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Blended Families
stellabella2015
member
What to do with custody?
stellabella2015
member
In my dissolution, it outlines that the father will have our son every other weekend, one night a week, but being that it was a dissolution, we agreed to be flexible. Due to schedule issues, on the father's side, it's never been like that. I've always been civil, we get along for the most part and there have only been a small handful of situations where things have blown up.
I'm now at the point where SO is frustrated because he says that I have this court order, but I don't make my ex husband abide by it because I'm "scared" of him. Maybe that's partially true. Our schedule now isn't ideal, but he gets our son half the week, and then we have them the rest of the week. The kicker is that we have him every single weekend.
My ex husband's wife and I are friends, and I had asked her to take our son one weekend. She said that they had plans (and that's totally fine, obviously, they have a life) but I found out that her kids go to her mom's house every single weekend. So basically, they get free weekends every weekend to spend time with friends, have date nights or alone time and work on their marriage. I agree with SO that this isn't fair, but I don't know how to go about implementing the change.
I don't want to put our son in a difficult situation. He likes spending time with his dad, obviously, but I feel like with him being in 1st grade, he needs to be home during the week and catch the bus from his bus stop every single day, versus having his dad drive him from about 25 minutes away. There are instances where he is late, and I get a call from the school. I don't if I should use that as an "excuse" or a reasoning to bring it up?
I really don't know how to approach this but I know that something needs to change. Has anyone else been in a flexible custody situation where you finally started to feel like you're getting taken advantage of?
I'm now at the point where SO is frustrated because he says that I have this court order, but I don't make my ex husband abide by it because I'm "scared" of him. Maybe that's partially true. Our schedule now isn't ideal, but he gets our son half the week, and then we have them the rest of the week. The kicker is that we have him every single weekend.
My ex husband's wife and I are friends, and I had asked her to take our son one weekend. She said that they had plans (and that's totally fine, obviously, they have a life) but I found out that her kids go to her mom's house every single weekend. So basically, they get free weekends every weekend to spend time with friends, have date nights or alone time and work on their marriage. I agree with SO that this isn't fair, but I don't know how to go about implementing the change.
I don't want to put our son in a difficult situation. He likes spending time with his dad, obviously, but I feel like with him being in 1st grade, he needs to be home during the week and catch the bus from his bus stop every single day, versus having his dad drive him from about 25 minutes away. There are instances where he is late, and I get a call from the school. I don't if I should use that as an "excuse" or a reasoning to bring it up?
I really don't know how to approach this but I know that something needs to change. Has anyone else been in a flexible custody situation where you finally started to feel like you're getting taken advantage of?
Re: What to do with custody?
Just tell him you want to start following the court order because you feel it will be better for LO, and obviously so does the judge.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
You have accommodated your ex, but you are not at all legally obligated to nor do you owe him the favor.
It would appear that resuming your outlined custody agreement is first and foremost in the best interest of you child considering school and scheduling, and is completely fair for both parents as well.
Be straight forward, if he has any qualms with it, let him know you'd be glad to settle it in front of the judge.
-Unfortunately, you can't make BD take his weekends. Though you could enforce the limit of one weeknight a week, weekends are yours if BD doesn't want them. Even if you succeed in limiting BD's time during the week, he may just go with that and only see his child that one day, still no weekends.
-you say you've never followed the court order and it's always been this arrangement. If you do decide to say "follow the court order or you can take me to court" or if you file for a change and go to court, the court could consider the status quo. Your child is used to spending half the week with Dad and half plus weekends with mom. The court may just formalize the current arrangement. Dad may never take weekends, but he could end up with more weekdays.
-the best thing to do, if possible, is to have a reasonable discussion with your ex and come to an agreement. Talk about what's in your child's best interest and why- is the drive to school really causing him problems? More problems than if he didn't get to see his dad? Is dad interested in weekends? Why would it benefit your child to see Dad on weekends? Or are you just pushing because your SO wants kid-free time? If it's my wants for date nights vs. your wants for date nights, that probably won't go over well. Second best, if that is not possible, is to follow the court order, but beware that he may still not take weekends. You could make sure child support reflects the actual time your child spends with you (may be motivation for him to spend more time with his kid if he has to pay when he doesn't take his time). Trying to get a change in court so your child is with you all week and BD on weekends could backfire on you or your child, and result in formalizing the situation you dislike or your child losing contact with his dad. Avoid a contentious court case if at all possible.