December 2016 Moms
Christinaruth74
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Christinaruth74's labor story
Christinaruth74
member
Christmas Sunday... I had visions of us going to church, coming home, and Adelyn (DD1) being able to fully enjoy our undivided attention before our family grew. Instead, Adelyn and I were sick and, although she enjoyed her presents, it was a day of quarantine.
That night I began having some cramping and contractions that kept me awake much of the night. Adelyn wasn't feeling much better and I was anxious thinking that we would need to go to the hospital before the scheduled c-section with no plan in place and this poor girl who felt miserable. Sure enough the contractions continued into the morning along with some decreased movement from the baby, so we were sent to L&D for monitoring. We packed our bags and were able to, thankfully, have family rally around to come up with a makeshift schedule in the event that we wouldn't be coming home. Cue all of the mom guilt for leaving poor Adelyn with her stuffy nose and low grade fever... but I knew she was in good hands.
After a while of monitoring and continued intensifying contractions the OB on call decided it made the most sense to declare this baby day. Anxiety began to set in as I recalled the events of Adelyn's labor and delivery story. I was most anxious about the spinal for whatever reason. I talked through it with the OB, the nurses and the anesthesiologist and finally came to terms with what we needed to do. I was ready to be on the other side of it.
They brought me in to be prepped while jeremy got on his scrubs. My heart rate was steadily rising and the tears flowed freely, but everything seemed to go seamlessly. As they laid me on the table, I began to feel my heart rate increase again as I broke out into a cold sweat. I was fidgeting my arms and crawling out of my skin. I thought for sure I couldn't go through with this. Part of me was ready to beg for general anesthetic again. They gave me some oxygen and talked me through everything going on in my body and slowly everything relaxed as the majority of my body went completely numb. Jeremy was brought in and we just sat and listened and waited. I was so calm and really couldn't talk much because everything about the experience was oddly overwhelmingly peaceful.
And then she cried. It was more beautiful than I could have anticipated and I laid and soaked in every sound patiently waiting to put a face to it. She was finally handed to jeremy and he placed her beside my face where she immediately turned in toward me and gave me sweet kisses. I still couldn't fully see her, but I knew she was perfect.
We went into recovery where she latched beautifully and then we were wheeled into our room where my parents were able to come and meet her for the first time, too.
Everything felt surreal. I have never felt a high like I had in those moments and all I could think was just how perfect it had all been.
The next day was fairly uneventful and I can't quite remember if it was Tuesday or Wednesday when we discovered it, but I had a Spinal Headache. They explained it as a 1-2% chance that during the administering of the spinal anesthesia a small hole can lead to a leakage of spinal fluid. This leak causes a head pain like nothing I can describe. The main tell of a spinal headache is that when laying flat, the pain can be nearly non-existent, but once upright it's intense. We maintained the pain as best we could with medication and rest and I was given the option of a blood patch where they draw blood from me and immediately insert it back into the spinal space in the hopes that it clots and repairs the leak immediately. The thought of having one more needle in my spine was less-than-appealing so we chose to go home in the hopes that with the suggested conservative measures (medication, fluids, caffeine, and rest) we could wait for the repair to naturally happen.
I had moments where it was tolerable. I could remain upright for periods of time that kept me hopeful but on Friday the 30th...my 31st birthday nonetheless, I could barely get myself out of bed. I hadn't been eating, I could barely open my eyes, and I had a really difficult time even just speaking. I needed Jeremy or my mom to even just get me dressed or dry off after a shower. I think when people hear "headache" they think this must be no big deal. It was all consuming. It consumed my every thought and controlled my every movement (or lack thereof). My mom brought me to the hospital where I decided to try the blood patch because it seemed like my only hope for relief. It was... uncomfortable. And I was anxious. They commented on the colorful splotches of hives my body broke out in... it's my party trick, I joked. Once the procedure was done, we waited. They were all so optimistic yet I walked out still in pain.
Those days in that pain... it was nothing like I'd ever experienced. I pled with God constantly. It felt unending and then finally in a moment of relief I was able to talk to jeremy about it all. To tell him how disassociating this whole experience had been. How it was so bizarre to watch on the sidelines while he cared for the girls solely. Watching him get up for the middle of the night feeds and diaper changes. Seeing him make breakfast, lunch and dinner on top of cleaning and playing and bonding. I lacked any desire to do those things. I watched them all unfold around me like a stranger in my own life. Here was this baby girl I had carried for 39 weeks and was desperate to meet but she seemed so foreign to me. These innate desires to care for and love and nurture weren't sinking in because all I could think about was the searing pain.
But that day things stayed tolerable. I was upright most of the day and even changed one of her diapers for the first time since she'd been born.
The days have brought steady improvement. I am still battling some anxiety... there is this lingering fear that I'll wake up tomorrow morning and it will be back or that I will cough or bend or sneeze too forcefully causing the patch to release and the pressure to return. I've spent a lot of these last few days realizing just how little control I have over everything which is a stark contrast from when Adelyn was born. I basically refused help with her as a newborn because I felt only my control and care could keep her safe. This time around I've had to completely trust my husband's ability to parent these 2 girls on his own and it's helped me develop such a greater love and respect for him.
Anyway, that went above and beyond just the labor story but I've really needed to sort through my thoughts over this last week and get them out.
Willa Ruth was born at 3:33pm December 26, 2016 weighing 7lbs 15 ounces and measuring 21" long❤️
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