First MC trying for baby #2...sad but hopeful

CynthiaWaz · January 2017

hi mamas - was trying for baby #2 and really wanted this cycle to be it from a planning perspective...conceived on vacation in Maui...found out after Xmas we did it! Confirmed with 3 positive digital tests over 1 week. It was the only Xmas gift I asked for. I started spotting on 1/4 so went to doctor and urine test was negative. Last period was 12/2 so would have only been about 4.5 weeks along. Bloodwork confirmed it was a chemical miscarriage - hcg and progesterone too low for a healthy pregnancy. No cramping at all...just medium bleeding for 36 hours. I'm so sad but trying to remind myself this was not a healthy pregnancy and we will conceive again. I am 35 and work FT and travel for work so finding time for see is hard! I have a healthy 2 year old and know we are so blessed.

How did you stay positive and limit stress to conceive again? I'm very fearful which I know I need to let go of.

rainbowwishes5 · January 2017

Sorry for your loss. You just keep living and putting 1 foot in front of the other. You just try.

splashmountain · January 2017

Sorry for your loss. I just had my first loss 2 weeks ago and we've decided to take a ttc break, so I don't have any advice for you, but I'm sending positive vibes your way. FX you get your baby soon.

NYTino24 · January 2017

@CynthiaWaz I am so sorry for your loss. I am still in the fog surrounding my own loss, so I can't really give advice other than to say that you aren't alone. Sharing with others IRL has been helping me. We are here for you.

Eknapp87 · January 2017

So sorry for your loss. I just had a MC and also was trying for baby#2. The only thing keeping me going is my daughter and thanking god I have her. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that next month I can try again, and this one will be the one.

Good luck

SP128 · January 2017

So sorry to hear about your loss. I mc with #1. Staying positive is hard sometimes, I have my moments. It does get easier, even though it may not seem that way now. Overall, I tell myself that I will have my baby soon.

jen83mn · January 2017

*TW: LC Mentioned*

So sorry for your loss ... our stories are very, very similar, even down to the dates. I had my BFP for baby #2 on 12/29 ... I started spotting on 1/4. At the time, I was still hopeful things would be ok ... I had spotting throughout my pregnancy with #1 as early as 5 weeks, and had a very sensitive cervix that caused me to spot throughout the pregnancy. But after the spotting this time, I took another pregnancy test and noticed the line hadn't gotten darker at all in a few days and the line was so much lighter when compared to my tests from #1 during the same timeframe. I think then I knew something was wrong. I also had a lower backache I didn't remember having with #1 (no cramping though) and didn't have any of the initial pregnancy symptoms I had with my first. I just couldn't shake this feeling from the start that something was wrong.

I got in to the clinic that day for blood work and found out the next day my HCG was only 57, still in the "normal" range for 4w3d, but on the very low side. I went in two days later on a Friday to see if my numbers had gone up, but wouldn't get my results back until Monday. That Saturday, I started full-on bleeding and knew it was over. On Monday, my numbers came back and had dropped to 46 and my progesterone was only 1.3. I bled for 6 days, from Saturday to Thursday, with spotting the three days leading up to Saturday. I was never in any pain physically because it was so early, but the emotional pain was terrible. I got my HCG levels back yesterday (a week from when the bleeding started) and they were back at 0 already. While I was thankful I wouldn't have to have any medical intervention and that hopefully my body/cycle would return to normal quickly, part of me was sad that just like that, I wasn't pregnant anymore and there was nothing left of that baby in me. It seems like a cruel joke ... BFP one week, MC the next, not pregnant the very next week.

After going through a healthy first pregnancy, it wasn't even a possibility I had considered that this would happen. Generally, I try not to worry about what "could" happen and try to focus on the positive, and while I knew miscarriages, especially early ones, were more common than we know, I didn't want to think about even the possibility of that happening. I think that's why this was such a shock.

I'm 34, so close in age to you, and was really hoping to have our next before I turned 35. I'm terrified to get pregnant again after this experience, and know it will never be the same. I am so thankful for the good experience I had with my first before any of this happened, because I know not everyone gets to experience a pregnancy without that kind of worry. But I know next time around I'm going to be a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy, especially with my history of spotting during a normal pregnancy.

It's hard to have hope after something as devastating as this, but I'm trying to find any glimmer of hope I can in this situation and am telling myself that I have so many things to be grateful for, and that became so apparent after going through this ... amazing friends and family, and a 16-month-old son who I absolutely adore and made this so much easier just by being there.

Just take each day at a time ... yesterday was the first day I didn't cry at all. That's progress. And I know with each day that passes, it will get easier and easier, but of course I will never forget, and don't want to. I plan to plant a tree in our backyard this summer in memory of this baby ... I just feel like I need to do something to honor this baby that was so wanted and loved already from the second we got our BFP.

As for trying again, my OB recommended waiting at least one cycle before trying again, but we plan to wait until June for other reasons. We had originally planned to start trying in June but I got too anxious and excited and wanted to start trying earlier ... part of me just thinks that this wasn't the right timing and wasn't meant to be, and maybe there's a reason we were supposed to wait until then to try. The hardest part for me will be waiting ... so much of me wants to just try again right away so we can get another BFP and be happy again, but I also know if something were to happen again that I wouldn't be able to handle it so soon. I need some time to heal emotionally. I also know next pregnancy I'm going to be so cautious and scared, especially that first trimester, so I know I need to be in a better state of mind before that happens.

Just take one day at a time and know that you're not alone! Also, I have a handful of friends who have had losses and gone on to have their rainbow babies, so I take comfort in knowing that we still have hope. Thinking of you and praying that we both have happier endings and get our rainbows the next time around! Hugs.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more! It helps talking through it with someone who's been in such a similar situation.

First MC trying for baby #2...sad but hopeful

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