husband at his wife bed all the time labor

AliceSilesia · January 2017

If the husband can be with me at every stage of labor, not to depart from the bed with child to corner. Whether he was with you at the delivery placenta and all postpartum treatments ?

Why they always move away from beds wives. The child may be close to us without disconnecting us.

PeachyTeachy · January 2017

This is what I think you're asking: "Was your husband beside your bed during the whole birthing/after birth process including when the baby was in another part of the room?"

No, he was not. Our first DD had some trouble breathing when she was first born. Looking back, I'm lucky she didn't have to leave the room and the doctors were prepared. He was standing as close to her as was allowed--it was exactly where he needed to be and I would've been pissed if he was coddling me while she was struggling. With our second, the afterbirth process took a freaking long time (re-opened the 3rd degree rip I had with the first and 4 different doctors had to look at it before deciding I could get stitches and not surgery). During that time, he was offered to cut the cord, we took turns holding DD.C, he went to the bathroom, and I think he might have grabbed something from the cafeteria. IDK, but it didn't matter to me where he was during that time.

If you want your husband by your bed until a certain point then tell him. You might also want to think about where these feelings are coming from. Do you have realistic expectations about his role? Are you afraid of labor and want his support? Would you be jealous if he "depart[ed] from bed with child to corner"?

PeachyTeachy · January 2017

I also want to add, A LOT of labor doesn't happen at the bed.

bumpybump · January 2017

AliceSilesia said:

If the husband can be with me at every stage of labor, not to depart from the bed with child to corner. Whether he was with you at the delivery placenta and all postpartum treatments ?

Why they always move away from beds wives. The child may be close to us without disconnecting us.

QFP...
and...

laryk123 · January 2017

Wut?

ColoradoHiker · January 2017

I'll bite. DH was at my side through all of my labor, at home and in the hospital. Once DS was born, he stayed with me (DS heart rate was too low and they had to rush him out), but he was with DS once the docs gave the all clear. He skipped the placenta and stitches.

bumpybump · January 2017

Also, @AliceSilesia, it looks like you asked a very similar question in December on the Jan17 BMB (your first ever post, this being your second). I guess you didn't like their answer? When are you due?

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

Trolling? I can't tell.

DH was with me the whole time. He cut the cord. Left me only to go with baby over to the heater to get his apgar and get all cleaned up and daddy wanted to be with him. DH went over to him and said it's ok and put his hands near him and DS grabbed his thumbs. Very cool moment. Then once my business was all sewn up we did skin to skin and all that jazz.

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

@peachyteachy um can we talk about ripping your prior tear?! This is my only fear with this baby. I tore sideways with DS and had A LOT of stitches. I was induced as my water broke at 37 weeks and was not dilated at all. So my body was not ready for labor. Thank goodness it was only 12 hours from water breaking to delivery but that recovery was rough.

pbandjyummies · January 2017

@bumpybump is there a way to check what someone has posted? like how do you know she posted same thing in another group..... I've always wondered this

bumpybump · January 2017

@pbandjyummies click on their username and it'll show how many discussions they've started and how many replies they have. You can click on those to see more. It doesn't work well for me on mobile (all jumbled together) but it works well on desktop.

pbandjyummies · January 2017

@bumpybump thank you! I'm usually on mobile

clairemwalker · January 2017

Not sure if i understand this or not, but its all different. I was actually alone for most of my labor, and when LO was born with breathing issues DH went with her, he wasnt with me. Everyones circumstances are so different. I would assume if you want him there he will be.

britvahok · January 2017

I don't understand the question... Yes DH was by my side, the only time DH stepped away was to go check on DS after the doctors allowed him to get closer.

Image: https://media4.giphy.com/media/xkmNi280NkrcY/200w.gif#23

PeachyTeachy · January 2017

dmbfan46835 said:

@peachyteachy um can we talk about ripping your prior tear?! This is my only fear with this baby. I tore sideways with DS and had A LOT of stitches. I was induced as my water broke at 37 weeks and was not dilated at all. So my body was not ready for labor. Thank goodness it was only 12 hours from water breaking to delivery but that recovery was rough.

