August 2017 Moms
BabyFeld
member
Everything You didn't want to know about Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum: STM to FTM advice
BabyFeld
member
Hey all! Shamelessly stole this gem from Dec16, but reading thru theirs, there are so many little and big things that us STMs know now but probably wished someone would have told us back in the day... SOO.. ladies impart your wisdom, and FTMs ask away - nothing, and I swear nothing, is too wierd/stupid or gross to ask!
Re: Everything You didn't want to know about Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum: STM to FTM advice
1) Your edd is a rough ballpark. I mean rough... like anywhere from a month before to 2 weeks after. I was convinced I'd be early with dd, as my mother was with all her pregnancies.. bags packed @ 34 weeks, ready to go into labour anytime from 37 weeks, woke up a hundred times in the night to check if my water broke... princess came @ 41 weeks laughing in my face.
Also, don't beat yourself up about your body. It doesn't matter what you do, stretch marks are actually genetic. You either get them or you don't. There's only so much that a cream can do. It doesn't matter how much weight you gain, you will be fluffy afterwards. Give yourself a break. Your uterus has to contract back to its normal size before you will see significant body changes.
Have your ideas of what you want for your pregnancy, birth, and after care but remember it's perfectly okay if it doesn't work out. I was not able to BF and it was frustrating but you deal with those things and move on. Just know things will not go as planned and it's okay.
Lastly, recognize the signs of PPD before. Most women are weepy an experience baby blues but if it lasts longer, talk to someone! I suffered with postpartum depression for 6 months but only realized that's what it was 4 months after birth. It was an incredibly lonely time. It's okay to ask for help. It doesn't make you less of a mom. And it's normal!
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Also, FTMs, feel free to ask any questions that you want, nothing is off limits. Labor, babies, whatever.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
The other thing I learned is that breastfeeding is hard. It doesn't work for everyone. Don't beat yourself up
Don't be afraid of en epidural. I took the child birthing classes, and they freaked me out. A tube in my spine?! What?! It was TOTALLY fine and I'm not usually very brave when it comes to that stuff.
Adult diapers are the BEST for postpartum. Seriously. Don't feel any kind of way about it. It will save you a lot of stained clothes and sheets.
TAKE THE CONTIPATION MEDS! The first #2 after baby is SCARY! Don't make it harder on yourself by not taking the medicine they offer you. If it's Colace, I would go ahead and take all 3 of the pills at once instead of throughout the day.
Even though you will, don't beat yourself up over breastfeeding. There are ALL kinds of things that you don't anticipate when you talk about breastfeeding, and IT IS HARD! If you find it to be a stressful experience, STOP! Or ask for help. Your baby needs you happy and healthy. Don't let breastfeeding be the thing that makes you stressed.
I had a post pardom bleed one week after I had my daughter (1st child)
Its was my first day home alone with her. I went to the bathroom, passed a huge clot and then blood just started pouring out of me. I called 911, then my husband. The ambulance took me to the hospital where I had emergency surgery and I nearly needed a hysterectomy. They found a small piece of my placenta had not detached and my body was trying to eject it. I needed a blood transfusion and was in the hospital for another week.
I've asked a million questions to my doctor about this time because I was traumatized. She said they have it in my notes to watch me extra close and do extra massage etc after birth. But I'm still nervous about it.
I had a good pregnancy (aside from 24-7 sickness) and super fast and uneventful labor and delivery.
FTM here! love all your help and calming words, ladies.
I was raised in a home where my mom could produce milk like a darn cow. She BF all of us until we were 2. Obviously she was anti-formula and had every right to be with how much she could produce. I am super sensitive and know that BF is not in my cards, but I am praying I can exclusively pump still for a year. I feel like she will be disappointed in me if I have to resort to formula. Is formula found to be just as good as BM now a days?
