Newborns/ infants and parenting plans

Re: Newborns/ infants and parenting plans

• jek2016 member

  January 2017

  Here are a coupe of articles I have read that support this stance: https://www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/court
  https://theattachedfamily.com/?p=2204
  
  I am in a very similar situation. I have a nine week old and broke up with her father when I was 2 months pregnant. He wanted an overnight visit at 7 weeks and I told him no because she was too young. I was lucky that he accepted that and didn't push the situation (yet), but I have no plans to let her away from me for the foreseeable future. 
  
  I dont breastfeed, but if you do it is even more important that the baby is with you. By default you are the primary caregiver. It is important for the baby to have consistent time with their primary caregiver. Babies can experience abandonment and even one night away can cause them to feel as if they'll never see the person they've come to depend on again. 
  
  Good luck!

  
  

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• Dappledthing member

  January 2017

  Thank you. I think I need to find an attorney and see what I am likely to get if we go to court before I negotiate something in mediation away because I am afraid of exhausting all my money on an attorney and ending up with nothing.  He went to a babycare  class at the hospital and he claimed that the instructor told him if he didn't have 50/50 the baby would not know he was her father!  

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• jek2016 member

  January 2017

  A lot of attorneys will set up an initial meeting for free to see if their services can even be of help to you. The attorneys I spoke to hadn't had a lot of experience in situations like ours so it was nice to have the free consultation.
  
  i don't believe for one minute that a baby must have 50/50 to know someone is their father. And most of the time a court ordered 50/50 is not literal, it's just close to it. My daughter's father comes three times a week and stays for 2 hours (or less, but that's his decision, I don't tell him when to leave). When I start back to work that will be 50% of her waking hours. From what I've gathered through my own research it's unlikely he would get more if he took me to court and at this age it would be rare that a judge would order overnight stays. Also, he's not in the birth certificate so at this point he can't demand anything because legally he is nothing. But than may be a state by state thing. Talking to an attorney about that sort of decision might be a good idea. 

  
  

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• 20thirteen member

  January 2017

  @Dappledthing oops, I responded to the other post you commented on before seeing this one.
  
  It is a state by state thing regarding custody and child support (which are separate matters in court anyway, please keep that in mind).  If a baby is breastfed, the child must be near the mother for nourishment. Also, I do not for one second believe him that the baby class instructor told him that if he didn't have 50/50 custody that the baby wouldn't know who he was.
  
  There are attorneys who do free consults, so I would call around and look for one and give them a little background on your situation.  If you believe that what's best for the baby is to be with you and not allow overnights, you should get your way. Are there any other unrealistic demands?

  

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• sherrera92 member

  January 2017

  Depending on your level of comfort and if you have the room you could offer him to stay overnight with you so that he can experience time with the baby a day or two a week. It's definitely not an easy plan to make but if something doesn't work make sure to be open about adjustments should they be needed.

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• dufferoo member

  January 2017

  Until paternity is legally established, you are 100% in charge of that baby, and you should not feel pressure to send him on overnights before you are comfortable with it. You don't even have to invite the father to the hospital or put his name on the birth certificate. Keep in mind that once you set a precedent, like allowing him overnights with the newborn, the court will likely uphold that. Make dad fight for his rights rather than giving up your mothering instincts willingly!

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• dufferoo member

  January 2017

  Also, google "standard order of visitation" with your county name to get an idea of what the court is likely to allow a father if you can't come to an agreement on your own. It usually varies by age, with more frequent, shorter visits the younger the child is. In my county, overnights are not part of the standard order until 18 months.

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• 20thirteen member

  February 2017

  @Dappledthing  how are things going?

  

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