I can talk about it. TW negative birth story, I'm attempting to put it in a spoiler.

I was also induced with my first. I was 42 weeks and having contractions but was not dilating. I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. DD.R was asynclitic.

I was stitched up but, at the postpartum visit my OB said I needed a repair operation. With my 2nd I tore in the same place but not nearly as deep/long. Because I had the operation before I was/am more at risk for it.

I went into labor with my 2nd naturally and there were two years of healing since my 1st (you'll have the same age gap, I think). The 2nd go around my body was ready for birth and the only intervention I had was an epidural. I think the tear was only a 1st or second degree, it was just a matter of scaring from the previous tear and surgery.

I would suggest talking to your OB about your fear. Based on the depth and placement of your last tear they might be able to tell you the likelihood of it reopening.

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

@peachyteachy holy shit mama. That spoiler function is bad ass by the way.

Im so sorry you had such a traumatic experience! Your poor little boo too:( do you still experience pain?

I still occasionally feel pain while intercourse depending on the position and it it hits the side where I tore. I figured induction caused a lot of my trauma so you confirmed that. You are right about a 2 year gap, almost right on the dot so maybe I will fare ok if I can avoid another induction. I felt so pressured to get him out since my water had broken that I was super active and aggressive trying to get him down and then out.

Women dont really talk about this aspect of their birth story so I appreciate your input!!

PeachyTeachy · January 2017

@dmbfan46835 It wasn't fun and it was nowhere near my birth plan. You're right that we don't often hear the negative. It was a full year before I could really talk about it--beyond "it hurt. I tore." The most traumatic part for me was having everyone in the waiting room wanting to come in immediately. I didn't really get to process what had just happened to me before I had to put on a smile and do the whole happy-new-mommy role. I had PPD for a long time and don't have many memories of her first year. I was told that DD wasn't in pain--her head was a normal shape within a few days. She has scars under her hair that get just a tad bit better every year.

Did you have a Foley balloon to force dilation? That was the painful part for me. The pitocin was bad, but only with the contractions. The Foley balloon hurt every second for 10 hours.

I don't still feel pain, but I'm very aware of the scars during intercourse or if I have a tampon in. For me, it became less of a stabbing pain (like someone is poking a wound) and more like a friction (like walking in an uncomfortably tight pair of pants). It's truly amazing what a body can endure and get used to.

PeachyTeachy · January 2017

I just realized that we completely serious'd this troll thread, @dmbfan46835

Image result for party pooper meme

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

I'm so sorry ladies!!!! I hope we didn't scare the shit out of anyone! But the struggle is real! Lol

@peachyteachy I didn't have the foley bulb thank god. But I will say I had seen my OB the prior morning and was not dilated or effaced at all. And she joked that I'd probably go late. Then my water broke the next morning. And she was not there to deliver so I had another on call from the practice. So I also wonder had I been HER patient, if they had taken more care? I mean, the rest of the process wasn't bad and was fairly uneventful I guess you can say. But induction is no joke. And my body did not want to cooperate for much of it. Then when it finally figured it out it was lightening fast and things down there were just not ready yet. I really hope for a better more natural experience this time. I can't imagine tearing like that again, in the same spot. Omg the though right now scares me to death.

But hey, you did that shit and your gonna risk it again so it's worth it right? Lol

thanks for all the info and thanks ladies for letting me jack this thread!

Shan870 · January 2017

@peachteachy @dmbfan46835 those experiences sound aweful. Peachy I don't know how you did it. With my son I had a 1st degree Year that required one stitch so nothing too bad. I was induced as well. At my appointment the week before the induction I hadn't dialated or anything. The night I went in to get started they put some pill "up there" to start my induction. I learned that I was already 1 cm and half dialated so my induction went pretty quick. Ten hours later and six pushes my son was out. I just thought I'd share because I heard horror stories about being induced before I went in for mine and it's unfortunate that sometimes things do go wrong but mine was one of the good ones. I started at midnight and once they were done setting me up I slept most the night. Got an epidural around 6 cm dialated and it was smooth sailing. Seeing the talk about the tearing just scared the crap out of me though lol. I couldn't even imagine what that must've been like. I was most afraid of being induced and nothing happening and that resulting in a c-section. Any surgery scares me.

jpomo · January 2017

@dmbfan46835 you completely scared the shit out of me but I'd rather know the real stuff!!