Regarding PP recovery time, how long should I assume I will need DH around? He has 4 weeks of vacation and can work from home for a week. I asked him to use 2 weeks vacation and then work from home the 3rd week and he said I was crazy for thinking I needed him that much. He thinks since I can care for babies like a pro that he won't be needed but we have no clue what kind of physical condition I will be in. I mean, am I bed-ridden for 3 weeks PP after a natural birth (hoping for vaginal, anyway)?
@BabyFeld ain't that the truth though! I feel like 10-20 years ago people's DD were spot on. Now they are so far off. SIL is getting married 1 month after my EDD so I hope to be earlier than later so all my internal jazz can shrink down a little more in the for the wedding. Her wedding pics will be all over everyone's house since at our wedding 2 years ago she didn't have her baby (first grandchild in the family) and FBIL and her were on a break. So our wedding pics are nowhere but these will be plastered all over MIL's house. Ugh I don't want to see my "fluffy" self for the next 10 years
Any tips on getting it all shrunken down quickly? Or just Spanx that sh*t? lol
***TW in Siggy***
Me: 34 / DH: 33
Married: Nov 2011
TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014
TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
As far as help from dad, that's a personal preference. My DH didn't take time off. But I also have plenty of family in town. Honestly, would have been nice to have a week to adjust with him but we made it work. If you don't have family or friends that might be helping, I'd suggest taking as much time as he can. It will be super nice for you because you have to worry about your recovery during that time too.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
@aehogan90 thanks! Your daughter wasn't sick more often than the average baby? I've noticed my nephew who was FF from week 3 and on is always sick I feel like. Way more sick than a baby should be. He's in Urgent care for a cough every other week. So I assumed it was the formula feeding that caused him immune system to not build up well.
We don't have family that can help nearby unfortunately. We are young and our parents are young and all still work so we are on our own. During your recovery what was difficult to do? Get up, shower, etc? Or just move around at your normal pace? Just trying to get a feel for how couch-ridden I will be lol. If it's just itchy I can survive no problem but if I can't use my core to get off the couch I will obviously need him lol.
***TW in Siggy***
Me: 34 / DH: 33
Married: Nov 2011
TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014
TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
As far as recovery, I just wasn't prepared for being unable to do much. I bled for 6 weeks. I had no core strength so I couldn't even get up on my own for 4-5 days. I would say after about 10 days I felt much more like myself. Maybe it's not that bad for other FTMs, I just was very unprepared for any of that. And everyone has a different experience so you may pop up and be ready to go the next day. Labor and delivery just take a lot out on your body.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Holy postpartum bleeding, Batman! I bled for almost 2 months straight after my 1st (a c-section at that). I've actually bled for a shorter period of time with each subsequent baby. Be prepared, and as PP suggested they make "adult diapers" that are basically padded disposable underwear. Get them. Do not be ashamed.
I can only speak for c-sections (this will be my fourth), but the recovery is intense. Stay at the hospital for as long as insurance will cover it. Let them manage your pain so you can focus on bonding with your sweet baby. Good luck, mamas!
Breastfeeding is hard, but having a strong support system and educating yourself on what is normal newborn behavior vs what is an actual supply issue will be VERY helpful. An IBCLC is never a waste of money.
Be prepared to wake up soaking wet and freezing in the middle of the night. It's mostly just your body flushing out hormones and fluids, but if it goes on longer than 2 or 3 weeks, have your thyroid checked.
Trust your instincts. Despite being a FTM, YOU know your baby better than anyone else. That being said... us old "pros" do know our stuff too and are only trying to help if we offer advice. you don't have to take it.
Boys will pee in your face any time their diaper is off. Be warned.
Wife. Mom. Doula. Photographer.
