Bummed About Breastfeeding

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

Let me start off by saying that I breastfed all 3 of my children, whether it was for 3mo or 6mos. I enjoyed it, formed a wonderful bond, and gave them all a great start.

After Baby #3, I had an extremely difficult time with my mental health, combined with sleep deprivation. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder, and have just this year found the right medication combination that really works for me (which I'm having to alter because of the pregnancy).

My husband and I have agreed that I should start back on the medication as soon as I give birth. This means I'll have to choose to formula feed. All 3 of my kids that were BF, also had formula, so it's not an opposition to formula that has me bummed. It's not being able to have the experience, and to an extent, the loss of benefits from the breastmilk.

Any other moms choosing to formula feed? I guess I'm looking for some support. It's a big decision to make. Thanks in advance.

NYTino24 · January 2017

@PinkPrincessPiper You have to do what is best for you. Have you considered using donated milk?

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

NYTino24 said:

@PinkPrincessPiper You have to do what is best for you. Have you considered using donated milk?

I had not thought of that. But isn't donated milk usually reserved for NICU babies? I'll have to look up my hospital's policies. Thank you!

NYTino24 · January 2017

@PinkPrincessPiper it depends on where you get the milk from. Many NICU babies need formula because some BM doesn't have enough protein or fat or they have allergies. Sister 2 donated to a milk bank when her son was in the NICU. Sister 1 donated to sister 2 when her son got out of NICU and was finally able to take BM many months later, after sister 2's milk had dried up. Sister 1's son wouldn't take her frozen milk also, so she donated it to a friend. There are many ways to do it. Good luck!

bumpybump · January 2017

@PinkPrincessPiper as @NYTino24 said, you can get donated breastmilk in various ways. I donated my frozen oversupply via a "Human Milk 4 Human Babies" group to a local mom. May be worth checking if there's one near you. It's not regulated so it's totally up to the recipient if they want to utilize that donation offer. This is just one option out there.

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

bumpybump said:

@PinkPrincessPiper as @NYTino24 said, you can get donated breastmilk in various ways. I donated my frozen oversupply via a "Human Milk 4 Human Babies" group to a local mom. May be worth checking if there's one near you. It's not regulated so it's totally up to the recipient if they want to utilize that donation offer. This is just one option out there.

I would definitely want donated milk that has been processed by a milk bank. I'm going to check and see what is available in my city. Thanks.

gipfish · January 2017

I don't think you need to worry about not bonding with your baby the same if you don't breastfeed. You can still do skin-to-skin if you bottlefeed. Personally, I bonded with my daughter much better when we switched her over to exclusively formula at 3 weeks. I loved seeing her little eyes looking up into mine.

So don't be bummed about missing out on an "experience." Either way, you'll be snuggling with and nourishing your baby. You'd be missing out on much more if you didn't have your mental health under control.

Check out https://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com for extra encouragement!

mamaof2hopefully · January 2017

I was unable to breastfeed my son. I tried pumping and all that jazz and nothing worked. I have decided this time around I'm not going to stress myself out about it and just go with formula. I will probably try to breastfeed at the hospital for the first few days so he/she will get the colostrum but will formula feed as well.
I'm not worried about bonding, your baby will bond with you without issue

and_peggy · January 2017

I have formula fed my daughter since the start. I had the desire to BF but it was a huge challenge and I had severe PPD. If I pumped, it would have made me more unstable. My 8 month old is happy, healthy and has hit milestones before or on time. It was certainly the best choice for us. Plus, think of the positives: I was able to leave my baby for more than a few hours, from the start. It does put quite a dent into the budget though. But just a few more months until she can have whole milk.

budzynb · January 2017

So I am beyond sensitive, even when I'm not pregnant. My chest is off limits at all time, poor DH. I am 100% positive I could not BF (the thought of the baby chomping down makes me squirm and feel like I'm going to be sick), but I am set on pumping regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me. That's just my personal choice because I think breast milk is more beneficial, but to each her own.

But I am in the same boat as you kind of. I'll be pumping alone while DH is feeding and having those bonding moments with our child. I keep telling myself now that it isn't going to bother me, but I know it will when the time comes. I'll just have to have other activities I do on my own so I can bond, like bath time and diaper changes maybe will be solely me to even the playing field.