Lauradi1010 · January 2017

Ugh mommas. Those experiences sound absolutely horrendous. The fact that you are having another child after this should be applauded.

Btw, This seriously gives me something to consider when deciding between repeat CS or vbac. Original CS was due to water breaking, then no progression, then baby/ momma infection, and some fetal distress. Only got to push three times before OB on call said baby hr was too high and we didn't have time to wait for him to turn so he fit better through birth canal. Btw, my son has a huge head, so that may have been a contributing factor.

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

Lol! I'm sorry @jpomo! I saw @peachyteachy's comment about her tear and I just had to get more info! It's scary shit but so worth it no matter what!

JWatt5 · January 2017

@PeachyTeachy @dmbfan46835 - My sister had a 4th degree tear (everyone was ok and she's on to having her second child), she told me the whole thing. No one else ever talked about it before, I noticed that when two that had a child go in to the birth story they would sometimes quiet down if someone that hasn't had a baby was around. Then when friends that are already moms asked me how her birth went and I told them to go oh ya we had a 2nd or 3rd too. I think the friends are just trying not to worry you because really, if it's gunna happen, it's gunna happen but I like that I know instead of assuming I'll be up and moving in no time unless I had a C.

I already didn't want to tell anyone else when DH and I go to the hospital and the story just furthered that I don't want to because I don't want to feel like I have to let people in the room if I'm not up for it. But maybe for others, it'll mean that they do want their mom or something there for additional support just incase. I think it's a good thing to know.

AdvoCyndi30 · January 2017

MH was allowed to stay right beside me, except for the epidural. It's a sterile procedure, so he stayed across the room for that.

During my first labor, he refused to leave my side any other time, until my mom and his mom forced him to lay down for a nap. My labor was 18 1/2 hours with my first. He needed rest! I was asleep after my epidural, so they made him lay down, too.

cltweed · January 2017

I've had a c-section and two vaginal deliveries. My first vaginal delivery was rough... I had an epi but pushed for 2 1/2 hours and felt the contractions, but not the crowning/etc. Had a 2nd degree tear and maybe it was from all the pushing, but I seriously couldn't control my bladder and had to wear a thick pad for PEE more than blood. I had expected the recovery from a VBAC to be so much easier than a c-section and was surprised that it was still so hard.

My sexond vaginal delivery was a BREEZE. I didn't get an epi and was able to control the pushing more. Pushed just a couple times and had a barely there 1st degre tear that she stitched out of precaution. Recovery was night and day from my first VBAC. I felt like a million bucks.

The one and only vaginal delivery I've ever watched was my best friend and I still have nightmares about watching her get an episiotomy. The doctor had only let her push one or twice and reached back and grabbed scissors. It was like I was seeing it in slow motions... "No. No. She's not? OH MY GOSH SHE IS. SHE'S CUTTING HER VAG WIDE OPEN!" After that, the baby practically flopped out, but her recovery was AWFUL. She said she barely had any skin between her vagina and her butthole. I felt like the doctor cut her out of convenience (she even mentioned "Oh, I'll make it back to the office it time for my afternooon appointments! ...) and had she been my doctor, I would have been LIVID.

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

@cltweed shut up! She didn't even let her push! Omg, I would be livid! The OB for my delivery asked me. I hadn't been pushing long (half hourish after I finally got dilated enough and got him down far enough to try) and she kept saying I was a good pusher, whatever the hell that even means. she said ok, so I think one good push and we can get him out. So you can let me give you the episiotomy now or wait to see after the next push if that does it, I really think it will. So I elected to not got get it and boom, ripped up the side. But we got him out! Lol

i didn't even know side rippage was a thing!

ColoradoHiker · January 2017

@cltweed I would have been furious. I had an episiotomy, but my DS heart rate was slowing down too much. I at least had a chance and pushed for a solid ten minutes before the Dr said we didn't have any more time to wait. I'm hoping to have enough time with this baby to not need one, the recovery was uncomfortable at best.

