Introducing myself (loss mentioned), RE questions

RaeleenD · January 2017

Hello. I want to start off by saying that I wish we didn't have to be on this board, but if we have to go through infertility issues, I'm glad there's a supportive community where all are welcome.
A little background on me...I've been married to my wonderful husband for nearly 3 years. We've been ttc for about 18 months. We thought we were one of the lucky ones who conceived after a couple months of trying, but at the 12 week ultrasound in Jan 2016, we found no heartbeat and that the fetus stopped growing at 9.5 weeks. I had a D&C for the MMC and we waited the three months to ttc again.
In Aug 2016, I had a chemical pregnancy, then had a blighted ovum in Oct 2016 with another D&C. Needless to say, we started out with 2016 looking like it was going to be amazing, and it turned out to be the worst year of our lives.
After some interventions from my regular OB office, I have found that they are competent with typically progressing pregnancies. I don't have much confidence in them going forward and don't care for the miscommunication. Anyway, my husband and I have decided to see a RE to discuss our recurrent miscarriage and decide our next steps. Our first appointment is on Thursday and I would like to be as prepared as possible. It sounds like most of you have seen a RE. From your experiences, are there any questions that I should be sure to ask during our meeting? Is there any advice that you wish you would have received in the past.
Thank you all for being a source of support and safety as we all go through these tough times. It really helps to have people who understand.

rainbowwishes5 · January 2017

Sorry to find yourself here but welcome! I also started seeing a RE after unexplained losses. I don't really have any advice on what to ask..... They'll do a full work up on you and I'm sure this board may raise a few questions you never even thought of. Value the time with your RE though- if s/he is like most- you will hardly ever see them!

laurad75 · January 2017

@RaeleenD I'm so sorry for your struggles but I'm glad you are seeking help from an RE. Like @rainbowwishes5 said, they will start will a full work up of testing to rule out any issues but as for questions I would ask the doctor for an idea of possible strategies, will you have a direct contact there (I have one nurse I can call with questions at any time but some women talk to someone different at their clinic every time). If miscommunication was a problem with the OB office I would share that with the RE and make sure you understand the expectations of communication.

Lurk a ton on this board and maybe the T-TTC and TTGP boards and you might come up with other questions. Be sure to write your questions and bring them with you because the first appointment can be overwhelming and you may forget. I hope you stick around and share with us how it goes.

Polythene Pam · January 2017

Sorry you found yourself here but welcome! If your RE is like mine they're hard to see in person so I wish I'd been better prepared for the first meeting as it was over a month before we talked again. Be ready for more tests which may take awhile, then they'll probably have options for you. If your husband can join, GREAT, they may help think of questions on the spot. Go home, talk options then trust your RE but also your gut.

daisy222-2 · January 2017

Hi and welcome. I don't really have any medical questions to recommend asking (I am just learning about IVF myself), just a few other things that I wish I had known or asked back when I was first starting:

Want to echo the PP that actual doctor/RE time is rare and expensive in most clinics, so keep him in there for as you long as you need until you understand everything! I saw mine for an initial consult, and then not again until after 3 failed IUIs for the IVF consult.

If you are like me and are sometimes overwhelmed and forgetful, write everything down (my husband is in charge of this). Even if you think it is something so obvious.

I would also ask about communication: if you have a question, who will you call? Your designated nurse? Whoever answers? Is there a web portal (or just email) that is faster? Is it different on the weekend? Also, I go to a smaller clinic that has a larger office. If you might be in any similar situation, ask which procedures or days of the week you need to go to the main office. If you work, ask what time they open in the morning, so you can plan your life better.

Which procedures/medications/tests can you get at your regular doctor or through your regular insurance, and which do you need to do onsite at the fertility clinic. (This is probably more relevant if you are paying OOP for IF stuff).

I would really try to understand all the possible scenarios for testing and also the forks in the road during the procedures (if your consult gets this in-depth): like, if X, happens, then we can choose between Y and Z and this is how we might decide, and WHY we might decide that. I have found that I am the most forgetful or confused when I don't understand WHY something is bring done. Granted without an medical license I will not understand at the level of of the RE, but I think you get what I am saying.

Good luck.

RaeleenD · January 2017

Thank you all for your help! This gives me a good start for coming up with questions and manages my expectations for face time.

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Introducing myself (loss mentioned), RE questions

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