First time mom and/or moms that can offer insight...

brooklynmama718 · January 2017

I'm two days shy of 19 weeks. My bump is finally growing and I'm actually coming to the realization that I'm pregnant at 38. I've been planning this for a long time and am kind of struggling with coming to terms with my former-self and current pregnant self. I still feel a bit uncomfortable not physically but emotionally. Any one can relate some experiences?

Mtnmommy · January 2017

Hi there! This hit me more after I gave birth. H and I were married for a long time, and together just us for many years before we had our daughter. We both felt like the adjustment into parenthood was difficult, and the part of ourselves that loved our freedom was gone. It is a bit of a grief process, especially the first time around because you don't know of all the wonderful things that come with having a child. This sounds cliche, but after you do adjust, you won't be able to imagine your life without your child. Please just know that whatever you're feeling is normal.

mkrel · January 2017

Also a FTM, but just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel and have similar feelings from time to time. I'm 32 and have always been very independent. DH and I have been fortunate to have spent our entire relationship to this point going out and doing whatever we want, whenever we wanted and traveling quite a bit. I find myself greiving the fact that I can't plan our "big" vacation this year because our time off will be going to the baby. There are other kind of selfish thoughts I find myself having too, just can't think of anymore examples. I also find myself thinking about my body changing and wanting to do something about it and realizing that I can't because these changes are due to pregnancy... I think it is normal to have a hard time seeing yourself with a new identity, but I'm sure we will adjust. I keep reminding myself that everyone does it.

Also just to add... not saying you are being selfish at all, it is just how I have noticed I am finding some of my thoughts to be that are in relation to changes in my identity becoming a mom...and that is how I read your post...if that makes sense.

kahlan82 · January 2017

I had this really badly after having DS. We had struggled for two years to have DS and I was so excited but when he came I felt disconnected. I missed my independence, I had all this anxiety about this new life I was in charge of and the guilt, wow the guilt, for feeling this way and because I felt it was abnormal to feel this way. 3 years later and I still have days when I struggle. This is what you need to know. It is okay to feel undecided, anxious, annoyed, and unsure about having a baby even if you really wanted one and it was hard to get pregnant. Keep an eye on those emotions, PPD is not just depression. My PPD was anxiety and guilt related. Just watch that line between random emotions and the emotions taking over.

kirstyhill1024 · January 2017

I struggled with this alot when i had my daught about a year ago now im pregnant again. I found when i first had her it was hard adjusting from just my partner and i to having a tiny human that needed all our attention. Were 24 so most of our friends and stuff are still put partying and stuff so i struggled alot with that not being able to just drop everything even now sometimes i do but you know i wouldnt change it for the world i love my daughter and this new baby on the way and id do anything for them there my world! Sometimes its like what if i didnt have her or be pregnant again were would my life be but honestly look at her and think of the amazing person i am raising and how much i love her and dont regret it for a second. But yes those feelings you have a totally normal and youll adjust. Its ok to feel this way to your not huma of you didnt.

doodleoodle · January 2017

I felt this- and sometimes still find myself feeling this way, after DD was born. For me, the amount of free time I got after her birth (zero) was completely shocking. It gets better, easier, and the good definitely outweighs the bad. I would start going to therapy now to work through some of these emotions before baby arrives. Creepy internet hugs.

meilay · January 2017

My pregnancy was planned and hoped for for a long time. I had all these visions of feeling like this glowing goddess who loved and embraced her bump and pregnant body. I knew going into my pregnancy that we would be one and done so I've put a lot of pressure on myself to love the experience because I very likely won't have it again. When I started really showing I shut down. I stopped taking my weekly progress pictures. I felt ugly and had times where I couldn't understand why I would've signed up for this on purpose. I'm working now on accepting and moving through the billion emotions as best I can. I'm in therapy and it's been a huge help. My therapist has seen me through the TTC process, my pregnancy woes so far, and hopefully will see me through the postpartum period as well. I highly recommend it.

neludelu · January 2017

I had a case of really bad pre partum depression with my first. We planned for a while to have a baby yet once I got that positive I freaked and moruned my life like I was dying of an illness for months. I really didn't embrace being pregnant until 7-8 months. I cried every day and hoped for the worst. I knew that part of my feelings (being afraid of change) was normal but the rest wasn't. I finally talked to my doc about it and she explained that a lot of women have similar experiences. Once I started to feel him kick and started buying baby things I started to feel a little better and more excited. He's now 16 months and he's the best thing to ever happen to me.

acrose0226 · January 2017

Yes. This past weekend it hit me. This is our first pregnancy, we'll have been married 6 years once the baby is born, and we really appreciate our independence...coming and going as we please, having time to ourselves, spending our $$ how we want to, having an orderly house, etc. This past weekend a friend blessed us with a bunch of stuff that her little ones are no longer using -- a practically unused pack and play, baby bath tubs, toys, etc. We brought it home and I had a bit of a realization...our home will never be the same, there will likely be baby/child stuff in every room, and our time/attention/money will forever be allocated differently. We've committed to each other to always keep putting each other first -- my husband is priority over the baby, we will continue to have date nights, etc. -- but I worry about how realistic that actually is once the baby is born. While we are so excited and thankful for the gift of having a child, it will be a huge adjustment for us.

EmeraldNC · January 2017

I definitely get it. My experience is different, but I had/have similar feelings. My first child was a complete shock. My now DH and I had only been dating about 6 months when I got pregnant. At that point I had no intentions of settling down with a man just yet, let alone a child. I felt robbed of my independence and carefree youth. I felt robbed of my body.. The body that even after gaining a little weight, I could pull it together and lose it, feel sexy, etc. Pregnancy made my body change in wats I never read about, or expected. It was definitely an adjustment. And now, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. But it did take some time to adjust to the mommy roll.

brooklynmama718 · January 2017

Thank you everyone!! It was helpful reading everyone's experiences!! You all are amazing!!

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