BFP #1- 12/26/2011- DS Born 9/7/12
BFP#2- 10/16/2014- DD Born 7/2/15
SURPRISE! BFP#3- 11/29/16- EDD 8/6/17
And let me be the first to say, you may not think it's as awkward to BF in front of people after you have the baby. Labor is a really sobering experience where you pretty much lose all modesty. You'll have tons of people come who come into the room and you get over the 'awkward' feeling real quick.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Keep in mind that moms who are more likely to breastfeed are upper class or UMC moms who either have the option to take longer maternity leaves, stay home, or work jobs that support flexibility for pumping. Those same moms are likely to be healthier and be proactive about their babies' health as well.
Formula gives babies everything they need. If YOU need to formula feed, for any reason, even if you just want to, you are still feeding your baby and you shouldn't feel one iota of guilt.
I only live 3 miles from University of Minnesota. They are the best of the best and I was in excellent care. However I was PISSED because the ambulance service that showed up was about 4-5 dudes in their 40s that kept down playing the bleeding and gawking at my new baby. (Ambulance service is an independent company)
It took them FOREVER TO figure out how to get my infant in her seat and finally my husband got home before they figured it out. I started screaming "just get me to the hospital"
Then the ER doctor was fresh out of college/resident and obviously had never seen it before so they called up to third floor (obgyn) and THANKFULLY my Dr was working. She came down to ER and she was livid. She started barking orders telling them to get me to the OR immediately and she would meet me there.
I remember very little from after the surgery. I remember waking up in recovery and asking them if they were able to save my uterus. When the anesthesiologist told me, "you are extremely lucky, they saved it but you had a close call" I burst out bawling. I cried and cried and cried.
It honestly was just very bad timing. We do ALL of our doctoring there and we've been so extremely happy but I just had some bad luck with some inexperienced people that day.
They told me they can do an ultrasound right after birth to look for problems if needed this time.
I very highly recommend checking out www.exclusivepumping.com. It has tons and tons of information on what kind of schedule you should have, how to clean your pump parts, how to pick a flange that fits your nipples properly (most pumps only come with the standard size, but you can get bigger or smaller sizes as well). I'm more than happy to answer any questions you (or anyone else) might have about EPing.
ETA- Formula would not be approved for infants if it wasn't good enough for them to consume from the very first day. I felt zero guilt at giving DS formula in the hospital until my milk came in. Don't ever let anyone tell you your choices in regards to BFing, pumping or formula are wrong. Having baby fed is the most important thing.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
Stand your ground ladies. If you think something is wrong and your medical staff is ignoring you - complain until you get some real help. It is better for it to be nothing and you overreacting, than for it to be something and cause serious health problems later.
My ILs arrived the morning after my induction started and I didn't have DD until 9:05 pm that night. We didn't allow them to come to the hospital that night because I was monitored extra long (csection hemorrhage) and didn't even get to hold DD until a decent amount of time later nor was I moved to my postpartum room until really early in the morning). I didn't want anyone to get to hold her until after DH and I had that chance. They weren't happy with that but too bad (turned out they were driving around circling the hospital all day waiting for DD to be born...insert eye roll)! My parents didn't make the trip until the day after I delivered. DD is their 8th grandchild so they understand that labor could take a while and to not arrive too early to wait around. Both sides adhered to the rules.
***TW in Siggy***
Me: 34 / DH: 33
Married: Nov 2011
TTC #1: Jan 2013, BFP Sept 2013, DD: June 2014
TTC #2: Aug 2016, BFP Nov 2016, DS: August 2017
Advice to FTM:
Whatever exact birth plan you think you're going to have, toss it. All I wanted was an epidural, but when it came down to a rapidly dropping heartrate, and pushing or a possible c section, I pushed without any meds and made it just fine. Be flexible, and you'll be a lot happier when it's all said and done.
Episiotomies suck, but they aren't the end of the world.
If you want to ebf, you may find its not in the cards for you. You may never want to BF, and then find that you love it. I EPd for almost a year, and it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it.
Make sure your DH/SO is helping you as much as possible. They helped make this tiny human, and even if you're BFing, you can pump a bottle so they can do a MOTN feeding.