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

Y'all are making me feel better about my repeat c-section!

lewliv · January 2017

@cltweed your friend's doctor is an awful person! I'm so scared of not having my voice heard that I'm going the birth center/doula route. So even if I have to be transferred to the hospital (across the street) I'll have my doula with me.

chaser61 · January 2017

@cltweed I heard a similar story and made my decision that day to get a doula! Doulas will yell, "Theyare going to give you an episiotomy, do you want that right now?" It is nice to have someone there to advocate with you and discuss options when you are most vulnerable. Although, I think doctors do not do that as much because they have gotten so much push back from patients. I am sure it has its time and place though.

@dmbfan46835 I didn't realize that was your birth story! You are one strong mama!

breanna428 · January 2017

@LivLew i had an amazing experience with my first at a birthing center i'll be having this one there too! with my midwife she asked for my birth plan weeks before and when i was in labor she asked what i wanted: bath, sit on ball, etc. throughout the whole labor and she actually stretched me (sorry tmi) the whole time i was pushing and i had an 8lb 2oz baby tear free. it was a great experience hope yours is the same!

lewliv · January 2017

@breanna428 that's great to hear. May I ask which position you gave birth in? I heard all fours are great for a tear free experience.

breanna428 · January 2017

LivLew said:

@breanna428 that's great to hear. May I ask which position you gave birth in? I heard all fours are great for a tear free experience.

i was switching from on my side to on my back. DH was in bed with me we had a king size (the perks of a birthing center) and he and the midwife held my legs and i had DD while on my back.

dmbfan46835 · January 2017

@kristisigma thanks lady! Sex still is pretty sensitive depending on the position if he hits that side. Good stuff! lol I'm sure I'm the exception tho you know, so many people have good experiences

cltweed · January 2017

When I told my MW what I watched that doctor do, she was blown away. For my first VBAC, I saw an OB (who is in with two MW's- they all joke that he's basically a male midwife who can do doctor stuff too), and for the entire 2 1/2 hours I pushed, he stretched me and was so gentle and tried to prevent tearing. It didn't really work, but at least he tried!

Someone asked about position, and with my last baby I pushed on all fours and eventually flipped over to my side to finish delivering, but I really do think it helped me not tear really. It was also the most comfortable way to push.

DoulaTog13 · January 2017

I had a 4th degree tear with my son after 3 hours of pushing, an episiotomy and forceps. It was miserable. However, with my daughter, I only pushed 8 minutes, no cutting, no forceps and I only had one tiny 1st degree tear requiring 5 stitches. So, a horrible first tear doesn't guarantee the same for subsequent deliveries. Just let your provider know you tore badly and that you would like additional perineal support. (in my case, it was the difference in having an epidural and being on my back and being an ineffective pusher and having a drug free birth on all fours in the tub and being able to push properly. The epi also caused my baby to turn posterior which made pushing even more difficult. )

nbashley · January 2017

My DH stayed with me the whole time with both our DDs. He's been a rockstar and super supportive during labor and delivery! My afterbirth wasn't very long at all but I have had two postpartum hemorrhages. The first wasn't immediate. So he was with me and were just admiring our sweet baby. Then he had to take her from me and stand beside me when I started to hemorrhage and they had to work on me. With my second the hemorrhage started very quickly and was worse. That time he put our DD in the bassinet and the nurses tended to her, and he was beside me trying to make sure I was ok because it was pretty bad.

SouthernMama15 · January 2017

@PinkPrincessPiper same! I was terrified for my first c section, but my ob is amazing, my scar is basically invisible, and I was up moving around the next day. It seems like a picnic compared to what some of ya'll have been through.

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

SouthernMama15 said:

@PinkPrincessPiper same! I was terrified for my first c section, but my ob is amazing, my scar is basically invisible, and I was up moving around the next day. It seems like a picnic compared to what some of ya'll have been through.

This is my FOURTH c-section, yikes! But I've had the same amazing OB for all of them & I'm staying positive! Last time was a breeze, so I'm hoping for the same experience this time around!

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