Breastfeeding at Hospital

1stontheway · January 2017

I know a lot of people are completely comfortable with breastfeeding in public, but is there anyone else like me who would rather not be breastfeeding in front of family who visits at the hospital? If so, how are you going to handle breastfeeding at the hospital?

My husband and I were having this discussion today and I expressed that I would like him to kick out visitors if our son needs to nurse. He said that was rude (oh the nerve! lol) I know that breastfeeding can be challenging and I feel like having extra people around would just make it worse.

sunkissedvw27 · January 2017

I never had an issue with my first.... I'm not sure if the visitors just didn't stay that long... or if they left on their own when it was time to feed my daughter.

I had more of a problem once I was home- visitors, especially my in-laws, would stay over longer. So they were frequently there when I needed to nurse and I wasn't secure enough yet to do it in front of them.

Minger86 · January 2017

I have a nursing cover... Just a light blanket with a weight sewed into the corner so it doesn't slip off.

direwolfmini · January 2017

I'm generally a private person, but nothing is going to come between me feeding my babies. If people are uncomfortable being around me breast feeding they can leave! If they have something negative to say about me, my body, my babies, or breast feeding, they can leave.

Basically, if they're going to antagonize me after I spent the last 9 months gestating two small humans they can hit the road.

Faith1318 · January 2017

I would just let visitors know up front that you will prefer privacy while nursing, so they should be prepared to have to wait patiently for a little while if baby is hungry. DH can always step outside the room and keep them company, if he wants. Reasonable people will be understanding.

Foersty · January 2017

@sunkissedvw27 So how did you handle it at home? Did you just go to a different room to nurse?
I don't think I would want to nurse in front of family at the very beginning either, especially since it can be challenging and I won't have the hang of doing it discretely right off the bat...

dubcompanion · January 2017

Hoo boy. That is a good question @1stontheway. FTM here. I think a lot of it will depend on who is visiting and how comfortable I am with BF-ing.

My parents, DH, and close friends are the only people whom I'd feel okay with being in the room while I nursed at the hospital. I'd still want the bare necessities covered up, but I'd be the least self-conscious in their presence.

My FIL and MIL, however, are very reserved. Whereas my parents have always been open about sex and other risqué topics, DH's parents are the exact opposite. It's hard to explain without making them sound Holier-than-thou. They're actually very non-judgmental and would totally understand that I need to BF. That said, I could probably get by with asking for some privacy at the hospital, but with them living local and intending to see LO frequently (once every couple weeks, if not more), it's probably not right for me to expect privacy every time I BF. They'd probably honor the request, but sooner or later, I may start to look like an ***hole. (I'll likely be fine with nursing in public, so the hypocrisy will eventually show.)

So maybe I have hang-ups I need to figure out before the baby arrives. If the only person who'd be weirded out in the room is me, maybe I need to just accept that the baby will need nourishment, AND I can't isolate myself every single time she needs to eat and the in-laws are around.

Burrberrymum · January 2017

My family and friends didn't stay long enough for it to come in the way. When it was time to feed the nurses usually popped in to see how nursing was going and family kind of took that as a hint it was time to let us be.

At a family members house I did go in a different room for peace and quiet even though they said I could feed anywhere I wanted. I just preferred the quiet time to be honest more than anything.

hisqueen78 · January 2017

With my first I would just go into a different room, if anyone was there Especially the first few weeks. After my son and I got to become pros at it I was able to feed him without anyone really noticing by just keeping my shirt pulled down or by using his blanket to cover me up.

motherofdragons-2 · January 2017

It all depends on your personal comfort level- but you should not be shy about making it clear that its time to nurse and would your visitors mind going for a cup of coffee while you do so? Its a learning experience at that point, and privacy and a stress free environment during those first days breastfeeding is invaluable! Baby knows when you are uncomfortable or senses that the room is too loud/busy and picks up on it, I swear. And if you are relaxed, your milk/colostrum gets flowing more easily and naturally. And definitely invest in a cute lightweight nursing cover. I always had one while in public nursing just because that's how I am, but at home no one was catered to, if they weren't comfortable with my breastfeeding, they could leave the room. Unless we were part of a larger family gathering in which case I retired to a different room to nurse for babys sake. But I can say I have been reduced to breastfeeding in a bathroom stall because a public area was just too crowded/hot/noisy for me or baby to be comfortable. Its tricky business, but mostly adjustable to your comfort level. It will smooth out and a pattern will establish if you stick to your instincts!