Make freezer meals. Lots of them.
If someone offers to watch your baby for a couple hours, for the love of god, take them up on it. You will both be fine, and it's really important to your mental health to get some space from the LO, and to reconnect with your SO.
A huge one for me- you may not bond with your LO right away. For days, weeks or months. It's okay. You may have PPD or PPA, not do well on low amounts of sleep, or just do better with older babies. It's okay.
Do whatever you have to do to survive the newborn stage.
That got longer than I thought it would. Another thing- so many topics that you will see explode here in the coming months aren't nearly as important as you think they are. Cloth or disposable diapers, breastfeeding, formula feeding, exclusively pumping; circumcision vs not, if your parents tell everyone before you do about the pregnancy/ delivery, co-sleep vs crib, etc etc.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
Also, just remembered something - The night sweats are real. I remember waking up for motn feedings totally drenched and so confused till I mentioned it to my mum and she said it was totally normal - your body's way of getting rid of extra hormones or something.
Another thing - when they talk about your milk 'coming in' no-one tells you that your boobs GROW GINORMOUS. Like, hard as rock bowling balls, cartoon sized boobs. And it's really hard to feed baby when they're so full. The best advice i got was to hand express a little milk into a cup before the feed to make it easier for the baby to latch on as your nipples have softened - really worked! And don't worry, the girls wont stay like that forever, they do reduce back to normal size after a while (le sigh..)
Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I ever did in my life. We only lasted 9 weeks. My son wouldn't latch correctly, I got mastitis, clogged ducts, milk blebs, vasospasms..and I never made enough so supplemented with formula. The stress of pumping and not even making enough made me quit. I felt guilty for sometime. But what's best is a happy mother and baby, and that baby is fed.
I was an emotional wreck for two weeks after birth. Crying all the time.
Also no one mentioned to me about night sweats. I would wake up soaking wet from sweating. It's hormonal.
For realz, the Titty Fairy is my favorite part of pregnancy and PP. My girls looked the best they ever had after my oldest was born. High and beautiful. Sure they leaked like no ones business (I squirted both DH and baby in the face accidentally more than once...)
Me: 27, Endometriosis
DH: 30
Married: 06/2012
TTC #1 since 09/2014
10/2015 1st IUI BFN (Gonal-F & Ovidrel)
07/2016 2nd IUI BFN (Femara, Gonal-F, Ovidrel & Progesterone)
08/2016 3rd IUI BFN (Femara, Gonal-F, Ovidrel & Progesterone)
Planned IVF in Summer 2017
Surprise BFP 11/28/16: Beta 1 - 2311, Beta 2 - 6049; EDD 8/4/17
I've heard two different views from lots of people and I don't know what to think. Plenty of people flat out tell me "It hurts! Take the epidural, you'll need it!" But then I get just as many that say "Don't do it" because your loss of feeling makes it a lot harder to push properly? Leading to longer birth time?
I'm not afraid of pain in labor, which I think is weird because a lot of other FTM I've talked to have all been terrified of it. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think I'd rather make sure I can feel everything going on so I can make those pushes count. But I am in experienced. Please, share your wisdom!
If an unmedicated birth is your wish, take a comprehensive birth class (not the one offered through the hospital) They are not cheap, but they are worth every penny. Also, look into hiring a doula. They don't guarantee a med-free birth, but they can reduce your risk of cesarean by up to 50% and you have a better chance of succeeding in your own personal birth goals.
Wife. Mom. Doula. Photographer.
BFP #1- 12/26/2011- DS Born 9/7/12
BFP#2- 10/16/2014- DD Born 7/2/15
SURPRISE! BFP#3- 11/29/16- EDD 8/6/17
Wife. Mom. Doula. Photographer.
BFP #1- 12/26/2011- DS Born 9/7/12
BFP#2- 10/16/2014- DD Born 7/2/15
SURPRISE! BFP#3- 11/29/16- EDD 8/6/17