SarahBethBR · January 2017

OP, I also have struggled with mental illness (I have bipolar 2) and have thought a lot about breastfeeding. Our decision is that we are going to try breastfeeding and going without meds, but I am going to be very open about any harmful thoughts with my husband, my mother, and my therapist so we can get back on meds quickly. My psychiatrist has already said we can keep some of my normal meds on hand so I can start them whenever I feel it's necessary.

I am doing great without meds right now but I know that hormones in pregnancy can help with mood disorders. It was very difficult to be off my normal medication while we were TTC, so I expect it will be a struggle after birth as well. If you ever need to talk about how you're feeling or anything I am happy to!

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

SarahBethBR said:

OP, I also have struggled with mental illness (I have bipolar 2) and have thought a lot about breastfeeding. Our decision is that we are going to try breastfeeding and going without meds, but I am going to be very open about any harmful thoughts with my husband, my mother, and my therapist so we can get back on meds quickly. My psychiatrist has already said we can keep some of my normal meds on hand so I can start them whenever I feel it's necessary.

I am doing great without meds right now but I know that hormones in pregnancy can help with mood disorders. It was very difficult to be off my normal medication while we were TTC, so I expect it will be a struggle after birth as well. If you ever need to talk about how you're feeling or anything I am happy to!

Thank you!

bumpybump · January 2017

budzynb said:

So I am beyond sensitive, even when I'm not pregnant. My chest is off limits at all time, poor DH. I am 100% positive I could not BF (the thought of the baby chomping down makes me squirm and feel like I'm going to be sick), but I am set on pumping regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me. That's just my personal choice because I think breast milk is more beneficial, but to each her own.
But I am in the same boat as you kind of. I'll be pumping alone while DH is feeding and having those bonding moments with our child. I keep telling myself now that it isn't going to bother me, but I know it will when the time comes. I'll just have to have other activities I do on my own so I can bond, like bath time and diaper changes maybe will be solely me to even the playing field.

My chest is also uber sensitive but, BFing wasn't an issue for me with DD at all. I recommend you at least give it a chance and you may be surprised with the outcome. For me it was a very different feel than having them touched and such. Pumping is great too, as is formula. I'd hate for you not to at least try

Sail@way · January 2017

Try not to let yourself feel guilty. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of baby! I bonded just fine after switching to formula and I actually enjoyed curling up on the couch while I fed him with his face next to mine. Bottle feeding will still be a special time if you make a conscious effort to put your attention on little one while feeding. I think as mom's we get so wrapped up in the little details that we forget that everything will be just fine even if we aren't able to do things like we would like. Good luck mamma!

bvoisey · January 2017

Have you checked to see if your meds are safe to breastfeed while using? Often time doctors aren't trained in this and just say they aren't as a precaution. I like to check lactmed and talk to lactation consultants as well.
If they aren't don't beat yourself up. It is most important to have a happy healthy mom. Your baby will still thrive and grow and be a happy baby on formula.

Squirtgun · January 2017

*totaly lurking from May 17*

hi! I just wanted to chime in to say 1. Good for you for knowing that your own mental health is so important to being able to take the best care of baby that you can! And, I'm glad your husband is supporting you in that!
2. If you choose to go the donated milk route, please please choose a reputable milk bank where they do the proper tests and such on the milk for health reasons. There are a lot of places on the internet that sell breastmilk and they may look ok, but can be sketchy. Some milk sold is very diluted, or even contaminated.
3. For baby- Fed is best. Formula is a healthy way for baby to grow and thrive! Baby will bond with you no matter what, snuggles and love come whether baby is eating from the boob or not!!

(Sorry, I'll go back to lurking now!

)

PinkPrincessPiper · January 2017

Wow, thank you guys so much! So much support! @gipfish Thank you for the link! @sail@away I'll be doing most of the bottle feeding, so you're right, I'm still bonding whether it's a bottle or a breast! @bvoisey Unfortunatley, the one medication that I think I benefit the most from (Latuda) is new, and there's no data on transference into breastmilk. @squitgun Thank you for lurking & commenting! It's very true, I have to be in a good place mentally & I'm hoping by going back on medication I'll avoid PPD this time around. Yes, definitely a ruputable milk bank if we go that route.

A fed baby is a happy baby, and I'm proud of the Breastfeeding that I've done & I should be proud of myself for knowing when to stop (when pumping became so stressful at work, or when I realized I needed medication). We are fortunate to live in a time where formula is available! Thanks again for all the responses.

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