pandalily · January 2017

My SIL had her first in November. When we went to visit her in the hospital it was kinda understood that we all left the room to let her nurse. One day that I was there visiting she said that she was fine if we stayed but asked if we would at least step out while she got him to latch so I don't think people will be offended or judge you either way.

sunkissedvw27 · January 2017

Foersty said:

@sunkissedvw27 So how did you handle it at home? Did you just go to a different room to nurse?
I don't think I would want to nurse in front of family at the very beginning either, especially since it can be challenging and I won't have the hang of doing it discretely right off the bat...

I went to another room until I had some idea what I was doing. Eventually I got tired of sitting in a room by myself and decided I'd use a cover but wasn't leaving the living room anymore. I probably used a cover for the full year if they were over- but I used it in public too, so that didn't bother me.

They definitely felt more uncomfortable with it than I did. After a month I stopped caring how anyone else felt.

kiyamurph · January 2017

dubcompanion said:

Hoo boy. That is a good question @1stontheway. FTM here. I think a lot of it will depend on who is visiting and how comfortable I am with BF-ing.

My parents, DH, and close friends are the only people whom I'd feel okay with being in the room while I nursed at the hospital. I'd still want the bare necessities covered up, but I'd be the least self-conscious in their presence.

My FIL and MIL, however, are very reserved. Whereas my parents have always been open about sex and other risqué topics, DH's parents are the exact opposite. It's hard to explain without making them sound Holier-than-thou. They're actually very non-judgmental and would totally understand that I need to BF. That said, I could probably get by with asking for some privacy at the hospital, but with them living local and intending to see LO frequently (once every couple weeks, if not more), it's probably not right for me to expect privacy every time I BF. They'd probably honor the request, but sooner or later, I may start to look like an ***hole. (I'll likely be fine with nursing in public, so the hypocrisy will eventually show.)

So maybe I have hang-ups I need to figure out before the baby arrives. If the only person who'd be weirded out in the room is me, maybe I need to just accept that the baby will need nourishment, AND I can't isolate myself every single time she needs to eat and the in-laws are around.

I very much disagree with the bolded part. What @silverbulletband said is pretty spot on. You will not be an asshole for expecting people to give you privacy when breastfeeding, especially in your own home. It doesn't matter how often people come by to visit, if you want privacy to feed your kid, then you have every right to want that without judgement. If you want to retreat to your own space so people don't have to leave, you can do that too. Whatever you want really. The people that end up looking like assholes are the ones that want you to cater to them when you're breastfeeding. I understand that your inlaws are reserved, that's perfectly fine, but you also have to feed your child. If you need privacy for that, don't worry about looking like the bad person. Normally if you tell people that it's time to nurse, they tend to disappear anyway.

kiyamurph · January 2017

@1stontheway Breastfeeding in the beginning is hard. It's just the plain truth. You have to get as comfortable as possible try to get a good latch, so with the stress of learning the ropes of breastfeeding and just being a new mom in general, it's imperative that you're comfortable mentally as well. As I said above, people tend to disappear when you make it known that you need to feed the baby, so you may not even need to say anything as they'll take the hint. Breastfeeding makes some people uncomfortable and they'll flee the room as quickly as possible. If you have someone like a MIL who's being pushy and doesn't want to leave, either you or your husband will simply have to put your foot down. Your husband also has to get over the fact that asking someone to give you privacy isn't being rude. The person not wanting to leave will be the rude one. I can't imagine someone giving your grief about it though.

kelizr · January 2017

I thought with my first I was going to care. In reality, as long as I kicked out the men, I ended up not caring who was there at all. It was almost as if I was too tired for it to matter.

But you are mom and it's your comfort. I say kick them out if that's what you need. Everyone is different. Most people get it!

sunshine507 · January 2017

1stontheway said:

I know a lot of people are completely comfortable with breastfeeding in public, but is there anyone else like me who would rather not be breastfeeding in front of family who visits at the hospital? If so, how are you going to handle breastfeeding at the hospital?

