being held and loved on by someone who most likely held and loved on me as a child. They would find me when he needed to nurse and then inevitably someone else would want to hold him. I'm not a big germaphobe, so him being passed around the wedding party did not really phase me at all. One of my favorite pictures ever is a candid picture at the wedding of me holding DS.

indulgentgypsy · January 2017

bwing10 I drove from Las Vegas to Western New York when my oldest was 2 weeks old because I was moving cross country. It wasn't always easy, but the drive was doable. Only time in his life he took a pacifier.

ColoradoHiker · January 2017

I'm pretty on board with what others have said, I just want to point out that you could go up to two weeks past your due date. I'd really talk it out with your SIL, bc if you are late giving birth, you're probably not going to be ready to host that many people.

mrsw2017 · January 2017

I am supposed to be in a wedding 10 DAYS after my due date and have no idea what I'm going to do with LO! Assuming he or she has even made his or her arrival yet.

OTmom3 · January 2017

My oldest was exactly 1 month and I brought her to a wedding for our close friends about 30 minutes away. DH was the best man. She was great and basically just slept and ate the entire time.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/am/zjrp245vreo8.jpg

Kudlica27 · January 2017

It sounds like a lot of us are in the same boat! My SIL is getting married exactly one month after my EDD. (Four hours away) The first thing she said when I told her was "that's like a month before my wedding" My other children are in the wedding, but the reception is adults only. My parents are coming to babysit the kids at the reception, so I might leave the baby with them. Deep down I am hoping that she will let me bring the baby (in a ring sling) because I am hoping to EBF again.

I am am scared to have this convo now, because the family has not been getting along too well.... hopefully you will have better luck talking to yours!

OTmom3 · January 2017

I ended up doing a combination of breast feeding and giving her pumped milk at the wedding to make it easier. That was a big reason why we brought her and didn't try to get a family member to watch her.

lewliv · January 2017

When does the baby have enough shots to be safe in public? You may call me crazy but I'm planning on going to Brazil when the baby is 6-7 weeks old. I'm taking 8 weeks off after the birth and want to visit my family since I will not have any vacation afterwards.

Leni410 · January 2017

I would only allow the people to get ready at your house if you are able to quarantine baby in a separate area. We keep guest to a minimum the first 6 weeks. If they feel it's completely necessary to have baby in the pictures I think your suggestion of having your mom bring baby and leave after is the perfect solution. Receptions in our area tend to be very loud which would be another cause of concern for me.

MatteaGabrielle · January 2017

I'm going to be in a wedding 2 months after so I'm also thinking these things.

As far as getting ready at your house. I personally wouldn't back down but probably have a family member to care for the baby in a non crowded area of the house. But as a first time mom I know things are scarier so if you do not feel comfortable with this please just tell your sil early so she can make new plans. It's a very understandable concern but some that people without kids don't understand.

For the wedding I am in, it's an hour away and my daughter is also in it. The reception is no kids but the bride has already told me that she expects my daughter and infant to come and wouldn't kick the out. She doesn't except me to make a trip home to take my 3 year old home much less leave my most likely breastfeeding infant. I plan on wrapping the baby if I still feel uncomfortable with the crowd, but I might be fine by then. When I took my first anywhere I always just wore her. People are less inclined to stick their hands into your personal bubble to mess with the baby. You will have the occasional grandma with no personal space, but the majority won't. My husband will wear him or her while I'm in the ceremony and I'll do it after.

belmont1785 · January 2017

I have 22 cousins on one side and 5 of them have decided to get married this year (after several years of no weddings lol). 3 of the weddings will be when I'm hugely pregnant and 2 will be within the month after. I'm playing by ear whether I feel up to going. But my plans now are to go and just have my mom help with the baby.

MetsGirl18 · January 2017

I wouldn't be thrilled with so many people at the house more because I'd be sleep deprived and wouldn't want to worry about cleaning the house before and after. Plus, I'd want a quieter morning so the baby and I could rest before all of the festivities. That being said, if you have a lot of help and think you can handle it, then just continue as planned.

We had an OOS family wedding in August when DS2 was 5 weeks old. I would've preferred skipping it, but I know I would've gotten grief from certain family members. Plus, DS1 was in the wedding. It ended being ok. We were late for the pictures/rehearsal that morning because of trying to balance the sleeping and nursing needs. I ended up spending a lot of time in the bridal suite nursing and taking care of DS2. When we were out at the reception, people were pretty respectful of keeping a little distance plus he was sleeping a lot. Overall, it was fine that we went.

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