Sibling Gender Disapointment

Kylieslip24 · January 2017

Were hopefully finding out tomorrow if baby is a boy or girl and my 3.5 year old dd is so insistent that it is a girl, hates it when we say brother or sister. We talked to her tonight and have told her a few times we don't get to pick, God already did, just like he did for her and we just love it no matter what. When we asked why she wants a sister so bad she said she wants to play dress up and match with her sister. We told her a boy can still play dress up and match her and she seemed ok, but I'm worried if it's a boy she's going to be really upset. Any one else dealing with this? And any ideas on how to make a little brother sound awesome? She's really girly, but normally she loves boys, her two best friends are boys so I'm not sure why she thinks a brother would be so terrible.

Xath · January 2017

Eh, I think they get over it pretty quickly at that age. DS2 was adamant he wanted a little brother, but he's getting a little sister and it took about 30 minutes for him to be ok with it.

LMMama · January 2017

My DD is 4 and dead set on getting a sister. But I really just think it's because she's a girl so she's going with girl. I'm positive she will get over it quickly.

michaela0704 · January 2017

I was a little shit when I was 7 and my mom was pregnant with my brother... I wanted a sister and was old enough to probably act a lot better about it.

Young kids don't get it and I think you just have to let them deal with it, at least to a certain extent. I obviously love my brother now and looking back, so glad I didn't have a little sister that was in my makeup, clothes, etc. when I was a teenager

my brother's friend did steal one of my bras one time though (picture the prom bathroom scene of Sixteen Candles, bahahaha)

keniialise · January 2017

My DS is 5 and is adamant that we are giving him another baby sister, we are team Green and won't find out until birth. We have a conversation every time he says "his new baby sister" that it could very well be a baby brother... he's not having it though. Our original plan was to not tell our other kids and just let them see for themselves when they get to the hospital after the birth, but now we are second guessing because I'm afraid his sex preference will overshadow. Maybe it'll be better if he knows before meeting the new baby, and has time to digest it.

halfthetree · January 2017

We have just told our 6 year old that as much as he wants the twins to be two boys, there is just as much a chance that it will be a boy/girl or two girls. He's struggling with his younger sister (3), so he's generalized their fighting to all sisters haha poor guy. We've also told him that it doesn't really matter for the first couple years. All newborns will be little, cuddly and need their big brother to love them and give them lots of snuggles. That seemed to help!

JAGinMI · January 2017

Same over here. DD is so excited to think she might be getting a sister and I am so worried that if it is a boy she will be crushed. I agree with everyone's commentary that you can say all the right things but ultimately they will accept it and be fine with it, even it takes the baby arriving for that to happen. The funny thing is that I think my DD will do sooo much better with another brother than she will a sister! She just doesn't know it!

Elyse1384 · January 2017

DS has made it clear he wants a brother and doesn't want another sister. He calls the baby "his brother". We constantly remind him that the sex of the baby is not something we can control. We also remind me how much he loves his sister and how his closest friends in preschool are girls. Honestly... he'll get over it no matter the outcome. We're Team Green so we just keep reiterating this over and over again. The sex of the baby shouldn't determine the type of relationship he grows to have with that sibling. He might not get it right away, but he will.

BellaO21 · January 2017

My SS was adamant about this baby being a boy that when we told him otherwise he was upset- to say the least. He's 9 though so he's old enough where we didn't feel the need to baby him about it. We did the same as other PP have stated and told him that we don't get to chose and he will have to accept and deal with it. There's going to be such an age gap between them that even if it had been a boy, my SS wouldn't have gotten to play with him how he's thinking he would anyways. A couple days later- he was fine and is totally excited to be having a little sister! I'm sure you're DD will be excited regardless, even if it does take her some time to get there!

LilLee11 · January 2017

She will get over it. I'm attaching a picture of my son finding out he was getting a baby sister...this is from 3 weeks ago and he's starting to not be so pissed. This is just life and he will adjust

Plus, he already has a little brother and doesn't need another haha! I promise your LO will be ok.

*deleted picture once thread died down*

keniialise · January 2017

LilLee11 said:

She will get over it. I'm attaching a picture of my son finding out he was getting a baby sister...this is from 3 weeks ago and he's starting to not be so pissed. This is just life and he will adjust Plus, he already has a little brother and doesn't need another haha! I promise your LO will be ok.

I can't handle the cuteness!

BellaO21 · January 2017

@LilLee11... that face is priceless!!

kfry22 · January 2017

@LilLee11 I love his messy blonde hair and cute little glasses! He reminds me of a really sad blonde Harry Potter. At least he has a tasty donut!

BelhurstBride · January 2017

@LilLee11, that face is the best.

DD1 was three and a half when we had DD2. We were Team Green, but we just talked to her about basically getting what you get and you don't throw a fit. There was so much about becoming a big sister that she didn't understand and I'm not sure it ever crossed her mind to have a preference.