My husband and I were having this discussion today and I expressed that I would like him to kick out visitors if our son needs to nurse. He said that was rude (oh the nerve! lol) I know that breastfeeding can be challenging and I feel like having extra people around would just make it worse.

Like you I don't think I'll want to be breastfeeding in front of most family members (or the general public), especially at first when I'm learning how to do it (I do want one of those scarf/covers for later on though).
We're hoping to be able to get one of the rooms at our hospital that are actually suites - so I can nurse & nap in the room with the bed and family can hang out in the other room. If we don't get one of those I'm kicking everyone out to the waiting room while I nurse. I can't imagine birthing a baby, trying to learn how to feed it in MY OWN HOSPITAL ROOM, and thinking it was rude to ask visitors to leave. I'd also probably lose it at my husband if he suggested otherwise, so you have more self-control than I do.
I'm glad you posted this, it seems like a good topic to discuss ahead of time.

dubcompanion · January 2017

@kiyamurph The weird thing is I only have that hang-up with my in-laws, and I'm not even sure its fully deserving! I think it's because they've been in my life soooo long (since high school, back when DH and I were just friends), yet I still can't completely relax around them. I know they care about me and accept me for who I am, but they're just not emotionally expressive and are hard to open up to. I guess all of that makes me feel uncomfortable at the prospect of even alluding to my boobs with the in-laws, much less utilizing them in front of them.

But honestly, they're such polite people that I think they'll honor my privacy requests without hesitation. Maybe my hang-up ultimately is to not feel the need to apologize for my BF-ing preferences. So you've hit the nail on the head!

Oh, I forgot to mention my FIL is a pastor. So that might also be contributing to my weirdness with nursing in front of them.

Cbeanz · January 2017

Your husband should help by asking guests to leave when it's time to feed the baby. It's good you're talking about this ahead of time.

Maybe you can set a timer and let guests know when the alarm goes off they'll need to step out. Just to set expectations from the beginning.

betsy538 · January 2017

I can't remember a single visitor at the hospital who didn't want to step out when feeding time came. It is a HUGE learning curve, and the nurses will be there to help make sure things are going smoothly.

There was no way I could have covered DS in the beginning of our 13 month BF adventure, he would snack and fall asleep at the breast, so I had to do everything in my power to keep him awake. I had to nurse him unclothed to keep him cool and uncomfortable so he wouldn't fall asleep. He also used me as a pacifier, and would comfort nurse all the time.

When at home, I found some people (family) were willing to stay (they'd help around the house while I fed), I would go to the nursery to have privacy in the beginning. I got over that quickly enough, depending on who was over.

JustAnotherUsername16 · January 2017

Cbeanz said:

Your husband should help by asking guests to leave when it's time to feed the baby. It's good you're talking about this ahead of time.

I gotta agree here. DH doesn't have a ton of jobs when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, but one of his big ones should be watching over you and helping monitor visitors so that you get the rest and baby bonding time you need. Part of this can also be feeding time because new BF mamas are at a huge learning curve and the experience can be sensitive and emotional - not exactly something you want spectators around for even if you find later that you don't mind nursing in front of others when you and baby are more established/comfortable. Honestly, I plan on making sure DH knows his job is to be the hospital gatekeeper and help me manage the room with visitors.

jmacd22 · January 2017

I don't think it's rude to kick them out if that's what you want

kjd291 · January 2017

Burrberrymum said:

My family and friends didn't stay long enough for it to come in the way. When it was time to feed the nurses usually popped in to see how nursing was going and family kind of took that as a hint it was time to let us be.

This ^^

for me: in the hospital, the nurse came around every 2ish hrs to do all of her stuff at once which keyed people to leave--check MY BP, Temp, push on my belly to check uterus, give ibuprofen, and nurse/check latch/look at nipples for cracking, pump a bit, etc. The times we had ppl there, they either took the nurses arrival as a good time to leave for good, or DH took them to a close by sitting room to chat.