Stankonia2014 · January 2017

@LilLee11, your video was priceless!

hjphillips · January 2017

This makes me glad that DD doesn't even understand that a baby is on the way and simply won't care if she gets a brother or sister. One less thing to have to deal with.

delujm0 · January 2017

hjphillips said:

This makes me glad that DD doesn't even understand that a baby is on the way and simply won't care if she gets a brother or sister. One less thing to have to deal with.

DD had her 18 month check up today and DH asked the doctor if she thought we should talk about the baby to her. The doctor confirmed what we assumed...that she won't have any idea what is going on, so there's not much point (I'm due 5 days before her second birthday). We did get her a Big Sister book for Christmas, and she has a general interest in babies from seeing them at daycare, but I don't expect her to understand any of it, or eventually to even remember the time that she was an only child. My sister was born when I was 3 and I don't remember her ever not being there, so certainly DD won't either.

I just hope when she's older she doesn't start asking for another sibling, because that is unlikely to happen (on purpose, anyway...ha).

Elyse1384 · January 2017

BelhurstBride said:

DD1 was three and a half when we had DD2. We were Team Green, but we just talked to her about basically getting what you get and you don't throw a fit. There was so much about becoming a big sister that she didn't understand and I'm not sure it ever crossed her mind to have a preference.

Can you have that conversation with some adults too? Pleeeeaaaassseeee?

hjphillips · January 2017

@delujm0 Yeah, baby is due exactly 2 months before DD's second birthday, which will be about the same age gap between my younger brother and I. I can't remember not having him in my life, so I can't imagine DD will remember being an only child.

awoodruff27 · January 2017

I was actually talking to DD2 about the new baby today. She said in her very cute 2 year old sassy pants voice "baby sissy. Me need TWO sissy's!!"

jesselayne8 · January 2017

My DS just said "mommy can the next baby be a brother or 3 brothers???". Sorry kid there are no plans for a 5th baby much less triplets. LOL

Kylieslip24 · January 2017

I am so nervous for this appt, not for the gender, I'm just a worrier. That picture is going to get me through the nervousness though because it's so cute I have to smile at it. That's possibly the cutest pic ever!
We had another talk tomorrow and tried to come up with all the fun boy games she could teach her brother, she came up with swords, Star Wars, and gardening. So I think she will be ok. Disappointed at first but ok. I can not wait to find out, I'm so excited for either! I'm hoping our excitement will rub off on her a bit if it does turn out to be a boy.
Thanks for the stories everyone

NamelessAria · January 2017

For what it's worth OP I basically was your daughter many years ago. When my mom was pregnant with my younger brother I really, really wanted a sister. I wanted a sister SO bad that my parents didn't have the heart to break it to me when they found out my brother was a boy at the anatomy scan. They just kept letting me believe I was getting a baby sister. They named my imaginary sister Molly and everything to keep the ruse going. When my mother went to the hospital to have my brother I was 100% convinced she was going to come home with my sister. When she brought my brother home and finally broke the news to me that nope sorry, not a sister I was just devastated. I cried for days over the whole thing. But eventually I decided I really liked having a little brother.

My younger brother and I are super close and pretty much have been since we were little. It did take me a couple of months to give up my dreams of all the things I'd do with my sister and replace those dreams with the things I could do with my baby brother. But my younger brother is probably my favorite member of my family. He is just such an amazing person and my life is better for having him in it. I wouldn't trade him for a sister for anything in the world.

My point here is that even if your daughter really wants a sister, and it sounds like she does, if baby is a boy she'll probably come around at some point. I'd assume it's kinda the same as parents who wanted a boy, or a girl, and get the other. They may be a bit disappointed at first but eventually you love the baby you have and wouldn't trade him/her for any other baby of the other sex.

LMMama · January 2017

BelhurstBride said:

@LilLee11, that face is the best.

DD1 was three and a half when we had DD2. We were Team Green, but we just talked to her about basically getting what you get and you don't throw a fit. There was so much about becoming a big sister that she didn't understand and I'm not sure it ever crossed her mind to have a preference.

@belhurstbride We've been using a similar phrase that resonates with my DD.
"You get what you get and you don't get upset."...sounds a little mean about a new brother or sister but oh well.

Kylieslip24 · January 2017

Update...
she cut the cake with her dad today and found...blue M&ms! I thought for sure she would burst out crying on video, but she smiled, kind of hesitantly said its a boy. And then as daddy got so loud and excited she got excited too! She told me momma! It's blue!! And is now excited to have a baby brother! Thank goodness! So it all worked out. And like I told her, it doesn't mean she will never have a sister, it just means she will always have a brother

ashaw512 · January 2017

DD was the same. She wanted a baby sister so bad. She told me she didn't need two baby brothers bc she already has one. We told her she was going to have anot her baby brother and she wasn't ok, but we picked a name and she likes it so she's decided it's ok to have 2 brothers. She dresses up DS on her princess dresses.

ChrisLipstick · January 2017

My 3.5 year old doesn't even acknowledge when I tell him there is going to be another baby. He just says no like he has some kind of veto. I don't think he gets it yet.

Want a personalized experience?

Sibling Gender Disapointment

Re: Sibling Gender Disapointment

Choose Another Board

Search Boards