At home, I would excuse myself to the nursery rocking chair for 20min or so if I felt uncomfortable with the ppl visiting (or if they were clearly awkward about it)--aka: DHs family and guy friends.

hippiemama-2 · January 2017

I hear ya. I've told DH that this time I'm not allowing anyone but our parents and siblings at the hospital. After that, NO visitors that I don't feel comfortable being topless around for the first two weeks. I am really hoping to make breastfeeding work this time and last time there were just too many damn people around.

Bok Bagok · January 2017

I'm a super private person and I'm not comfortable breastfeeding in front of anyone expect my husband. When I had my daughter, all of my family and all of my husbands family were stopping by the hospital and it was super stressful and down right annoying to me. I had an emergency c-section, so between that, all the nurse/doctor visits and learning how to breastfeed I was really upset with all the visitors coming and going. This time around I'm only allowing my husbands parents, my mom and daughter to even visit us at the hospital.I'm going to be recovering again from a c-section, new baby nursing and now I'll also be worried about my daughter and how she is doing with all of it. I want nothing to do with visitors. As it is I feel put out my having my ILs visit at the hospital.

As for breastfeeding at home with visitors. I would just go into my bedroom and close the door and that was that. Sometimes both me and my daughter would fall asleep and I could careless if anyone thought it was rude. I'm not putting my comfort or my babies aside to make other people comfortable and I'm certainly not here to "entertain" anyone during this special yet exhausting time in my life. I plan on doing the same thing this time.

CanadianintheSouth · January 2017

It was actually pretty nice at home if we had visitors, I would go to the nursery and shut the door to feed and it gave me a break to just hang out just with my baby.

catybug820 · January 2017

I didn't have an issue with nursing in front of people in the hospital at all, but the nurses were very proactive about making sure that anytime I wanted or needed some rest or privacy. I personally said that if they didn't mind me nursing in front of them, then I didn't mind, but they still double checked each time a guest came in. If your husband isn't comfortable kicking people out, have the nurses do it, they are fantastic at it. That being said, I think it is good practice for DH to speak up and set boundaries with family in a time like this, because it will surely not the last time he will need to do it.

dubcompanion My in-laws are super reserved, and were never comfortable with me nursing, so I just said I was going to nurse, and they got to make the choice of if they wanted to step out. It worked out great for me, because my MIL is super overbearing, so when I was nursing, she was off my case.

dubcompanion · January 2017

@catybug820 Yeah, this was a really good topic that was brought to the board; it's made me reflect on a lot! I like your message of "if you're comfortable, I'm comfortable" and will use that for when visitors are at our house or when we are guests at others'. At the hospital, everyone except DH is leaving the room, parents included, no question.

My MIL has been overbearing in the past, not with me but with DH, and I had to set up boundaries and remind her that not only is her son an adult but is married. She has since respected these boundaries, so I'm sure she'll respect the space I need for nursing as well. Now that I've reflected more, I think it will be a non-issue. (But still glad the topic was brought up ahead of time.)

ngcsugirl1112 · January 2017

I feel like I would want to be able to focus on breastfeeding and not have the added distraction (or audience) while I'm trying to do it. Maybe once I get home and more into a routine, but I don't think I'd want people in there, especially my dad and FIL...

1stontheway · January 2017

You guys have made me feel so much better! What I didn't mention is that my MIL is a lactation consultant. I'm sure she will want to try to help and give advice, and while I know her intentions are good, I'd rather receive help and advice from the LC at the hospital. I'm not too worried about once we get home. I don't think I will have a problem stepping out of the room and into the nursery to feed him, and I'm assuming once breastfeeding is well established and we know what we're doing I won't mind nursing in front of family with a cover on.

wintersong · January 2017

1stontheway said:

I know a lot of people are completely comfortable with breastfeeding in public, but is there anyone else like me who would rather not be breastfeeding in front of family who visits at the hospital? If so, how are you going to handle breastfeeding at the hospital?

My husband and I were having this discussion today and I expressed that I would like him to kick out visitors if our son needs to nurse. He said that was rude (oh the nerve! lol) I know that breastfeeding can be challenging and I feel like having extra people around would just make it worse.

It will make it harder to have people around unless you don't care if they see your boobs. Just ask them to wait outside. Its not a big deal or rude. Keep in mind newborn nursing sessions can take awhile sometimes.

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